Posts tagged 2008 Presidential Election

RETRO PRESIDENTIAL ELECTION GEMS: HEY BARACK & MICHELLE OBAMA: FOR YOUR CAMPAIGN’S SAKE, SHUT YOUR YAPS!


This is a humor piece that I wrote for the 2008 Presidential Election back in April 2008 on Instablogs. So turn back the clocks and reminise!

Picture it! I’m using my best “valley girl” voice circa 1983.

Okay, like, Barack Obama said like the people in rural Pennsylvania are bitter and angry.

Which was like sooo totally lame!

But I like forgive him because he’s such a total hunk!

He’s so tubular! Omigod!

And his wife, Michelle like totally said for the first time in her adult life, she was proud of her country.

Which was like so grody to the max!

But I like totally forgive her because her husband is such a total hunk!

He’s so tubular! Omigod!

Okay, I have to stop this right now. I mean, I love the 80’s but it’s time to say goodbye to my “valley girl” voice and the 80’s and move on from this retro reminising.

Besides it’s giving me a headache! (Or it could be the Olivia Newton-John headband that I am wearing around my head that could be giving me the headache. But I digress.)

Anyhoo, before I say goodbye to the 80’s completely, (I love you Deborah Foreman and Nicholas Cage! You guys did an awesome job in the movie!) there is one thing that I have to say.

Hey Barack & Michelle Obama, shut your yaps!

I mean, haven’t you idiots learned anything?

When the hell will politicians and their boring wives learn that when you are running for president of the United States of America and want to be president of the United States of America basically you can’t say a damn thing, zip, nada!

You have to keep your damn mouth shut about everything!

Barack, you can ask your grocer, doctor or even your car salesman to talk for you but you have to keep your mouth shut or it’s career suicide!

Basically you’ll never win the election if you say something!

Let’s face it, whenever a politician opens his or her mouth they are absolutely guaranteed to offend somebody.

At this time, I would like to send a shout out to rural Pennsylvania! How ya’ll feelin’ today?

So here’s a little advice to any politician out there considering running for president of the United States of America, always remember that Americans don’t have thick skin, they don’t let bygones be bygones, they don’t believe in that bullshit–sticks and stones may break my bones but words will never hurt me. Americans get pissed off over the littlest thing!

So Barack and Michelle, for your campaign’s sake, shut your yaps!

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RETRO PRESIDENTIAL ELECTION GEMS: WHY AM I THE LAST ONE TO KNOW THAT DICK CHENEY HAS HIS OWN OFFICIAL VICE PRESIDENTIAL DIGS?


This is a piece that I wrote back in May 2008 on Instablogs for the 2008 Presidential Election. So jump into the retro time machine and enjoy a gem from 2008!

Hey!

Am I the only person in the United States of America who didn’t know that there was a Vice Presidential Mansion?

I feel so dumb!

I feel so left out!

I’m really hurt!

To think that I had to hear about this interesting fact on The Tonight Show with Jay Leno while he was telling a joke!

How come they didn’t teach this stuff back in the 70’s when I was in elementary school!

Damn catholic schools!

Why am I always the last to know things!

Why couldn’t I have read it in a text book in school just like everybody else!

Why must I always be left out of the loop!

I’m really hurt!

In fact, i’m devastated!

I just hope I have the fortitude to finish writing this story.

(Okay Tina, enough of this pity party, you can do it! Channel your emotions and finish writing this story! Okay?)

(Okay!)

P.S. I was briefly talking to myself but that’s over with now and i’m talking to you.

Anyhoo back to the show!

I mean, I knew that the Vice President lived somewhere, I knew the guy wasn’t exactly homeless or anything but I never thought that he had his own OFFICIAL residence!

It just sounds so formal!

You go, boy!

No offense to the Veep an all, but for me, i’m mostly all about the President and think of our Vice President as an afterthought.

But this whole Vice Presidential mansion thing has me looking at this guy in a whole new light.

I feel kinda’ proud of the guy.

Go figure!

Hey!

For those of you out there like me who also didn’t know that the Veep had an official residence either here’s a little info.

His digs are called Number One Observatory Circle.

A weird name I first thought too until I found out that the joint was located on the grounds of the United States Naval Observatory in Washington D.C. hence the name.

Duh!

The house was built in 1893 and Vice President Walter Mondale was the first Veep to live in the house full-time and every Veep since then has lived at Number One Observatory Circle.

Cool beans!

Gee whiz, why am I always the last person to know about things!

I just hope that there’s nothing else about the Veep that I don’t know.

If Dick Cheney has an Air Force 2 airplane or a tacky intern mistress ala’ Monica Lewinsky that everybody else knows about but me, i’m going to be totally pissed!

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RETRO PRESIDENTIAL ELECTION GEMS: (FIRST LADY BILL CLINTON, OH YEAH, I CAN FEEL THAT!)


This is a humor piece that I wrote for the 2008 presidential election back in March 2008. So, jump into the retro time machine and enjoy!

Being a former president, let’s face it, Bill Clinton has experience with first ladies not to mention White House interns, cigars, blue dresses and ugly women in general.

But I digress.

So now that the tables are turned Sadie Hawkins-style the burning question on every Laura Bush supporter’s mind is ………….

Can Bill Clinton step into his predecessor’s eloquent shoes to carry out his duties as hostess of the White House?

And if I can put my two cents in, I personally think that they should keep the “First Lady” title instead of changing it to “First Gentleman” if Hilary Clinton is elected, just for the hell of it plus the title “First Lady Bill Clinton” is hilarious and you know it!

Anyhow, back to the show.

Even though the job of “First Lady” has been labeled in the press as being nothing more than a glorified housewife, there is so much more to it. The job of First Lady entails taking complete charge of all social and ceremonial events in the White House.

To help the First Lady carry out these sometimes daunting and arduous tasks that these events usually require is her own personal staff consisting of a White House Social Secretary, Press Secretary, Chief Floral Designer, Chief of Staff, Executive Chef, etc.

What alot of people don’t know is that the Office of the First Lady is a branch of the Executive Office of the President. So basically, the job of First Lady entails more than just making fish sticks and fries and watching General Hospital. It can be alot of work!

And what alot of Laura Bush supporter’s want to know is if “Mr. Controversy”, Bill Clinton is up to the job.

My answer……….

Oh yeah baby, oh yeah!

(And incidentally are probably the same exact words that Bill Clinton was moaning as he was getting his “leader of the free world red white and blue” dick sucked by his “extremely unattractive girl you outta’ know better than suck the president’s married dick underling,”  Monica Lewinsky.)

Anyhoo, First Lady Bill Clinton, Oh Yeah, I Can Feel That!

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POLITICAL T-SHIRTS ARE HOT SELLERS BABY!


I originally wrote this article for my AssociatedContent.com webpage back in September 2006.

Guess what folks? Did you know that the 2008 Presidential Election is a little more than two years away? I know that some of you out there are saying, “So what! Who cares!” But for those enterprising entrepreneurs out there, it’s not too early to start cashing in on your favorite candidate or political party.
One of the best ways to make some cash off of the election is to have some election memorabilia made up like t-shirts, buttons, posters, etc. There are alot of places to do this but there are a few places that you can do this without having to spend any money and make a tidy little profit.

For those enterprising individuals, I suggest trying these two companies.

Cafe Press is a large online retailer that enables individuals to create and sell a wide variety of products with zero upfront costs then promote them on their website, blog or in the Cafe Press Marketplace for a profit. To open a “Basic Shop” is free. You can sell t-shirts, bumper stickers, mugs, caps, buttons, cd’s, books, etc. The only negative thing about Cafe Press is that you have to provide your own images and upload them. This also includes text only images. Cafe Press doesn’t have a clip art or photo library. So if you don’t know how to take good pictures and upload the images from your camera or don’t know how to create words and images on t-shirt or button making software, this may not be the site for you. But there is a solution to even this problem. There are alot of retailers like Staples and Best Buys which sell clip art and photographs that can be uploaded to Cafe Press. You can buy these images easily. But the bad thing is that a million other people can buy the same images. Usually the more unique your product is the better it will sell. So think carefully about this. For those enterprising entrepreneurs who are interested in making some election memorabilia for profit, visit the Cafe Press website. Their website address is http://www.cafepress.com

Zazzle is an online retailer that also enables individuals to create and sell a wide variety of products with zero upfront costs then promote them on their website, blog or in the Zazzle Marketplace for a profit. To open a shop is free. At Zazzle, you can sell t-shirts, mugs, postage stamps, greeting & post cards, posters and prints. One of the best things about Zazzle is that you can create a product like a t-shirt with text only. Uploading images is not required like at Cafe Press. A novice can create a t-shirt, greeting card or personalized postage stamp in a matter of minutes. Both the Cafe Press website and the Zazzle website give you step-by-step instructions on how to create products and have affiliate programs where an individual can make even more money. Zazzle also doesn’t have a clip art or photo library. The only bad thing about Zazzle is that they don’t get the sales that Cafe Press does. Don’t get me wrong, an individual can make money on Zazzle but they probably will make more money on Cafe Press. For those enterprising entrepreneurs who are interested in making some election memorabilia for profit, visit the Zazzle website. Their website address is http://www.zazzle.com
For those enterprising businesses, I suggest trying these three companies.

Cafe Press (For more details, see above description.)

Zazzle (For more details, see above description.)

Customink is an online service which provides a way for people to design and order custom t-shirts, sweatpants, hats, drinkware, jackets, bags, stuffed animals, or umbrellas for a group or event. To create designs is free. The best thing about Customink is that it has an excellent clip art gallery with images for all occasions and events. Customink also saves your designs and provides you with a special link. The bad thing about Customink is that you usually have to order a minimum number of items, not all the time, but usually and they don’t have an online store to sell your items. You have to sell the items that you create at Customink yourself. On the other hand, Customink also allows visitors to view all the design ideas. If a visitor likes an idea, they can either purchase it “as is” or customize it themselves by adding more art or text in Customink’s lab. I have personally used this website. I highly recommend it. For those enterprising entrepreneurs who are interested in making some election memorabilia for profit, visit the Customink website. Their website address is http://www.customink.com

To view some designs that I created at Customink, click on the links below. And if you feel the need to customize one of my designs that would be great.
http://customink.com/cink/r.jsp?E=tinapeden2003%40yahoo.com&F=sant
http://customink.com/cink/r.jsp?E=tinapeden2003%40yahoo.com&F=cnr
http://customink.com/cink/r.jsp?E=tinapeden2003%40yahoo.com&F=susan
http://customink.com/cink/r.jsp?E=tinapeden2003%40yahoo.com&F=skate

To view some t-shirts that I created for George Bush’s inauguration, click on the links below.
http://customink.com/cink/r.jsp?E=tinapeden2003%40yahoo.com&F=barbq
http://customink.com/cink/r.jsp?E=tinapeden2003%40yahoo.com&F=pink

A note to teenagers and children: Don’t miss out on the chance to make a little cash to buy a car or barbie doll! Political elections are a great way for America’s youth to not only earn some extra money but to learn about our government and things that they can do to change things about the government that they don’t like or disagree with. A good way to activate change is for your voice to be heard and nothing speaks volumes like a walking advertisement like a political t-shirt or button. Young people get in on the action and create some of your own election memorabilia.

For America’s enterprising youth, go down to your nearest Dick Blick Art Supply Store (www.dickblick.com) or Michael’s The Arts and Crafts Store (www.michaels.com) and load up on fabric crayons & markers, t-shirts, canvas bags, hats, etc. Have fun and create your own designs. For those computer savvy young people, you might want to consider buying some iron-on transfer software so that you can create unique iron-on transfer designs that can be applied on t-shirts for a very professional look. Sell your election memorabilia at school events, flea markets, arts & craft fairs or even in your own backyard. Picture selling lemonade at a lemonade stand but on a political scale.

Hey Folks! The government makes tons of money off of its taxpayers every year. Why can’t the taxpapers and future taxpayers, i.e. the children, do the same! Create some election memorabilia and let your voice be heard and seen while making a little extra cash at the same time. God Bless America!

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RETRO PRESIDENTIAL ELECTION GEMS: (INSERT YOUR SNICKER HERE!) JOHN MCCAIN RECEIVES ENDORSEMENT FROM HEIDI MONTAG!


Here is a humor piece that I wrote for the 2008 presidential election back in April 2008. Take a minute to flashback then enjoy!

Screw you Barbie Bush!
Screw you Ann Coulter!

There’s a new Republican sister on the block and it ain’t Jennifer Lopez.

Instead of having a big ass, this chick has the biggest jackass of a boyfriend on the planet!

At this time, I would like to send a shout out to Spencer Pratt!

Without further ado, I would like to introduce all of you to Heidi Montag a.k.a. the backstabbing, no talent blonde bombshell on MTV’s hit twenty-something reality tv show, The Hills.

Extra! Extra! Stop the presses!

According to her current up-in-the-air jackass boyfriend, Spencer Pratt, Heidi is set to take the music industry by storm!

(Insert Your Snicker Here!)

He also says that Madonna and Britney Spears better watch out cause’ there’s a new diva about ready to upstage them. (The “diva” that he is referring to is Heidi Montag.)

(Insert Your Snicker Here!)

And making the extremely difficult decision of having to take time out of her busy hair dying/club hopping schedule, Heidi has decided to put her 15 minutes of fame to good use while it lasts by giving a jacked-up endorsement to Republican, John McCain for President.

(Insert Your Snicker Here!)

Omigod!!!!!!!!!!!

The question is will John McCain be stupid enough to acknowledge it.

Let’s pray to god folks, that he isn’t!

A political endorsement from Heidi Montag!

Omigod!!!!!!!!!!!!!

(And of course, one last loud-ass snicker!)

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