Archive for Pop Culture

ROCK N’ ROLL IS MY FASHION!


-Leather pants crotch perspire,
-Hell no punk we won’t hire,
-Boy, you a girl with that long-ass hair,
-Dude, screw you, I do what I want, I don’t care,

-Cause’ rock n’ roll is my fashion,
-No code of conduct, rebel bastion,
-Like little black dress always gonna’ be in style,
-Dude, I need hairspray and nail polish from that aisle,
-One size definitely does not fit all,
-Drives Tipper Gore and PMRC up a wall,
-That’s why I will always love rock n’ roll,
-Hail, hail, sex, drugs and rock n’ roll, 
-And don’t forget the almighty stripper pole! 

-Guitar lessons electric guitar,
-Beautiful women expensive car,
-Love rocking out with my cock out on stage with many a fan,
-Screw concussion from getting hit in head with beer can,

To read more of my words please click on Rock n’ Roll is my Fashion!

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WHAT HOURS DO YOU SELL BOOZE?


Sorry, I don’t know what hours we sell liquor maam,
When I heard those words I thought really goddamn,
Cause’ if I was any kind of a store employee,
That is the first thing for certain I would know baby,
For me, for a store to be legit,
They better know what hours they sell their 50 proof shit,
I mean one of the best perks of the damn job,
For any hardworking minimum wage paid store slob,
Would be after work Miller time, hey, and a shot of Jim Beam,
And if this customer comes after hours and can’t buy hootch i’m gonna’ scream,
And if this customer calls for the hours and gets transferred alot cause’ you don’t know,
You better believe i’m gonna’ be pissed and tell your ass where to go,
So 7-Eleven, CVS, Walmart and all other stores regarding training, do your damn job,
You so-called friendly convenience corporations before your confronted by an angry mob,
And first have your employees memorize what hours your store sells the liquor at,
And this Sherlock Holmes will find it in any store aisle less than a minute flat,
Baby, I promise you that!

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IN HONOR OF REAL HOUSEWIVES OF ATLANTA PORSHA STEWART & KENYA MOORE’S BRAWL AT THE TAPING OF THE RHOA REUNION I WROTE THIS SONG CALLED MEOW TV!


MEOW TV

(Verse 1)

-I turn the tv to the Bravo Channel and I hear,
-Girl, you throwin’ shade,
-Get outta’ my face, bitch,
-You ain’t no real friend,
-Quit lying cause’ I have always been,
-Drama, drama, drama,
-And then the claws come out,

(Chorus)

-Meow, scratch,
-Meow tv,
-It’s tacky,
-It’s fighty,
-Meow, scratch,
-Meow tv,
-Don’t enrich me,
-Only entertains me,
-Meow, scratch,
-Meow tv,
-Come on, baby,
-These bitches drive me crazy,
-Meow, scratch,
-Meow tv,
-Lots of ladies,
-Broke-ass or in mercedes,
-Meow, scratch,
-Meow tv,
-Cheap production fee,
-Makes alot of money,
-Meow, scratch,
-Meow tv,
-Self respect nonexistent honey,
-Fame and money is lord, baby,
-Meow, scratch,
-Meow tv,
-Unlikely win an emmy,
-Shit’s here to stay, baby,
-Meow, scratch,
-Meow tv,
-Raise your glass to Meow tv,
-And pop a Xanax before drinking your sweet tea,
-And before watching all of the drama on Meow tv!

(Verse 2)

-Honey, twirl your ass on outta’ here,
-Ladies, let’s keep it all the way real,
-You bitches are just jealous of my jesus jugs,
-She gettin’ on my nerves, she needs to shutup,
-Bitch whatchu’ gonna’ do, who gonna’ check me boo,
-Drama, drama, drama,
-And then the claws come out,

(Chorus)

(Verse 3)

-NeNe and Vicki, original gangstas and ultra queen bees,
-What those chicks need is a really good read,
-At least I know what the underground railroad is,
-Honey, you didn’t know what vagina your husband was sticking his dick in,
-Shut the fuck up before I knock your teeth down your throat,
-Drama, drama, drama,
-And then the claws come out,

(Chorus)

To view the rest of my lyrics please go to:                                 http://songbay.co/view-lyric/3147/  

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JUST LIKE THE LITTLE BLACK DRESS, MAKING FUN OF PARIS HILTON WILL ALWAYS BE IN STYLE!


Here is a spoof piece that I wrote about lame-ass heiress, Paris Hilton a couple of years ago.
Paris Hilton To Tour Flood-Damaged Iowa On July 25th!
First President George Bush did it, then John McCain did it.  And of course the next logical candidate to tour areas damaged and destroyed by massive flooding in Iowa is none other than Paris Hilton!
(Insert your snicker here!)
According to a close friend of mine from Des Moines, rumors have been swirling the past week that there have been phone conversations between Paris Hilton and Iowa Governor Chet Culver about the heiress touring flood damaged areas of Iowa with Hilton expressing an interest on touring the state on July 25th.
One question immediately sprang to my mind after being informed of this rumor.
Why the hell would this rich, spoiled, talentless self-centered woman want to tour Iowa when the state is going through such a difficult time let alone on this specific date?
My answer, who the hell knows!
But this is one writer who’s not going to pass up an opportunity to speculate why.
So, here is my list of the top 10 reasons why Paris Hilton wants to tour flood damaged Iowa on July 25th:
10.  When Hilton was released from jail due to violating her probation last year she vowed to visit Rwanda, but as of this date hasn’t, and let’s face it, never will because of her “busy” schedule so she probably figured visiting Iowa was good enough because it’s a foreign country too.
9.   Her pampered pooch, Tinkerbell threatened to sell her latest sex tape in high definition 3D if she didn’t get her bony butt out of the state for awhile and give her a break.  (As if Iowans haven’t suffered enough from the floods already, here comes Paris Hilton to wreck the day!)
8.   As the self-proclaimed “iconic blonde of the decade” she felt it was her duty to spread goodwill to Iowa through her blondness and stupidness.
7.   ARE YOU KIDDING!  Touring flood damaged Iowa is a major photo op baby and there ain’t no way in hell Paris Hilton is gonna’ miss out on that action!
6.   Being voted the second “worst celebrity role model of 2006” behind Britney Spears has inspired her to try to change her image.  (Good luck honey because that just ain’t gonna’ happen in this lifetime!)
5.   Paris is pissed off at her latest boytoy, Benji Madden for saying that the late great superstar acting dog, Benji was “hotter” than Tinkerbell.  (Now that’s hot!)
4.  Paris plans on holding a “famous for being famous” rally Howard Dean-style in Iowa to find a new bff.  (Because not only is she going to Iowa, Howard Dean she’s going to South Carolina and Oklahoma and Arizona and North Dakota and New Mexico, and then she’s going to California and Texas and New York … And then she’s going to South Dakota and Oregon and Washington and Michigan, and when she finally finds her new bff they are going to Washington, D.C. to take back the White House! Yeah!)
3.  Paris wants to give away free copies of her flop movie, The Hottie and the Nottie, to try to cheer victims of the Iowa flood up.  (Omigod!)
2.  Paris is hoping to get an autographed picture of Iowa band, Slipknot, to sell on ebay to help raise money for the victims of the flood rather than digging into her own deep pockets.
1.   She wants publicity, pure and simple, for her upcoming movie, song, clothing line, perfume, dog adoption, runway gig, burger commercial or whatever else this chick is trying  to shove down the American public’s throats.  (Ewww, gross!)
Hey Paris, do everyone a favor and especially Iowa, stay at home!

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IF I COULD GIVE “GIRL ON FIRE” FOR THE MOMENT, JENNIFER LAWRENCE ONE PIECE OF ADVICE, IT WOULD BE …..


Jennifer, if you are going to share a piece of twinkie-like food with another person then make sure that if you want to smell it first then be sure to sniff it at least a millimeter or two away from your nostrils.

I mean that’s just plain sanitary and common sense, honey!

But for the love of god “Girl on Fire” don’t put your microscopic boogery, snotty and liquid makeupy nasty-ass nostrils on a twinkie-like food then sniff the hell out of it then break it in half and offer fellow actor, Liam Hemsworth a piece of it to eat.

P.S.    For those of you out there who are wondering what the hell i’m talking about either rent or Netflix the movie, The Hunger Games.  This nasty-ass scene featuring Jennifer Lawrence and Liam Hemsworth happens very early in the movie, like within the first 15 minutes.

Now that you are properly schooled I will continue with the blog post.

I mean “Girl on Fire” it’s okay if YOU want to chow down on your own microscopic boogery, snotty and liquid makeupy nasty-ass twinkie-like food infested with your germs because after all it did come from your own body.  Although I don’t know why the hell you would want to but that’s your affair.

But for the love of God “Girl on Fire” be humane and not involve poor Liam Hemsworth in your unsanitary ways!  Girl, have a damn heart!  That poor young man has been through enough!   “Girl on Fire” have you never heard of Liam’s ex, a girl named Miley Cyrus and her vaginal germ infested foam finger?

I mean “Girl on Fire” sometimes you can be so cold-hearted and cold-blooded!

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I KNOW THAT IT’S BEEN SAID MANY MANY TIMES BUT I’LL SAY IT AGAIN, THE NEW YAHOO EMAIL STINKS!


Yahoo, how could you!

Why did you have to replace the uber-fantastic classic Yahoo Mail with the ultra-shitty new Yahoo Mail?

It totally stinks!

And why do you feel the need to trick your customers who have and love classic Yahoo Mail into switching to the new stinky Yahoo Mail by any means necessary!

Bait and switch, Yahoo, that ain’t right!

Yahoo, why won’t you let those customers who don’t like the new Yahoo Mail switch back to the old but totally kick-ass classic Yahoo Mail if they want to?

Yahoo, haven’t you bitches and bastards ever heard of a democracy?

Obviously not because if you did I wouldn’t have written this blog post trashing your icky new email system.

Yahoo, I want you consider this.

Most people in life don’t want to eat vanilla ice cream all of their lives!

They want fucking variety like chocolate, butter pecan and cherry garcia!

Hey Yahoo, I hope you faux-genuises get the hint of this blog post!

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TINA KNOWLEDGEABLE PEDEN’S TV & MOVIE REBOOTS & REMAKE IDEAS! (LIGHTBULB 1)


Recently I moved to another city in New Hampshire and because of that I had to purchase a different cable tv package from a different cable provider. Because of being so busy these last couple of weeks, I haven’t watched alot of tv until one day last week on a very rainy day I took the day off and just vegetated.  During my vegetation and while lying down on the couch I took the time to flick through the hundreds of cable channels that I had purchased when all of a sudden I stopped in delight.

Back in the day (specifically the late 80’s to the mid 90’s) I was a huge fan of a dramatic tv show called Matlock which starred Andy Griffith as a brilliant veteran Atlanta Georgia defense attorney named Ben Matlock.

And even though this show went through more facial changes than Lil’ Kim and Heidi Montag Pratt combined, it still was a big hit.

And for me the episode that truly made me a cult superfan of Matlock was the 1991 episode called “The Strangler” which had Ben Matlock matching wits with sadistic “like to humiliate em’ before he killed em’ serial lawyer killer,” Jeffrey Spidell who was portrayed brilliantly by veteran character actor, Richard Gilliland who just happens to be married to Jean Smart who starred in the hit tv show, Designing Women which was also set in Atlanta Georgia.

Anyhoo, with me catching up on many episodes of the show over the past couple of days some of which I haven’t seen in 21 years and all the media hoopla surrounding the latest reboot of the movie, Superman, this got me to thinking.

In an unimaginative keep rebooting the same old shit over and over again Hollywood millenium world, I am going to throw my hat into the ring and propose a semi-imaginative reboot.

CBS Television Studios or any tv or motion picture studio who wouldn’t mind partnering up on a venture with CBS needs to hire a kick-ass writer to either write a full fledged novel or screenplay called “Spidell” and then turn it into a Hannibal Lecter style movie/tv franchise.

As a fan of Matlock and the Jeffrey Spidell episodes I always wished that the writers of the show would have made a companion mini-series while the show was on the air back in day that delved into the early life of Jeffrey Spidell like the book, Red Dragon did in regards to Hannibal Lecter.

Another anyhoo, since there are alot of fans of the Matlock tv show and the late great, Andy Griffith himself, like me, i’m pretty sure it could be a box office hit especially with the older generation which Hollywood often overlooks.

So hollywood, have at it and don’t you wish that you guys and dolls had imagination like me?

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ANGELINA, ADULTERY, ANGELINA, MASTECTOMY, ANGELINA, FREE PASS?


Recently actress, Angelina Jolie has come out to the public about having a preventive double mastectomy after learning that she carries a mutation of the BRCA1 gene which sharply increases her risk of developing breast cancer and ovarian cancer.

In my opinion, I think that she did a wonderful thing!

Because of her worldwide celebrity and her being a mother to many children, I have noticed that more women are not only talking about this uncomfortable and serious subject but they are also doing more research on the BRCA1 gene and learning that they have early options.  And Angelina Jolie should be applauded for this.  And so many individuals have been doing just that including many celebrities and bloggers.

HOWEVER ……….

I have also noticed something else since Angelina Jolie recently came out and that something is hypocrisy.

Just a few years ago, some of the same bloggers and celebrities who are currently singing Angelina’s praises like she is the most perfect human being on earth were also trashing the hell out of her then nasty-ass for not only committing adultery with then very married mega-stud movie actor, Brad Pitt while filming the movie, Mr. and Mrs. Smith but for also not coming clean and telling the truth to the world that they actually had an affair and for not apologizing to Miss Apple Pie America, Jennifer Aniston, Pitt’s former wife.

(P.S.    Hey Angelina and Brad, couldn’t you two at least have take a tattered musty-ass page out of the LeAnn Rimes and Eddie Cibrian adultery playbook and apologize and keep talking and singing songs about your affair until people are so fed up with hearing you talk and write songs about your affair that they literally want to blow their brains out at the mere mention of it?)

Anyhoo, back to the uncomfortable issue at hand which is:

When a celebrity gets cancer or any other potentially bad or fatal disease does this wipe out or grant them a free pass for all of the shitty things that they have done in the past? (i.e.    In Angelina Jolie’s case, having a sexual affair with a married man.)

Hmmm, just wondering.

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A FEW ULTRA-BIASED THOUGHTS ABOUT SUPERHEROES AND SUPERHEROINES!


With the upcoming release of the latest Ironman movie, I have been doing some light thinking and have come up with the following ridiculous hypothesis.

The way I see it, when it comes to superheroes or superheroines, if you don’t have at least ONE spectacular film or tv series or ONE shitty-ass film or tv series made about you then you haven’t truly made it in Hollywood, America or in Andy Warhol-like Campbell Soup Cans Pop Culture so basically you are a pathetic punk-ass wannabe in waiting.  Sorry bitches, that’s just how it is!

And to prove my point I have included a couple of spectacular and shitty-ass examples below.

BATMAN:

The Dark Knight starring Heath Ledger (Spectacular) Movie

– Batman starring Adam West (Cheesy Spectacular) Tv Series

Batman & Robin starring George Clooney (Mega Shitty-ass) Movie

SUPERMAN:

– Superman 1 & 2 starring Christopher Reeve (Spectacular) Movies

– It’s a Bird, It’s a Plane, It’s Superman! starring David Wilson (Mega Shitty-ass) 1975 ABC Tv Musical

WONDER WOMAN

– Wonder Woman starring Lynda Carter (Spectacular) Tv Series

– Wonder Woman starring Cathy Lee Crosby (Mega Shitty-ass) Tv Movie

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I WANT THE OLD KIM RICHARDS BACK ASAP!


As a fan of the reality tv show, The Real Housewives of Orange County, I decided to check out one of their sister shows, the The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills last week on cable on the station ON DEMAND when I was bored and had nothing else better to do and received the shock of my life!

As I was watching the show I couldn’t believe it when I saw one of my favorite child stars, a barely recognizable Kim Richards and heard about her problems with alcohol and Brandi Glanville‘s tale of her carrying around a shit-stained travel pillow!

As an adult child of an alcoholic who has severed all ties with her alcoholic father and hasn’t seen his sorry ass in over ten years due to the fact that he refused to stop drinking, hitting his wife, verbally abusing his children and at times threatening to harm them physically, I really hope that Kim’s children have not severed all ties with her because of her alcoholism.

I also wanted to say that as a fan of your films, Escape to Witch Mountain and Tuff Turf Kim, I hope and I know that with perseverance, hard work and will power that you can conquer your demons with the bottle and have a happy life and hopefully return to the big screen again!

Fans of yours like me really miss you!  Good luck to you Kim and may God bless you!

P.S.     When I was a youngster I always wanted a black cat named Winky, a starcase, to be in a fun yet cheesy 80’s cult movie with brilliant actor Robert Downey Jr.  and to dance around seductively for hunky talented actor James Spader in a fun yet cheesy 80’s cult movie and give him a big kiss too!

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HEY THIS ONE’S FOR YOU IMELDA MARCOS, MANOLO BLAHNIK, CARRIE BRADSHAW & SHOE LOVERS ALL OVER THE WORLD!


Shoeacidal is a medical condition in which extreme depression is immediately suffered by either a woman, gay male,  metrosexual or anybody who watches reruns of the HBO former hit tv series,  Sex and The City, over seeing a cute pair of shoes that would look great on them but unfortunately they can’t buy them because the shoes are either too damn expensive or the individual is too broke-ass to buy them. This depression often leads to thoughts of ending their lives when in reality there’s no chance in fucking hell that these individuals would ever harm themselves, which is a good thing! These individuals are simply being melodramatic and totally stupid-ass over not being able to buy themselves a cute pair of shoes that they want so desperately at that particular moment in time.

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