Hey McDonalds, Wendy’s, Burger King and all of the rest of you greasy spoons out there in Americaland, I know that you are all wicked busy making your whoppers, shamrock shakes and chicken mcnuggets so i’m going to make this bad sex brief and give you my top three reasons why fast food joints like yourselves should let people without cars order food from the damn drive thru. And here we go!

Hey greasy spoons, show the world that you don’t allow discrimination of any kind all up and all outside of your joint!
(Hey McDonalds, just because a person has a car and can drive it through a restaurant drive thru and order tasty but relatively cheap-ass food doesn’t make them any better than a carless person. I mean, come on, you guys and girls ought to know better than that! And by not allowing people with no vehicles to not go through your drive thru you are basically saying that carless people are total trash who are not worthy to go through your precious drive thru and Mickey D’s that shit just ain’t right! I mean, should a hungry-ass person be made to suffer just because they don’t have an automobile for valid reasons like poverty or vehicular homicide! Hell no! I’ll tell ya’ Mickey D’s if the great automobile pioneer, Henry Ford himself were alive, i’d bet you a dollar or a chocolate sundae on your dollar menu that he’d bitch slap your face for your current discriminatory behavior! So McDonald’s and all of you other 90% greasy spoon/10% totally lame healthy menu choice restaurants out there, stop the car discrimination madness and let a carless joe or jane order a damn quarter pounder with or without cheese in your precious drive thru!)

Moving on!

Hey greasy spoons, show the world that you have good common sense!
(Hey Burger King, what the fuck? And I am specifically saying “what the fuck” to all of those Burger King executives out there who think that people who don’t have cars and get into the drive thru lane to order food are only interested in robbing the place. NEWS FUCKING FLASH! Burger King executives, I know that it is hard for you to believe but a person in a car can just as easily rob a Burger King from the drive thru too! And you know what, they have an even higher escape rate than a person robbing the joint on foot! So Burger King, how do you like them onion rings? Burger King, for the love of god, just let carless people order food through the damn drive thru and stop the car discrimination madness!)

And last but not least, I have my final reason.

Hey greasy spoons, show the world that you support originality and exercise!
(Hey Wendy’s, just because a person enters a drive thru to order food without a car doesn’t make them crazy or weird in most people’s eyes, in some people’s eyes it makes them original, unique, rebels, risk takers, bold, outside of the box thinkers! Hey, look at James Dean! And there are some people like me who really applaud carless people who want to order food from the drive thru because it shows that they are some what into fitness. And that is so important these days! I mean basically these people are thinking some what about their health by at least taking a quick walk or getting a little exercise in before woofing down their high calorie artery clogging meal. I mean that’s something at least! They’re totally compromising halfway down the middle on doing the right thing and I even think Dave Thomas, the founder of Wendy’s who had a big-ass gut would agree that that takes some guts! Not big-ass abdominal guts like Dave but courage type guts like Clark Kent/Superman!)

P.S. Carless people have rights too and deserve the chance to go through the drive thru!

(Hey, that rhymes! Cool!)

1 Response so far »

  1. 1

    Austin said,

    This is really stupid. Why do you need to use the drive through area if you don’t have a car? This is why you can order food inside the building. If they started letting people use the drive through on foot, it would just defeat the purpose of even having one. The reason they have drive through is because there are people who don’t want to sit down and eat, or don’t have time to park the car and run in. But if you don’t even have a car, why should it bother you to walk into the air-conditioned building to order your food. This is like getting mad at Walmart for having a limit on the amount of items you can buy at the self-checkout area. If you everyone were to use the self checkout just to avoid tipping, not only would you hold up a line, which would defeat the use of the self-check out area ( its meant to be for small purchases so you can get in and out quickly without having to stand behind someone who just bought 500 dollars worth of canned tomatoes ) but it would just take twice as long and you might as well not even have one. I don’t understand why you would want to or need to use the drive through on foot. They mess up your order half the time you use it anyway, your not missing out on anything.

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