Hey guys, did you ever take a date out to a restaurant and an hour later you knew that the girl was not for you so you decide to do the gentlemanly thing and dump her and dump her ass fast but you were stumped on how to do it? Guys relax, because help is here! I’m gonna’ tell you two surefire ways how to dump a girl in a restaurant, fast!
Guys, excuse yourself and go to the women’s restroom and buy a sanitary napkin from the dispenser. Guys relax, if any women in the restroom object to you being in there simply tell them that you are not a pervert, tell them you are a nice heterosexual man buying a sanitary napkin for himself for his birthday. No woman can object to that! But just in case, guys be sure to get the hell out of there as fast as you can before they call the police!
Next, go to the men’s restroom and slowly take off the strip of paper covering the adhesive strip of the sanitary napkin then stick the sanitary napkin onto the back of your shoe. Guys you might also want to stick a few sheets of toilet paper onto the sanitary napkin just to make the sanitary napkin look more pretty.
After you’re finished, exit the men’s restroom. Guys, as you approach your table start yelling, “Look at the sanitary napkin on my shoe! Look at the sanitary napkin on my shoe! Look at the sanitary napkin on my shoe!” Guys by the time you sit back down at your table your date will be gone! Eazy breezy!
But guys, if that method doesn’t work then try the granddaddy of girl dumping, surefire way number 1.
SUREFIRE WAY NUMBER 2:Guys, again excuse yourselves from the table and sneak out of the restaurant and go to the nearest store that you can find and buy a tube of Vaseline Petroleum Jelly, a mirrored compact, a Melissa Manchester 8-track tape and a portable 8-track tape player. Trust me guys you’ll have no problem finding these items!

After buying the items hurry back to the restaurant. Guys, if your date asks you what’s in the bag, tell her it’s a surprise. Guys, after eating your meal take the items out of the bag and put them onto the table. Open the mirrored compact and apply an excessive amount of Vaseline Petroleum Jelly onto your lips. Guys while you are primping in the mirror pop the Melissa Manchester tape into the 8-track player. Once the song, “Don’t Cry Out Loud” begins to play, sing the lyrics of the song as loud as you possibly can especially the chorus. Just in case you don’t know the chorus of “Don’t Cry Out Loud” by heart, and you really should, I have included it below.

“Don’t cry out loud”
“Just keep it inside”
“Learn how to hide your feelings”
“Fly high and proud”
“And if you should fall”
“Remember you almost had it all”

Guys, while the song is still playing, set the mirrored compact and Vaseline onto the table, get up, take your date in your arms and start dancing with her. Next, plant a big greasy kiss onto her startled lips and continue singing as loud as you can.

Guys, once your date starts screaming for help, release her and watch her haul ass to the nearest exit. Guys, before you leave the restaurant be sure to order a glass of champagne to celebrate a girl dumping job well done!

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