Archive for Pop Culture

I Got Baby Fever!


Verse 1:

Bottles and Luvs diapers everywhere,

Sleepless nights, disheveled hair,

Baby shakes rattle, baby shakes rattle,

Houseful of kids who luvs to tattle,

Chorus:

Cause I got baby fever and there’s only one cure,

Luvs diapers, the best in newborn and toddler couture,

Dr. Seuss prescribed me a healthy dose of “Cat in the Hat,”

No green eggs or ham just a beautiful baby cradled in my arms skinny or fat,

A maternal inferno is burning deep down inside of me,

And it will never stop until i’m a mommy!

Verse 2:

My biological clock is going tick tock tick tock,

My obsession is reading aloud to my kids, “Hickory Dickory Dock,”

Sex, pregnancy and a whole bunch of recorded videotape,

Happy Halloween Mommy, how do I look all dressed up as Superman in my red cape,

Chorus:

Cause I got baby fever and there’s only one cure,

Luvs diapers, the best in newborn and toddler couture,

Dr. Seuss prescribed me a healthy dose of “Cat in the Hat,”

No green eggs or ham just a beautiful baby cradled in my arms skinny or fat,

A maternal inferno is burning deep down inside of me,

And it will never stop until i’m a mommy!

Verse 3:

So big boy I hope you got the message and that I made myself crystal clear,

Okay Mama, let’s make a baby is the only thing that I want to hear,

Because boy oh boy or should I say girl oh girl I am oh so ready for this,

Lover, take me in your arms and let’s start this baby-making party off with a kiss!

Chorus:

Cause I got baby fever and there’s only one cure,

Luvs diapers, the best in newborn and toddler couture,

Dr. Seuss prescribed me a healthy dose of “Cat in the Hat,”

No green eggs or ham just a beautiful baby cradled in my arms skinny or fat,

A maternal inferno is burning deep down inside of me,

And it will never stop until i’m a mommy!

And it will never stop until i’m a mommy!

I want a baby!

AND FOR ALL OF YOU BEAUTIFUL WANNABE DADS OUT THERE . . .

A PATERNAL Inferno is burning deep down inside of me,

And it will never stop until i’m a DADDY!

And it will never stop until i’m a DADDY!

I want a baby!

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The Bonny as Hell/Pretty Picture Song!


VERSE 1:
-This Lad really hates to be crass,
-Nice derriere there, lovely Lass,
-In you girl, I found a four leaf clover,
-Cause’ you really bowling green me over,
-A masterpiece, a true Mona Lisa,
-My heart just left my body without a visa,
-Beat, beat, flutter, flutter, warning bell,
-Bachelor caught by love at first sight spell,

INTRO INTO CHORUS:
-Cause’ girl you . . . .

CHORUS:
-Bonny as Hell
-Pretty Picture
-Bonny as Hell
-Pretty Picture
-Bonny as Hell
-Pretty Picture
-Bonny as Hell
-Pretty Picture

VERSE 2:
-Forbidden Sex, Lad, among many a secluded tree,
-Naughty Lass, will you please please marry me,
-Cheek to Cheek Dancing with my Husband in my vintage wedding gown,
-Butt Cheek to Butt Cheek Dancing with my Wife in my penguin suit gettin’ the hell down,
-One year later, date night out with my new ball and chain,
-Hey honey, you creepin’ on my old man, best stay in your lane,
-Cause’ bimbo, see this ring, this man is forever and ever mine,
-Baby girl, to the male ego, a cat fight over me would be oh so devine,

INTRO INTO CHORUS:
-And girl, that’s why you will always be to me . . . .

CHORUS:
-Bonny as Hell
-Pretty Picture
-Bonny as Hell
-Pretty Picture
-Bonny as Hell
-Pretty Picture
-Bonny as Hell
-Pretty Picture

VERSE 3:
-It’s baby makin’ time, Lad, wicked wink and slap on the rump,
-Lass, only you could look sexy feeding my baby while attached to a breast pump,
-Quick girl, let’s hide before the PTA asks us to once again volunteer,
-Love my boy but after all that off key singing all I want is a tall glass of beer,
-Running my hand lovingly over the old penguin suit with a tear in my eye,
-I can’t believe i’m about to see my son graduate something money just can’t buy,
-I’m so happy but so sad our child is about to leave our safe family nest hood,
-High five, pat on the back, cause’ this Lad and Lass did that parenting thing damn good,

INTRO INTO CHORUS:
-And one day our boy will have a child with a lovely gal and I vow, she’ll be . . . .

CHORUS:
-Bonny as Hell
-Pretty Picture
-Bonny as Hell
-Pretty Picture
-Bonny as Hell
-Pretty Picture
-Bonny as Hell
-Pretty Picture
-JUST LIKE YOU!

VERSE 4:
-Baby makes three, minus one, now down to us, the original empty nest two,
-Boo hoo hoo, what are we gonna’ do, not a clue, it’s all so damn new,
-Money can’t buy all but thanks to the j-o-b, Mom & Dad, have fun with our hard-earned cash,
-Salesman, can I see that antique picture frame with the sparkly sterling silver flash,
-Me and friends bought some tickets to the charity high school reunion supper and ball,
-That smart pretty girl who beat me at debate asked me to dance there, of all the gall,
-Middle-aged Lass gives her Middle-aged Lad a wicked and heartfelt smile and wink,
-The circle of love is now complete for their son has found his Lass, the missing family link!

INTRO INTO CHORUS:
-And like you girl, I know, not think, that she will forever and ever be . . . .

CHORUS:
-Bonny as Hell
-Pretty Picture
-Bonny as Hell
-Pretty Picture
-Bonny as Hell
-Pretty Picture
-Bonny as Hell
-Pretty Picture
-JUST LIKE YOU!

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JOHNSON UP! (A MANTRA FOR THE MILLENNIUM MAN!)


Verse 1/Chorus:
Hey brother,
did you have a bad day so you took
it out on your woman and brought
her verbally down?
Wanna’ rebound?
Then Johnson up!
Straight up!
Say Sorry up!
Admit yo’ ass was to blame and you
was wrong up!
Buy your woman some flowers or
candy or cook her dinner as a nice
way to make up!
Commit to doing better in the future up!
But most of all, verbally lift your Queen’s
spirits because she damn well deserves
it the hell up!
Get the picture up!
Verse 2/Chorus:
Hey brother,
did you get a girl pregnant then say the
kid ain’t yours being all damn low down?
Wanna’ rebound?
Then Johnson up!
Straight up!
Take paternal parental responsibility up!
Take any decent job or take yo’ ass back
to school to provide for your new kid up!
Pay as much as you can in child support
or open up a savings account and save,
save, save up!
Take a lamaze class and meet other new
parents up!
Go out and buy a colorful onesie up!
But most of all, support the mother of your
child, despite any differences, because she
sure as hell needs you at this time the hell up!
Verse 3/Chorus:
Hey brother,
when you and your homeboys are clowning
around, do you often refer to women as
bitches and hoes stupidly thinking ya’ll are
getting down?
Wanna’ rebound?
Then Johnson up!
Straight up!
Ask yourself would you want your homies
calling your mama, sister or female child
these sick-ass names, come on brother,
real up!
Remember brother that a strong sensual
woman can do anything that a stereotypical
macho male can do so wake up!
And dude, if a woman has a so called
tramp stamp on her back, you can have
your opinions but keep them to yourself
because it ain’t none of yo’ business up!
And baby boy, just because a women dresses
sexy or barely wears any clothes doesn’t mean
that she’s easy or a slut up!  So shutup!
Bro, work to free your mind of these stereotypes
by educating yourself and your homeboys the hell up!
But most of all, try to be a gentleman to women as much
as you possibly can by verbally respecting women
especially in front of impressionable young men the hell up!
Verse 4/Chorus:
Hey brothers,
now that I have given ya’ll the ultimate female low down …..
Now you have all of the tools to maintain and if need be to
always rebound!
So Bro, if ever in the future you screw up, simply direct
your dick skyward and Johnson up!
Again bro, dick skyward, literally straight up!
Bro, do it all old school R&B Temptations style and
“Treat Her Like A Lady” up!
And if you majorly fuck up then go to prison, serve
your time and rehabilitate the hell up!
Always try to be a good role model to young and other
brothers because you have the ability to inspire and
educate up!
Don’t be scared to show love and affection outwardly
towards your woman for fear you’ll be called a pansy up!
Scream it from the tree tops that you are a strong-ass,
grown-ass woman supporting equal opportunity man
till you die up!
And most of all, tweak, be creative and do anything else
that you can think of to make yourself a better man who
exhibits respectful behavior towards women up!
Again bro, direct your dick skyward, straight up!
Always and forever bro, remember to Johnson up!

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THE ONLY THING TRULY MISSING FROM THE JANUARY 21, 2017 WOMEN’S MARCH WAS …..


I loved the Women’s March that took place on January 21, 2017!  

The only thing that would have made it better was if Barbra Streisand and Alicia Keys would have busted out her kick-ass feminist-like hit song from the 70’s, No More Tears (Enough is Enough) with the late great Donna Summer and tweaked it to call out Trump on some of his many controversies.

That would have been totally awesome!

NoMoreTearsEnoughisEnough

EnoughisEnoughNoMoreTearsUnofficialAntiTrumpSong

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ELECTORAL COLLEGE 666, ELECTORAL COLLEGE RED & BLUE SONG!


 

-Electoral College 666, Founding fathers ingenious tricks,
-Electoral College Red & Blue, Hill & Gore won the pop vote, to some hooray, others boo hoo hoo,
-Electoral College 666, Makes brilliant scholars feel like dicks,
-Electoral College Red & Blue, Red States, Blue States and Purple ones too,
-Electoral College 666, We the people don’t really pick our own president, oh fiddle sticks,
-Electoral College Red & Blue, Indirect democracy rules and picks your president for you,
-Electoral College 666, People vote in Nov, Electors vote in Dec amid an icy & snowy mix,
-Electoral College Red & Blue, 270 electoral votes, candidate baby, brings it all home to you,
-Electoral College 666, Discourages damn voter fraud, hey cheaters, baby yo’ plan got nix,
-Electoral College Red & Blue, Swing States, Safe States any of them can flip the bird to you,

-Electoral College 666, Any foreigner messin’ with our elections best be prepared to take some licks,
-Electoral College Red & Blue, Trump & Bush won the EC vote, to some hooray, others boo hoo hoo,
-Electoral College 666, Us big-ass states rule the Electoral College you inferior dumb little hicks,
-Electoral College Red & Blue, Us little-ass states in a close election can drop the bomb on you,
-Electoral College 666, I’m an Elector and i’m gonna’ vote my way, states, so screw you, I rule, pricks,
-Electoral College Red & Blue, The People say honor thy State’s wishes, Electors damn well better do,
-Electoral College 666, Some say get rid of or update this outdated bitch, give it several-ass kicks,
-Electoral College Red & Blue, Others say the Electoral College works, so suck it, crybabies, boo hoo hoo,
-Electoral College 666, For now, noone really knows how to overhaul the EC system or do a major fix,
-And Finally, Electoral College Red & Blue, For now, many discussions in support and against the Electoral College means a little drama and mayhem will always definitely ensue!

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SANTA BABY STOCKING STUFFED WITH SANTA BABY LYRICS!


With my favorite holiday approaching I think that this is the appropriate time to share with you one of my favorite Christmas songs, Santa Baby.  The lyrics are below.  Many people have recorded this song but my favorite singer of this song is Eartha Kitt! Happy Holidays!  Enjoy!

SANTA BABY LYRICS:

(Baboom baboom baboom baboom)
(Baboom baboom baboom baboom)
Santa Baby, just slip a sable under the tree
For me
Been an awful good girl
Santa baby, so hurry down the chimney tonight

Santa baby, a fifty-four convertible too
Light blue
I’ll wait up for you, dear
Santa baby, so hurry down the chimney tonight

Think of all the fun I’ve missed
Think of all the fellas that I haven’t kissed
Next year I could be just as good
If you’ll check off my Christmas list
Santa baby, I want a yacht and really that’s not a lot
Been an angel all year
Santa baby, so hurry down the chimney tonight

Santa honey, one little thing I really need the deed
To a platinum mine
Santa baby, so hurry down the chimney tonight

Santa cutie, and fill my stocking with a duplex
And checks
Sign your ‘x’ on the line
Santa cutie, so hurry down the chimney tonight

Come and trim my Christmas tree
With some decorations bought at Tiffany
I really do believe in you
Let’s see if you believe in me

Santa baby, forgot to mention one little thing
A ring
I don’t mean on the phone
Santa baby, so hurry down the chimney tonight
Hurry down the chimney tonight
Hurry, tonight

Songwriters
JOAN JAVITS, PHILIP SPRINGER, TONY SPRINGER

 

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STAR WARS & COLT 45 TRIBUTE SONG!


(Verse 1)

-Marshmallow peep this out,
-Fly-ass brother with Wookiee to the rescue in interstellar route!

(Chorus)

-So, brothers & sisters, raise your glasses high, but not before you give me five, four times,
-For the almighty, Star Wars & Colt 45!

(Verse 2)

-On film his name is Lando Calrissian and he don’t dig no carbonite freeze,
-And in real life his name is Billy Dee Williams and when it comes to the ladies he ain’t scared of no competition, negro please!

(Chorus)

-So, brothers & sisters, raise your glasses high, but not before you give me five, four times,
-For the almighty, Star Wars & Colt 45!

(Verse 3)

-When Matthew McConaughey says, “Alright, Alright, Alright” all Dazed & Confused like, quite frankly it sounds quite rad,
-But when Billy Dee Williams says, “Alright, Alright, Alright” all up in the Star Wars Empire Strikes Back galaxy he takes that shizit to another level that is bow down bitches, superbad!

(Chorus)

-So, brothers & sisters, raise your glasses high, but not before you give me five, four times,
-For the almighty, Star Wars & Colt 45!

(Verse 4)

-But of course, when the geniuses at Colt 45 decided to team up with the pretty-ass mustached brother whose favorite weapon of choice intergalactically is the holdout blaster,
-Bam, Colt 45 proved once and for all when it comes to marketing a product they are the undisputed master!

(Chorus)

-So, brothers & sisters, raise your glasses high, but not before you give me five, four times,
-For the almighty, Star Wars & Colt 45!

(Verse 5)

-Open your eyes and recognize that Colt 45 made ground breaking history by having Billy Dee Williams in their commercials, y’all Colt 45 boldly told the malt liquor industry to wake the hell up Rip Van Winkle,
-And alot of people in kind responded with a whole lotta’ foldable green crinkle and silver and copper tinkle!

(Chorus)

-So, brothers & sisters, raise your glasses high, but not before you give me five, four times,
-For the almighty, Star Wars & Colt 45!

(Verse 6)

-So, Star Wars & Colt 45!
-Ladies sure as hell won’t be singin’ no blues!
-And Gentlemen sure as hell won’t be seein’ Mahogany red!
-Cause’ baby instead ……………
-We all will be saluting you for being smart enough to hire Billy Dee!
-And for that Star Wars & Colt 45, let us give you five, four times and forever thank the hell out of thee and the entire galaxy!

(Chorus)

-So, brothers & sisters, raise your glasses high, one last time, but not before you give me five, four times,
-For the almighty, Star Wars, Billy Dee Williams & Colt 45!

I LOVE ALL THREE!

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SELFIE!


This is a song that I wrote about the here to stay, selfie craze.

First “Drop The Mic” Verse:

1. Ain’t gonna’ lie seriously,
2. Don’t like peeps hatin’ on me,
3. Just cuz I post pics continuously,
4. Chin up, cuz i’m a tough empire-style cookie,
5. And I do whatever the hell that makes me happy,
6. And that’s taking and posting many a selfie,
7. So what if I wanna’ show off my smokin’ hot body,
8. That bitch, Kim Kardashian ain’t got a damn thing on me,
9. Restaurants, trips, my new car, I paid a hefty fee (and got some of it, I will admit, scott free),
10. And now all of my followers on social media get to see my pics and envy the hell outta’ me,
11. It’s such a rush, the likes, the retweets, breaking the internet I one day clearly see,
12. Call me insecure or vain cuz I love this sort of attention, go ahead and spill the damn tea,
13. Say the selfie is nothing but a foolish tool of vanity,
14. Maybe it is to some but there is no way in hell that’s gonna’ stop fearless me,
15. From taking and posting many a selfie,
16. Millennium, yippee!

Last “Drop The Mic” Verse:

1. So to all of you haters out there,
2. Judgmental-ass noses all up in the air,
3. Takes alot of courage to lay your shit totally butt-ass bare,
4. So if you don’t like my pics I don’t really care,
5. Noone’s asking you to look, like or share,
6. So find yourself another website to fix your disapproving stare,
7. Cuz there are alot of other people who like my pics, just to be fair,
8. So there!
9. Take a moment to mentally prepare,
10. You might also want to sit your ass down in the nearest chair,
11. Before I tell you to kiss my well endowed derriere,
12. You choose cuz both of my butt cheeks are a fabulous pair,
13. Baby, no sweat, i’m gonna’ brush this shit off and not make it too big of an affair,
14. I don’t give in to peer pressure cuz i’m strong and don’t easily scare,
15. Like I said before, I gotta’ do what makes me personally happy,
16. And baby, that’s taking and posting many a selfie!

 

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ELECTION 2016, WHAT WILL YOU BE? A SONG WRITTEN BY TINA KNOWLEDGEABLE PEDEN


Verse 1:

-Ted Cruz was the first one to break his presidential run cherry,
-Rest in peace, “Bitch, set me up”, former D.C. Mayor Marion Barry,
-Don’t ya’ll think Monica Lewinsky’s 2015 comeback is precursor-ass scary,
-On no, Election 2016, i’m starting to feel a little bit wary,
-Oh Election 2016, I need some alka seltzer, Jesus, Joseph and Mary!

Chorus:

-Oh Election 2016, what will you be,
-A lovely lady or debonair gentlemen to me,
-Oh Election 2016, what will you be,
-Will you love or totally bitch slap the hell outta’ me,
-Election 2016, to put it former Governor of California Arnold Schwarzenegger bluntly,
-Will you Frank and Claire Underwood totally fuck the shit out of me,
-Oh Election 2016, please please tell me,
-Just what in the hell will you be,
-All this not knowing is driving me absolutely crazy,
-Hey, I just can’t wait till Tuesday, November 8, 2016 baby,
-When the answer to my question will be revealed at last, finally!

Verse 2:

-My fellow Americans if Hilary is elected her husband will fuck every intern in the White House, he likes em’ young, baby,
-My fellow Americans if any Republican is elected they will give more tax breaks to the ultra rich like the Koch brothers, loud-ass carbonated burp, honey,
-Oh shut up liberal and leave Bristol Palin and other unqualified politician’s youngin’s be,
-Go suck an egg conservative before spending some of that leftover pocketed super pac money,
-Ahhh, Election 2016, the mudslinging goal, make your political opponent look like one hell of a pussy!

Chorus:

-Oh Election 2016, what will you be,
-A lovely lady or debonair gentlemen to me,
-Oh Election 2016, what will you be,
-Will you love or totally bitch slap the hell outta’ me,
-Election 2016, to put it former Governor of California Arnold Schwarzenegger bluntly,
-Will you Frank and Claire Underwood totally fuck the shit out of me,
-Oh Election 2016, please please tell me,
-Just what in the hell will you be,
-All this not knowing is driving me absolutely crazy,
-Hey, I just can’t wait till Tuesday, November 8, 2016 baby,
-When the answer to my question will be revealed at last, finally!

Verse 3:

-Racism, poverty, immigration, usually not problems facing the tea party,
-Democrats in regards to these problems aren’t exactly Mother Teresa saintly,
-Oh fair candidate, oh dark candidate, we oh so need you to help us fix problems like these urgently,
-Show yourself gallant sir or bewitching maiden and lead us to economic and social prosperity,
-Election 2016 candidates, show us you really care, not Obamacare, oh so swiftly!

Chorus:

-Oh Election 2016, what will you be,
-A lovely lady or debonair gentlemen to me,
-Oh Election 2016, what will you be,
-Will you love or totally bitch slap the hell outta’ me,
-Election 2016, to put it former Governor of California Arnold Schwarzenegger bluntly,
-Will you Frank and Claire Underwood totally fuck the shit out of me,
-Oh Election 2016, please please tell me,
-Just what in the hell will you be,
-All this not knowing is driving me absolutely crazy,
-Hey, I just can’t wait till Tuesday, November 8, 2016 baby,
-When the answer to my question will be revealed at last, finally!

Verse 4:

-Candidates, try not to Aaron Schock us by spending taxpayer money ala Downton Abbey,
-Or wiping your email server clean when you are not supposed to ala Clinton Hillary,
-Stop all the bullshit and fulfill all your campaign promises to your constituency,
-Bring back honor to politics and end the stereotypical rhetoric about politicians asap,
-Then you will see more people turning out to vote in elections incessantly! (Whoopee)

Chorus:

-Oh Election 2016, what will you be,
-A lovely lady or debonair gentlemen to me,
-Oh Election 2016, what will you be,
-Will you love or totally bitch slap the hell outta’ me,
-Election 2016, to put it former Governor of California Arnold Schwarzenegger bluntly,
-Will you Frank and Claire Underwood totally fuck the shit out of me,
-Oh Election 2016, please please tell me,
-Just what in the hell will you be,
-All this not knowing is driving me absolutely crazy,
-Hey, I just can’t wait till Tuesday, November 8, 2016 baby,
-When the answer to my question will be revealed at last, finally!

Verse 5:

-So Republicans, rush rush to the polls and do the Limbaugh baby,
-And Democrats hurry hurry to the polls and honor the Kennedy legacy,
-And if you like to masturbate, go out and vote Independently,
-Whatever gets you off, just make your voice heard great sex loudly,
-But most of all, American red, white and blue star spangled proudly!

Chorus:

-Oh Election 2016, what will you be,
-A lovely lady or debonair gentlemen to me,
-Oh Election 2016, what will you be,
-Will you love or totally bitch slap the hell outta’ me,
-Election 2016, to put it former Governor of California Arnold Schwarzenegger bluntly,
-Will you Frank and Claire Underwood totally fuck the shit out of me,
-Oh Election 2016, please please tell me,
-Just what in the hell will you be,
-All this not knowing is driving me absolutely crazy,
-Hey, I just can’t wait till Tuesday, November 8, 2016 baby,
-When the answer to my question will be revealed at last, finally!

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SCONES & TEA!


Verse 1:

-More tea, my lady,
-Thank you, mummy,
-You look beautiful in that frock from my wardrobe, my lady,
-Thank you, mummy,
-Do you need to go to the loo, my lady,
-No thank you, mummy,
-Time to check the chocolate chip scones from the oven, my lady,
-Must you really, mummy,
-Do you want them to burn, my lady,
-Now you’re really being cheeky, mummy,

Chorus:

-Scones and tea,
-Make me feel like aristocratic royalty,
-Having so much fun with mummy,
-Keep playing forever with me,
-At my fairy tale afternoon tea party, 
-Build mummy/daughter cherished memory,
-In photo album for all the world to see,
-Happy Mother’s Day, I love you mummy,

Verse 2:

-Do you want to do the waltz now, my lady,
-Yes I do, daddy,
-Do you want me to fight that big ol’ dragon now, my lady,
-Yes I do, daddy,
-Do you want me to crown you with this pink tiara now, my lady,
-Yes I do, daddy,
-After all of this hard work can I get some hugs and kisses from you now, my lady,
-Is it something that you feel strongly about and truly need from me, daddy,
-Good god yes, my beloved and extremely cheeky little lady,
-Then I shall come forth and proceed but since we still have lots to do I will make it quick, daddy,

Chorus:

-Scones and tea,
-Make me feel like aristocratic royalty,
-Having so much fun with daddy,
-Keep playing forever with me,
-At my fairy tale afternoon tea party, 
-Build daddy/daughter cherished memory,
-In photo album for all the world to see,
-Happy Father’s Day, I love you daddy,

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QUESTIONS POP CULTURE STYLE!


-Why do people who call themselves fashion experts always dress so badly?
-Why is it that even when you are careful you still spill stuff on your clean clothes?
-Why does the mailman always deliver important packages to you when you are gone?
-Why do parents say “i’m doing this because I love you” right before they punish you?
-Why is it that when you really want a cold drink there is only one ice cube in the ice tray?
-Why is it that whenever you are watching something good on tv the phone rings?
-Why is it that when you have to poop in a public place someone is always around?
-Why must Hollywood remake kick-ass old movies into crappy-ass bad ones? 

-Hmmm,
-Question, questions in my mind,
-I sometimes ponder them all the time,
-Seeking ways on how to solve them,
-But if I cant, no biggie, no real sin,
-But if I can, I really do feel that I win,
-So bring it on questions, i’m smart, kingpin,
-Perplextion to reflection, questions, let the mind games begin! 

-Why does your menstrual period always come down when you are wearing white clothing? 
-Why can’t there be more clever word play in songs like “Don’t it make my brown eyes blue?” 
-Why didn’t any of the skanks on Sex and the City get HIV as much as they screwed around? 
-Why do kids prefer a flat-ass McDonald’s hamburger to a big-ass hamburger made by their mom? 
-Why do killers in tv shows and movies always walk slowly while the victim hauls serious ass?  
-Why is it that people like Rob Kardashian with business degrees can’t get a real job? 
-Why do cats lick their nasty-ass saliva all over their bodies then declare themselves to be clean? 
-Why does the biggest Christmas shopping day of the year keep getting pushed forward? 

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