With St. Patty’s Day always around the shamrock-shaped corner, I dug out this retro gem.

Number Five: Once a year you get to watch your wife, mistress and inflatable Britney Spears doll simultaneously “perform their magic” on a shamrock-shaped chocolate covered grasshopper.

Number Four: Once a year while baking St. Patrick’s Day cookies you get to hear your 80 year old grandmother sing the song, ‘I Smell Sex and Candy‘ while her nasty false teeth and humongous left boob repeatedly fall into the Bailey’s Irish Cream infused cookie dough.

Number Three: Once a year you get to make all of your single female friends “green” with envy by wearing your emerald-colored mini-skirt which shows off and complements all of the hickeys that your husband gave you while trying to eat the “Luck O’ The Irish” Candy Necklace off of your thigh.

Number Two: Once a year you get to travel to Blarney Ireland where the Blarney Stone is and celebrate the breakup of the most perfect couple ever to walk the planet, Jennifer Aniston and Brad Pitt, because of his affair with that man-stealing-big-kisser-skank, Angelina Jolie. And Angie, don’t forget to kiss the Blarney Stone while you’re there to help give your adulterous butt a modicum of class! P.S. Adultery is wrong, girlfriend!!!

And The Number One Reason Why St. Patrick’s Day Is The Best Holiday Ever…………

P.S. Don’t forget to cast your vote in the poll below for the ultimate Irish symbol.

What is the Ultimate Irish Symbol?

1. The Shamrock
2. The Color, “Green”
3. Bailey’s Irish Cream
4. The Slogan, “Luck O’ The Irish!”
5. The Blarney Stone
6. The Song, “Irish Eyes Are Smiling”
7. IRA (Irish Republican Army)
8. Corned Beef and Cabbage
9. Maureen O’Hara
10. The Leprechaun
11. U2 (Bono & The Edge)

1 Response so far »

  1. 1

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