Archive for Gay/Homosexual


Get your raunchy, nasty ass gifts here for all occasions!

With the new movie, Spring Breakers, out starring former Disney stars, Selena Gomez and Vanessa Hudgens combined with the fact that some college students were out last week and some college students are out this week for Spring Break 2013 furthermore combined with my regular viewing of porno videos on one of my favorite porn sites, Slutload, I have begun to do some semi-serious thinking and have a question to ask in particular to college boys pledging fraternities and that question is . . . . . .

Dudes, is it really worth it for a straight guy to suck the dick of a senior fraternity member, another pledge or a paid stripper during the initiation/hazing process while a bunch of the other nasty-ass senior fraternity members voyeuristically look on while at the same time filming it just to get into a fraternity? (And this also applies to gay men pledging a fraternity as well as girls pledging sororities too.)

Dudes, if only mom and dad and your pastor could see your naked nasty-asses now!

Dudes, I know that to some young men getting into a fraternity is a very important things especially if a legacy is involved but in my unsolicited opinion you shouldn’t have to suck dick to get into a fucking fraternity.

Call me crazy pledges but what about those crazy fraternity hazing days of the past that consisted of drinking contests, wooden paddle ass spanking like they did to Kevin Bacon’s sweet firm ass in the classic fraternity film, Animal House. I mean whatever happened to senior frat members making pledges do stupid-ass and sexist-ass things like ranking a woman’s hotness online or making pledges do illegal things like stealing a rival college’s mascot or a big ass box of condoms from the drugstore? Whatever happened to making pledges do degrading-ass shit like wearing women’s clothing or carrying around barnyard animals for a whole week? I mean, where did all that acceptable fraternity hazing shit go?

I’ll tell ya’ dudes, having to suck another man’s dick just to get into a fraternity is just wrong and goes way over the line!

Pledges, I know that you are 18 and over and therefore old enough to make your own decisions but for the love of god have some self-respect for yourself and the next person that you have sex with!

So to all of you future college boys out there thinking about pledging a fraternity one day where you will most likely be asked to suck a dick during the initiation process, let me school you guys by giving you a couple of reasons why this is not a good idea! And here we go!

Reason 1:
Although the senior frat members tell the pledges that what happens in the frat stays in the frat, this is not always the case. Dudes, you wouldn’t believe the astronomical number of college hazing porn videos floating out there on the internet today just waiting to be viewed by me and any Tom, Dick or Harry simply because of one disgruntled senior frat member. And dudes, the majority of those videos involve straight men sucking dick for the first making them even more profitable and valuable to porn sites everywhere. So dudes, you better think!

Reason 2:
Dudes, this one should be the most obvious. STD’s! Sexually Transmitted Diseases! Because let’s face it, most fraternities don’t require their members, pledges or paid strippers to take AIDS tests before they are allowed to pledge that fraternity or put that dick in their mouth. And most fraternities don’t have an onsite doctor or nurse either. So again dudes, you better think!

Reason 3:
Dudes, what if you pledge a fraternity and suck a dick and don’t get in! No pun intended, but that not only blows but it also sucks big time! Dudes, basically you sucked a dick for nothing and if you are straight you’ll have to live with that shit for the rest of your life and also put it on your list of regrets. So again dudes, you better think!

(P.S. And to avoid ruffling any feathers, I just want to say this to all of my gay male readers out there, sucking dick rules! Straight men just don’t know what they are missing which is some good-ass tasty-ass sausage!)

Moving on!

Reason 4:
Dudes, what if the guy’s dick you sucked one day becomes famous? For instance, let’s say that the guy becomes a United States Senator who vehemently tries to pass legislation to ban gays from marrying and all other sorts of things which really pisses off a gay writer from GLAAD or the National Enquirer and they start an investigation in order to get some serious dirt on them to discredit them and accidentally stumble upon a college hazing video of you sucking the Senator’s dick to get into a fraternity! What if this happens years later and you are married with children and have a well paying career! Omigod, the fallout for the both of you! So again dudes, you better think!

Reason 5:
Dudes, what if you do decide to suck a dick to get into a fraternity and successfully get in and after you graduate from college life is good to you then one day 25 years later your son decides to pledge the same fraternity and he gets into the fraternity too but without sucking dick. Dudes, just picture the disgusted and shocked look on your son’s face when on a cold rainy day with nothing to do but drink warm beer and look at old pledging videos your precious son come upon the video of you doing a damn fine job of sucking some guy’s monster dick! Dudes, do you think your son will ever be able to look your nasty-ass in the eye or crotch region ever again with out gagging or even laughing his ass off or squealing on you to the Mrs.! So again dudes, you better think!

Reason 6:
Dudes, what if one day you decide to obtain a conservative type job like a missionary man or Archbishopship? In the past, dick sucking in the church was pretty much swept under the rug but not nowadays! Dudes, a fraternity pledging video of you sucking dick just to get in isn’t the best thing to have on your resume and is also a surefire way that you’ll get fired from your conservative type job asap! So again dudes, you better think!

Reason 7:
Dudes, what if you are only the straight suckee in a fraternity hazing video? Even if you didn’t personally suck pipe yourself, in alot of eyes of gay bashing homosexuals, you are just as guilty and a closeted gay. And if you are a say it proud and say it loud i’m a straight man and proud, this could look extremely bad for you if the video ever got out. Dudes, you would be literally outted! So again dudes, you better think like me and mega soul singer, Aretha Franklin said!

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A great man named Tim Bayliss (portrayed brilliantly by actor, Kyle Secor) once said these kick-ass inspirational words to fellow homicide detective, Rene Sheppard (portrayed decently by the beautiful model/actress, Michael Michele) when she asked him how he would describe himself sexually in a ground breaking Season 7 episode entitled, Closet Cases, on the 90’s hit NBC television show, Homicide: Life on the Street and I happily and huskily quote……….

“Interested in the beauty and wonders of the universe, open to all of the various complexities and possibilities of existence, bicurious.”

Oh, yeah, Tim baby, oh yeah!

P.S.    To view this ground breaking scene from Season 7 of Homicide: Life on the Street please click on Tim Bayliss is bicurious and I love it!

And for those of you who don’t have the ability to read between the lines, big ol’ cute as a button boy next door officer with access to plenty of handcuffs Tim Bayliss meant that he was totally open to banging both women and men. Heteroflexible, to be more precise. Basically when it comes to sex, Tim Bayliss is open to more than one thing and anything goes.

So in honor of esteemed and kinky-ass officer Tim Bayliss no matter whether you are a heterosexual or homosexual guy or a heterosexual or homosexual gal, I want you to go online and purchase yourself a Sybian machine.

Once your Sybian machine arrives, strip down or leave all of your clothes on except for your drawers of course then sit yourself comfortably down on the machine. And it’s up to you how you want to take it. Ladies, you have the option to take it up the ass or the vagina. Guys, i’m afraid that your choices are a bit more limited and you have no choice but to take the Sybian machine’s dildo up the ass. Guys, boo hoo hoo for you! (Guys, i’m being totally sarcastic here because both you and I know that you are going to have some low down and dirty fun!)

Anyhoo once you select the speed of your choice on the Sybian, close your eyes and let the good vibrations wash all over you. Guys and gals don’t forget to take a couple of sips of the screwdriver (Vodka and orange juice) that you already mixed up and is sitting in a glass next to the Sybian machine.

And last but not least, while you are riding the Sybian and sipping your screwdriver don’t forget to do as Tim Bayliss did and think on bi terms. Gals whether it is your ultimate sexual fantasy to be double penetrated by two men at the same time or guys if it is your ultimate sexual fantasy to have a three way with a black woman and a white woman, just think in bi terms!

KNOWLEDGEABLE TIP: Remember, two is better than one! And when it comes to sex, two means double the fun! So again guys and gals when it comes to sex take the Tim Bayliss approach and be bicurious! Be open to all of the various complexities and possibilities of existence! And I guarantee that your sex life will get better because of your new bi attitude! Come on, don’t just live a little, live big! And also remember that curiosity may have killed the cat but it certainly didn’t kill the sex. Thank god!

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Last night I was listening to the radio while I was preparing to go out to dinner with some friends when the 80’s song, Money For Nothing by Dire Straits came on and naturally I began to sing along because I really like the song and I love the video! Anyhoo, I hadn’t heard the song or seen the video for a really long time so when a particular verse of the song began to play I found myself momentarily shocked. Here’s the verse that I am referring to:

“See the little faggot with the earring and the make-up
Yeah buddy that’s his own hair
That little faggot got his own jet airplane
That little faggot he’s millionaire”

After hearing this verse, I got to wondering how in our ultra politically correctness millenium world how this song still gets airplay.

Now don’t get me wrong, I really like the song and I really loved the video back in the day when MTV actually played music videos and actual music. (Sorry, Jersey Shore!) But usually songs with any derogatory or what some people might call hateful, offensive or homophobic lyrics (For example check out basically any song recorded on rapper, Eminem’s second album, The Marshall Mathers LP) are usually either banned from the radio asap, the offensive lyric taken out or someone does a voiceover over the offensive lyric replacing it with a more politically correct one.

Which is exactly why i’m very surprised that noone has made a big stink about this one particular verse being hate speech or something like that because people let’s face it, even though i’m not 100% sure but i’m fairly certain that “the faggot with the earring and the make-up” that Mark Knopfler is referring to is probably a wealthy gay male who dresses eccentricly. So that led me to do some serious thinking and here are a few conclusions that I came up with regarding the lyric in question.

1. Although a derogatory word was used in the song, maybe since the song was recorded in the 80’s before political correctness invaded every corner of our universe people and radio stations across the land just let the derogatory word slide and just took the song at face value for what it truly is. A kick-ass song with one of the best guitar riffs ever! (To be honest, even I have to admit that when the song first came out in the 80’s when I was a teenager I didn’t bat one eyelash to the “faggot” reference.)

2. Maybe the rock group, Dire Straits meant the term “faggot” in a completely innocent way. After all the song was recorded back in the 80’s, a much more innocent and simpler time than now.

3. Maybe the rock group, Dire Straits did in fact know that the word, “faggot” was offensive and derogatory but simply didn’t give a shit and decided that they were going to write a song containing any words that they wanted and to hell with everybody else!

4. Maybe the rock group, Dire Straits knew that like sex, controversy also sell alot of records too so they intentionally put the “faggot” lyric in to increase their sales.

Well, whatever the hell the reason, only the members of the rock group, Dire Straits know the answer.

However, if Mark Knopfler or any other member of the rock group, Dire Straits ever happen to come across this blog post, please let us know the reasoning behind the “faggot” lyric. We really want to know!

Below are the lyrics to the song, Money For Nothing by Dire Straits.

Now look at them yo-yo’s that’s the way you do it
You play the guitar on the MTV
That ain’t workin’ that’s the way you do it
Money for nothin’ and chicks for free
Now that ain’t workin’ that’s the way you do it
Lemme tell ya them guys ain’t dumb
Maybe get a blister on your little finger
Maybe get a blister on your thumb

We gotta install microwave ovens
Custom kitchen deliveries
We gotta move these refrigerators
We gotta move these colour TV’s

See the little faggot with the earring and the makeup
Yeah buddy that’s his own hair
That little faggot got his own jet airplane
That little faggot he’s a millionaire

We gotta install microwave ovesns
Custom kitchens deliveries
We gotta move these refrigerators
We gotta move these colour TV’s

I shoulda learned to play the guitar
I shoulda learned to play them drums
Look at that mama, she got it stickin’ in the camera
Man we could have some fun
And he’s up there, what’s that? Hawaiian noises?
Bangin’ on the bongoes like a chimpanzee
That ain’t workin’ that’s the way you do it
Get your money for nothin’ get your chicks for free

We gotta install microwave ovens
Custom kitchen deliveries
We gotta move these refrigerators
We gotta move these colour TV’s, Lord

Now that ain’t workin’ that’s the way you do it
You play the guitar on the MTV
That ain’t workin’ that’s the way you do it
Money for nothin’ and your chicks for free
Money for nothin’ and chicks for free

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It’s false advertising, really. Just like when a triflin’ chick wears a padded push up bra to entice a guy only for the sweet innocent guy (loud-ass snicker) who only likes chicks with big jugs to unfortunately find out later when they are gettin’ it on that like Christopher Columbus and Ferdinand Magellan he has discovered the great American flat lands. Boo hoo hoo, sweet innocent guys! (Loud-ass snicker!) That’s what your asses get for bein’ so damn shallow! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha!

Anyhoo gettin’ back to the damn subject of this blog post, hey dudes and dudettes, I have a question for yall, “Why does Dexter Morgan, ya’ know the lovable psycho serial killer with a soft spot for kids on Showtime’s hit tv show, Dexter ALWAYS answer his damn cellphone! I mean dudes, dudettes what the fuck is up with that sick shit? I mean it ain’t normal! It’s totally fuckin’ psycho for a normal human being to answer his cellphone all the time! Sacrilege, baby! Sacrilege! And okay people I know that Dexter Morgan isn’t exactly “normal” but still a psycho serial killer answering their cellphone all the time is in a psycho league all its own! Sacrilege!

I mean the majority of people in the world even crazy-ass serial killers when they are ill, busy, working, committing a murder, having a good time or hell, even enjoying a good dicking simply ignore answering their landline or cellphones but not Mr. High & Mighty Pledge Allegiance To The Code Of Harry, Dexter Morgan! No this selfish crazy-ass sonofabitch answers his damn cellphone 24/7! I mean sometimes Dexter will do the right and normal thing and let his cellphone go to voicemail! (God Bless America!) B-U-T and I mean a big-ass butt like Beyonce’s, Dex will ALWAYS answer his damn cellphone THEN let the bitch go to voicemail! Wtf??? Sacrilege, baby!

I’ll tell ya’ of all of the fucked up shit this psycho serial killer has done which includes going all “hammertime” in the fourth season on kick-ass actor, John Lithgow’s Trinity Killer in the end and in the sixth season goin’ all “sterotypical white boys can’t dance” by doing a horrid and shitty “hammertime” dance on the dance floor at his 20th high school reunion this answering his cellphone 24/7 shit really takes the damn cake! (And by the by people, it ain’t delicious mouth watering cake it’s that hard brittle dry-ass muthafuckin’ shit!) And people let me ask you this, “Who wants that shit?” Sure as hell, not me!

B-U-T apparently Dexter Morgan does and there ain’t a damn thing that I, Showtime, Harry, Astor and Cody or even sweet little Rita currently suckin’ dirt “six feet under” can do! (Hey yall, did yall get the “subtle” reference that I made to Michael C. Hall’s first major television role, David Fisher on HBO’s ground breaking show, Six Feet Under! Michael, you were extremely creepy and an extremely naughty boy on that show! And I loved every minute of it! I mean dude, getting a blow job from a fix-it guy while sitting on top of a washer in a funeral home, now that shit was pure genius! Plus, all of those hot-ass kissin’ scenes that you did with Mathew St. Patrick! They were hot Michael C. baby, they were hot! Dude, to be honest, when you married Jennifer Carpenter who incidentally plays your fictional sister on Dexter, which is a little creepy I was so damn disappointed because I thought you were one of the coolest and most positive role model gay guys on the planet! But I digress! Mostly because you’re now divorced. Woo hoo! Hey Michael, return to the gay side baby, return to the gay side! Anyhoo, what I originally planned to say before getting bogged down with all of this “six feet under” shit is that my play on words with “six feet under” in this blog post was pure genius and you guys and gals know it! Am I a conceited bitch? Yes, I am!)

Anyhoo, gettin’ back on point again, I know that Dexter is this hot shit blood spatter analyst with the Miami Metro Police Department and he helps to solve alot of crimes but big fucking deal! This is still no excuse for answering your cellphone ALL THE DAMN TIME! So when people say that Dexter Morgan’s dark passenger is his need to murder or cut people the fuck up, those bitches are dead wrong! Pun fucking intended! Dexter Morgan’s true dark passenger is his fucking inability to not answer his cellphone or any damn phone within a million mile radius! And it’s got to stop! This muthafucka’ needs help which is the primary reason that I am writing this blog post. Since everybody else on the planet is Alicia Silverstone-Clueless about Dexter Morgan’s Dark Passenger but i’m not but mostly because i’m smarter and cuter than most of you. Oh, snap! I, Tina Knowledgeable Peden am enlightening your fucking clueless asses!

So if there is a doctor or addiction program with a heart, screw that murder/cut people the fuck up shit, that’s totally irrelevant! PLEASE helps this muthafucka’ overcome his CELLPHONE ANSWERING ADDICTION because doctors or addiction programs if you don’t things are only going to get worse not just for him but for everybody on the planet! Today Dexter Morgan is answering his cellphone 24/7 tomorrow this muthafucka’ will be answering YOUR PHONE 24/7! And who the fuck wants that, sure as hell, not me! And I hope and pray that you don’t want that either! Doctor or addiction program please hear my plea and help a totally fucked up serial killer with a soft spot for kids the hell out before we all suffer!


Thank you!

Tina Knowledgeable Peden has left the fucking building without answering her cellphone!

Woo hoo!

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This is a humor piece written especially for all of you gay guys out there! Enjoy!

With Valentine’s Day fast approaching, I know that alot of you fellows will be going home to spend the holiday with your families. Some of you will also be taking along your future husband-to-be to meet your parents for the first time.

Gay Guys, fathers you really don’t have to worry about because basically as long as the boyfriend doesn’t drink up all of the beer, eat up all of the hamburgers and chocolate marshmallow hearts, talk too much or block the television while a sporting event is on they’re okay with Dad, but when it comes to Mothers and their gay sons, guys watch out!

Gay Guys, let me give you a valuable piece of advice, a couple of days before you make the trip to his parent’s house be sure to pump your boyfriend thoroughly for details on his Mother. Ask him about things that she likes and MOST IMPORTANTLY things that she doesn’t like done in her house especially during the Valentine’s Day holiday! To give you an idea of exactly what I am talking about, I have included a couple of examples below of what not to do in your boyfriend’s mamas house if you want to continue to keep that big-ass 7 carat diamond ring on your finger.

“Don’t ever disrespect the actress, Jodie Foster in front of your boyfriend’s Atheist Mama! What are you crazy!”

Gay Guys, ever since her iconic and to atheists everywhere inspirational role in the movie, “Contact” as Dr. Eleanor Arroway, you know the “I-don’t-believe-in-God-I-believe-in-Science character she portrayed, Jodie Foster has achieved “God-like” status in every atheist home around the world.

So, before your boyfriend takes you home to meet his Atheist Mama for the first time, memorize the following words below.

“Praise Jodie, Love Jodie, Be One With Jodie But Don’t Ever Disrespect Jodie!”

Remember, when you are talking to your boyfriend’s Atheist Mama try to say as many nice things about Jodie Foster as you possibly can. I have included two examples below.

Example 1:
“The roast and potatoes that you cooked for dinner tonight Mrs. Watson tasted fantastic but Jodie Foster could have done a much better job than you.”

Example 2:
“I just loved the movie, “Freaky Friday” Ms. Jones! You know the one with Jodie Foster not the remake with that skank ho’ alcoholic Lindsay Lohan.”

Really lay it on thick! Really butter your boyfriend’s Atheist Mama up!

“What the hell did she say? Don’t tell a Spanish Speaking Mama that you speak the Spanish language when you don’t!”

Gay Guys, if your definition of speaking Spanish consists of words and phrases like “mucho hungry”, “yucky agua”, “delicious tortilla”, “nice sombrero” or “I love Jose Cuervo tequila” i’m here to tell you that’s not speaking Spanish! Well, I mean technically it is because you have used a couple of Spanish words but just because you know a couple of Spanish words doesn’t mean that you are fluent in the Spanish language.

So don’t go telling a Spanish Speaking Mama that you speak Spanish when you clearly don’t!

Gay Guys, if you are stupid enough to disregard my words be prepared for the rest of the Valentine’s Day holiday to have your boyfriend’s Spanish Speaking Mama calling you every derogatory Spanish name in the book and to your face while you’re nodding your head, “yes” because you don’t know what the hell she is saying because you don’t speak Spanish. You’ll look like a damn fool and ain’t no way a Spanish Speaking Mama is going to let her baby marry a damn fool like you!

Boyfriend, stop the madness and take a “How to Speak Spanish Class” asap!

“Lick it up baby! Eat whatever food your boyfriend’s Overweight Mama puts on your damn plate and you won’t have no problems!”

When it comes to an Overweight Mama you had better damn well eat whatever food she puts on your plate and it doesn’t matter if you don’t like it or are allergic to it, just suck it up and eat it bitch!

Gay Guys, if you don’t, an Overweight Mama will have it set in her mind that you’re a bitch who is anorexic or bulemic (even though you may be fatter than she is) and she’s not going to let you take her son down with your bony-ass. So, basically she will be testing you all through the Valentine’s Day holiday by giving you big-ass plates of food. Most of it will be stuff that you don’t like. Just remember that the only reason she is doing this is because you are so skinny. (Well, at least in her mind you are skinny if you don’t eat the food that she puts on your plate.) Yes, I know that this is discrimination but who says that life is fair! Just suck it up and deal with it! Simply eat whatever food your boyfriend’s Overweight Mama puts on your plate! Also be prepared to lick the plate clean!

Gay Guys, you might want to consider not eating anything for at least two days before you go to your boyfriend’s Overweight Mama’s house to really show her that you have a “healthy” appetite.

For future visits you might want to present your boyfriend’s Overweight Mama with copies of grocery, takeout and delivery food receipts to prove to her that you ARE feeding her baby and not starving him to death if the relationship develops into something more serious. Just think Gay Guys, you’ll only have to do this for the first three years of your marriage but then you’re home free!

“Oh no he didn’t! Don’t crack your gum up in a Black Mama’s House!”

It doesn’t matter if you are a Black, White, Hispanic, Asian or Indian, Gay Guy DON’T I repeat DON’T come up into a Black Mama’s house smackin’ and poppin’ on ANY kind of gum because this is the fastest way to get the watermelon or spearmint flavored taste knocked out of your mouth!

Don’t be no fool!

To a Black Mama smackin’ and poppin’ on gum up in her house is the ultimate sign of disrespect and that won’t be tolerated!

So, don’t do it unless you have a serious death wish! (At this time I would like to send a shout out to the late Charles Bronson.)

Major Sucking Up Tip: Bring along a couple of packs of Juicy Fruit, Wrigley’s Spearmint, Bazooka, Dentyne, Chiclets and Bubble Yum Bubble Gum and present them as a gift to your boyfriend’s Black Mama.

Always remember that a Black Mama can smack and pop on gum up in her own house but you sure as hell can’t!

“Zip it! Mind your own damn business when it comes to your boyfriend’s mamas sexy wardrobe!”

Let’s face it, just because a woman turns 40, 50 or 60 doesn’t mean that she stops being sexy. There are many older women like Tina Turner, Goldie Hawn and Sophia Loren whose sexiness defies age HOWEVER this does not apply to your boyfriend’s mama.

So Gay Guys, when your boyfriend’s 69 year old Sexy Mama opens the front door wearing a crotch-length black skirt, pink midriff shirt and the most gaudy pair of black stilettos that you have ever seen, do yourself and your boyfriend a favor and keep your damn mouth shut! If you have a negative comment keep your damn mouth shut! If you have a positive comment keep your damn mouth shut! Bite your tongue or lip but do whatever the hell you have to do to keep quiet about your boyfriend’s mamas sexy wardrobe!

Gay Guys PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE don’t say a damn thing because if you do a Sexy Mama will quickly tell you that the way she dresses is none of your goddamn business cause’ you don’t pay none of her bills and don’t do a damn thing for her! So who the hell is some stranger to tell her how to dress! So mind your own damn business!

Gay Guys, just send a word of thanks up to God that your mother doesn’t dress like a dime store hooker like your boyfriend’s mama does.

But most importantly Gay Guys, pray to God, I mean pray like hell that your boyfriend’s Sexy Mama will want to spend the Valentine’s Day holiday at home and won’t want to go out to dinner because you’ll just die of embarrassment if you have to go out in public with your boyfriend’s Hoochie, I mean Sexy Mama dressed like that! Amen!

And to the rest of the mamas that I didn’t have time to mention in this article, gay guys just use your common sense and think with the big head when it comes to meeting your future hubbie’s mama for the first time this Valentine’s Day and you will be just fine!

Have a good one!

P.S. Atheist Mamas Love Jodie Foster and the movie, Contact!

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I revised the lyrics of the song, “It’s My Party And I’ll Cry If I Want To!” by Lesley Gore for all of my lesbian girls out there with a wicked nasty sense of humor! Hey naughty-ass lesbian girls, this ones for you!

And by the by, Lesley Gore, kudos to you for coming out of the closet in 2005!
And boos to the media for not really making it well known until 2006!
Even though I was born in 1970 and you recorded the majority of your music in the 1960’s, this heterosexual black babe really likes your music!
So sister, since you have done so much to entertain heteros, like me, it’s the millennium and thanks to courageous women like you we now see so many women coming out of the closet and demanding equal rights for the beautiful people that they are. Thank you sister, thank you! Now, it’s my turn to entertain you!
Sister, I dedicate this song to you too!

This song is my parody of Lesley Gore’s hit song, It’s My Party.

It is in the style of Weird Al Yankovic’s hit parody song, Eat It, which lampoons the late great Michael Jackson’s monster hit song, Beat It.

Nasty-ass Lesbo Xmas Party

(Verse 1)
Everybody knows where my Jenny has gone
(To eat some cunt)
Julie left at the same time
Why was she holding her hand
(Merry Christmas bitch, because she was happy she was going to get to eat some cunt)
When that lying cheating two-timing bitch was supposed to be eating mine
This Christmas party really sucks, literally
Anyway, as Ellen DeGeneres would say

It’s my nasty-ass lesbian Christmas party, and I’ll cry and cum if I want to
Cry and cum if I want to, cry and cum if I want to
You would cry and cum too if Jenny tongue-fucked the shit outta’ you

(Verse 2)
Playin’ horny-ass music on my damn ipod, keep masterbatin’ all night
Bitches, if you know what’s good for you you’ll leave me the fuck alone for a while
‘Cause till Jenny’s tongue-fuckin’ the shit outta’ me
This pissed off sexually frustrated lesbo has got no reason to smile
Have a Merry Christmas, bitches, now take a fuckin’ hike
Anyway, as Ellen DeGeneres would say

It’s my nasty-ass lesbian Christmas party, and I’ll cry and cum if I want to
Cry and cum if I want to, cry and cum if I want to
You would cry and cum too if Jenny tongue-fucked the shit outta’ you

(Verse 3)
Like Elton John and Santa Claus would say, ho, ho, ho, the bitch, the bitch, the bitch is back
Two hours later, Julie and Jenny finally walk through the damn door
Like a tongue-fucked queen with her fucker whore
Julie’s wearin’ her brand new red and green tongue ring that Jenny bought her for Christmas from the jersey shore
Oh, what a merry ol’ rotten-ass surprise
No fist pumpin’ here, baby
I can’t wait till later cause’ those bitches are gonna leave here with two black eyes
Merry Christmas and Happy black eyed New Year, bitches
Ya’ll in for one hell of a surprise
Anyway, as Ellen DeGeneres would say

It’s my nasty-ass lesbian Christmas party, and I’ll cry, cum and fight if I want to
Cry, cum and fight if I want to, cry, cum and fight if I want to
You would cry, cum and fight too if Jenny tongue-fucked the shit outta’ you

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I originally wrote this article for back in November 2009.

Let’s face it, some things suck (pun intended) about the gay dating scene. And one of the biggest suckfests of them all is onLIE, oh i’m sorry, I meant online dating. (Wink, wink!)

I mean, one would think that with all of the technology today that dating would not only get better but be a whole lot simpler, In some ways it has gotten better and some what simpler but unfortunately when it comes to online dating some things have just gotten worse.

You want proof? Read on.


When it comes to online dating, it’s just a fact of life that there are alot of bad people out there who only want one of two things from you.

The first being your hard-earned money. And a professional scam artist will do absolutely anything to get it including posting a bogus profile on a dating website like or or pretending to be something they are oh so not in an internet chatroom. So, watch out for these scumbags. Always remember that if something sounds too good to be true, it probably is.

Online dating tip: Use extreme caution when conversing with anyone online especially if it is by webcam. Take things slow and avoid sharing any deeply personal or financial information. Also, you might want to consider opening up another email address apart from your primary email address to receive emails and messages just in case you decide to not further pursue or end the relationship.

The second thing that a scam artist may be interested in is a weird one. The scam artist may simply be interested in making a damn fool out of you. Again, let’s face facts, there are some people out there who love to play practical jokes on other people. Some of these people may not be doing it maliciously but rather doing it to amuse themselves and others but regardless of the reasons all gay men need to be prepared for the fact that the sweet young thing he has been instant messaging for the past couple of weeks may be laughing his bony-ass off on the other end along with a couple of his buddies at having fooled you by posting a phony profile and rubbing it in about how gullible and stupid you are. Ain’t a pretty thought now is it fellas?


Are you a law abiding citizen, ya’ know a relatively straight arrow when it comes to the law? If the answer is, yes, then reach deep down to your very soul and ask yourself these questions:

“Could you truly be involved with another man who has raped, murdered, molested, robbed or committed some other serious crime in the past?”

“Could you really and truly live with yourself if the man you met and fell in love with online harmed another person or committed a felonious act while you were together?”

I know that this situation may be unusual but when it comes to online dating, anything goes! And let’s keep it real, there are alot of active criminals on the net looking for love and alot of naive gay men who may fall for their spiel, hook line and sinker and are put into this predicament. This may be hard for a gay male to hear but in today’s world this is not something that could only happen in the movies or to somebody else, accept the fact that this could happen to you too!


I think that this one is self-explanatory. While you might think that you have found the man that you want to spend the rest of your life with and he might claim that he is looking for a long-term relationship, warning, this may be just a smoke screen. All the so-called perfect man of your dreams may be interested in is a one night stand. Remember, some guys will say anything to get some penis including lying their asses off. Watch for signs like him wanting to have sex or excessively talking about sex on your first date.

Guys, common sense and thinking with your big head instead of the little head can go a long way in avoiding some of the unfortunate pitfalls of online dating. Always be smart and in the beginning, a little stingy with your heart and maybe just maybe you may find the man of your dreams online who will love you forever and not break your heart.

Good luck!

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I originally wrote this article for back in January 2010.


I know what you’re thinking. Daddy Lamar sounds like some kind of exotic cajun delicacy from down south. And in a way he really is. (Except for the fact that he is from Utah.) Guys, I kid you not! Get this! This unique daddy was born in 1930 and began his illustrious porn career in the year 2000! For those of you up to doing the math (I know that it is my job to do the math but since I am writing this article dammit i’m gonna’ ask you anyway! Cut me some slack would ya’!) this daddy was actually 70 years old, that’s right, I said 70 years old when he performed in his first film! Holy smokes! (Basically, anyone under the age of 50 is a twink when it comes to this daddy. Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha!) And guys do you want to know the best thing about this beautiful gay man (Drumroll, please.) He is now 80 years old and still going “fucking” strong! (Pun intended!) Guys, take Daddy Lamar’s lead, when it comes to good ol’ fashioned daddy sex, age ain’t nothin’ but a number baby! (Literally!) Have and enjoy sex, no matter how old you are!


There’s an old saying that nice guys always finish last but when it comes to this
good-looking boy next door daddy, alot of gay men will undoubtedly argue that Jay definitely “comes” first! (Pun intended!) Incidentally guys, when Jay comes it’s usually all over your face, in your mouth and in your anus. Let the semen fall where it may, huh guys! (Omigod, I can’t believe that I just said that, oh, i’m such a nasty boy, and I love it! And according to Jay’s work, so does he!) For an example, check out his films, “Daddy Flies Solo” or his ass spanking daddy masterpiece, “Feed Me Sir” and you’ll discover like so many other Jay Taylor fans have discovered that this 51 year old ass-strapping, dildo-boinking clothespin-using daddy is the bomb!


Singer Diana Ross and alot of fun-loving intoxicated gay guys at the local karioke bar have at one time harmoniously sang together the following lyrics: “I want muscles, all, all over his body, make him strong enough, from his head down to his toes, I want muscles, all, all over his body, make him strong enough, from his head down to his toes!” Hey guys, let me stop you before you go any further and that nasty hangover that you’re about to have sets in and you lose the capabilility of understanding any word that I say, WISH GRANTED! Boy oh boy do you get muscles not to mention Spike gives his boys the most important muscle of all in his films. (Pun intended!) With a body of a greek god and the swagger of The Doors frontman, Jim Morrison (Ironically his last name is Morrison as well.) this muscle daddy is sure to get a sharp rise out of anyone who is lucky enough to be blessed in his presence. Spike is quite a sight to behold! For those of you who require proof, buy a copy of “Daddy Chain” or “Built To Last” and you will become an instant Spike believer too! This daddy is for men who like their sex rough and tough and that’s exactly how Spike gives it to them!


With films such as “Daddy Fantasies”, “Daddy Knows Best”, “Daddy Cruising”, “Daddy Buddies” and “Daddy’s Weekend Layover” (Gee whiz, i’m totally out of breath just saying all of that!) you know that you’re in for some hot daddy lovin’ all night long! And when it comes to Michael’s appendage, long is definitely the appropriate word to describe it! (Loud-ass low down dirty snicker!) This 55 year old 165 pound 5′ 8” daddy powerhouse known as the silver-haired boy fucker (Ahhh, what a lovely name and such beautiful words to the gay ear.) just loves to give lots of cock and receive a shitload of it too! What a guy! In Michael’s films you will get to see lots and lots of expert fucking and sucking which is exactly what we want to see in our daddy porn. Hallelujah! Ya’ know there’s just something about a man with a double letter at the end of his name that makes me hard and after watching some of Michael’s films they will definitely make you hard too (Pun intended!) because he is the daddy porn star with the cock that totally rocks!


Even though it isn’t well publicized, alot of gay men have issues with their bodies just like women do. Some of us may be self-conscious about our vericose-veined legs, saggy bottoms or big ol’ gut bellies. (Enter Daddy Darby!) But when it comes to sex every gay man should keep in mind that beauty is in the eye of the beholder. Another man’s turn-off may be another man’s turn-on meaning some gay men may like a good saggy ass or couldn’t care less if a man has a receding hairline or whatever other flaws that they may have. Some gay men may only be concerned about what kind of person that their partner may be inside, screw all the superficial bullshit or there are some gay men out there who don’t want any kind of serious relationship all they want is to get laid and have a good time! Whatever the reason, enter Daddy Darby! And when I say enter Daddy Darby boy oh british boy does this daddy know how to enter a british boy! (Pun intended!) With his oversized gargantuan belly leading the way this master fetish disciplinarian and spank master can be counted on to put bad little twinks in their place and remind them who is in charge. No matter whether he uses his hands, a sneaker or some hot wax there is no doubt that when you watch one of his many films that Daddy Darby is in full control and all the little boys love it and so do we!

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