Archive for Tina “Knowledgeable” Peden’s Pop Culture Dictionary

TINA “KNOWLEDGEABLE” PEDEN’S POP CULTURE DICTIONARY (VOLUME 15) WHAT IS FRIGIDAIRE HEMORRHAGE?


(Definition) Frigidaire Hemorrhage is a sudden bursting of a blood vessel due to extreme anger over an inconsiderate or lazy-ass family member putting an almost empty ice tray back into the refrigerator. Although this condition has the possibility to become fatal if not treated it can often be avoided by simply filling up the DAMN ice tray with water, lemonade, Pepsi, gin & tonic or any other liquid substance but preferably water when it’s empty before putting it back into the DAMN refrigerator!

I will now use this term in a couple of sentences to clarify it’s meaning.

“After Maggie O’Gutsery was released from St. Patrick’s Day Memorial Hunter Green Hospital after an almost fatal Frigidaire Hemorrhage against doctor’s and her clergyman’s orders she hightailed it down to Pat O’Shalley’s Restaurant & Tavern and ordered a big-ass bloody mary filled with 11 cubes of ice from a 12 cube ice tray to calm her nerves before she went home to deal with her soon to be ex-husband.”

“Grandma Jackson happily ignored the Frigidaire Hemorrhage-like looks that her usually loving family gave her that night when she used up almost 15 trays of ice cubes to cool down her smoking feet due to jumping on them all day because of her massive bingo win earlier that day.”

“Still recovering from a mild case of Frigidaire Hemorrhage, Jonah had his college’s mascot, Squirt the bulldog, piss all over his dad’s eighteen century antique one of a kind desk in retaliation for coming over the night before and using practically all of the ice cubes in his small-ass dormitory fridge for a minor head wound that he sustained in a car accident that night that almost killed him rendering Jonah unable to make his famous ultra cool mint melt in your mouth pencil dick shaped jello shots for the freshman that were pledging his fraternity later that night.”

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TINA “KNOWLEDGEABLE” PEDEN’S POP CULTURE DICTIONARY (VOLUME 14) WHAT DOES DISSED TO THE CURB MEAN?


(Definition) Dissed to the Curb occurs to a person who after running and flailing their arms around like a maniac in a desperate attempt to get the bus driver of the bus that they really need to catch to stop and wait for them finally the bus driver sees them or is alerted to their presence by one or more of the passengers already on the bus but inspite of all of this the bus driver totally disses their ass and continues to drive away anyway.

I will now use this phrase in a couple of sentences to clarify its meaning.

“I’m sooo sad that that happily married for 25 years bus driver got fired for intentionally Dissing to the Curb those 25 Kristen Stewart fans for wearing those lame-ass t-shirts supporting her in her hour of grief due to her cheating on her boyfriend, Robert Pattinson.”

“The bus driver on Route 666D to Hellion Texas told the passengers on the bus in between fits of hysterical laughter that Sister Baptista of the Totally Bitchin’ Order of Angelic Nuns should have had her dogooder-ass up at the bus stop at 10:35 am instead of stopping to help give CPR to that dying elderly man that she encountered on the way to the bus stop then she wouldn’t have gotten Dissed to the Curb by him. In other words, it was her own damn fault!”

“Omigod, Thor! Did you hear that Hercules just got arrested for shoving one thousand bus stop signs up an innocent motorist’s ass simply because he was so pissed off for getting Dissed to the Curb this afternoon and missed his monthly washed-up superheroes meeting? Man, that dude needs some serious help and some serious work!”

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TINA “KNOWLEDGEABLE” PEDEN’S POP CULTURE DICTIONARY (VOLUME 13) WHAT IS A STATE OF THE UNION ADDRESS BUG UP THE ASS?


(Definition) A State Of The Union Address Bug Up The Ass is literally a nasty-ass fungus or infection that goes straight up into your butthole and eventually settles itself in your brain and drives you absolutely bonkers once a year due to your favorite tv show, movie, commercial, video or infommercial being preempted by the President’s Stupid Ol’ Annual State Of The Union Address because like the subject trigonometry that you learn in high school the information in the President’s Annual State Of The Union Address is something that most Americans will never use and this major inconvenience really pisses alot of Americans the fuck off.

I will now use this phrase in a sentence to clarify its meaning.

“Dude, stay the fuck away from Constance for the rest of the day because she’s not only got a major case of Baby Fever but she’s also got a wicked nasty State Of The Union Address Bug Up The Ass! Dude, you know how much her totally obsessed ass worships those Johnson’s Baby Shampoo commercials. Dude, if you know what’s good for you, you’ll stay the fuck away from her!”

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TINA “KNOWLEDGEABLE” PEDEN’S POP CULTURE DICTIONARY (VOLUME 12) WHAT IS THE RUBBING ALCOHOL RUSE?


(Definition) The Rubbing Alcohol Ruse is a devilishly clever code strategy that a sneaky-ass man or woman perpetrates by deliberately writing down the item, “rubbing alcohol” as a simple reminder to themselves to buy a large-ass quantity of liquor on their grocery lists in lieu of writing down the actual words vodka, Jim Beam, tequila, Jack Daniels or whatever the hell other spirit that the sneaky-ass man or woman wants to buy in order to cover their ass just in case any other pain-in-the-ass person in their life should see the grocery list such as a member of the clergy, the family doctor or a nosy-ass co-worker who’ll no doubt think that the sneaky-ass man or woman is a closeted alcoholic lush for buying so much booze and will no doubt joyfully spread this news to every Tom, Dick and Harry that they know or give communion wafers to thereby forcing the sneaky-ass man or woman to take the diabolic route to buying the intoxicants that they so desperately love.

I will now use this phrase in a sentence to clarify it’s meaning.

GROCERY LIST:

-Tomatoes

-Black Olives

-Lean Ground Beef

-Lettuce

-Cheddar Cheese

-Sour Cream

-Taco Sauce

-Hard & Soft Taco Shells

-Rubbing Alcohol (Invisible i.e. all the liquor I need to make those lethal-ass grandpa margaritas)

-Onion

-Tortilla Chips

-Guacamole

Father Breckinmeyer, it was so good of you to stop by! And by the by, before you leave can you do me a favor and please hand me my grocery list that’s being held securely by that big ol’ happy face magnet on the refrigerator? You see Father, i’m making tacos for dinner tonight and I will simply be cross with myself if I forget a single item (i.e. the booze for the grandpa margaritas) on my grocery list.

(Innocent smile flashed to the priest by the perpetrator and a low-down dirty snicker that no man of the cloth could possibly hear! Oh God! Oh Jesus! Oh how I simply adore The Rubbing Alcohol Ruse! Another low-down dirty snicker!)

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TINA “KNOWLEDGEABLE” PEDEN’S POP CULTURE DICTIONARY (VOLUME 11) WHAT IS TWITTERTUDE?


(Definition) Twittertude occurs when a person decides to “follow” a fellow twitterer on Twitter then gets extremely pissed off when the person doesn’t reciprocate by following them.

I will now use this word in a sentence to clarify it’s meaning.

Hey dude, look at that dumb-ass tool with a major twittertude beating the living shit out of that Michael Jackson impersonator just because the guy skipped by him singing The Jackson 5 lyric, “Rockin’ Robin, Tweet, Tweet, Tweet!” Damn dude, Ashton Kutcher is a total psycho Twitter addict!

And for all of you Twitter addicts out there with major twittertudes, here’s some song lyrics just for you!

Rockin’ Robin by The Jackson 5!

He rocks in the tree tops all day long
Hoppin’ and a-boppin’ and singing his song
All the little birdies on Jaybird Street
Love to hear the robin go tweet tweet tweet

Rockin’ robin, tweet tweet tweet
Rockin’ robin’ tweet tweetly-tweet
Blow rockin’ robin
‘Cause we’re really gonna rock tonight

Every little swallow, every chick-a-dee
Every little bird in the tall oak tree
The wise old owl, the big black crow
Flappin’ their wings singing go bird go

Rockin’ robin, tweet tweet tweet
Rockin’ robin’ tweet tweetly-tweet
Blow rockin’ robin
‘Cause we’re really gonna rock tonight
Yeah yeah

Pretty little raven at the bird-band stand
Told them how to do the bob and it was grand
They started going steady and bless my soul
He out-bopped the buzzard and the oriol

He rocks in the tree tops all day long
Hoppin’ and a-boppin’ and singing his song
All the little birdies on Jaybird Street
Love to hear the robin go tweet tweet tweet

Rockin’ robin, tweet tweet tweet
Rockin’ robin’ tweet tweetly-tweet
Blow rockin’ robin
‘Cause we’re really gonna rock tonight

Pretty little raven at the bird-band stand
Told them how to do the bop and it was grand
They started going steady and bless my soul
He out-bopped the buzzard and the oriol

He rocks in the tree tops all day long
Hoppin’ and a-boppin’ and singing his song
All the little birdies on Jaybird Street
Love to hear the robin go tweet tweet tweet

Rockin’ robin, tweet tweet tweet
Rockin’ robin’ tweet tweetly-tweet
Blow rockin’ robin
‘Cause we’re really gonna rock tonight

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TINA “KNOWLEDGEABLE” PEDEN’S POP CULTURE DICTIONARY (VOLUME 10) WHAT DOES THE PHRASE “SHIT-FACED ON LOVE” MEAN?


Sex Definition: S.F.O.L. stands for Shit-Faced On Love.

Instead of a couple being drunk on margaritas, whiskey sours, beer or jello shots like normal people they are drunk on their love for each other. When these couples are together they experience an overwhelming intoxicating feeling of intense passion for each other which often leads to public displays of french-kissing, butt-rubbing and boob-tweaking. It also leads individuals who witness these displays to engage in head-shaking, soft-snickering, mucho-upchucking and police-calling.

I will now use this phrase in a sentence to clarify its meaning.

Hey Jebidiah, look at those two hound dogs all shit-faced on love! Dude, check out what they are doing all over that tacky-ass Elvis Presley life-sized placemat! Dude, i’m all shook up!

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TINA “KNOWLEDGEABLE” PEDEN’S POP CULTURE DICTIONARY (VOLUME 9) WHAT DOES THE WORD “APPEASEPAONOMY” MEAN?


(Definition) An appeasepaonomy is a painful procedure in which children undergo a temporary “Stepford Wives” transformation for their dad’s birthday, Father’s Day, anniversary or some other important event in their father’s life where they will wear whatever crappy outfit that their dad wants them to wear, sing whatever silly song that their dad wants them to sing, be nice to people that they can’t stand, go to places that they wouldn’t be caught dead at et cetera et cetera et cetera only because they love their dad so dearly and they will put up with this torture temporarily just to make him happy on his special day.

I will now use this word in a sentence to clarify it’s meaning.

“For his dad’s 65th birthday, Shamus had to undergo a serious appeasepaonomy along with a little help from three shots of 180 proof Jack Daniels Whiskey in order to perform the song, “I’m A Little Teapot Short And Stout” in front of 5,000 guests that his father has loved him performing ever since he did it in his first grade school play.”

P.S. Dad, I want you to know that performing the song, “I’m A Little Teapot Short And Stout” in front of 5,000 people that I barely knew was the single most embarrassing moment of my life but i’m really glad that you loved my performance! Happy birthday day from your loving son, Shamus who will one day make you pay for this!”

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TINA “KNOWLEDGEABLE” PEDEN’S POP CULTURE DICTIONARY (VOLUME 8) WHAT DOES THE WORD “APPEASEMAONOMY” MEAN?


(Definition) An appeasemaonomy is a painful procedure in which children undergo a temporary “Stepford Wives” transformation for their mom’s birthday, Mother’s Day, anniversary or some other important event in their mother’s life where they will wear whatever crappy outfit that their mom wants them to wear, sing whatever silly song that their mom wants them to sing, be nice to people that they can’t stand, go to places that they wouldn’t be caught dead at et cetera et cetera et cetera only because they love their mom so dearly and they will put up with this torture temporarily just to make her happy on her special day.

I will now use this word in a sentence to clarify it’s meaning.

“For her mother’s 50th wedding anniversary, Sasha had to undergo one hell of an appeasemaonomy along with one hell of an upchucking session in order to put on that long-ass neon orange and yellow dress with the two million hot pink ruffles that her mother thinks that she looks so pretty in.”

P.S. Mom, even though your taste in clothes is total shit, I still really love you anyway! Love Sasha!

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TINA “KNOWLEDGEABLE” PEDEN’S POP CULTURE DICTIONARY (VOLUME 7) WHAT IS CHOPPERS COMPLEX 22?


(Definition) Choppers Complex 22 is a psychological condition in which an individual won’t eat or drink anything for twenty-two hours after they brush their teeth for fear that they will get their teeth dirty too soon thus giving them only 2 lousy hours out of the entire day to scarf and drink some shit down which really pisses them the hell off and often makes them go apeshit really easily.

I will now use this term in a couple of sentences to clarify it’s meaning.

“Look at that good-lookin’ guy with the tight cute ass and a major case of choppers complex 22 freak the fuck out just because his girlfriend got her nasty-ass smelly saliva and tacky-ass blood red lipstick all over his beautiful white teeth!”

“When Dr. Martin, the orthodontist with alzheimer’s disease, suggested to a couple of his college-aged patients with choppers complex 22 that they do a couple of jello shots for him while they were on Spring Break this year they all voted unanimously to beat the living shit out of his forgetful ass with a stainless-steel-girls-gone-wild-gelatin-mold.”

“Hey mommy! Listen to this song that I wrote while slacking off in Mrs. Keane’s spelling class:
Ralphie Conner has choppers complex 22,
He is a total fruitcake and the class thinks he’s really cuckoo,
Because of all the jacked-up shit me and the class have done to him his tired-ass mama has decided to sue,
So here’s Officer Jackson with a subpoena baby just for you,
Hey mommy come back don’t run cause’ there ain’t a damn thing that you can do,
Hey bitch, you’re getting sued! Woowho!
P.S. Mom, have I told you lately that I really love slacking off in school and you too!
By the by mom, please don’t whoop my ass when we get home, boo hoo boo hoo!”

And last but not least, I would like to send a big ol’ heavenly shout out to the beautiful and talented, Farrah Fawcett with the gorgeous choppers! For an example, check out the famous 70’s poster of Farrah in a red bathing suit which I have included with this blog post. Hey Charlie’s Angel, this heterosexual black girl thinks that you rocked the fucking planet while you were here, you are sorely missed!

P.S. As a former domestic violence victim myself, I want to personally take the time to thank you for your brilliant portrayal of a domestic violence victim in the classic tv movie, The Burning Bed! Because of you, angel, domestic violence was brought out into the open and so much has been done to stop it. Thank you! My only sadness when it comes to you angel is that unfortunately you died on the same day as Michael Jackson and got somewhat lost in the drama. But I just wanted to let you know Farrah that Michael Jackson’s death may have stolen alot of your thunder but to alot of your true fans like me we mourned you vigorously right along with the King of Pop himself! Farrah Fawcett, my favorite Charlie’s Angel, you will forever be missed! God bless you and Michael Jackson! (I am a big fan of his too!) Rest in heavenly peace, babies, rest in heavenly peace!

By the by, I absolutely loved that awesome iconic 70’s hairstyle of yours! It was totally awesome and so are you!

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TINA “KNOWLEDGEABLE” PEDEN’S POP CULTURE DICTIONARY (VOLUME 6) WHAT DOES THE PHRASE “DEPENDS RIDIN’ ALL UP (HER/HIS/THEIR) NASTY-ASS BOOTY CRACK” MEAN?


(Definition) The phrase depends ridin’ all up (her/his/their) nasty-ass booty crack refers to a kinky-ass elderly person who has a self-punishment fetish and likes to wear a depends undergarment or diaper three sizes too small so that they can get off. After they get off, the old fart really likes to kick up the kink factor by getting really pissed off at the littlest or most insignificant thing that a person or persons of the younger generation does thereby allowing them to get off again. Basically the only way that these dinosaurs can get some satisfaction or have an orgasm is to blow insignificant shit way out of proportion, get pissed off at the younger generation and wear a tight-ass diaper. These bitches are fucking kinky!!!

I will now use this phrase in a couple of sentences to clarify it’s meaning.

“Hey Sean, I told that old bag who lives across the street from us with the depends ridin’ all up her nasty-ass booty crack that if she rats our gang out to the police one more time just because we pissed on her begonia’s we’re gonna’ light her ass up! By the by, dude, why is she french kissing and rubbing that garden hose that way?”

“Did you see the look that that bitch-ass couple from the eternal gardens nursing home gave Barbara just now? Talk about having a depends ridin’ all up their nasty-ass booty cracks! When all that sweet girl, Barbara did was call the health department and report to them that she smelled some dead old people when she walked by apartment 8 yesterday. But dude, after a through investigation from the health department it turned out that there were no dead old people, the health department told us that that godawful stench coming from their apartment was boiled up moldy-ass red cabbage with a shitload of squirrel meat in it. By the by, dude, why are those old geezers moaning and groaning like that on the bus stop bench?”

“Golly dad, I can’t believe grandpa has got a big ol’ depends ridin’ all up his nasty-ass booty crack just because I told him that he had 24 new wrinkles under his left armpit! My math teacher, Mrs. Swinton told me to practice my arithmetic as much as I could when i’m at home and that’s what I am doing. Must I be persecuted in my own home for doing my homework?” By the by, dad, my favorite dude, grandpa left sticky white goo all over the bathroom floor again. Who’s going to clean that shit up?”

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TINA “KNOWLEDGEABLE” PEDEN’S POP CULTURE DICTIONARY (VOLUME 5) WHAT IS A PANE STAIN?


(Definition) A Pane Stain is an extremely dumb-ass individual who may either be the passenger or the driver of an automobile. At some point during their journey the dumb-ass imbecile actually rolls down one of the automobile’s windows and begins yelling out inappropriate or offensive things to an innocent person or persons walking down the street minding their own damn business as they pass by them.

Usually these cocksuckers or cocksuckerettes, depending on whatever the hell gender they are, are usually accompanied by either their equally moronic-ass friends or lame-ass family members. The sole reason that these cocksuckers or cocksuckerettes engage in such stupid-ass behavior is because in their stupid-ass totally delusional minds they think that this dumb-ass action will make them look cool but in reality it totally backfires on their sorry asses (Case in point, this blog post!) because to the innocent person or persons who were verbally assaulted and to alot of the other people either walking by out on the street or sitting in their automobiles who have also just witnessed this dumb-ass display they look like “why-the-hell-are-you-yelling-out-of-the-damn-window-at-a-total-stranger-ohmigod-what-the-fuck-didn’t-your-parents-or-parol-officers-teach-you-any-goddamn-manners-you-dumb-ass-uncouth-pathetic-ass” shit stain!

I will now use this phrase in a couple of sentences to clarify it’s meaning.

“Hey LaKeesha, it’s Sharonda, girl! Open up that youtube link that I just sent you! Girl, just look at those sixteen racist caucasian cops beating the living shit out of that pimply-ass african american pane stain? God, girl, I just loves me some police brutality and some youtube!”

“Jeepers creepers mom, look at that four year old pane stain with applesauce all up in her nasty-ass matted rat nest hair cussing that sweet little old italian catholic priest the fuck out just because a couple of his flock clocked her juvenile-ass upside the head with a bible, rosary and a big-ass ‘I brake for Mary Magdalene’ sippy cup! Kids, mom, go figure!”

“Nurse will you tell that pane stain cunt slut bitch, Paris Hilton to shut her muff hole! It’s not my fault that the President of the National Organization For Intelligent White Women shoved a big-ass stop sign up her right nostril at their annual rally today. That’s her own damn fault! For pete’s sake, can’t a overpaid middle-aged plastic surgeon who has only killed two people in his lifetime get a decent blow job and nut lick from Amy the dick maker from prosthetics in peace! Jeez, Louise!”

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