Archive for January, 2013


(Definition) Frigidaire Hemorrhage is a sudden bursting of a blood vessel due to extreme anger over an inconsiderate or lazy-ass family member putting an almost empty ice tray back into the refrigerator. Although this condition has the possibility to become fatal if not treated it can often be avoided by simply filling up the DAMN ice tray with water, lemonade, Pepsi, gin & tonic or any other liquid substance but preferably water when it’s empty before putting it back into the DAMN refrigerator!

I will now use this term in a couple of sentences to clarify it’s meaning.

“After Maggie O’Gutsery was released from St. Patrick’s Day Memorial Hunter Green Hospital after an almost fatal Frigidaire Hemorrhage against doctor’s and her clergyman’s orders she hightailed it down to Pat O’Shalley’s Restaurant & Tavern and ordered a big-ass bloody mary filled with 11 cubes of ice from a 12 cube ice tray to calm her nerves before she went home to deal with her soon to be ex-husband.”

“Grandma Jackson happily ignored the Frigidaire Hemorrhage-like looks that her usually loving family gave her that night when she used up almost 15 trays of ice cubes to cool down her smoking feet due to jumping on them all day because of her massive bingo win earlier that day.”

“Still recovering from a mild case of Frigidaire Hemorrhage, Jonah had his college’s mascot, Squirt the bulldog, piss all over his dad’s eighteen century antique one of a kind desk in retaliation for coming over the night before and using practically all of the ice cubes in his small-ass dormitory fridge for a minor head wound that he sustained in a car accident that night that almost killed him rendering Jonah unable to make his famous ultra cool mint melt in your mouth pencil dick shaped jello shots for the freshman that were pledging his fraternity later that night.”

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I recently watched an episode of the tv news/entertainment show, Inside Edition where they did a feature story on Purity Balls.

And for those of you out there thinking that Inside Edition did a story on males with squeaky clean testicles, your dead wrong!

A Purity Ball is a formal party that is thrown where young girls wearing beautiful white ball gowns make a solemn vow to their fathers wearing black or white tie to abstain from having sex until they are married.

And folks, they are becoming more and more popular! Go figure!

Here are a few thoughts that I have on Purity Balls:

– In terms of teenage girls abstaining from sex until they’re hitched, i’m all for it because let’s face it a girl only gets to be young once in her life and for me that means going to college, traveling to different places and doing fun things without the encumbrances of adult life, i.e taking care of a constantly crying newborn baby when the girl who just gave birth to this baby is practically a baby herself!

– But in terms of Purity Balls when it comes to me personally I have to honestly say that I could never make such a solemn vow to abstain from sex until marriage because to me one of the most important parts of a healthy lasting relationship is good sex. It is an absolute requirement that I be sexually compatible with my man and for me the worst Purity Ball fear is that if I waited until after I was married to have sex with my man and found out that he was lousy in bed could I stay with this person forever knowing this no matter how much I loved him. Folks, i’m a person who likes to know exactly what I am getting when I buy or invest in something. I mean don’t get me wrong I like surprises every once in a while but in terms of the Purity Ball thing, no freakin’ way!

–  So in terms of Purity Balls not being the right thing for me personally i’m glad that they are the right thing for alot of other people out there especially teenage girls. And I hope to see more young girls making that solemn vow to abstain from sex until marriage and I really hope to see Purity Balls with young teenage males and their mothers making that solemn vow too!

– And last but not least,  no offense,  Purity Balls and people who participate in them are also a tad bit creepy to me.

P.S.     Although I applaud the general theory of the Purity Ball, I ain’t gonna’ lie and say that there is a little part of me that totally delights in a girl who thinks that she is better and more god fearing than you and has sworn up and down that she will not have sex until she’s married only to get knocked up and busted a short time later for being a total fraud and hypocrite.

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I watched the inauguration on NBC and I loved the following:

– All the tweets from Twitter that NBC would broadcast throughout their coverage of the inauguration.
(My personal faves: A tweet from a person who said that back in 2009 both her and her spouse were unemployed but as of 2013 they both have jobs! Hooray! And a tweet from a mother watching the inauguration with her young son who thought the inauguration was boring! P.S. Hey kid, when I was your age, I thought the same thing too!)

– President Obama’s speech where he advocated the rights of Gay Americans! Hooray! (P.S. To all gay Americans, I hope one day that you get the respect and rights that other Americans takes oh so for granted!)

– The two beautiful sculptures of Dr. Martin Luther King!

– Al Roker’s hilarious attempts and success when it came to getting both President Obama and Vice President Biden to acknowledge him. P.S. Hey Al, you rock! You ain’t no ordinary weatherman you are superman!

– The attention that Second Lady, Dr. Jill Biden got from the media, the political community, Americans in general and the whole wide world. P.S. Jill, I thought you looked fantastic on Inauguration Day and it made me very happy to see some of the spotlight focused on you instead of entirely on Michelle Obama! You go, girl!

– Vice President Joe Biden darting here and darting there during the Inauguration parade and looking so damn young and spry doing it!

– Young first daughter, Sasha Obama yawning during the inauguration.

– Seeing former President Jimmy Carter’s beautiful infectious smile!

– Seeing the Republicans and the Democrats come together in lieu of their usual fighting.

– All of the beautiful people from all over the world who braved the cold to watch history in the making.

– President Obama acknowledging Sandy Hook Elementary School in Newtown Connecticut.

– James Taylor’s stint as a political correspondent and his performance of the song, America the Beautiful, of course.

All in all, I thought it was a great inauguration and I am looking so forward to Inauguration 2017!

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– Hey guys, if a pushy big nosed tri-freckled on each cheek tomboy absolutely insists on inviting herself and two of her friends over to your house uninvited guerrilla-no-kind-of-manners style for Valentine’s Day dinner with you and your family, don’t be a blockhead or a gentleman, either interrupt her insensitive never letting anyone get a word in edgewise ass by yelling loudly into the phone, “Hell no! Hell no! Hell no!” then soundly hanging up or wait for her insensitive ass to come to your home then dump the 6.66 gallons of heart shaped Valentine’s Day candy inscribed with the message, “I have no interest in you whatsoever you crazy bitch! Now get the hell off of my property!” all over her and her two unfortunate friends. But in the event that this chick still doesn’t get the message that you are just not that into her, call the police on her dumb ass with your pink and red heart shaped phone that you use only on Valentine’s Day or other special occasions where you have to deal with psychos.

– Hey guys, if you happen to meet a sweet intelligent brunette who likes to wear John Lennon style spectacles named Marcie who also prefers to refer to pushy aggressive women as “sir” on Valentine’s Day, do yourselves a major fucking favor and snatch her no doubt fantastic in the bedroom kinky ass up quick before some other motherfucker snatches up this rare jewel! Hey guys, good sexually adept kinky ass girls who refer to pushy aggressive women as “sir” are hard to find especially on Valentine’s Day!

– Hey guys, if you happen to run into a girl from your childhood named Lucy who constantly use to prank your young gullible ass back in the day by asking you to kick a football while she holds it then pulls it away at the last minute just as you were about to kick that sucker to the moon, get your revenge on her shedevil ass for the many times that you wound up on your ass by immediately texting her photo to every football player on Twitter with a short message about the prank and don’t forget to tell them what a lousy punt she was, too. Oh, i’m sorry guys, I meant, lousy cunt she was. Sorry about that! I don’t want to get into trouble for not being grammatically correct! Anyhoo fellas, with justified revenge like this, let me tell you that I bet you a shitload of money that she won’t be pulling that prank again on anyone else except Tim Tebow which I know for sure would be damn fine with alot of folks!  Oh, snap!

– Hey guys, especially guys named Charles or Chuck, on Valentine’s Day or any other time of the damn year do your damndest to try to avoid irritating delusional baseball lovin’ girls who secretly think that you like them who are nicknamed after a chocolate mint. I mean, come on guys, that’s just plain common sense right there!

– And last but not least guys, when a good friend with a name like Linus constantly helps you to find solutions to your easy-ass problems because your so damn spineless and wishy washy, do something special for him on Valentine’s Day by ditching your wife or girlfriend to have a bros over hos night out! Guys rent a hotel room for the night at any hotel that has many big screens tvs playing ESPN in the lounge while you hang out for a while getting pissed on booze and using your friend Linus’ blue blanket to snap the asses of all of the other drunken men in the bar as they pass by you guys to go take a leak, a shit or fix their hair. And when you guys finally get tired of that shit, continue your bromance in your hotel room by watching a couple of hours of the rented dvd, I Love You, Man, that you brought along with you while you munch on the hot wings, onion rings and tequila that you ordered up from room service. And when you guys finally get done with that shit, giggle and twirl your hair manly style while you talk about the hotness and big breastedness of some of the women that you both would like to bang in the future while simultaneously prank calling random names from your ephonebook. And guys don’t forget to give your friend Linus a nice manly hug and the big ol’ box of heart shaped chocolates and goofy Snoopy and Woodstock Valentine’s Day friendship card that you got him at some point during your bros over hos Valentine’s Day night out!


P.S.    And guys, like the York Peppermint Patty slogan says, “I hope on Valentine’s night you all get the sensation!!!”

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What a wonderful start to the new year!

After a mere week into 2013, I am happy to say that The Adventures of Shamrock Girl & Friends, Etc. Blog has finally reached the 25,000 view benchmark!


And I want to send a special thanks to all of you out there online who stopped by to visit my blog and make this moment possible!

I really appreciate it!

You guys and dolls totally rock!

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Below are two quotes and an excerpt from SUPERPET, Burke the Bird of The Adventures of Shamrock Girl series:

Burke the Bird quickly looked over at Shamrock Girl and Emeralda then flashed them his lopsided smirk again then he turned back to the supervillians, the smirk now gone. He then put one of his hand-like wings to the top of his head then dramatically said, “My fellow supervillians and superpets, this has been a harrowing experience that I have been put through today and I want to thank all of you from the bottom of my heart for your love and support but unfortunately my pride and vanity are saying that I hate for you to see me like this.” He then paused and looked right over at Shamrock Girl and Emeralda then said slowly and deliberately, “IF THE TRUTH BE TOLD, I NEED A COUPLE OF MINUTES TO COMPOSE MYSELF. CAN I ASK ALL OF YOU TO SIMPLY TURN YOUR BACKS FOR A FEW MOMENTS.” A huge sea of nods and “yes’” filled the room along with one unusually loud and squeaky, “Of course, of course!” For the second time since entering the Main Lounge this evening both Shamrock Girl and Emeralda groaned loudly because again they recognized another voice. After craning their necks they saw in the very back of the crowd, Hector Truth, otherwise known as Truthy the Superhero turning his back. It was a well known fact among superheros and supervillians on the planet of Jytrimillya that Truthy the Superhero was not only the most honest Jytrimillyan on the planet but he was also the most honest individual in New York City which was where he resided part-time and worked part-time as a pro bono lawyer. Both Shamrock Girl and Emeralda started getting sinking feelings in the pit of their stomachs. But they were no where near prepared for what happened next.

To read the comic book style short story in which the two quotes and excerpt come from please click on  Shamrock Girl & The Bomb Pop Popsicle Injury!

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For my second year on WordPress I received 22,000 page views!

(P.S.     My first year on WordPress I received 2,300 page views, so this blog is definitely movin’ on up!)

So, my sincere and heartfelt thanks to everyone who contributed to my second year page views!

Thanks again, I really appreciate it!

For more detailed information on my second year stats, please read on!

The stats helper monkeys prepared a 2012 annual report for this blog.

Here’s an excerpt:

4,329 films were submitted to the 2012 Cannes Film Festival. This blog had 22,000 views in 2012. If each view were a film, this blog would power 5 Film Festivals

Click here to see the complete report.

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