Archive for Advice

JOHNSON UP! (A MANTRA FOR THE MILLENNIUM MAN!)


Verse 1/Chorus:
Hey brother,
did you have a bad day so you took
it out on your woman and brought
her verbally down?
Wanna’ rebound?
Then Johnson up!
Straight up!
Say Sorry up!
Admit yo’ ass was to blame and you
was wrong up!
Buy your woman some flowers or
candy or cook her dinner as a nice
way to make up!
Commit to doing better in the future up!
But most of all, verbally lift your Queen’s
spirits because she damn well deserves
it the hell up!
Get the picture up!
Verse 2/Chorus:
Hey brother,
did you get a girl pregnant then say the
kid ain’t yours being all damn low down?
Wanna’ rebound?
Then Johnson up!
Straight up!
Take paternal parental responsibility up!
Take any decent job or take yo’ ass back
to school to provide for your new kid up!
Pay as much as you can in child support
or open up a savings account and save,
save, save up!
Take a lamaze class and meet other new
parents up!
Go out and buy a colorful onesie up!
But most of all, support the mother of your
child, despite any differences, because she
sure as hell needs you at this time the hell up!
Verse 3/Chorus:
Hey brother,
when you and your homeboys are clowning
around, do you often refer to women as
bitches and hoes stupidly thinking ya’ll are
getting down?
Wanna’ rebound?
Then Johnson up!
Straight up!
Ask yourself would you want your homies
calling your mama, sister or female child
these sick-ass names, come on brother,
real up!
Remember brother that a strong sensual
woman can do anything that a stereotypical
macho male can do so wake up!
And dude, if a woman has a so called
tramp stamp on her back, you can have
your opinions but keep them to yourself
because it ain’t none of yo’ business up!
And baby boy, just because a women dresses
sexy or barely wears any clothes doesn’t mean
that she’s easy or a slut up!  So shutup!
Bro, work to free your mind of these stereotypes
by educating yourself and your homeboys the hell up!
But most of all, try to be a gentleman to women as much
as you possibly can by verbally respecting women
especially in front of impressionable young men the hell up!
Verse 4/Chorus:
Hey brothers,
now that I have given ya’ll the ultimate female low down …..
Now you have all of the tools to maintain and if need be to
always rebound!
So Bro, if ever in the future you screw up, simply direct
your dick skyward and Johnson up!
Again bro, dick skyward, literally straight up!
Bro, do it all old school R&B Temptations style and
“Treat Her Like A Lady” up!
And if you majorly fuck up then go to prison, serve
your time and rehabilitate the hell up!
Always try to be a good role model to young and other
brothers because you have the ability to inspire and
educate up!
Don’t be scared to show love and affection outwardly
towards your woman for fear you’ll be called a pansy up!
Scream it from the tree tops that you are a strong-ass,
grown-ass woman supporting equal opportunity man
till you die up!
And most of all, tweak, be creative and do anything else
that you can think of to make yourself a better man who
exhibits respectful behavior towards women up!
Again bro, direct your dick skyward, straight up!
Always and forever bro, remember to Johnson up!

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HERE ARE SOME NON-TRADITIONAL PROTEST IDEAS!


Do you want to take a stand against a certain politician but due to such things as being too shy or having flat-ass feet may prevent you from picking up a homemade sign and hitting the streets and protesting the usual way?

Well, don’t be damn discouraged!

Baby, just change your mind set!

Remember, every damn person on the planet is good at something!

So first, determine what the hell that is then go out and do it till you’re satisfied whatever it is!

For example:

-If you are a writer, then start a political blog or compose political blog posts about the politician in question.

-If you are a musician, then write a song about the politician and do some public performances of it at your local park, coffee house, house party, etc.  And don’t forget to post that baby online!

-If you have a culinary degree, then bake up a batch of cookies stuffed with a strip of paper inscribed with a political fortune message on it and then pass them out at political fundraising events.

Et cetera!  Et cetera!  Et cetera!

Just use your strengths and imagination and I guarantee you that you will make one hell of a stand!

NoMoreTearsEnoughisEnough

EnoughisEnoughNoMoreTearsUnofficialAntiTrumpSong

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THE ONLY THING TRULY MISSING FROM THE JANUARY 21, 2017 WOMEN’S MARCH WAS …..


I loved the Women’s March that took place on January 21, 2017!  

The only thing that would have made it better was if Barbra Streisand and Alicia Keys would have busted out her kick-ass feminist-like hit song from the 70’s, No More Tears (Enough is Enough) with the late great Donna Summer and tweaked it to call out Trump on some of his many controversies.

That would have been totally awesome!

NoMoreTearsEnoughisEnough

EnoughisEnoughNoMoreTearsUnofficialAntiTrumpSong

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THE SUCCESSFUL SONGWRITER’S MOTTO!


-It could be the dumbest song in the world,
-Who the hell cares,
-Just as long as you get off your butt and write it,
-Just as long as you pour your heart and soul into it,
-Just as long as you personally like it,
-It don’t have to be rocket science honey,
-Now put your Sara Bareilles “Brave” underwear on and put it out there,
-And you never know,
-One person out there may really vibe with it,
-And another one out there may actually even buy it,
-But even if the public don’t buy your hardworked on song,
-Remember you did everything right and not a damn thing wrong,
-You accomplished something alot of others couldn’t which is you wrote a song,
-And whether you did it sober or sucking on a Denver Colorado marijuana bong,
-Girl or boy, you are so strong,
-And you have one big fucking dong,
-So honey do a twirl and move along,
-And write your next hit, bomb, brilliant or crappy-ass next song!

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JUST LIKE THE LITTLE BLACK DRESS, MAKING FUN OF PARIS HILTON WILL ALWAYS BE IN STYLE!


Here is a spoof piece that I wrote about lame-ass heiress, Paris Hilton a couple of years ago.
Paris Hilton To Tour Flood-Damaged Iowa On July 25th!
First President George Bush did it, then John McCain did it.  And of course the next logical candidate to tour areas damaged and destroyed by massive flooding in Iowa is none other than Paris Hilton!
(Insert your snicker here!)
According to a close friend of mine from Des Moines, rumors have been swirling the past week that there have been phone conversations between Paris Hilton and Iowa Governor Chet Culver about the heiress touring flood damaged areas of Iowa with Hilton expressing an interest on touring the state on July 25th.
One question immediately sprang to my mind after being informed of this rumor.
Why the hell would this rich, spoiled, talentless self-centered woman want to tour Iowa when the state is going through such a difficult time let alone on this specific date?
My answer, who the hell knows!
But this is one writer who’s not going to pass up an opportunity to speculate why.
So, here is my list of the top 10 reasons why Paris Hilton wants to tour flood damaged Iowa on July 25th:
10.  When Hilton was released from jail due to violating her probation last year she vowed to visit Rwanda, but as of this date hasn’t, and let’s face it, never will because of her “busy” schedule so she probably figured visiting Iowa was good enough because it’s a foreign country too.
9.   Her pampered pooch, Tinkerbell threatened to sell her latest sex tape in high definition 3D if she didn’t get her bony butt out of the state for awhile and give her a break.  (As if Iowans haven’t suffered enough from the floods already, here comes Paris Hilton to wreck the day!)
8.   As the self-proclaimed “iconic blonde of the decade” she felt it was her duty to spread goodwill to Iowa through her blondness and stupidness.
7.   ARE YOU KIDDING!  Touring flood damaged Iowa is a major photo op baby and there ain’t no way in hell Paris Hilton is gonna’ miss out on that action!
6.   Being voted the second “worst celebrity role model of 2006” behind Britney Spears has inspired her to try to change her image.  (Good luck honey because that just ain’t gonna’ happen in this lifetime!)
5.   Paris is pissed off at her latest boytoy, Benji Madden for saying that the late great superstar acting dog, Benji was “hotter” than Tinkerbell.  (Now that’s hot!)
4.  Paris plans on holding a “famous for being famous” rally Howard Dean-style in Iowa to find a new bff.  (Because not only is she going to Iowa, Howard Dean she’s going to South Carolina and Oklahoma and Arizona and North Dakota and New Mexico, and then she’s going to California and Texas and New York … And then she’s going to South Dakota and Oregon and Washington and Michigan, and when she finally finds her new bff they are going to Washington, D.C. to take back the White House! Yeah!)
3.  Paris wants to give away free copies of her flop movie, The Hottie and the Nottie, to try to cheer victims of the Iowa flood up.  (Omigod!)
2.  Paris is hoping to get an autographed picture of Iowa band, Slipknot, to sell on ebay to help raise money for the victims of the flood rather than digging into her own deep pockets.
1.   She wants publicity, pure and simple, for her upcoming movie, song, clothing line, perfume, dog adoption, runway gig, burger commercial or whatever else this chick is trying  to shove down the American public’s throats.  (Ewww, gross!)
Hey Paris, do everyone a favor and especially Iowa, stay at home!

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HEY VAIN RICH GUYS, HERE’S SOME HELPFUL KICK IN THE ASS ADVICE IN REGARDS TO YOUR LOVE LIFE & OTHER THINGS!


Hey vain rich guys, since it is a new year, here is some unsolicited advice to help you get off to a good start.  So picture this fictional scenario.

Vain rich guys, you are currently in the “so damn glad that Christmas is over” cycle but unfortunately due to consuming all of those 180 proof eggnog cocktails on December 26th, 2013 white hot needles of hangover pain have thrown a less than glowing spotlight on your love life.

Looking back now at Christmas day 2013 you think that maybe it wasn’t such a good idea to insist on carving your blind date’s apple cranberry stuffed turkey with your new $90.00 gold-plated locker key to the fancy schmancy gym/spa that you belong to.  But unfortunately your bloodlust for control, attention and expensive worthless material shit clouded your judgment along with all of those damn 180 eggnog cocktails.

(Note to self:  I’m never drinking anything 180 proof ever again!  Well, at least not until Super Bowl Sunday at the country club.)

Anyhoo ……….

Vain rich guys, you also came to the realization that it also didn’t help your love life on Christmas day either when you threatened to tell all of the kids in your date’s neighborhood that Santa didn’t exist, pissing off your date even further, if they played one lyric of the classic Christmas song, “Holly Jolly Christmas” by Burl Ives in lieu of playing “Santa Baby” by Madonna because in your humble opinion even though Burl Ives can sing his big-ass off he still is so damn unattractive that he makes you want to puke Christmas tree shaped multi-colored vomit all over the place.

Burn!

So all in all vain rich guys, even though the above things may not have specifically happened to you, THE POINT IS, every vain rich guy should know that going through life judging people harshly by their looks, not using their noggin before saying stupid-ass things, shamelessly flaunting material possessions and acting like a moronic control freak will not only get you a well deserved kick in the ass and your ass kicked to the curb by any sane female but eventually will leave you a lonely pathetic masturbating fool.

Burn!

So vain rich guys, instead try turning over a brand spankin’ new $5,000 Ralph Lauren jock strap for the new year!  Vain rich guys, turn that stupid-ass trait upside down by using your material fortune to buy a small gift for a friend or purchasing some tasty but expensive-ass food for a homeless shelter!  And vain rich guys,  if you do feel the need to make a negative comment about somebody’s looks simply think the bad thing in your head and keep your damn mouth shut!

And vain rich guys, I really do hope that you have a happy and prosperous new year!

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IF I COULD GIVE “GIRL ON FIRE” FOR THE MOMENT, JENNIFER LAWRENCE ONE PIECE OF ADVICE, IT WOULD BE …..


Jennifer, if you are going to share a piece of twinkie-like food with another person then make sure that if you want to smell it first then be sure to sniff it at least a millimeter or two away from your nostrils.

I mean that’s just plain sanitary and common sense, honey!

But for the love of god “Girl on Fire” don’t put your microscopic boogery, snotty and liquid makeupy nasty-ass nostrils on a twinkie-like food then sniff the hell out of it then break it in half and offer fellow actor, Liam Hemsworth a piece of it to eat.

P.S.    For those of you out there who are wondering what the hell i’m talking about either rent or Netflix the movie, The Hunger Games.  This nasty-ass scene featuring Jennifer Lawrence and Liam Hemsworth happens very early in the movie, like within the first 15 minutes.

Now that you are properly schooled I will continue with the blog post.

I mean “Girl on Fire” it’s okay if YOU want to chow down on your own microscopic boogery, snotty and liquid makeupy nasty-ass twinkie-like food infested with your germs because after all it did come from your own body.  Although I don’t know why the hell you would want to but that’s your affair.

But for the love of God “Girl on Fire” be humane and not involve poor Liam Hemsworth in your unsanitary ways!  Girl, have a damn heart!  That poor young man has been through enough!   “Girl on Fire” have you never heard of Liam’s ex, a girl named Miley Cyrus and her vaginal germ infested foam finger?

I mean “Girl on Fire” sometimes you can be so cold-hearted and cold-blooded!

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COLLEGE GUYS, HERE ARE A COUPLE OF REASONS WHY YOU SHOULDN’T SUCK ANOTHER MAN’S DICK JUST TO GET INTO A FRATERNITY!


Get your raunchy, nasty ass gifts here for all occasions!

With the new movie, Spring Breakers, out starring former Disney stars, Selena Gomez and Vanessa Hudgens combined with the fact that some college students were out last week and some college students are out this week for Spring Break 2013 furthermore combined with my regular viewing of porno videos on one of my favorite porn sites, Slutload, I have begun to do some semi-serious thinking and have a question to ask in particular to college boys pledging fraternities and that question is . . . . . .

Dudes, is it really worth it for a straight guy to suck the dick of a senior fraternity member, another pledge or a paid stripper during the initiation/hazing process while a bunch of the other nasty-ass senior fraternity members voyeuristically look on while at the same time filming it just to get into a fraternity? (And this also applies to gay men pledging a fraternity as well as girls pledging sororities too.)

Dudes, if only mom and dad and your pastor could see your naked nasty-asses now!

Dudes, I know that to some young men getting into a fraternity is a very important things especially if a legacy is involved but in my unsolicited opinion you shouldn’t have to suck dick to get into a fucking fraternity.

Call me crazy pledges but what about those crazy fraternity hazing days of the past that consisted of drinking contests, wooden paddle ass spanking like they did to Kevin Bacon’s sweet firm ass in the classic fraternity film, Animal House. I mean whatever happened to senior frat members making pledges do stupid-ass and sexist-ass things like ranking a woman’s hotness online or making pledges do illegal things like stealing a rival college’s mascot or a big ass box of condoms from the drugstore? Whatever happened to making pledges do degrading-ass shit like wearing women’s clothing or carrying around barnyard animals for a whole week? I mean, where did all that acceptable fraternity hazing shit go?

I’ll tell ya’ dudes, having to suck another man’s dick just to get into a fraternity is just wrong and goes way over the line!

Pledges, I know that you are 18 and over and therefore old enough to make your own decisions but for the love of god have some self-respect for yourself and the next person that you have sex with!

So to all of you future college boys out there thinking about pledging a fraternity one day where you will most likely be asked to suck a dick during the initiation process, let me school you guys by giving you a couple of reasons why this is not a good idea! And here we go!

Reason 1:
Although the senior frat members tell the pledges that what happens in the frat stays in the frat, this is not always the case. Dudes, you wouldn’t believe the astronomical number of college hazing porn videos floating out there on the internet today just waiting to be viewed by me and any Tom, Dick or Harry simply because of one disgruntled senior frat member. And dudes, the majority of those videos involve straight men sucking dick for the first making them even more profitable and valuable to porn sites everywhere. So dudes, you better think!

Reason 2:
Dudes, this one should be the most obvious. STD’s! Sexually Transmitted Diseases! Because let’s face it, most fraternities don’t require their members, pledges or paid strippers to take AIDS tests before they are allowed to pledge that fraternity or put that dick in their mouth. And most fraternities don’t have an onsite doctor or nurse either. So again dudes, you better think!

Reason 3:
Dudes, what if you pledge a fraternity and suck a dick and don’t get in! No pun intended, but that not only blows but it also sucks big time! Dudes, basically you sucked a dick for nothing and if you are straight you’ll have to live with that shit for the rest of your life and also put it on your list of regrets. So again dudes, you better think!

(P.S. And to avoid ruffling any feathers, I just want to say this to all of my gay male readers out there, sucking dick rules! Straight men just don’t know what they are missing which is some good-ass tasty-ass sausage!)

Moving on!

Reason 4:
Dudes, what if the guy’s dick you sucked one day becomes famous? For instance, let’s say that the guy becomes a United States Senator who vehemently tries to pass legislation to ban gays from marrying and all other sorts of things which really pisses off a gay writer from GLAAD or the National Enquirer and they start an investigation in order to get some serious dirt on them to discredit them and accidentally stumble upon a college hazing video of you sucking the Senator’s dick to get into a fraternity! What if this happens years later and you are married with children and have a well paying career! Omigod, the fallout for the both of you! So again dudes, you better think!

Reason 5:
Dudes, what if you do decide to suck a dick to get into a fraternity and successfully get in and after you graduate from college life is good to you then one day 25 years later your son decides to pledge the same fraternity and he gets into the fraternity too but without sucking dick. Dudes, just picture the disgusted and shocked look on your son’s face when on a cold rainy day with nothing to do but drink warm beer and look at old pledging videos your precious son come upon the video of you doing a damn fine job of sucking some guy’s monster dick! Dudes, do you think your son will ever be able to look your nasty-ass in the eye or crotch region ever again with out gagging or even laughing his ass off or squealing on you to the Mrs.! So again dudes, you better think!

Reason 6:
Dudes, what if one day you decide to obtain a conservative type job like a missionary man or Archbishopship? In the past, dick sucking in the church was pretty much swept under the rug but not nowadays! Dudes, a fraternity pledging video of you sucking dick just to get in isn’t the best thing to have on your resume and is also a surefire way that you’ll get fired from your conservative type job asap! So again dudes, you better think!

Reason 7:
Dudes, what if you are only the straight suckee in a fraternity hazing video? Even if you didn’t personally suck pipe yourself, in alot of eyes of gay bashing homosexuals, you are just as guilty and a closeted gay. And if you are a say it proud and say it loud i’m a straight man and proud, this could look extremely bad for you if the video ever got out. Dudes, you would be literally outted! So again dudes, you better think like me and mega soul singer, Aretha Franklin said!

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HERE’S AN OLD ARTICLE OF MINE THAT YAHOO CENSORED ON THE OLD ASSOCIATED CONTENT NETWORK WHEN THEY BOUGHT IT BECAUSE YOU’RE NOT ALLOWED TO SAY ANYTHING NEGATIVE ABOUT YAHOO, GOD FORBID!


A Couple of Reasons Why Associated Content Should Let Their Writers Put a Tip Jar or “Donate” Button on Their AC Pages!

More Money, Money, Money for Associated Content, PayPal & AC Writers!
Knowledgeable, Yahoo! Contributor Network

First of all, I want to say that I am not a greedy person.

Second, I am very grateful for the extra pocket change that Associated Content pays me per month for my work. Plus, extra kudos for making the payments by PayPal and getting them out to me in a timely professional manner. Thanks AC!

But pushing that all aside, I gotta’ be honest. I want to make as much money as I possibly can for my writing because the articles that I write for AC are good and I put alot of hard work into them.

Lately, a little idea has been brewing in my head about this subject so I am going to put it out there folks.

In my personal opinion (which I know may mean diddly squat to some of you out there) I think Associated Content should allow their writers to put a tip jar or as PayPal calls it a “Donate” button on their AC pages if they so choose to.

It’s simple to do this. All a AC writer would have to do is to go to the PayPal website, open a premier account (which is free) and then create a “Donate” button. PayPal provides the HTML code in which a person must copy and paste to the website that they want people to donate to. Donors can then click the “Donate” button to make donations or tips, i.e. give money to you for your articles.

However, in order to do this either AC would have to create an area where their writers could paste in the PayPal HTML code or the AC staff would have to do it themselves.

But either way, it would be a win-win situation for Associated Content, PayPal and AC writers. Albeit, some extra work.

Below are some specific reasons why.

-The quality of the writing on AC would not only improve but diversify because additional income is a powerful incentive.

-The number of partners would also increase due to the improved quality and diversified writing.

-If Associated Content decided to advertise the fact that they are allowing AC writers to put a “Donate” button on their AC pages the number of writers will definitely increase. Let’s face it, the more writers AC has, the more income they can make.

-The “Donate” button program may also give AC writers that extra boost of confidence which can take their writing to a whole new level plus the incentive of added income may be just what the doctor ordered to get rid of the dreaded writer’s block that some AC writers may be facing.

-Gives fans, faithful readers, those individuals truly inspired by an AC writer’s work or a mere web surfer who happens to stumble upon an AC writer’s article by accident and is helped by it an outlet to show their appreciation monetarily.

-Puts AC veteran writers and newbies on equal ground when it comes to earning additional income.

-PayPal is a safe and trusted website which accepts payments in 22 currencies from 190 countries. How cool would it be to be an AC writer who lives in Des Moines Iowa and have someone read and decide that they want to tip you for an article that lives in South Africa. Wow!

-PayPal’s income would increase too due to the fees that they could charge when a sender uses a credit or debit card to send money to AC writers.

-PayPal would also benefit by aligning themselves with a reputable site like Associated Content.

-PayPal also accepts donations or tips made with credit cards and debit cards right away! Plus, their donors don’t need a PayPal account to make their donations! Plus, there are no monthly, set-up or cancellation fees only low transaction fees. AC writers could gets daily or weekly tips or donations and not have to wait monthly to get paid.

-The “Donate” button program would also put a little power in the AC writer’s hands which is always nice. (Associated Content decides what to pay the writers for their work since it is their website but by allowing the AC writers to put a “Donate” button on their AC pages, the AC writers have a little more control over how much money they can make for their work which is always a nice thing.)

-But the best thing about this program would be the massive amount of money that could be made on one article. For instance, back in November 2004, a 10-year-old grilled cheese sandwich said to bear the image of the Virgin Mary sold for $28,000! Who knows, something like this could happen to an AC writer too! If you get that one reader who clicks big time with an AC article, the sky’s the limit! Alot of people forget that there are a tremendous amount of people with means who read Associated Content too. It’s possible that their idea of tipping $5,000 for an AC article may be peanuts but to people like me that’s alot of money.

Another example: Unfortunately there are alot of sick people in the world. What if a doctor, medical care provider or parent of the sick individual stumbles upon something in an AC writer’s article that really helps the sick individual? The money that these individuals could tip an AC writer for their help could be astronomical!

That’s why this “Donate” button program is such a win-win situation for Associated Content, PayPal and AC writers!

I also had another idea that Associated Content might want to think about in considering whether or not to allow AC writers to put a tip jar or “Donate” button on their AC pages.

Associated Content could put a separate page on their website. The page could be called “The PayPal Associated Content’s Tip Jar Honor Code Society.” (PayPal could also put a version of the page on their website too. Plus, AC just might want to simply approach PayPal on an exclusive partnership on this whole “Donate” button venture. Since AC writers already receive their payments from PayPal it seems like the perfect partnership between these two giants.)

The society would be comprised of AC writers who gave a specific portion or percentage of the donations or tips that they received from their “Donate” buttons to Associated Content and PayPal. It would be a beneficial partnership based on honor between PayPal, Associated Content and it’s AC writers. Associated Content and PayPal would be receiving this money based on the AC writer’s word which is one of the most invaluable things on earth. The AC writer could give whatever amount of money that they wanted to PayPal and Associated Content, even if it is only $1.00, they would just have to be honest or honorable about it. Or the AC writer has the option of not giving any money to Associated Content or PayPal and keep all of it. It’s up to them.

The names of the AC writers and the amounts that they gave to Associated Content and PayPal could be published monthly on the webpage too. Plus, special awards can be given out as well.

Associated Content could also create unique status titles for it’s tippers/ donators too. For instance, an “AC Partner Tipper.” This could be a featured line of text in green on article(s) that the partner gave a tip or donation to along with the name of the partner. For a partner, this could mean more name recognition for their product or service. This could really pay off for the partner if the AC article receives alot of page views.

People let’s face it, bartenders who work in bars and restaurants get tips for their work as well as waiters and waitresses, why shouldn’t the AC writers get tips or donations for their work too. After all, they deserve it! The AC writers work hard on their articles! Associated Content deserves some cash too for all of the hard work that they do too! (Again let me say to AC, good work guys and gals!) PayPal deserves to earn more money too! (Thanks, PayPal for all of the safe timely payments that you have given me over the years! I really appreciate it!)

So people, now that you have heard my opinion, I want to hear yours. Be sure to leave me a comment on this article and let me know what you think. Or if you really like my idea and would like to see it implemented, leave Associated Content and PayPal messages too. Make some noise!

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TINA “KNOWLEDGEABLE” PEDEN’S WACKY-ASS BUSINESS IDEAS & VENTURES! (LIGHTBULB 4)


Hey people looking for unique business opportunities, consider this shizit!

The next time that you see a photographer discreetly taking pictures of a couple casually strolling through a busy park seemingly like they don’t have a care in the world or see an individual dressed up like a stereotypical rockstar, i.e. fringed leather jacket, hot pants, faded t-shirt, shit-kicker boots, ray ban sunglasses topped off by a tacky-ass lavender hat with a giant pink feather stuck in it with a matching boa, in other words, dressed like a pimp . . .

P.S.    At this time I would like to send a shout out to Aerosmith’s Steven Tyler.

Anyhoo, back to the show!

. . . exiting a limousine at a very popular nightclub while a bunch of photographers snap away, be not only aware and prepared to laugh your ass off at the ridiculous fashion choices of Aerosmith’s Steven Tyler, pimps and faux rockstars in general but be afraid of something far more worse because all may not be as it appears.

(Insert your choice of scary music here!)

The reality is that you may have stumbled into one hell of a devious plot concocted by a total nincompoop and got played big time! For those of you out there wondering what the hell i’m talking about and wish that I would quit beating around the bush and just spit it out, give me a minute, will ya’? I’m trying to build some suspense here! For god’s sake, work with me! Anyhoo, oh impatient ones, here comes one hell of a loogie hawked up and coming your way! It has come to my attention that there are some total yahoos out there so desperate to get their 15 minutes of fame or live the life of a D-List celebrity for a night that they will actually pay a photographer to take pictures of them for a night paparazzi-style pretending like they are famous in hopes that people out on the street, the general public, will do some of the following things:

– Ask these imposters for their autograph.

– Offer these imposters the red carpet/V.I.P. treatment such as the “best table in the house”, free champagne, a fresh bowlful of pretzels that hasn’t been touched by a bunch of nasty-ass drunken patrons previously or at the bare minimum a free blow job/muff job.

– Have people take photos of these imposters out in public with their cell phones or cameras in hopes that they are either emailed to a newspaper or online magazine or posted on YouTube or people’s Facebook pages in order to get them some attention thus get the ball rolling on their D-List careers.

In essence, these wannabes will hire anybody be it a photographer, limo driver, bodyguard or proctologist to do whatever it takes to “get famous” or get their names and photos in print even if it means lying or giving up their self respect to do it. Omigod!

And folks you may think that actors, models and musicians new to the game would be the only ones stupid enough to hire a photographer, limo driver or bodyguard to help them pretend that they famous but surprisingly many washed up, past their prime hacks similar to Vanilla Ice have also been known to perpetrate this devious charade as well. And there has also been a startling rise in the number of regular people like housewives, lawyers, construction workers, teenagers, elderly, et cetera from all over the world doing this too.

But folks let me tell you that this really doesn’t surprise me all that much being that we all now live in a world of  “Regardless whether I have talent or not I hope that my video on YouTube goes viral so that I can get my 15 minutes of fame or seriously paid.”  That’s just how it is now and unfortunately folks there is nothing that we can do about it other than judge them or sit back and laugh at them which if the truth be told is not all that bad really.

So for any enterprising individuals out there reading this post, be smart and make some damn money honey off of a pathetic fame seeker wannabe by opening up your own photo taking, limo driving or body guarding business to the faux stars today! I mean it’s not like you will need alot of start up cash. The only things that you will really need are a limo, camera or a person who looks like they can kick ass, Craigslist ad and one pathetic fame seeker wannabe and with so many people out there desperate for fame any way that they can achieve it you’ll never run out of paying suckers, oh i’m sorry, I mean paying customers.

At this time I would like to send out one last shout out to everybody’s famous for absolutely nothing sex tape vixen extraordinaire, Kim Kardashian. Hey Kim, one day when your 15 minutes are up you might consider trying to regain your fame with the method that I have just been discussing in this post.

Peace, girl!

And I hope all of you out there have enjoyed this edition of how to get your 15 minutes of fame or get seriously paid the easy and pathetic way!  This is Tina “Knowledgeable” Peden saying good night and good luck!

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WATCH OUT FOR THE COMPANY, TRIPOLOGY AND THEIR LAME-ASS AFFILIATE PROGRAM!


Hey folks, do yourselves a favor and watch out for Tripology which is a company that specializes in interactive travel referral service.  Basically what they do is try to connect travelers with  travel specialists online.

In my opinion they suck rancid piss through an ultra genital warty three millimeter penis.

Folks, if you are too damn lazy to arrange your own travel, for the love of god, do yourselves a favor and stay the hell away from these idiot cocksuckers!

Instead try Expedia, Travelocity or Trip Advisor who in my opinion are a whole lot better and don’t have such a lame-ass affiliate program like Tripology has!

My major problem with Tripology’s lame-ass affiliate program is that you send alot of clicks to their website with few conversions.  At least in my opinion.

So folks, you are thoroughly warned!

Stay away from these cocksuckers!

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