Gals, if your vampire-wannabe date does the gentlemenly thing by giving you a couple of weeks heads up that he is going to take you to see one of the numerous Twilight-inspired vampire movies out today for your upcoming date, FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, BRAM STOKER AND DRACULA PLEASE DON’T THANK YOUR DATE FOR THE HEADS UP BY STEALING A COUPLE OF BAGS OF “O NEGATIVE” BLOOD FROM YOUR LOCAL HOSPITAL AS A THANK YOU GIFT FOR HIM!

I mean gals, what in the world are you thinking!

I mean don’t get me wrong, your vampire-wannabe date will love the “o negative” blood of course but not your crazy as hell criminal activity!

Stealing and stealing blood of any type for your bloodsucker-wannabe date is just plain wrong, illegal not to mention totally out there!

Gals, take Tina Knowledgeable Peden’s advice and do the right and legal thing and get him a proper thank you gift.  In other words, do the following.

Gals, don’t be no fool, gals simply make an emergency doctor’s appointment and ask your doctor to withdraw a small vial of your own blood, whatever the hell blood type you may be, for your own personal use and pay the extra “freak” fee that your doctor will no doubt charge you for something freakish like this.

Next go to your nearest jewelry store and select a nice GOLD not SILVER heart-shaped locket necklace within your price range.

Next go to your local supermarket and select a small basket of strawberries and return to your home and promptly put all of the items that you bought earlier into your frigidaire including the locket necklace.

Gals, a couple of hours before your date take out the vial of blood from your frigidaire and let it thaw at room temperature for about two hours then take out a small bowl and a large plate from the cupboard and pour the small vial of your own blood into the bowl.  Go to the frigidaire and take out the locket necklace and strawberries then take the locket necklace and dip only the locket portion into the blood and then set it down carefully on the plate then take out six strawberries from the basket grasping them by the stem and dip them into your blood as well and then lay them carefully down next to the locket necklace.  When you are finished be sure to in a zig zag motion pour the rest of your remaining blood over the locket and strawberries on the plate then place them carefully back into your frigidaire until your vampire-wannabe date arrives to take you to the umpteenth Twilight-inspired vampire movie out today then give him your special thank you gifts.

And this way gals you can avoid being arrested and charged with breaking and entering and theft crimes.

But most of all gals, you will not appear to be crazy as hell in your bloodsucker-wannabe date’s fake glowing Marilyn Manson-inspired contact lense eyes, you’ll only appear to be crazy as hell along with myself in everybody elses completely normal eyes reading this blog post.

P.S.     I love drinking down bloody marys while watching The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn Part 1 especially while Bella gives birth to Renesmee!

1 Response so far »

  1. 1

    Wow that was odd. I just wrote an extremely long comment but after I clicked submit my comment didn’t appear. Grrrr… well I’m not writing all that over again. Anyhow, just wanted to say superb blog!

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