Archive for Dating & Relationships

The Bonny as Hell/Pretty Picture Song!


VERSE 1:
-This Lad really hates to be crass,
-Nice derriere there, lovely Lass,
-In you girl, I found a four leaf clover,
-Cause’ you really bowling green me over,
-A masterpiece, a true Mona Lisa,
-My heart just left my body without a visa,
-Beat, beat, flutter, flutter, warning bell,
-Bachelor caught by love at first sight spell,

INTRO INTO CHORUS:
-Cause’ girl you . . . .

CHORUS:
-Bonny as Hell
-Pretty Picture
-Bonny as Hell
-Pretty Picture
-Bonny as Hell
-Pretty Picture
-Bonny as Hell
-Pretty Picture

VERSE 2:
-Forbidden Sex, Lad, among many a secluded tree,
-Naughty Lass, will you please please marry me,
-Cheek to Cheek Dancing with my Husband in my vintage wedding gown,
-Butt Cheek to Butt Cheek Dancing with my Wife in my penguin suit gettin’ the hell down,
-One year later, date night out with my new ball and chain,
-Hey honey, you creepin’ on my old man, best stay in your lane,
-Cause’ bimbo, see this ring, this man is forever and ever mine,
-Baby girl, to the male ego, a cat fight over me would be oh so devine,

INTRO INTO CHORUS:
-And girl, that’s why you will always be to me . . . .

CHORUS:
-Bonny as Hell
-Pretty Picture
-Bonny as Hell
-Pretty Picture
-Bonny as Hell
-Pretty Picture
-Bonny as Hell
-Pretty Picture

VERSE 3:
-It’s baby makin’ time, Lad, wicked wink and slap on the rump,
-Lass, only you could look sexy feeding my baby while attached to a breast pump,
-Quick girl, let’s hide before the PTA asks us to once again volunteer,
-Love my boy but after all that off key singing all I want is a tall glass of beer,
-Running my hand lovingly over the old penguin suit with a tear in my eye,
-I can’t believe i’m about to see my son graduate something money just can’t buy,
-I’m so happy but so sad our child is about to leave our safe family nest hood,
-High five, pat on the back, cause’ this Lad and Lass did that parenting thing damn good,

INTRO INTO CHORUS:
-And one day our boy will have a child with a lovely gal and I vow, she’ll be . . . .

CHORUS:
-Bonny as Hell
-Pretty Picture
-Bonny as Hell
-Pretty Picture
-Bonny as Hell
-Pretty Picture
-Bonny as Hell
-Pretty Picture
-JUST LIKE YOU!

VERSE 4:
-Baby makes three, minus one, now down to us, the original empty nest two,
-Boo hoo hoo, what are we gonna’ do, not a clue, it’s all so damn new,
-Money can’t buy all but thanks to the j-o-b, Mom & Dad, have fun with our hard-earned cash,
-Salesman, can I see that antique picture frame with the sparkly sterling silver flash,
-Me and friends bought some tickets to the charity high school reunion supper and ball,
-That smart pretty girl who beat me at debate asked me to dance there, of all the gall,
-Middle-aged Lass gives her Middle-aged Lad a wicked and heartfelt smile and wink,
-The circle of love is now complete for their son has found his Lass, the missing family link!

INTRO INTO CHORUS:
-And like you girl, I know, not think, that she will forever and ever be . . . .

CHORUS:
-Bonny as Hell
-Pretty Picture
-Bonny as Hell
-Pretty Picture
-Bonny as Hell
-Pretty Picture
-Bonny as Hell
-Pretty Picture
-JUST LIKE YOU!

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JOHNSON UP! (A MANTRA FOR THE MILLENNIUM MAN!)


Verse 1/Chorus:
Hey brother,
did you have a bad day so you took
it out on your woman and brought
her verbally down?
Wanna’ rebound?
Then Johnson up!
Straight up!
Say Sorry up!
Admit yo’ ass was to blame and you
was wrong up!
Buy your woman some flowers or
candy or cook her dinner as a nice
way to make up!
Commit to doing better in the future up!
But most of all, verbally lift your Queen’s
spirits because she damn well deserves
it the hell up!
Get the picture up!
Verse 2/Chorus:
Hey brother,
did you get a girl pregnant then say the
kid ain’t yours being all damn low down?
Wanna’ rebound?
Then Johnson up!
Straight up!
Take paternal parental responsibility up!
Take any decent job or take yo’ ass back
to school to provide for your new kid up!
Pay as much as you can in child support
or open up a savings account and save,
save, save up!
Take a lamaze class and meet other new
parents up!
Go out and buy a colorful onesie up!
But most of all, support the mother of your
child, despite any differences, because she
sure as hell needs you at this time the hell up!
Verse 3/Chorus:
Hey brother,
when you and your homeboys are clowning
around, do you often refer to women as
bitches and hoes stupidly thinking ya’ll are
getting down?
Wanna’ rebound?
Then Johnson up!
Straight up!
Ask yourself would you want your homies
calling your mama, sister or female child
these sick-ass names, come on brother,
real up!
Remember brother that a strong sensual
woman can do anything that a stereotypical
macho male can do so wake up!
And dude, if a woman has a so called
tramp stamp on her back, you can have
your opinions but keep them to yourself
because it ain’t none of yo’ business up!
And baby boy, just because a women dresses
sexy or barely wears any clothes doesn’t mean
that she’s easy or a slut up!  So shutup!
Bro, work to free your mind of these stereotypes
by educating yourself and your homeboys the hell up!
But most of all, try to be a gentleman to women as much
as you possibly can by verbally respecting women
especially in front of impressionable young men the hell up!
Verse 4/Chorus:
Hey brothers,
now that I have given ya’ll the ultimate female low down …..
Now you have all of the tools to maintain and if need be to
always rebound!
So Bro, if ever in the future you screw up, simply direct
your dick skyward and Johnson up!
Again bro, dick skyward, literally straight up!
Bro, do it all old school R&B Temptations style and
“Treat Her Like A Lady” up!
And if you majorly fuck up then go to prison, serve
your time and rehabilitate the hell up!
Always try to be a good role model to young and other
brothers because you have the ability to inspire and
educate up!
Don’t be scared to show love and affection outwardly
towards your woman for fear you’ll be called a pansy up!
Scream it from the tree tops that you are a strong-ass,
grown-ass woman supporting equal opportunity man
till you die up!
And most of all, tweak, be creative and do anything else
that you can think of to make yourself a better man who
exhibits respectful behavior towards women up!
Again bro, direct your dick skyward, straight up!
Always and forever bro, remember to Johnson up!

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HAPPY VALENTINE’S DAY TO ALL OF YOU SEXUALLY ACTIVE COUPLES OUT THERE! THIS ONE’S FOR YOU!


LOVEY BOO!  (A Song Written By Tina Knowledgeable Peden)

(VERSE 1)

-Valentine’s Day, oh boy, the kinky love,
-My baby’s gonna’ spank my nasty-ass with his ultra-ribbed pleasure glove,
-Fucking, bucking and sucking all of those yummy chocolate-covered balls,
-Oh god, oh god, oh god, I just love having sex with my baby after hearing steamy-ass 1900 calls,
-Because . . . . . . . . . .

(CHORUS)

-I love you,
-I want you,
-I need you, Lovey Boo,
-I know this shit sounds mushy, gushy,
-But it’s true, Lovey Boo,
-Happy Valentine’s Day to you my sweet, Lovey Boo,
-P.S. Be sure to preserve your strength because tonight i’m gonna’ fuck the shit outta’ you,
-Cause’ I love you and I always will my sweet, Lovey Boo!

(VERSE 2)

-Valentine’s Day, oh girl, the hot and healthy sex,
-My honey’s gonna’ sprinkle my body all over with some tasty-ass yogurt-covered wheat chex,
-Sniffin’, ticklin’ and lickin’ all of those edible cherry-flavored red roses and pussy willows,
-Oh god, oh god, oh god, I just love comin’ in my honey’s mouth while propped up on her heart-shaped red satin pillows,
-Because . . . . . . . . . .

(CHORUS)

-I love you,
-I want you,
-I need you, Lovey Boo,
-I know this shit sounds mushy, gushy,
-But it’s true, Lovey Boo,
-Happy Valentine’s Day to you my sweet, Lovey Boo,
-P.S. Be sure to preserve your strength because tonight i’m gonna’ fuck the shit outta’ you,
-Cause’ I love you and I always will my sweet, Lovey Boo!

(VERSE 3)

-Well, my sweet, as Valentine’s Day and night comes to a close,
-Of course I want to thank you for having sex with me and taking off all of your clothes,
-Cause’ baby when it comes to phenomenal sex me and only heaven knows,
-That you are perfection and make me feel so damn good from my head to my toes,
-And that’s why . . . . . . . . . .

(CHORUS)

-I love you,
-I want you,
-I need you, Lovey Boo,
-I know this shit sounds mushy, gushy,
-But it’s true, Lovey Boo,
-Happy Valentine’s Day to you my sweet, Lovey Boo,
-P.S. Be sure to preserve your strength because tonight i’m gonna’ fuck the shit outta’ you,
-Cause’ I love you and I always will my sweet, Lovey Boo!

(VERSE 4)

-But seriously my love, now, I want to thank you by going all old school on your sexy, delectable-ass,
-When I was a kid on Valentine’s Day, I just loved getting miniature greeting cards and boxes of candy hearts with messages on them in class,
-So here’s my sweet-ass heart-shaped “let’s go steady so we can hold hands” candy-coated inscribed verbal message expressly for you,
-No matter whether it’s Valentine’s Day or any ol’ regular day of the year, I just want you to know that I will forever love you and sometimes wanna’ fuck you, my sweet Lovey Boo!
-Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Just kidding! And without further sexual ado . . . . . . . . . .

(CHORUS)

-I love you,
-I want you,
-I need you, Lovey Boo,
-I know this shit sounds mushy, gushy,
-But it’s true, Lovey Boo,
-Happy Valentine’s Day to you my sweet, Lovey Boo,
-P.S. Be sure to preserve your strength because tonight i’m gonna’ fuck the shit outta’ you,
-Cause’ I love you and I always will my sweet, Lovey Boo!

And to view some of my other songs/lyrics please click on or go to the website below.  http://songbay.co/artists/4490

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ANGELINA, ADULTERY, ANGELINA, MASTECTOMY, ANGELINA, FREE PASS?


Recently actress, Angelina Jolie has come out to the public about having a preventive double mastectomy after learning that she carries a mutation of the BRCA1 gene which sharply increases her risk of developing breast cancer and ovarian cancer.

In my opinion, I think that she did a wonderful thing!

Because of her worldwide celebrity and her being a mother to many children, I have noticed that more women are not only talking about this uncomfortable and serious subject but they are also doing more research on the BRCA1 gene and learning that they have early options.  And Angelina Jolie should be applauded for this.  And so many individuals have been doing just that including many celebrities and bloggers.

HOWEVER ……….

I have also noticed something else since Angelina Jolie recently came out and that something is hypocrisy.

Just a few years ago, some of the same bloggers and celebrities who are currently singing Angelina’s praises like she is the most perfect human being on earth were also trashing the hell out of her then nasty-ass for not only committing adultery with then very married mega-stud movie actor, Brad Pitt while filming the movie, Mr. and Mrs. Smith but for also not coming clean and telling the truth to the world that they actually had an affair and for not apologizing to Miss Apple Pie America, Jennifer Aniston, Pitt’s former wife.

(P.S.    Hey Angelina and Brad, couldn’t you two at least have take a tattered musty-ass page out of the LeAnn Rimes and Eddie Cibrian adultery playbook and apologize and keep talking and singing songs about your affair until people are so fed up with hearing you talk and write songs about your affair that they literally want to blow their brains out at the mere mention of it?)

Anyhoo, back to the uncomfortable issue at hand which is:

When a celebrity gets cancer or any other potentially bad or fatal disease does this wipe out or grant them a free pass for all of the shitty things that they have done in the past? (i.e.    In Angelina Jolie’s case, having a sexual affair with a married man.)

Hmmm, just wondering.

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TINA KNOWLEDGEABLE PEDEN’S GREETING CARDS IN A BLOG POST! (GREETING CARD 12)

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WOULD PRESIDENT OBAMA WANT MALIA AND SASHA TO TAKE THE PURITY PLEDGE?


I recently watched an episode of the tv news/entertainment show, Inside Edition where they did a feature story on Purity Balls.

And for those of you out there thinking that Inside Edition did a story on males with squeaky clean testicles, your dead wrong!

A Purity Ball is a formal party that is thrown where young girls wearing beautiful white ball gowns make a solemn vow to their fathers wearing black or white tie to abstain from having sex until they are married.

And folks, they are becoming more and more popular! Go figure!

Here are a few thoughts that I have on Purity Balls:

– In terms of teenage girls abstaining from sex until they’re hitched, i’m all for it because let’s face it a girl only gets to be young once in her life and for me that means going to college, traveling to different places and doing fun things without the encumbrances of adult life, i.e taking care of a constantly crying newborn baby when the girl who just gave birth to this baby is practically a baby herself!

– But in terms of Purity Balls when it comes to me personally I have to honestly say that I could never make such a solemn vow to abstain from sex until marriage because to me one of the most important parts of a healthy lasting relationship is good sex. It is an absolute requirement that I be sexually compatible with my man and for me the worst Purity Ball fear is that if I waited until after I was married to have sex with my man and found out that he was lousy in bed could I stay with this person forever knowing this no matter how much I loved him. Folks, i’m a person who likes to know exactly what I am getting when I buy or invest in something. I mean don’t get me wrong I like surprises every once in a while but in terms of the Purity Ball thing, no freakin’ way!

–  So in terms of Purity Balls not being the right thing for me personally i’m glad that they are the right thing for alot of other people out there especially teenage girls. And I hope to see more young girls making that solemn vow to abstain from sex until marriage and I really hope to see Purity Balls with young teenage males and their mothers making that solemn vow too!

– And last but not least,  no offense,  Purity Balls and people who participate in them are also a tad bit creepy to me.

P.S.     Although I applaud the general theory of the Purity Ball, I ain’t gonna’ lie and say that there is a little part of me that totally delights in a girl who thinks that she is better and more god fearing than you and has sworn up and down that she will not have sex until she’s married only to get knocked up and busted a short time later for being a total fraud and hypocrite.

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OXYMORON ALERT: HERE’S A FEW QUESTIONABLE TIPS FOR ALL OF MY HETEROSEXUAL GUYS OUT THERE THIS VALENTINE’S DAY COURTESY OF “A CHARLIE BROWN THANKSGIVING!”


– Hey guys, if a pushy big nosed tri-freckled on each cheek tomboy absolutely insists on inviting herself and two of her friends over to your house uninvited guerrilla-no-kind-of-manners style for Valentine’s Day dinner with you and your family, don’t be a blockhead or a gentleman, either interrupt her insensitive never letting anyone get a word in edgewise ass by yelling loudly into the phone, “Hell no! Hell no! Hell no!” then soundly hanging up or wait for her insensitive ass to come to your home then dump the 6.66 gallons of heart shaped Valentine’s Day candy inscribed with the message, “I have no interest in you whatsoever you crazy bitch! Now get the hell off of my property!” all over her and her two unfortunate friends. But in the event that this chick still doesn’t get the message that you are just not that into her, call the police on her dumb ass with your pink and red heart shaped phone that you use only on Valentine’s Day or other special occasions where you have to deal with psychos.

– Hey guys, if you happen to meet a sweet intelligent brunette who likes to wear John Lennon style spectacles named Marcie who also prefers to refer to pushy aggressive women as “sir” on Valentine’s Day, do yourselves a major fucking favor and snatch her no doubt fantastic in the bedroom kinky ass up quick before some other motherfucker snatches up this rare jewel! Hey guys, good sexually adept kinky ass girls who refer to pushy aggressive women as “sir” are hard to find especially on Valentine’s Day!

– Hey guys, if you happen to run into a girl from your childhood named Lucy who constantly use to prank your young gullible ass back in the day by asking you to kick a football while she holds it then pulls it away at the last minute just as you were about to kick that sucker to the moon, get your revenge on her shedevil ass for the many times that you wound up on your ass by immediately texting her photo to every football player on Twitter with a short message about the prank and don’t forget to tell them what a lousy punt she was, too. Oh, i’m sorry guys, I meant, lousy cunt she was. Sorry about that! I don’t want to get into trouble for not being grammatically correct! Anyhoo fellas, with justified revenge like this, let me tell you that I bet you a shitload of money that she won’t be pulling that prank again on anyone else except Tim Tebow which I know for sure would be damn fine with alot of folks!  Oh, snap!

– Hey guys, especially guys named Charles or Chuck, on Valentine’s Day or any other time of the damn year do your damndest to try to avoid irritating delusional baseball lovin’ girls who secretly think that you like them who are nicknamed after a chocolate mint. I mean, come on guys, that’s just plain common sense right there!

– And last but not least guys, when a good friend with a name like Linus constantly helps you to find solutions to your easy-ass problems because your so damn spineless and wishy washy, do something special for him on Valentine’s Day by ditching your wife or girlfriend to have a bros over hos night out! Guys rent a hotel room for the night at any hotel that has many big screens tvs playing ESPN in the lounge while you hang out for a while getting pissed on booze and using your friend Linus’ blue blanket to snap the asses of all of the other drunken men in the bar as they pass by you guys to go take a leak, a shit or fix their hair. And when you guys finally get tired of that shit, continue your bromance in your hotel room by watching a couple of hours of the rented dvd, I Love You, Man, that you brought along with you while you munch on the hot wings, onion rings and tequila that you ordered up from room service. And when you guys finally get done with that shit, giggle and twirl your hair manly style while you talk about the hotness and big breastedness of some of the women that you both would like to bang in the future while simultaneously prank calling random names from your ephonebook. And guys don’t forget to give your friend Linus a nice manly hug and the big ol’ box of heart shaped chocolates and goofy Snoopy and Woodstock Valentine’s Day friendship card that you got him at some point during your bros over hos Valentine’s Day night out!

AND TO ALL OF MY HETEROSEXUAL GUYS OUT THERE, HAVE A HAPPY VALENTINE’S DAY AND TRY NOT TO BREAK ALOT OF FEMALE HEARTS OR VAGINAS, YOU SLY DOGS! WOOF! WOOF!

P.S.    And guys, like the York Peppermint Patty slogan says, “I hope on Valentine’s night you all get the sensation!!!”

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