Archive for September, 2012


Gals, if your vampire-wannabe date does the gentlemenly thing by giving you a couple of weeks heads up that he is going to take you to see one of the numerous Twilight-inspired vampire movies out today for your upcoming date, FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, BRAM STOKER AND DRACULA PLEASE DON’T THANK YOUR DATE FOR THE HEADS UP BY STEALING A COUPLE OF BAGS OF “O NEGATIVE” BLOOD FROM YOUR LOCAL HOSPITAL AS A THANK YOU GIFT FOR HIM!

I mean gals, what in the world are you thinking!

I mean don’t get me wrong, your vampire-wannabe date will love the “o negative” blood of course but not your crazy as hell criminal activity!

Stealing and stealing blood of any type for your bloodsucker-wannabe date is just plain wrong, illegal not to mention totally out there!

Gals, take Tina Knowledgeable Peden’s advice and do the right and legal thing and get him a proper thank you gift.  In other words, do the following.

Gals, don’t be no fool, gals simply make an emergency doctor’s appointment and ask your doctor to withdraw a small vial of your own blood, whatever the hell blood type you may be, for your own personal use and pay the extra “freak” fee that your doctor will no doubt charge you for something freakish like this.

Next go to your nearest jewelry store and select a nice GOLD not SILVER heart-shaped locket necklace within your price range.

Next go to your local supermarket and select a small basket of strawberries and return to your home and promptly put all of the items that you bought earlier into your frigidaire including the locket necklace.

Gals, a couple of hours before your date take out the vial of blood from your frigidaire and let it thaw at room temperature for about two hours then take out a small bowl and a large plate from the cupboard and pour the small vial of your own blood into the bowl.  Go to the frigidaire and take out the locket necklace and strawberries then take the locket necklace and dip only the locket portion into the blood and then set it down carefully on the plate then take out six strawberries from the basket grasping them by the stem and dip them into your blood as well and then lay them carefully down next to the locket necklace.  When you are finished be sure to in a zig zag motion pour the rest of your remaining blood over the locket and strawberries on the plate then place them carefully back into your frigidaire until your vampire-wannabe date arrives to take you to the umpteenth Twilight-inspired vampire movie out today then give him your special thank you gifts.

And this way gals you can avoid being arrested and charged with breaking and entering and theft crimes.

But most of all gals, you will not appear to be crazy as hell in your bloodsucker-wannabe date’s fake glowing Marilyn Manson-inspired contact lense eyes, you’ll only appear to be crazy as hell along with myself in everybody elses completely normal eyes reading this blog post.

P.S.     I love drinking down bloody marys while watching The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn Part 1 especially while Bella gives birth to Renesmee!

Comments (1) »


Why do most wardens in motion pictures who head maximum security prisons look like “Revenge of the Nerds” knockoffs?

I mean there must be at least one intelligent muscle bound man in the world adept enough to run a maximum security prison.

I think.

Well, I at least hope so.

Leave a comment »


Let me ask all of you out there reading this blog post a semi-spiritual question.

Here’s the story:

I live extremely close to a public library where patrons can check out dvd’s for free. Anyhoo, a couple of days ago while I was on the internet I get a pop message from Yahoo informing me that I received an email from the public library saying that a dvd that I have requested and have been dying to watch was finally available and ready to be picked up and I was extremely estatic because not only was the dvd a complete season of a television series that I love but was unable to catch but I had also just the day before made my weekly trip to the grocery store and got a few extra treats so the timing of the dvd coming available was perfect.

Anyhoo without haste, I quickly walked down to the public library which only takes a few minutes to get to from my place and less than five minutes later with dvd in hand I am out on the street walking briskly back to my place when all of a sudden almost about halfway to my place two young white men stop me and ask me if they could talk to me about God.

Don’t get me wrong, folks. I am a decent Christian who loves God but I have to be honest and say that I loved that dvd more at the time. I mean never in my wildest dreams did I think that I would run into one Jehovah’s Witness let alone two on that day. And I can’t express to you enough how pissed off and frustrated I was. After all, I did had a dvd, pizza and wine cooler’s impatiently waiting for me at home. I’m not proud of it but I did the only thing that I could do at the time which was to lie and tell the Jehovah’s Witnesses that I would really love to hear what they had to say about God but unfortunately I was still on the clock and had less than ten minutes to get back to work since I was on my afternoon break. So, finally I arrive at the semi-spiritual question that I want to ask all of you out there reading this blog post.

SEMI-SPIRITUAL QUESTION: Do you think that our beloved Lord in heaven above will forgive one of his flock who is normally a good girl for lying to his Jehovah’s Witness foot soldiers all because she wanted to get back home asap and watch a dvd while eating some pizza and drinking down some wine coolers instead of hearing the Jehovah’s Witnesses preach to her about God?

I hate to say it like this but I am going to.

I sure as hell hope so!

P.S. And I also hope that God forgives normally good girls who intentionally give Jehovah’s Witnesses fake phone numbers so that she doesn’t have to receive any calls from them too even though at the time the normally good girl lied and said that she wouldn’t mind a call from the Jehovah’s Witnesses to talk about God when at the time no matter how inconvenient it was she should have womaned-up and told the Jehovah’s Witnesses the truth!

Again, I sure as hell hope so!

Comments (1) »


I don’t know if it’s just me but I don’t know which is worse…………………

Cellphone Pictures or Webcam Pictures??????

I mean both of these bitches are worse than a Driver’s License Photo put together!

It’s sooo weird!

You would think that with the invention of all of this new-fangled technology that we have today that the quality of the pictures would only get better but in my opinion they’re only getting worse!

Hell at this rate, we might as well go back to those days when they used all of those big-ass cameras with the lightbulbs in them Al Capone/Eliot Ness 1930’s days when the quality of the pictures was fantastic!

I mean what the fuck is going on J. Edgar Hoover?????

I mean it’s a sad fucking day for new-fangled technology when a Polaroid Camera can take a better picture than any Cellphone or Webcam can!

And this is making me extremely suspicious!

I hate to say it but I am going to.

Can anybody out there say conspiracy?

It seems to me that for some unknown and some weird-ass reason some person or entity doesn’t want the quality of the pictures to get better they only want them to suck ass!

I mean it shouldn’t take a decent hardworking earthling like myself 1,000 tries to take 1 decent passable picture that only a handful of people on the internet will laugh at when I upload it to my Facebook page!

I mean something’s definitely wrong!

Something stinks to high hell in suburbia!

And people I am telling you that it is a nasty-ass, raunchy conspiracy stench!

And I think that the above paragraphs have proven my point!

Case closed but my stinky-ass conspiracy theory definitely remains open!

Leave a comment »


(September 17, 2012)

When I opened up my email just a few minutes ago, I was surprised to find a nice email from New Hampshire DJ extraordinaire herself, Sarah Sullivan of WBYY – 98.7 The Bay and the kick-ass Sunday morning 10 am – 12 noon radio show, Brunch By The Bay.

Here it is:

(Beginning of Email)

(Sunday, September 16, 2012 8:27 PM)

From:  *”

To:  *Peden Tina”
Hey Tina!
I read your blog. Thank you for the correction! I was sure Rapture came out in 1979, but I was El-wrong-o! My apologies! This coming Sunday, I’ll make the correction. It will give me a good excuse to play the Sugar Hill Gang!
Feel free to make suggestions for the show. I could use help from a fellow music lover! I always have my ears open for great music.
All the best!
Sent from my HTC Inspire™ 4G on AT&T
(End of Email)
Folks, you gotta’ love a female DJ with the balls to admit that she was wrong and plays the Sugar Hill Gang’s Rappers Delight on her popular Sunday morning radio show!
Sarah Sullivan, 98.7 The Bay, Garrison City Broadcasting, The Sugar Hill Gang, Kurtis Blow, Blondie & Rap Songs you guys totally rock!

Leave a comment »


(September 16, 2012)

I sure as hell hope that I don’t start a race war with this one but I gotta’ keep it real and tell Sarah Sullivan, a disc jockey on New Hampshire’s 98.7 The Bay Radio Station that “Rapture” by Blondie is not the first rap song.

At approximately 11:00 am this morning on her popular radio show, Brunch By The Bay, Sarah Sullivan introduced the song “Rapture” by Blondie as “The First Rap Song” and with that opened up a big-ass can of racial worms! So, here we go!

“Rapture” by Blondie was the first rap-influenced song to reach number one on the Billboard Music Charts in early 1981.

But Rapper Kurtis Blow’s influencial rap song, “The Breaks” hit the Billboard Charts much earlier in 1980 peaking at number 87.

While the Sugar Hill Gang’s rap song, “Rappers Delight” hit the Top 40 on the Billboard Music Charts on January 5, 1980 making it the first rap song to ever hit the music charts.

And way, way, way before even these history making boys and girl, other rappers in the late 1970’s in places ranging from New York to California had already created popular rap songs that were played and sold around their neighborhoods only. So rap music was out and about way way way before Blondie’s hit rap-influenced song, “Rapture” ever came out.

Blondie’s place in rap history is that they brought rap to the white masses and diversified it.

And in this black girl’s opinion, they did a damn good job because I absolutely love the song!

So Sarah Sullivan of 98.7 The Bay & The Bay Radio Station, please get your facts straight before you broadcast them to the New Hampshire masses so you can avoid blog posts like this from pissed off rap fans like me.

P.S.    Sarah, even though I feel that your statement on the air was false this morning, I still love your show! Keep up the good work  Sarah, Garrison City Broadcasting & Robert Demers!  But be sure to precheck your facts!

Leave a comment »


This is a greeting card that I wrote for all of you hardworking mister moms out there! Enjoy!

H oney did you pick up my dress at the dry cleaners?

O uch dad that medicine really stings!

U look marvelous darling!

S ex at 3:18 a.m. in the morning!

E scape from New York to the local movie theatre for some alone time!

H ollering down the stairs to the kids to bequiet!

U rsula use english not that teeny bopper slang!

S he works hard for the money buys the bacon and I fry it up in a pan.

B equiet!

A n afternoon delight with my lovely wife!

N o son you can’t go out with a girl named Madonna tonight or ever!

D ad you’re a big pain in the ass but we all really love you!

Leave a comment »

%d bloggers like this: