The general definition of R.N. is an individual trained to provide medical care under the supervision of a doctor after completing a course of nursing study and passing the proper examinations to become licensed and registered.

But folks, that shit’s irrelevant!

Because the R.N. i’m talking about doesn’t wear scrubs and terrorize the patients, “Nurse Ratched-Style.”

No, the R.N. this 41 year old black female is talking about is very low-brow and has a kind of 1980’s jheri curl wave to it minus all of the grease.

At this time I would like to stray away from my main subject again and give a “heavenly shout out” to the King of Pop, Michael Jackson and his 1980’s greasy-ass Jheri Curl and for being stupid enough to mix the two with a fireworks display.

Anyhoo, back to the show!

The R.N. i’m talking about is none other than, Ramen Noodles!

For all of you wealthy people out there reading this article and who have been having your underpaid staff buy all of your groceries, Ramen Noodles are quite frankly, “the bomb!”

In the words of Kellogg’s Frosted Flakes’ mascot, Tony The Tiger, “They’re, grrreat!”

Of course, definition-wise, that doesn’t explain much.

Specifically, Ramen Noodles are a form of noodle soup (Duh!) wrapped in individual packages.

Folks, below are a couple of the best reasons why R.N.’s rule:

-Inexpensive! If you are a broke-ass college student or below the poverty level, you’re hooked up! Basically at approximately 20 cents a pack buying these babies ain’t gonna’ put you in the poorhouse anymore than you already are.

-Microwavable Cup! Life is great because you can have your cake or should I say noodles and eat them too! Basically, after you eat them you can chuck the container into the garbage! Halleluhah, no dishes!

-Food Stamp Friendly! If you are a individual that receives (EBT) or Electronic Benefit Transfer, new millenium slang for “food stamps”, again you’re hooked up because R.N.’s are the Number 1 food recommended by welfare and health & human services offices in America. God Bless America!

-Easy Preparation! It’s absolutely beautiful! If you are a person who doesn’t like to cook like me or feel that cooking is “men’s work” like me, these babies are right up your alley. Easy breezy, beautiful R.N.’s.

-Variety! If you want some flava’ to your cheap-ass pasta, then R.N.’s are for you! They come in an assortment of predictable flavors like Beef, Chicken and Shrimp! Oooh, so imaginative! (Just in case you didn’t notice i’m being totally sarcastic folks.)

-Convenient Size! You can bring them along anywhere and I mean absolutely anywhere! Take along a pack to the office, school or to your local 4 star restaurant and piss off the chef! It’s just that easy folks!

-Mucho Baby, Mucho! If you are a chick or a dude with a big family, are a person who gets sudden attacks of the munchies from time to time or are just a PIG in general when it comes to food, good ol’ R.N.’s also come in a package of six so there’s plenty to keep you and your youngin’s bellies from a’ rumblin’. Yeah!

HOWEVER, as with anything in life unfortunately there are disadvantages. But folks don’t fret because there is only one disadvantage of eating R.N.’s which is………….

May I have a drum roll please?

The only disadvantage of eating R.N.’s is the massive amount of salt that they contain!

But in my opinion, big deal because they taste great!

I mean quite frankly who cares that R.N.’s have enough salt in them to give you coronary heart disease after consuming one package?

Big deal, they taste great!

Again quite frankly, the only way that R.N.’s could be better is……………………..

May I have a drum roll please?

I have listed a few suggestions below.

-Six Pack Style! The manufacturer of R.N.’s need to take advantage of America’s love of booze and put the noodles in a couple of pop-top cans then get the hell outta’ the way as they fly off the supermarket shelves!

-Scratch & Sniff! Let’s face it, Americans love the smell of freshly brewed beer early in the morning, so the manufacturers of R.N.’s need to add some “spiritual” aroma to the noodles! Note: To increase the love, manufacturers need to put an alcohol-scented scratch and sniff sticker on the noodle can then get the hell outta’ the way as they fly off the supermarket shelves!

-Buzz Factor! I believe this one is self-explanatory. Because let’s face it (Low-down dirty laugh!), everybody likes that feeling of shit-facedness when they consume alcohol! It totally rules!

-Flava’! Not only should R.N.’s smell like a bottle of Jack Daniels but goddammit they should taste like one too! I’ll tell ya’ there’s nothing more soothing than coming home from a hard day’s work and downing a canful of vodka, daiquiri or sex on the beach flavored noodles. Yummy!

-It’s All In The Name! Newsflash. Any Ramen Noodle with the the words preceding and following it such as R.N. Budweiser, Miller Lite Ramen Noodles or Heineken R.N.’s will automatically sell! (Duh!) Hey look what a name change did for the artist formerly known as Prince.

(Insert your snicker here!)

Anyhoo, like cockroaches and Paris Hilton folks which are pretty much the same thing, Ramen Noodles or R.N.’s are here to stay because they totally rule and don’t you forget it!

F.Y.I. Ramen Noodles prefer to be called R.N.’s because it gives them a little street cred.

Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha!

Just kiddin’ folks!

2 Responses so far »

  1. 1

    tom said,

    great post I’m a big man utd supporter from LA USA

  2. 2

    Free Movies said,

    Wow Excellent blog!

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