Archive for Children/Youth

I Got Baby Fever!


Verse 1:

Bottles and Luvs diapers everywhere,

Sleepless nights, disheveled hair,

Baby shakes rattle, baby shakes rattle,

Houseful of kids who luvs to tattle,

Chorus:

Cause I got baby fever and there’s only one cure,

Luvs diapers, the best in newborn and toddler couture,

Dr. Seuss prescribed me a healthy dose of “Cat in the Hat,”

No green eggs or ham just a beautiful baby cradled in my arms skinny or fat,

A maternal inferno is burning deep down inside of me,

And it will never stop until i’m a mommy!

Verse 2:

My biological clock is going tick tock tick tock,

My obsession is reading aloud to my kids, “Hickory Dickory Dock,”

Sex, pregnancy and a whole bunch of recorded videotape,

Happy Halloween Mommy, how do I look all dressed up as Superman in my red cape,

Chorus:

Cause I got baby fever and there’s only one cure,

Luvs diapers, the best in newborn and toddler couture,

Dr. Seuss prescribed me a healthy dose of “Cat in the Hat,”

No green eggs or ham just a beautiful baby cradled in my arms skinny or fat,

A maternal inferno is burning deep down inside of me,

And it will never stop until i’m a mommy!

Verse 3:

So big boy I hope you got the message and that I made myself crystal clear,

Okay Mama, let’s make a baby is the only thing that I want to hear,

Because boy oh boy or should I say girl oh girl I am oh so ready for this,

Lover, take me in your arms and let’s start this baby-making party off with a kiss!

Chorus:

Cause I got baby fever and there’s only one cure,

Luvs diapers, the best in newborn and toddler couture,

Dr. Seuss prescribed me a healthy dose of “Cat in the Hat,”

No green eggs or ham just a beautiful baby cradled in my arms skinny or fat,

A maternal inferno is burning deep down inside of me,

And it will never stop until i’m a mommy!

And it will never stop until i’m a mommy!

I want a baby!

AND FOR ALL OF YOU BEAUTIFUL WANNABE DADS OUT THERE . . .

A PATERNAL Inferno is burning deep down inside of me,

And it will never stop until i’m a DADDY!

And it will never stop until i’m a DADDY!

I want a baby!

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SCONES & TEA!


Verse 1:

-More tea, my lady,
-Thank you, mummy,
-You look beautiful in that frock from my wardrobe, my lady,
-Thank you, mummy,
-Do you need to go to the loo, my lady,
-No thank you, mummy,
-Time to check the chocolate chip scones from the oven, my lady,
-Must you really, mummy,
-Do you want them to burn, my lady,
-Now you’re really being cheeky, mummy,

Chorus:

-Scones and tea,
-Make me feel like aristocratic royalty,
-Having so much fun with mummy,
-Keep playing forever with me,
-At my fairy tale afternoon tea party, 
-Build mummy/daughter cherished memory,
-In photo album for all the world to see,
-Happy Mother’s Day, I love you mummy,

Verse 2:

-Do you want to do the waltz now, my lady,
-Yes I do, daddy,
-Do you want me to fight that big ol’ dragon now, my lady,
-Yes I do, daddy,
-Do you want me to crown you with this pink tiara now, my lady,
-Yes I do, daddy,
-After all of this hard work can I get some hugs and kisses from you now, my lady,
-Is it something that you feel strongly about and truly need from me, daddy,
-Good god yes, my beloved and extremely cheeky little lady,
-Then I shall come forth and proceed but since we still have lots to do I will make it quick, daddy,

Chorus:

-Scones and tea,
-Make me feel like aristocratic royalty,
-Having so much fun with daddy,
-Keep playing forever with me,
-At my fairy tale afternoon tea party, 
-Build daddy/daughter cherished memory,
-In photo album for all the world to see,
-Happy Father’s Day, I love you daddy,

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COLLEGE GUYS, HERE ARE A COUPLE OF REASONS WHY YOU SHOULDN’T SUCK ANOTHER MAN’S DICK JUST TO GET INTO A FRATERNITY!


Get your raunchy, nasty ass gifts here for all occasions!

With the new movie, Spring Breakers, out starring former Disney stars, Selena Gomez and Vanessa Hudgens combined with the fact that some college students were out last week and some college students are out this week for Spring Break 2013 furthermore combined with my regular viewing of porno videos on one of my favorite porn sites, Slutload, I have begun to do some semi-serious thinking and have a question to ask in particular to college boys pledging fraternities and that question is . . . . . .

Dudes, is it really worth it for a straight guy to suck the dick of a senior fraternity member, another pledge or a paid stripper during the initiation/hazing process while a bunch of the other nasty-ass senior fraternity members voyeuristically look on while at the same time filming it just to get into a fraternity? (And this also applies to gay men pledging a fraternity as well as girls pledging sororities too.)

Dudes, if only mom and dad and your pastor could see your naked nasty-asses now!

Dudes, I know that to some young men getting into a fraternity is a very important things especially if a legacy is involved but in my unsolicited opinion you shouldn’t have to suck dick to get into a fucking fraternity.

Call me crazy pledges but what about those crazy fraternity hazing days of the past that consisted of drinking contests, wooden paddle ass spanking like they did to Kevin Bacon’s sweet firm ass in the classic fraternity film, Animal House. I mean whatever happened to senior frat members making pledges do stupid-ass and sexist-ass things like ranking a woman’s hotness online or making pledges do illegal things like stealing a rival college’s mascot or a big ass box of condoms from the drugstore? Whatever happened to making pledges do degrading-ass shit like wearing women’s clothing or carrying around barnyard animals for a whole week? I mean, where did all that acceptable fraternity hazing shit go?

I’ll tell ya’ dudes, having to suck another man’s dick just to get into a fraternity is just wrong and goes way over the line!

Pledges, I know that you are 18 and over and therefore old enough to make your own decisions but for the love of god have some self-respect for yourself and the next person that you have sex with!

So to all of you future college boys out there thinking about pledging a fraternity one day where you will most likely be asked to suck a dick during the initiation process, let me school you guys by giving you a couple of reasons why this is not a good idea! And here we go!

Reason 1:
Although the senior frat members tell the pledges that what happens in the frat stays in the frat, this is not always the case. Dudes, you wouldn’t believe the astronomical number of college hazing porn videos floating out there on the internet today just waiting to be viewed by me and any Tom, Dick or Harry simply because of one disgruntled senior frat member. And dudes, the majority of those videos involve straight men sucking dick for the first making them even more profitable and valuable to porn sites everywhere. So dudes, you better think!

Reason 2:
Dudes, this one should be the most obvious. STD’s! Sexually Transmitted Diseases! Because let’s face it, most fraternities don’t require their members, pledges or paid strippers to take AIDS tests before they are allowed to pledge that fraternity or put that dick in their mouth. And most fraternities don’t have an onsite doctor or nurse either. So again dudes, you better think!

Reason 3:
Dudes, what if you pledge a fraternity and suck a dick and don’t get in! No pun intended, but that not only blows but it also sucks big time! Dudes, basically you sucked a dick for nothing and if you are straight you’ll have to live with that shit for the rest of your life and also put it on your list of regrets. So again dudes, you better think!

(P.S. And to avoid ruffling any feathers, I just want to say this to all of my gay male readers out there, sucking dick rules! Straight men just don’t know what they are missing which is some good-ass tasty-ass sausage!)

Moving on!

Reason 4:
Dudes, what if the guy’s dick you sucked one day becomes famous? For instance, let’s say that the guy becomes a United States Senator who vehemently tries to pass legislation to ban gays from marrying and all other sorts of things which really pisses off a gay writer from GLAAD or the National Enquirer and they start an investigation in order to get some serious dirt on them to discredit them and accidentally stumble upon a college hazing video of you sucking the Senator’s dick to get into a fraternity! What if this happens years later and you are married with children and have a well paying career! Omigod, the fallout for the both of you! So again dudes, you better think!

Reason 5:
Dudes, what if you do decide to suck a dick to get into a fraternity and successfully get in and after you graduate from college life is good to you then one day 25 years later your son decides to pledge the same fraternity and he gets into the fraternity too but without sucking dick. Dudes, just picture the disgusted and shocked look on your son’s face when on a cold rainy day with nothing to do but drink warm beer and look at old pledging videos your precious son come upon the video of you doing a damn fine job of sucking some guy’s monster dick! Dudes, do you think your son will ever be able to look your nasty-ass in the eye or crotch region ever again with out gagging or even laughing his ass off or squealing on you to the Mrs.! So again dudes, you better think!

Reason 6:
Dudes, what if one day you decide to obtain a conservative type job like a missionary man or Archbishopship? In the past, dick sucking in the church was pretty much swept under the rug but not nowadays! Dudes, a fraternity pledging video of you sucking dick just to get in isn’t the best thing to have on your resume and is also a surefire way that you’ll get fired from your conservative type job asap! So again dudes, you better think!

Reason 7:
Dudes, what if you are only the straight suckee in a fraternity hazing video? Even if you didn’t personally suck pipe yourself, in alot of eyes of gay bashing homosexuals, you are just as guilty and a closeted gay. And if you are a say it proud and say it loud i’m a straight man and proud, this could look extremely bad for you if the video ever got out. Dudes, you would be literally outted! So again dudes, you better think like me and mega soul singer, Aretha Franklin said!

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SHAMROCK GIRL QUOTES & AN EXCERPT (QUOTE 11)


Below are two quotes and an excerpt from SUPERPET, Burke the Bird of The Adventures of Shamrock Girl series:

Burke the Bird quickly looked over at Shamrock Girl and Emeralda then flashed them his lopsided smirk again then he turned back to the supervillians, the smirk now gone. He then put one of his hand-like wings to the top of his head then dramatically said, “My fellow supervillians and superpets, this has been a harrowing experience that I have been put through today and I want to thank all of you from the bottom of my heart for your love and support but unfortunately my pride and vanity are saying that I hate for you to see me like this.” He then paused and looked right over at Shamrock Girl and Emeralda then said slowly and deliberately, “IF THE TRUTH BE TOLD, I NEED A COUPLE OF MINUTES TO COMPOSE MYSELF. CAN I ASK ALL OF YOU TO SIMPLY TURN YOUR BACKS FOR A FEW MOMENTS.” A huge sea of nods and “yes’” filled the room along with one unusually loud and squeaky, “Of course, of course!” For the second time since entering the Main Lounge this evening both Shamrock Girl and Emeralda groaned loudly because again they recognized another voice. After craning their necks they saw in the very back of the crowd, Hector Truth, otherwise known as Truthy the Superhero turning his back. It was a well known fact among superheros and supervillians on the planet of Jytrimillya that Truthy the Superhero was not only the most honest Jytrimillyan on the planet but he was also the most honest individual in New York City which was where he resided part-time and worked part-time as a pro bono lawyer. Both Shamrock Girl and Emeralda started getting sinking feelings in the pit of their stomachs. But they were no where near prepared for what happened next.

To read the comic book style short story in which the two quotes and excerpt come from please click on  Shamrock Girl & The Bomb Pop Popsicle Injury!

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I LOVE BABIES FULL OF PISS & VINEGAR!


Hey mommies & daddies all over the world,
here are two things that your unborn babies
are yearning to tell you before they are born!

Number 1:

Number 2:

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SHAMROCK GIRL QUOTES (QUOTE 10)


Quote from Jannah Janu of The Adventures of Shamrock Girl series,  “Yes I do! I speak english! I’m not dumb!”

To read the comic book style short story in which this quote came from please click, Shamrock Girl & The Story of Jytrimillya!

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SHAMROCK GIRL QUOTES! (QUOTE 9) & THE UNOFFICIAL TCBY SLOGAN!


Quote from superhero, Shamrock Girl of The Adventures of Shamrock Girl series:

With the effervescent smile still on her face, Shamrock Girl took a bite of her delicious tcby cake batter yogurt and sighed with pleasure. “This is the life!” she thought happily.

To read the comic book style short story in which this quote came from please click, Shamrock Girl & The Story of Jytrimillya!

The Unofficial TCBY Slogan:
Shamrock Girl Says: TCBY – from Your First Delicious Bite, “This is the Life!” You Sigh with Guilt-free Delight!

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