Archive for December, 2011

HEY BABY: MEDICAL MARIJUANA IS OUT AND MEDICAL ALCOHOL IS IN!


Before you break out the triple decker fudge pot brownies and pop in the movie, Dazed and Confused (P.S. Ben Affleck, you were such an asshole in that movie! By the by, keep up the good work! And don’t forget, air raid bitches!) take a minute to remember the old childhood rhyme, “First comes love, then comes marriage, then comes a screaming baby in a stinky-ass poopy diaper in a baby carriage. Or a pram as they say in jolly old England. (At this time I would like to send a shout out to Victoria “Posh” Beckham of the now defunct girl’s bubble gum pop group, The Spice Girls and her good-looking lying cheating soccer playing husband, David Beckham who was brought over here to put soccer on the map in the United States but failed miserably except with mothers who drive station wagons and metrosexuals. Howdy! And David, The L.A. Galaxy? Loud-ass snicker! I never even knew that the U.S. had a major league soccer team! Another Loud-ass snicker!)

But getting back to reality which is something that you might want to do David Beckham, anyhoo, in this post’s case, first comes marijuana, then comes long island iced teas then comes fudge-a-mania in a hot bed issue baby carriage. (At this time, I would like to send out another big shout out to uber writer, Judy Blume who was one of the first author’s to school me on sex, zits, menstruation or menstrooation, the handicapable, jewish people and middle class white people who nickname their kids, fudge and tootsie. Thanks alot Judy!)

Anyhoo, getting back to the subject of this post once again, people consider this hypothetical situation.

There is a guy named John who receives SSDI benefits because he has been diagnosed with PTSD which stands for Post Traumatic Stress Disorder and is a type of anxiety/mental disorder. It can occur after a person has seen or experienced a traumatic event that involved the threat of injury or death, etc. For his PTSD John has been prescribed the prescription drug, Lexapro to help him with his condition but makes the decision not to take the medication that the doctor has prescribed for him because it makes him too lethargic. After a short time he finds an alternate solution to his dilemma. Instead of taking a 10 mg Lexapro tablet daily, he downs two six packs of Bud Light beer daily. Some of you out there may say, ” to each his own” but here’s where the trouble begins. Once John has made his new found revelation, he still continues to drive his vehicle but under the influence of two six packs of Bud Light claiming that he used to drive the same vehicle under the influence of a 10 mg Lexapro tablet now he’s simply driving under the influence of two six packs of Bud Light beer, what’s the difference? He further goes on to say that when he is behind the wheel he is not breaking the law by drunk driving because he is medical alcohol driving.

What do you think?

(POLL QUESTION FOR THIS POST–LET ME KNOW WHAT YOU THINK!)

In terms of medical alcohol……….

A. If people can smoke marijuana to alleviate their medical problems then why can’t people drink alcohol to alleviate their medical problems too! Let them drive and shutup!

B. I think it is a bunch of bullshit! There is no such thing as medical alcohol it is only an excuse for a loser to drink. Hey losers, hit the bottle! And i’m not talking about the Jack Daniel’s bottle i’m talking about the prescription bottle! Stay off the damn streets if your intoxicated, losers!

C. If these people get caught driving under the influence of alcohol whether they have PTSD or whatever medical condition, they should be punished like everybody else! No exceptions! Drunk driving is drunk driving! I don’t want these people driving on the same streets as I do, it’s dangerous enough for a fully sober person out there let alone an intoxicated person! Stay off the streets or take a cab if you are going to drink!

D. I think there really are people who do some things better like driving when they are under the influence of alcohol. I know that it is not politically correct to say this but that’s just how it is. So deal with it! However, I don’t think they should be driving. Stay home and keep yourself and other people safe if you have consumed alcohol.

E. I think the Social Security Administration should allocate disability benefits to people who qualify to use medical alcohol right away!

F. A special section in grocery stores should be set up for medical alcohol.

G. Doctor’s should give out prescriptions to patients who need medical alcohol and they should get a 50% discount on the alcohol purchase.

H. There needs to be legislation created to regulate medical alcohol. This is a hot bed issue!

I. 10 mg of prescription Lexapro is totally different from two six packs of Bud Light beer! Omigod!

J. Driving under excessive amounts of prescription drugs can be just as dangerous as driving under the influence of two six packs of Bud Light beer however driving under the influence of 10 mg of Lexapro is generally considered okay. I would suggest checking with a doctor to make sure though.

K. Hey idiot, it’s illegal to drive under the influence of medical marijuana or marijuana period so how can driving under the influence of alcohol be okay!

L. If you get caught driving under medical marijuana or medical alcohol you should be put in jail and if you receive any kind of disability benefits they should be cut off permanently! It’s only fair! Hey some of us have to work for a living and drive to their jobs!

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TINA “KNOWLEDGEABLE” PEDEN’S POP CULTURE DICTIONARY (VOLUME 7) WHAT IS CHOPPERS COMPLEX 22?


(Definition) Choppers Complex 22 is a psychological condition in which an individual won’t eat or drink anything for twenty-two hours after they brush their teeth for fear that they will get their teeth dirty too soon thus giving them only 2 lousy hours out of the entire day to scarf and drink some shit down which really pisses them the hell off and often makes them go apeshit really easily.

I will now use this term in a couple of sentences to clarify it’s meaning.

“Look at that good-lookin’ guy with the tight cute ass and a major case of choppers complex 22 freak the fuck out just because his girlfriend got her nasty-ass smelly saliva and tacky-ass blood red lipstick all over his beautiful white teeth!”

“When Dr. Martin, the orthodontist with alzheimer’s disease, suggested to a couple of his college-aged patients with choppers complex 22 that they do a couple of jello shots for him while they were on Spring Break this year they all voted unanimously to beat the living shit out of his forgetful ass with a stainless-steel-girls-gone-wild-gelatin-mold.”

“Hey mommy! Listen to this song that I wrote while slacking off in Mrs. Keane’s spelling class:
Ralphie Conner has choppers complex 22,
He is a total fruitcake and the class thinks he’s really cuckoo,
Because of all the jacked-up shit me and the class have done to him his tired-ass mama has decided to sue,
So here’s Officer Jackson with a subpoena baby just for you,
Hey mommy come back don’t run cause’ there ain’t a damn thing that you can do,
Hey bitch, you’re getting sued! Woowho!
P.S. Mom, have I told you lately that I really love slacking off in school and you too!
By the by mom, please don’t whoop my ass when we get home, boo hoo boo hoo!”

And last but not least, I would like to send a big ol’ heavenly shout out to the beautiful and talented, Farrah Fawcett with the gorgeous choppers! For an example, check out the famous 70’s poster of Farrah in a red bathing suit which I have included with this blog post. Hey Charlie’s Angel, this heterosexual black girl thinks that you rocked the fucking planet while you were here, you are sorely missed!

P.S. As a former domestic violence victim myself, I want to personally take the time to thank you for your brilliant portrayal of a domestic violence victim in the classic tv movie, The Burning Bed! Because of you, angel, domestic violence was brought out into the open and so much has been done to stop it. Thank you! My only sadness when it comes to you angel is that unfortunately you died on the same day as Michael Jackson and got somewhat lost in the drama. But I just wanted to let you know Farrah that Michael Jackson’s death may have stolen alot of your thunder but to alot of your true fans like me we mourned you vigorously right along with the King of Pop himself! Farrah Fawcett, my favorite Charlie’s Angel, you will forever be missed! God bless you and Michael Jackson! (I am a big fan of his too!) Rest in heavenly peace, babies, rest in heavenly peace!

By the by, I absolutely loved that awesome iconic 70’s hairstyle of yours! It was totally awesome and so are you!

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HERE IS A POEM THAT I WROTE ESPECIALLY FOR CAT LOVERS AND…. OH YEAH, THOSE PEOPLE WHO LIKE TO MASTERBATE!


And it goes a little something like this!

My cat just caught me masterbating!

Oh, it was so fucking embarrassing and extremely degrading!

I mean, one day I woke up so horny that I didn’t feel like waiting for my boyfriend, John,

So I took out my pink jelly rabbit vibrator and decided to get it the hell on!

I turned on some music then stripped off all of my clothes until I was butt-ass bare,

Then stuck the quivering vibrator into my vagina right below my clit and curly black pubic hair.

After 18 minutes I was in heaven nothing else mattered I didn’t have a care,

But then I heard a noise from over there.

I thought I was alone I slowly looked over in despair.

My cat was sitting on my bedroom windowsill watching me with a disgusted shocked-ass stare!

Oh the injustice of it all, it was not fucking fair!

To be caught by my cat masterbating with my freshly waxed legs thrown high in the air!

I felt so awful so full of shame!

My damn cat caught me when I barely just came!

Unfortunately things between me and my cat will never be the same!

Because I got caught by my cat masterbating to the song, “Give It To Me Baby” courtesy of soul singer Rick James!

By the by, I would like to send a heavenly shout out to the funkmaster himself, Rick James! Rick, I am and always will be a big fan of your music! Rest in peace nasty baby, rest in peace! And this heavenly shout out Rick was sent out up to you from Tina “Knowledgeable” Peden, bitch! That’s right heavenly funkmaster, you’re Rick James, bitch and i’m Tina “Knowledgeable” Peden, bitch!

Also, I love and really miss the Rick James comedy skits that brilliant comedian, Dave Chappelle from the Chappelle Show used to do! They were fantastic!

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WELCOME TO TINA “KNOWLEDGEABLE” PEDEN’S ONLINE JACKED-THE-FUCK-UP JOB QUITTING SEMINAR: (FUCKED UP TIP NUMBER 1) LIKE COUNTRY SINGER JOHNNY PAYCHECK ONCE SANG, “TAKE THIS JOB AND SHOVE IT!”


Let’s face it people, there are alot of ways to quit your job and tell your asshole employer to go to hell so for those of you brave-ass individuals ready to take the plunge and tell your boss to take this job and shove it, consider sending this totally impersonal email to do it.

(By the by: At this time I would like to send a heavenly shout out to Mr. Johnny Paycheck and his kick-ass tune, “Take This Job And Shove It!” Mr. Paycheck you sang a timeless tune that will always stand the test of time because unfortunately there are some things in life that you can never escape from no matter how hard you try such as cockroaches, death, blonde hair dye and shitty employers. So, I, Tina “Knowledgeable” Peden, a beautiful-talented-big-ass-and-not-afraid-to-blow-her-own-horn-black-girl am loudly and proudly stating in this blog post that I like old school country music and that includes your kick-ass country song baby! So beautiful talented country music dude, rest in heavenly peace baby, rest in heavenly peace! And thanks a bunch for singing that kick-ass song!)

So let’s get this country party started!

Email Subject Title: “Dear Employer”
(P.S. For maximum effect, when composing the job quitting email letter be sure to put only “Dear Employer” in the subject area of the email so that the email will seem extremely sweet-ass and shit and your dumb-ass employer won’t have any idea that you’re about to kick his or her sorry ass to the curb. Make it look like any other email that you would send to the cocksucker during the course of an ordinary business day. Anyhoo, job quitters of the world, always remember to use the hell out of subterfuge! Deceit when quitting a job rules the day! And for you goody-goodies out there who totally disagree with me, KISS MY ASS!)

Movin’ on!

Email Letter Text:
(P.S. Try using something like the below text to really sock it to your boss and don’t forget to play around with negative and curse words in your email job quitting letter. Show no mercy to your stupid-ass boss! Remember, kill, kill, kill! But I mean not literally! You could go to jail or get the death penalty for that shit! When I say “kill” I mean don’t be afraid to get all harsh language on his or her ass in your email letter. Remember in your job quitting email letter to be as creative and as harsh as fucking possible!)

Anyhoo, here we go!

“Dear Employer (otherwise known as slavedriver, tightwad, moneybags, head honcho, big cheese, scumbag, moron, all-around a-hole….)”

(P.S. At this time I would like to give three big ol’ shoutouts to my former bosses, Mitchell Young of Business New Haven Newspaper and Blake and Angela Walker of Illusions at Large! Hey assholes, I composed this job quitting email letter with you imbeciles in mind. Ahhh, payback is sooo sweet!)

Anyhoo, back to the show!

“This email is to inform you that I am terminating my employment with your company effective RIGHT NOW!”

(The last two words should be strongly stressed.)

“YEAH, BABY! I QUIT! I QUIT! I QUIT!”

(Try using italics, bold or colored letters to stress your point.)

“As you may have guessed since I quit my job with your company via this impersonal, but extremely satisfying means of communication called ‘the email,’ there’s no friggin’ way that i’m givin’ you idiots 2 weeks notice per company policy. And don’t even think about fuckin’ with my medical or dental insurance or you’ll regret it because I got compromising pictures of you from the office Christmas party that i’m sure your spouse would just love!”

“However, since I didn’t give you adequate notice, to be fair, I feel it is my duty to at least help you find the most bug-eyed replacement on the planet, just to help you out in your time of need because that’s the kind of generous person I am.”

“You know you’re gonna’ miss me!”

(Again, try using italics, bold or colored letters to stress this point.)

“Dear employer, I want with all my heart and generous soul for one of my bug-eyed replacement’s eyeballs to pop out of the socket and plop right into your eight dollar cup of Starbucks coffee, sunny-side up!”

“Mmmm good!”

“And plop, plop, fizz, fizz, oh what a relief it is!”

“And quite frankly, be exactly what you deserve, scumbag!”

“Plus on the bright and sunny side up side, it would boost employee morale to see an eyeball pop into the boss’ coffee plus give them something to talk and laugh about for years to come!”

“So tightwad, do your employees a favor and hire a bug-eyed replacement for me right away!”

“If in doubt dear employer, remember the Folgers Coffee slogan, ‘The best part of wakin’ up … is Folgers and a nasty-ass veiny eyeball in your cup.”

“Hey, I don’t know why but for some reason seeing a nasty eyeball pop out of a socket and plop into the boss’ cup of coffee sunny-side up seems to break up the monotony of a work day.”

“Go figure!”

“Okay people reading this blog post job quitting email letter, I know that i’m one sick sarcastic puppy but if taking pleasure in seeing a new employee’s eyeball pop out of a socket into a cup of frothy cappuccino sunny-side up into a shitty boss’ cup of expensive-ass coffee is wrong, I don’t want to be right baby! I don’t want to be right! So sayeth the lord, so sayeth the shepherd!”

“At this time, I am now going to start talking about that ‘quitting my job with your company’ thing again.”

“I want to take the time to assure you that the decision to quit my job with your company was not an easy one, but rather an EXTREMELY EASY ONE which involved 90 seconds of thought in between taking a leak and nuking some pizza rolls during a commercial break of an old Grey’s Anatomy episode.”

“No, seriously!”

“It was oh so difficult! And i’m being oh so sarcastic!”

“I’M FREE! I’M FREE! I’M FREE!”

(Again, try using italics, bold or colored letters to stress this point.)

“No more ulcers and zits for me!”

“Hey, that rhymes! Anyhoo……..”

“In closing, I want to take the time to express my gratitude to you dear employer for giving me a truly horrible employment experience with your company and with you personally.”

“Strong-ass subliminal message just for you dear employer: You totally suck and I hope you grow toe fungus in your eyes!”

“I also want to thank you from the bottom of my heart for all of skills and experience that I acquired at your company and from you personally that will bring me more money, happiness and benefits from my next employer. Thanks alot, moron!”

“Strong-ass subliminal message just for you dear employer: You totally suck and I hope you grow toe fungus in your eyes!”

“No, seriously!”

“Sincerely,”

“Your former employee (otherwise known as “little toy you like to play with”, peon, slave, lackey, personal punching bag, hack, old workhorse, “innocent flawless hardworking victim.)”

(And job quitters, don’t forget to digitally sign and date your “Take This Job And Shove It” job quitting email letter. And you’re done! Hooray! Like Martin Luther King Jr. once said, “Free at last! Free at last! Thank God Almighty, free at last!”)

(By the by: Below are the kick-ass lyrics to the kick-ass country music song, “Take This Job And Shove It!” by Johnny Paycheck. Enjoy! And if you want to include them in your job quitting email letter too, cool!)

And that concludes Tina “Knowledgeable” Peden’s Online Jacked-The-Fuck-Up Job Quitting Seminar! Happy job quitting to you! And dear employer, I love you!
(Loud-ass snicker!)

Take This Job And Shove It!
A Song performed by Johnny Paycheck

(Chorus)
Take this job and shove it I ain’t workin’ here no more
My woman done left and took all the reason I was working for
Ya, better not try and stand in my way
Cause I’m walkin’, out the door
Take this job and shove it I ain’t working here no more

Well, I been working in this factory for now on fifteen years
All this time, I watched my woman drownin’ in a pool of tears
And I’ve seen a lot of good folks die who had a lot of bills to pay
I’d give the shirt right off of my back if I had the guts to say…

(Chorus)

The foreman, he’s a regular dog the line boss, he’s a fool
Got a brand new flat top haircut Lord, he thinks he’s cool
One of these days I’m gonna blow my top and that sucker, he’s gonna pay
I can’t wait to see their faces when I get the nerve to say…

(Chorus)

Take this job and shove it

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SELECTIVE SERVICE: IS THE MILITARY DRAFT BACK OR IS IT?


I originally wrote this post in November 2008 for my Instablogs webpage.

Question: Has anyone been prosecuted for NOT registering with the Selective Service?

The reason why I ask is lately I have been hearing alot of radio advertisements about how if you are a male who is 18 years of age you MUST register with the Selective Service.

Which is fine and dandy.

(I mean, i’m not military hatin’!)

And all of the radio ads that I have heard have all been light and make it seem like registering with the Selective Service is easy and fun, however…

At the end of these ads they really seem to emphasize that “It’s The Law!” And if you don’t register there will be some dire consequences for not doing this.

It almost seems like a veiled threat. It seems like forced military induction! Like the draft is back! And I thought that the draft was over!

But of course in the military’s defense, I know that in times of war desperate circumstances call for desperate measures.

Anyhoo, the text below is taken from the Selective Service System government website about registration requirements. The website states that almost all male U.S. citizens and male aliens living in the U.S., who are 18 through 25, are required to register with Selective Service.

They further state that it’s important to know that even though he is registered, a man will not automatically be inducted into the military. In a crisis requiring a draft, men would be called in sequence determined by random lottery number and year of birth. Then, they would be examined for mental, physical and moral fitness by the military before being deferred or exempted from military service or inducted into the Armed Forces.

Question: Do you think that the Selective Service’s policy feels like a forced induction into the military (i.e. the draft is back) or is it “just the law” and the Selective Service is only doing it’s job?

Please let me know.

P.S. I know that it is a bit sexist but thank god i’m a woman and not required to register with the Selective Service.

Sorry, guys!

Another P.S. The Selective Service Lottery is one lottery that I wouldn’t want to win.

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ATTENTION LADIES OF ALL ASTROLOGICAL SIGNS, THIS IS YOUR HOROSCOPE FOR THE YEAR 2013!


Ladies, regardless whether you are an aries, taurus, gemini, cancer, leo, virgo, libra, scorpio, sagittarius, capricorn, aquarius or pieces, this is your horoscope for the period of January 1 – December 31, 2013, so let’s get started!

Money/Career Forecast: Luck! I see green, people! Good news! You will receive that long-awaited cost-of-living raise that you have been counting on! Unfortunately the extra 15 cents per hour won’t be enough to buy that six room beach house in the Bahamas or that pair of extra silky pantyhose with the built in granny panty crouch that you so desperately want. Dammit!
Lucky Day(s) of the Month: March 17th (Happy St. Patty’s Day!)

Love/Relationship Forecast: After years of praying, crying, binge eating chocolate bon-bons and 2,000 broken dishes, one of your wishes will finally come true when your longtime boyfriend finally tells you that he loves you but only after years of you pretending that you don’t want a serious relationship. But who cares! Better late than never! Your strategy finally paid off! You win!
Lucky Day(s) of the Month: February 14th (Happy Valentine’s Day!)

Fashion Forecast: Numerous compliments from men, women and chiguagua’s will come your way at work when you wear a stunning black dress that you bought on sale at Macys. But just remember ladies to keep a cool head when you find out after doing your laundry seven weeks later that the stunning black dress that you bought on sale is actually a MATERNITY dress and you’re not even close to being pregnant! (In fact, if the truth be told, your vagina has developed a big ol’ cobweb across the opening due to all of the sexual inactivity.) But anyhoo ladies always remember fashion rule number one: “Baby, it doesn’t matter how big a dress is, it’s how good you look in it! Work it, girl!” P.S. Big girls & thin girls rule the planet equally!
Lucky Day(s) of the Month: January 1st & July 4th (Happy New Year & Fourth of July!)

Entertainment Forecast: A new friend enters your life for a short time after a crisis situation. That’s right, you and Paris Hilton will become best buds after her filthy stinkin’ rich family finally decides to show some common sense by cutting off her inheritance and kicking her butt out of their expensive-ass diggs until she can show some damn sense. But being the good christian that you are you decide to take her into your home after you spot her panhandling for $10,000 bills out on Rodeo Drive in Beverly Hills only to kick her ass out of your own home 1 hour and 31 minutes later when an african american friend of hers stops by for a visit and is told by Paris that she can’t use the Ivory Soap to wash her hands because it is strictly for white people’s use. After apologizing profusely to Nicole Ritchie and letting her use the Ivory Soap then making sure that she gets safely into her limo you decide right then and there that you are done with no-talent, famous for absolutely nothing celebutantes and your New Year’s Resolution for the year 2013 is to lead a happy drama-free simple life! Amen, sister, amen!
Lucky Day(s) of the Month: April 1st & October 31st (Happy Halloween & April Fools Day!)

Health Forecast: Laughing at my 2013 horoscope ladies combined with your beautiful sense of humor will temporarily take away any pain, physical or mental, that you are feeling so be comforted sweet spirit! Dr. Tina “Knowledgeable” Peden’s prescription for the year 2013—Include intense laughter therapy into your everyday life! Laugh as much as you can, where ever you can for as long as you can! Remember, sweet spirit, laughing is not only damn good for you but it’s absolutely free! And every person on this planet knows that a lady never turns down free stuff! It’s just in our designer jeans or something.
Lucky Day(s) of the Month: December 25th (Merry Christmas!)

Well, ladies, this concludes your astrological horoscope for the year 2013! I, Tina “Knowledgeable” Peden truly hope that you have a happy, safe and prosperous year! And that includes you too, Paris and Nicole!

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TINA KNOWLEDGEABLE PEDEN’S GRUB REVIEW (CARNATION INSTANT BREAKFAST STRAWBERRY POWDER DRINK MIX)


Rating: 1-10 stars

I give this grub: 0 stars!

Why:

Company Info/Slogan: CARNATION INSTANT BREAKFAST Powder Drink Mix delivers twice the protein of an egg and twice the calcium of yogurt – along with 21 vitamins and minerals. Just the thing to energize you throughout your busy day. It’s “SERIOUS MORNING FUEL.”

–  When Carnation says this product is “SERIOUS MORNING FUEL” they aren’t kidding! A couple of years ago, I was working as a file clerk for an insurance company and one day for breakfast I drank their Strawberry Drink right before I went to work and a little over an hour later l had the worst case of GAS in my life! I mean, farting in your home is one thing but farting at work is something else entirely. It was one of the worst days of my life!

My Grub Recommendation:   Save yourself some money at the pump and fill your gas tank up with this stuff!

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WHAT’S UP WITH “SENSITIVE” TOOTHPASTE?


“What’s up with all of these toothpaste companies making “sensitive” toothpaste or toothpaste for “sensitive” teeth?”

“I mean can somebody tell me when our teeth became such wimps!”

“Question, if you brush your teeth too hard with “sensitive” toothpaste do you have to apologize to it?”

“I’m sorry”
“So sorry”
“Please accept my apology!”

(At this time I would like to like to send a shout out to kick-ass country pop singer, Brenda Lee! And girlie, I just love that song!)

“Anyhoo, back to the show!”

“Before you use “sensitive” toothpaste do you have to take some kind of sensitivity training so that you don’t offend it?”

“If you use “sensitive” toothpaste how do you get it out of the tube? I mean, I don’t think that you’re allowed to squeeze it because that might be considered too violent a move So what the hell do you do?. Do you have to talk to the “sensitive” toothpaste in a nice soothing voice and hope that it will come out of the tube all by itself?”

“And what if the “sensitive” toothpaste sees you using another brand of toothpaste will it start to cry or flip out on us supermodel Naomi Campbell style? I mean, I know it may sound selfish but I don’t want a big-ass dent in the side of my head from a thrown cellphone! But that’s just me.”

“I mean, can people who have had nervous breakdowns in the past use “sensitive” toothpaste? In other words, can me or Mariah Carey go near it?”

“Oh God will someone please tell me why toothpaste has to be so damn “sensitive” and complicated in the millenium!”

P.S. The Colgate Sensitive Toothpaste Brand just called to let everyone know that it left the building about 15 minutes ago and that it was very hurt that nobody came out to say goodbye to it.

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HOORAY! I JUST POSTED MY 100TH POST ON WORDPRESS!


It took alot of sweat and hard work to get here but I did it!

I just posted my 100th post on WordPress!

Hooray!

At this time, I want to take the time to thank everyone who have posted comments on my blog, positive and negative! Thanks a heap!

I also want to thank everyone who hit the “Like” button on some of my posts on WordPress! Thanks!

And I want to thank Tatiana Foster for clicking the “like” button on some of my posts on Facebook! Thanks, kitten!

In addition, I would also like to thank everyone for the linkbacks and sharing my blog posts on the social media websites too!

And last but not least, I want to heartily thank WordPress for giving me a wonderful blogging platform to express myself! Thanks a bunch, WordPress! You guys are the best blogging platform in the whole wide world! And I am not just saying that to suck up to you, I really mean it, sincerely! I love the way you guys really care about your bloggers by giving them excellent customer service and valuable tips and tools on how to increase their traffic!

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HOW TO BUILD SOME BUZZ FOR YOUR REAL ESTATE BUSINESS BY USING PERSONALIZED POSTAGE STAMPS!


Do you want your real estate development company to make an indelible impression on the public?

Is it one of your goals to separate your property management firm from your competition and truly stand out?

Real estate agents, do you want to give your clients a unique calling card instead of the standard business card?

If you answered “yes” to any of the above questions, it’s time to create some buzz for your business.

BUZZ BUILDER TIP NUMBER 1: Put YOUR OWN stamp of approval on all of your business correspondence and advertising material by printing up some personalized postage stamps for your business.

For those of you out there who haven’t read the latest edition of PERSONALIZED POSTAGE STAMPS FOR DUMMIES, a personalized postage stamp is a United States Postal Service approved mailable stamp that has a picture, photograph or text message added to it by a member of the general public or a non-governmental entity. Personalized postage stamps are hot sellers and have become very popular with the public. An individual can put a picture of their newborn baby, their wedding picture, a beloved pet, their business logo, company website address, and so much more on a personalized postage stamp. These stamps can be put on envelopes, flyers, brochures and postcards just like regular postage stamps.

For a start-up business who really wants to get their name or product out to the public, this is an excellent and reasonably priced way to do it. It is also a good way for those well-established or large chain businesses to take a more personalized marketing approach toward their customers.

There are so many benefits of personalized postage stamps that anyone from New York Real Estate Services Giant, Terra Holdings LLC to individual Bronx Brownstone Owner Joe Schmo can take advantage of. To name a few:

Personalized postage stamps can help a business gain new customers. For example, millions of business correspondence travels throughout the United States every day. A single piece of mail is passed around and seen by numerous people on a daily basis. An envelope with a personalized postage stamp that has a moving company’s logo, slogan and other contact information on it could virtually gain them new customers before the envelope is even delivered to the addressee.

Personalized postage stamps can generate excitement and awareness. A beautifully shot photograph of an antique fireplace in a loft on a personalized postage stamp could cause people to excitedly talk about who took the picture and make them want to learn more about the real estate photographer and perhaps obtain his or her services. A snazzy photo of a new luxury apartment building, the date that it opens and the building’s website address printed on it combined with a private golf club giving away a sheet of 20 stamps to its new members as a welcome gift could alert wealthy prospective tenants and possibly create a frenzy to get into the luxury apartment building.

Personalized postage stamps can be used to announce special events to the public. Property management companies can announce a gala on a personalized postage stamp one year in advance to give their clients, invited guests and the press ample notice of the event so that they can attend and avoid any scheduling conflicts. If year-after-year the gala grows in popularity and becomes a hot ticket event, a personalized postage stamp can become a treasured memento of the event. A personalized postage stamp could also become a valuable stamp if a famous or even infamous person attends the gala at one point and does something newsworthy. Die-hard fans of famous people tend to snatch up as many items as they can with their favorite celebrity on them. These stamps could become a unique collector’s item that both fans and stamp collectors will pay big money for.

Personalized postage stamps can be used to launch your product or brand. For example, if you are a software development company who has created new real estate legal forms & contracts software and you want to promote it, a good way to do it is by putting your company’s personalized postage stamps on postcards with a picture and info about the product and then mailing them directly to real estate agencies, brokers and developers.

Before an individual or business can put personalized postage stamps on their business correspondence or advertising material they first have to create a logo for the stamp if they don’t already have one. When it comes to creating a logo, make it as unique as possible to distinguish yourself from other companies and your competition. The logo should jump out at a person and make them take a second glance. Use your imagination and your heart to create images that you think your target market wants to see. Also, seek imput about your logo from a couple of people from your target market. For a text logo, use different fonts and play around with colors to come up with the best creation. Remember to buy the best logo making software that you can. This is no time to skimp and be cheap. Your logo will define you, your business and your product so buy only the best. If you don’t feel that you are qualified enough to create your own logo, consult a professional and have them do it. Also, remember that a logo doesn’t have to be expensive to be good, I have seen some companies and graphic artists on the internet who charge as little as $20.00 for a logo. But always remember the old saying, “you get what you pay for.” So proceed with caution.

Although it is a little bit more important for a business to have a logo than a slogan, having a unique catchphrase coupled with a picture image can only help the public identify your business or product even more. When it comes to creating a slogan for your product, make it short and catchy but also keep it simple. When I say simple that means that even an older child should be able to say the words to your slogan. Remember that children grow up and may purchase your product or service someday all because of a catchy slogan embedded in their head at an early age. Also, remember to stay away from long multi-syllable words, technical words & phrases and words in a foreign language when composing your slogan. If you need proof of my advice, take a look at these slogan gems: “Where’s the beef?” (Wendys 1980’s), “Don’t leave home without it!” (American Express 1970’s) and “Melts in your mouth, not in your hands.” (M&M Candies 1950’s). All of these slogans are short, catchy, simple and get to the point which is why they are so beloved by the general public even to this day.

For those companies who choose not to put their logo or slogan on their company’s personalized postage stamps, there are other options. An eye-catching photograph can be just as effective as a logo. Just remember to obtain the services of the best photographers in their field of specialty. If you choose to use photographs that you took yourself, make sure they are high-quality images that upload easily. Animated and computer generated images are a popular and unique way to go but tend to be a little more expensive. If you know how to draw and would like to create an image for your personalized postage stamps with a “personal” touch? Well, take out a sketch pad and some colored pencils and draw it by hand. Next, take a picture of it with a good camera with a zoom lens. If you don’t know how to draw, obtain the services of a professional artist.

When your artwork and slogan are completed, it’s time to put them on a personalized postage stamp. The United States Postal Service has approved three vendors for this service. They are Endicia Internet Postage (www.endicia.com), Stamps.com (www.stamps.com) and Pitney Bowes who teamed up with Zazzle for this venture. Zazzle is an online marketplace where an individual can buy or sell custom products that they create on the Zazzle website. To order personalized postage stamps from Pitney Bowes/Zazzle, go towww.zazzle.com. Each website has easy step-by-step instructions on how to upload your artwork and text to the stamp. The websites tell you in detail what file and image formats they will accept, the type of content the U.S.P.S. will accept on the stamps, postage denominations, etc. You normally have to register first on these websites to create your own personalized postage stamps but it is free to do so. So, get out there and do it!

Once your personalized postage stamps have arrived. It’s time to put them to work for you. Here are some suggestions:

-Put 3 or 4 of your company’s personalized postage stamps in your press kit. Include a short story about how you came up with the idea for the concept of your stamp(s).

-Send a sheet of 20 stamps to local reporters and writers as gifts to introduce your business. Who knows, they may do a bang-up story about your business in addition to using the postage stamps.

-Ask public and college libraries if you can leave a few sheets of stamps for their patrons periodically. If a patron needs a stamp all they have to do is go up to the reference desk and ask for one. Limit one stamp a day per patron.

-Always keep a steady supply of your company’s personalized postage stamps at the front desk of your business office for tenants, clients, business colleagues, etc. It is also a good idea to keep a few stamps in your purse or wallet just in case someone needs one.

-Are you giving a party or special event? If so, as a parting gift, give your guests a couple of your company’s personalized postage stamps for attending.

-Create a separate webpage for your personalized postage stamp creations on your company’s website or put one of them in the upper right hand corner on the home page of your website.

-Do you want to make some money in addition to promoting your business? Go to www.zazzle.com and create some personalized postage stamps for your business on their website and become a “contributor” so that you can open up a custom gallery to share your creations with not only the Zazzle community but with anyone who has an internet connection. You not only can make at least 10% profit on each personalized postage stamp that is purchased from your gallery but Zazzle is an extremely popular website, stamps with your company’s info could be seen by thousands of people who may be interested in obtaining your company’s services.

-If your personalized postage stamp meets certain criteria, upload it to stamp collecting sites for additional exposure for your business.

-Send a couple of sheets of your company’s personalized postage stamps to moving companies or housecleaning agencies and encourage them to use them on THEIR business correspondence. This “move” is an easy way to obtain prospective clients or tenants.

-Be sure to mark your territory by putting your company’s personalized postage stamps on ALL of your business correspondence and advertising material.

-Has there been a recent change of leadership at your company or is your company a start-up and would like to introduce the owner or individual in charge? If so, put a photograph of the individual on your company’s personalized postage stamps and send out a notice to shareholders, your competitors and newspapers to let them know of this event.

-If a tenant sends his or her rent payment through the mail, provide them with a return business envelope with one of your company’s personalized postage stamps on it.

-If a valued tenant or client has a birthday coming up, send them a gift that they will actually use. Send them a sheet of 20 personalized postage stamps inside of a birthday card that was signed by all of your company’s employees.

-Do you attend any networking events or belong to any trade associations? If so, attach a couple of your company’s personalized postage stamps with your business info on them to your business cards.

Owning a real estate or real-estate related business requires more than just the usual like collecting rent from tenants, buying rental property or drawing up contracts. So much more is required. For example, to stay a viable entity a business must also keep their offices and rental properties clean and sometimes that means that an owner may from time-to-time have to vacuum the floor, dust the furniture or clean a toilet. It just comes with the territory.

There are so many things that an individual in the real estate industry has to do to remain viable and one of those things is advertising. Rental properties don’t get rented if a landlord does absolutely nothing. A landlord HAS to advertise! It is a must! One of the things that a landlord has to do is put an ad in the newspaper and let people know of an opening in a dwelling so that they can fill it. If they don’t they not only lose money but they will get left behind or blown away by their competition.

The business world can be extremely cutthroat and businesses are always looking for the “next big thing” that will catapult them to household name status and put more dollars in their pockets. Well, the “next big thing” is here! Take advantage of this cost-effective advertising tool! Print up some personalized postage stamps for your business and use them to promote your company, services, product or properties and create some buzz!

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