Archive for Parenting

I Got Baby Fever!


Verse 1:

Bottles and Luvs diapers everywhere,

Sleepless nights, disheveled hair,

Baby shakes rattle, baby shakes rattle,

Houseful of kids who luvs to tattle,

Chorus:

Cause I got baby fever and there’s only one cure,

Luvs diapers, the best in newborn and toddler couture,

Dr. Seuss prescribed me a healthy dose of “Cat in the Hat,”

No green eggs or ham just a beautiful baby cradled in my arms skinny or fat,

A maternal inferno is burning deep down inside of me,

And it will never stop until i’m a mommy!

Verse 2:

My biological clock is going tick tock tick tock,

My obsession is reading aloud to my kids, “Hickory Dickory Dock,”

Sex, pregnancy and a whole bunch of recorded videotape,

Happy Halloween Mommy, how do I look all dressed up as Superman in my red cape,

Chorus:

Cause I got baby fever and there’s only one cure,

Luvs diapers, the best in newborn and toddler couture,

Dr. Seuss prescribed me a healthy dose of “Cat in the Hat,”

No green eggs or ham just a beautiful baby cradled in my arms skinny or fat,

A maternal inferno is burning deep down inside of me,

And it will never stop until i’m a mommy!

Verse 3:

So big boy I hope you got the message and that I made myself crystal clear,

Okay Mama, let’s make a baby is the only thing that I want to hear,

Because boy oh boy or should I say girl oh girl I am oh so ready for this,

Lover, take me in your arms and let’s start this baby-making party off with a kiss!

Chorus:

Cause I got baby fever and there’s only one cure,

Luvs diapers, the best in newborn and toddler couture,

Dr. Seuss prescribed me a healthy dose of “Cat in the Hat,”

No green eggs or ham just a beautiful baby cradled in my arms skinny or fat,

A maternal inferno is burning deep down inside of me,

And it will never stop until i’m a mommy!

And it will never stop until i’m a mommy!

I want a baby!

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WOULD PRESIDENT OBAMA WANT MALIA AND SASHA TO TAKE THE PURITY PLEDGE?


I recently watched an episode of the tv news/entertainment show, Inside Edition where they did a feature story on Purity Balls.

And for those of you out there thinking that Inside Edition did a story on males with squeaky clean testicles, your dead wrong!

A Purity Ball is a formal party that is thrown where young girls wearing beautiful white ball gowns make a solemn vow to their fathers wearing black or white tie to abstain from having sex until they are married.

And folks, they are becoming more and more popular! Go figure!

Here are a few thoughts that I have on Purity Balls:

– In terms of teenage girls abstaining from sex until they’re hitched, i’m all for it because let’s face it a girl only gets to be young once in her life and for me that means going to college, traveling to different places and doing fun things without the encumbrances of adult life, i.e taking care of a constantly crying newborn baby when the girl who just gave birth to this baby is practically a baby herself!

– But in terms of Purity Balls when it comes to me personally I have to honestly say that I could never make such a solemn vow to abstain from sex until marriage because to me one of the most important parts of a healthy lasting relationship is good sex. It is an absolute requirement that I be sexually compatible with my man and for me the worst Purity Ball fear is that if I waited until after I was married to have sex with my man and found out that he was lousy in bed could I stay with this person forever knowing this no matter how much I loved him. Folks, i’m a person who likes to know exactly what I am getting when I buy or invest in something. I mean don’t get me wrong I like surprises every once in a while but in terms of the Purity Ball thing, no freakin’ way!

–  So in terms of Purity Balls not being the right thing for me personally i’m glad that they are the right thing for alot of other people out there especially teenage girls. And I hope to see more young girls making that solemn vow to abstain from sex until marriage and I really hope to see Purity Balls with young teenage males and their mothers making that solemn vow too!

– And last but not least,  no offense,  Purity Balls and people who participate in them are also a tad bit creepy to me.

P.S.     Although I applaud the general theory of the Purity Ball, I ain’t gonna’ lie and say that there is a little part of me that totally delights in a girl who thinks that she is better and more god fearing than you and has sworn up and down that she will not have sex until she’s married only to get knocked up and busted a short time later for being a total fraud and hypocrite.

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I LOVE BABIES FULL OF PISS & VINEGAR!


Hey mommies & daddies all over the world,
here are two things that your unborn babies
are yearning to tell you before they are born!

Number 1:

Number 2:

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TINA KNOWLEDGEABLE PEDEN’S GREETING CARDS IN A BLOG POST! (GREETING CARD 11)


This is a greeting card that I wrote for all of you hardworking mister moms out there! Enjoy!

H oney did you pick up my dress at the dry cleaners?

O uch dad that medicine really stings!

U look marvelous darling!

S ex at 3:18 a.m. in the morning!

E scape from New York to the local movie theatre for some alone time!

H ollering down the stairs to the kids to bequiet!

U rsula use english not that teeny bopper slang!

S he works hard for the money buys the bacon and I fry it up in a pan.

B equiet!

A n afternoon delight with my lovely wife!

N o son you can’t go out with a girl named Madonna tonight or ever!

D ad you’re a big pain in the ass but we all really love you!

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HEY PARENTS: DO YOUR JOB AND SHUT THAT KID UP! WE’RE IN A PUBLIC PLACE AND YOU’RE SUPPOSED TO BE QUIET!


Hey, check out this oldie but goodie post that I wrote back in October of 2008!

Recently I was using a public computer at the library when all of a sudden a woman with 2 under the age of 3 years old children peers into the computer center.

Involuntarily my eyes began to move heavenward and I said a mental prayer that the woman and her 2 kids wouldn’t sit at the empty computer station next to me.

Apparently my prayers were answered a few seconds later when they moved on to another part of the library.

After silently rejoicing, I got to thinkin’ a bit.

A huge part of me was so happy when the mother and her 2 kids didn’t sit down next to me at the empty computer station because I came to use the computer in semi-peace and folks I know that in a public library there is obviously going to be noise but I just didn’t feel like hearing it from the mother and her 2 kids in so close proximity to me.  And also because I knew that or assumed that the noise that the mother and her 2 kids would be making would be noise on a grand central station type scale.  And to put it plainly,  I just didn’t want to hear that shit!

And folks, I know that the world doesn’t revolve around me, but I honestly have to say that at that particular moment in the library it did.  And that really pissed me off!   Which is why the other part of me was so sad and disappointed in myself because of my blatant discrimination of these 3 people who had just as much of a right to sit down at a computer station in a public library as me.  And who knows, all three of them could have been as quiet as a church mouse.

You see folks, this is what you get when you assume.

Folks, it is my sincere wish that discrimination of all kinds will end forever someday and soon!

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SELF ESTEEM GAMES FOR CHILDREN! (HEY KIDS, IF YOU DON’T BLOW YOUR OWN HORN, NOBODY ELSE WILL!)


Teachers, here is a fun self-esteem game that your students can play. Parents, this game can also be played at birthday parties, too. This game is called, “Blow Your Own Horn.”

THINGS NEEDED:
-A roll of paper towels for each student
-A couple of wastepaper baskets
-A couple of brooms and dustpans
-A portable radio or cd player

THE “BLOW YOUR OWN HORN” SELF-ESTEEM GAME:

1. At the beginning of class, give each child their own roll of paper towels.

2. Have each child tear off a couple of paper towels from the roll and then rip them up and put them into the wastepaper baskets. Repeat this step until all of the paper towels have been ripped up.

3. Turn on some music and encourage the kids to dance while they are ripping up the paper towels and putting them into the wastepaper baskets.

4. Once all of the paper towels have been ripped up and placed into the wastepaper
baskets. Have each child pick up the empty paper towel roll and place it to
his or her mouth and talk into it like a bullhorn.

5. Go around the room and ask each child to say something positive about
themselves into the makeshift bullhorn such as: “I’m great!”
“I’m a winner!” “I love myself!” “I’m a hardworker!”

6. Once all of the children have had a turn. Ask the children to stand up and
march around the room, single file, and have them say more positive
things about themselves into the makeshift bullhorns.

7. Encourage them to clap their hands and have a grand ol’ time.

8. Once all of the children have had another turn at saying positive things
about themselves, have each child take some of the shredded paper towels
out of the wastepaper baskets and throw them into the air and onto each
other. Teachers, let them go wild and have a grand ol’ time.

9. In between bouts of saying positive things about themselves and throwing
the shredded paper towels at each other, have each child pick a song
that they can all sing together. For the rest of the class period,
JUST LET THE CHILDREN HAVE FUN!

10. About 10 minutes before the class period ends, sweep up the shredded
paper towels and discard them into the wastepaper baskets and tidy up the
rest of the classroom. Have all the kids help do this. Teachers, let
any child who wants to keep their bullhorn, keep it.

SELF-ESTEEM OBJECTIVE:
-This game’s objective is to make a child feel good about his or herself
through their own positive reinforcement. Teachers, it is important for you to tell the children that although it is good for a child to hear positive things about themselves from other people, sometimes they need to hear those positive things from the most important person of all, themselves. Remember, that a person every once in a while needs to “blow their own horn.” To basically say good things about themselves because there is a chance that nobody else will.

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