I mean everyone I meet from my next door neighbor, to my dentist to my softcore porn provider tells me, Tina, you must dress your salad! Dress it with ranch dressing or french dressing or italian dressing, but Tina, you must dress your salad!

But let me just say this, what if my salad doesn’t want to be dressed? What is my salad doesn’t want to wear ranch dressing like a cowboy hat or a big-ass belt buckle with a picture of a bull on it? I mean, what if my salad is very low-key and doesn’t feel comfortable wearing designer italian dressing like Georgio Armani or Versace. And what if my salad simply hates french dressing and wouldn’t be caught dead wearing a beret? I mean what about that?

I mean it doesn’t make much sense to me why I must dress my salad. I mean what if my salad is a free spirit and a little freaky-deaky and wants to go without dressing? I mean would it be a total crime for my salad to go naked and let it all swing in the breeze? I mean shouldn’t my salad have the right to join a nudist colony if it wants to just as long as it’s not hurting anyone? I mean this is America dammit! Salads have rights too! Hell, I say if a salad wants to walk around butt-ass naked then so be it!

And while we’re on the issue of salad rights, doesn’t a salad have the right to pick out what it wants to be dressed in? If a salad wants to wear a micro mini-skirt or a feather boa or even a diamond g-string it should basically have that right! After all, this is America dammit! Land of the free! A salad can dress however the hell it likes!

So to all of you people out there like my next door neighbor, my dentist and my softcore porn provider who all say that a salad must be dressed, fuck you! Do me and salads all over America a favor and concern yourself only with what you dress in and stay the hell out of a salad’s business! After all it is really none of your damn business anyway! Get a life and stay out of a salad’s life, loser!

P.S. At this time, the Caesar Salad and the Pasta Salad would like to send a big ol’ shout out to their girl, Tina “Knowledgeable” Peden for her beautiful and inspirational post! And Tina, keep up the quality posts about salad dressing rights! We love you and we thank you very much!

3 Responses so far »

  1. 1

    Your salad is allowed to be undressed, but it will require you to cover it with a fig leaf. But that’s okay. Fig leaves are kind of tasty.

  2. 2

    Intriguing article , I am going to spend much more time reading about this subject

  3. 3

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