Guys, do you only want to have sex with a girl, once or twice, then you never want to see her again for the rest of your life?

Gals, were you an ugly duckling in school but thanks to either breast implants, make-up lessons, hair dye, a sexy wardrobe, a nose job or invisible braces you turned from an ugly duckling into a lovely swan who is very eager to make up for lost time by dating as many guys as you possibly can without being tied down?

Guys, when your family and friends ask you, “When are you thinking about settling down?” Do you feel a strong urge to start running like hell away from these evil people?

Gals, when you are invited to a bridal shower do you feel the need to upchuck immediately on the bride’s engagement ring?

Guys and gals, if you answered, “yes” to any of the above questions, you may have a serious condition called “Commitment Phobia.”

Don’t worry it’s not fatal but at times it sure may feel like it.

“Commitment Phobia” is a fear or serious opposition to marriage, having a boyfriend or girlfriend, going steady, wearing any kind of symbol of commitment like a ring or being committed in any kind of way to another person.

Being a “Commitment Phobe” doesn’t mean that you don’t want the companionship of the opposite sex, in fact, you do, but you want a no strings attached casual relationship for a limited amount of time with the opposite sex before you kick them to the curb.

I know that this may sound cruel but that’s life, baby!

There are just some people in this world who don’t want to be in a committed relationship of any kind at all.

And if you are one of them, here are some rules to live by.

Rule 1: Say It Loud And Say It Proud; You’re Commitment Phobic And Proud!

This is the first thing that should come out of your mouth after either you invite a girl out on a date or vice versa, “You’re Not Looking For A Serious Relationship At All! You Just Want To Have Some Fun!” Guys and gals, don’t sugar coat it, don’t soften the blow, just tell him or her that you don’t want any kind of a serious relationship. The absolute worst thing that can happen is that they will refuse to go out on a date with you. (Big deal!) “Commitment Phobe” be upfront and honest from the very start.

Rule 2: Use Food, Glorious Food For Ammunition!

“Commitment Phobe,” don’t ever agree to go out on a date with a person without first knowing what types of foods or drinks that they dislike. People, if there is one thing that is universal on this planet, it’s food. We all have to eat. So when things start to take a dangerous turn, i.e. you’re date wants a commitment, try this.

For breakfast, lunch, dinner and snacks in between, order, make or send food and drinks to your date that they don’t like. This not only will make them angry but make them feel incredibly disrespected and is a good and easy way to drive them away from you for good after their time with you is up.

And if you know of a specific food or drink that will give the person that you are trying to kick to the curb a nasty bowel movement, “Commitment Phobe”, order, make or send that food or drink in abundance! P-U and goodbye!

Rule 3: Always Be Secure!

If you are considering moving to a new apartment, always, always, always move to an apartment in a security building or one that has restricted access. The goal here is to prevent those commitment crazy men or women from stopping by your apartment anytime that they want or stopping by at all.

“Commitment Phobe”, if you are considering moving to a new house, think about investing in a good guard dog trained to respond firmly to certain people or a video surveillance camera or webcam so that you can see exactly who is at your door before you pretend that you are not at home.

Rule 4: Motels & Hotels Only!

Don’t ever invite your date back to your home, ever! You don’t want them getting the wrong idea! And be sure to turn down their invitation to spend a night at their dwelling. Spending the night frequently at your date’s dwelling could turn into a boyfriend or girlfriend thing which is the last thing that you want. If you have to hook up or get some sleep, do it at a safe place like a motel, hotel, friends house or a Burger King bathroom. Just keep them away from your home, “Commitment Phobe” at all costs and stay away from theirs!

Rule 5: Ring, Ring, Ring!

Be sure to buy an additional disposable cell phone and use it only for your no strings attached casual relationships, “Commitment Phobe” and when the relationship is over, throw away or change the number of the cell phone. Never give them your main cell phone or landline number under any circumstances. Always think short-term, not serious!

Rule 6: Avoid Meeting The Parents!

If your date at any point in time wants you to meet his or her parents or any other beloved family members, get the hell out of there asap! It doesn’t matter where you are, even if you are at a Burger King bathroom, just get the hell out of there! Meeting the parents is a very serious step and a major red flag that your date may want to get serious or may want a commitment. Say sayonara, “Commitment Phobe” and kiss them goodbye!

Rule 7: Long Term Sucks Eggs!

This is a very important rule for the “Commitment Phobe” to live by. Never ever make any kind of long term plans with your date. Take it day by day baby. And if your date gets mad at you for not wanting to make an early reservation at that swanky restaurant that everybody has been trying to get into, kick him or her to the curb immediately. Remember long term plans could lead to a long term girlfriend or boyfriend or even worse, “wedding vows!” Again, never make any long term plans with your date at all! Hey, a few hours or minutes of notice is sufficient enough. “Commitment Phobe,” never give your date anything long term to look forward to in this short term relationship.

Rule 8: (Oh Yes, Baby, Oh Yes!) Shop & Sleep Around!

“Commitment Phobe,” you don’t have to flaunt it but you sure as hell don’t have to hide it either that you are seeing other men or women while you are seeing your date. Hey, they are a big girl or big boy! They knew the score from day one when you informed them that you didn’t want a serious relationship. So don’t feel guilty for shopping around for something better or more interesting or whatever it is that you are looking for. There ain’t no ring on your finger meaning you can do whatever the hell you want. The only thing that I will stress is that you do have a responsibility, “Commitment Phobe” to be sexually safe, i.e. use a condom, for your sake and the sake of your short term date.

Rule 9: Travel Is A Great Backout Plan!

“Commitment Phobe” this is the only commitment that you should ever make. Always have a backout plan, yes, I said backout plan when you are with your date just in case he or she starts to get all serious on you. Travel is one of the best backout plans ever. Whether it be having to take your sister’s non existent kids to the beach, going to the dry cleaners or grocery store, going to a museum exhibit as a part of your job or actually going out of town to visit a “sick” friend, always appear to your date to be on the go, extremely busy or having something pressing to do that requires travel.

Rule 10: Your Time Is Up!

This is the only “time” where it is acceptable to plan ahead. “Commitment Phobe” make sure to set a specific time limit that you want to spend with your date whether it be 30 minutes, 2 hours or 1 day. Just be sure to stick to your time limit with them! Also, keep your encounters with your date as brief as possible. And if your date asks to spend more time with you (and alot of them will) tell them, “no!”

Rule 11: Flee Asap If You Hear The Words “I Love You!”

“Commitment Phobes,” I believe that this one is self explanatory. If at any point your date tells you that he or she “loves you,” get the hell out of there immediately! Literally drop what you are doing or saying and leave! These three little words are the ultimate death sentence for a person with commitment phobia and words that you never want to hear! These three little words mean that he or she wants a major commitment from you! “Commitment Phobes,” haul ass and get the hell out of there asap if this happens!

2 Responses so far »

  1. 1

    Ricardo said,

    The info on this post is valuable.

  2. 2

    Malcolm said,

    I found the information on this site handy.

Comment RSS · TrackBack URI

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: