Posts tagged 70’s

TINA “KNOWLEDGEABLE” PEDEN’S A NOTEWORTHY ATTRIBUTE REVIEWS: THE NEVER HIRE HART PLUMBING & HEATING IN GREENLAND NEW HAMPSHIRE SONG!


This is an old Yelp review that I wrote.

Hart Plumbing & Heating
Riverside Dr
Greenland, NH 03840
(603) 431-8688
Category: Plumbing

A Noteworthy Attribute:
(Hart Plumbing & Heating)
Cost: I will not and never shall share! — Because I will surely perish if you let them step one stockinged foot into your precious lair!

* P.S. I just finished watching the kick-butt movie adaptations of Pride & Prejudice and Sense & Sensibility by master story teller, Jane Austen, hence my previous and future words in this review.

Anyhoo……….

Dearest Sir Yelpers and Lady Yelpettes, I hope that what I am about to tell you will be of no impertinence to you but as a loyal and amiable servant of Yelp who has recently acquired this business’ services on March 28th and April 24th of this calendar year, I strongly feel that I would be remiss in my duties as a fine and upstanding online citizen if I did not share my recent experiences with you because someday if you are ever living in the Dover New Hampshire area you might indeed need to engage the services of a plumbing & heating specialist and if this unfortunate time does ever come, for the love of what’s all good and decent, stay away from this business!

And as a consequence of my disgust and disappointment in Hart Plumbing & Heating’s services, I find myself with the unfortunate inability to express my thoughts with words in this review. Please, forgive me! And rest assured that I am and will always be your faithful devoted servant so instead of expressing my thoughts about Hart Plumbing & Heating in words I will do as the many bonny songwriters of the eighteenth century did, I will express my thoughts in song which are basically words anyway. So without further ado, may I present to you “The Never Hire Hart Plumbing & Heating In Greenland New Hampshire Song!”

“Call Hart Plumbing & Heating in Greenland New Hampshire at 603-431-8688,”

“For ineptitude, unprofessionalism, inconvenience and a long a*s wait,”

“Hey Robert C. Hart Jr., your company’s got some serious issues baby that I truly hate,”

“So get your shizit together before you lose more customers like me starting from this date,”

“To you this song, I lovingly, which is a total oxymoron in itself, wholeheartedly dedicate,”

“And remember just because time keeps slippin’, slippin’, slippin into the future doesn’t give your totally lame employees the right to be tardy and make your customers stew because for their important appointments they are really late,”

“That is really bad and unprofessional, a fatal and unforgiveable business trait,”

“Since you Robert C. Hart Jr. are ultimately responsible for the behaviour of your employees I hope your A+ rating at the Better Business Bureau suffers a most tarnished fate!”

P.S. Hence this online accurate Yelp review.

Jolly good day to all of you who have read this most unusual Yelp review!

And always remember that I am your most faithful and devoted servant!

P.S. Jane Austen totally rocks!

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WHENEVER YOU NEED A GOOD LAUGH, TRY THIS WEBSITE!


Hey guys, are you feeling down?

Hey gals, are your spirits low?

If so, pay a visit to the following website below and get your laughter on!

And as Heath Ledger’s awesome character, The Joker in the hit movie, The Dark Knight would say, “And here we go!”

To view the website please click on “I seriously need a good laugh!”

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TINA KNOWLEDGEABLE PEDEN’S GRUB REVIEW (OSCAR MAYER BOLOGNA)


Rating: 1-10 stars
I give this grub: 10 stars!

Why:

-The jingle’s lyrics are fun and easy to sing.

-1970’s commercial features ultra-cute four year old Andy Lambros who could carry a tune.

-Jingle made Bologna a “cool” food.

-The jingle was advertising genius because it instantly identified the company and product name in the song.

-To this day, I Tina “Knowledgeable” Peden, still sing this song just before I take my first bite into my Oscar Mayer bologna sandwich. (P.S. I am 41 years old. The commercial came out over 35 years ago and I still love it to this day!)

And here are the beloved lyrics to one of my favorite foods!

Oscar Mayer Bologna Jingle Lyrics:

My bologna has a first name, it’s O-S-C-A-R
My bologna has a second name, it’s M-A-Y-E-R
Oh, I love to eat it every day, and if you ask me why, I’ll say,
Cause’ Oscar Mayer has a way with B-O-L-O-G-N-A!

My Grub Recommendation:
For a hearty lunch, make this sandwich. Use Oscar Mayer Bologna with lettuce, tomatoes, onions and black olives. Don’t forget to spread some Hellman’s Mayonnaise on two slices of honey wheat bread. A nice bag of potato chips, a small bowl of soup, a big dill pickle and a soda could be added to compliment the meal.

Mmmm, Mmmm, Mmmm Good!

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TINA “KNOWLEDGEABLE” PEDEN’S POP CULTURE DICTIONARY (VOLUME 7) WHAT IS CHOPPERS COMPLEX 22?


(Definition) Choppers Complex 22 is a psychological condition in which an individual won’t eat or drink anything for twenty-two hours after they brush their teeth for fear that they will get their teeth dirty too soon thus giving them only 2 lousy hours out of the entire day to scarf and drink some shit down which really pisses them the hell off and often makes them go apeshit really easily.

I will now use this term in a couple of sentences to clarify it’s meaning.

“Look at that good-lookin’ guy with the tight cute ass and a major case of choppers complex 22 freak the fuck out just because his girlfriend got her nasty-ass smelly saliva and tacky-ass blood red lipstick all over his beautiful white teeth!”

“When Dr. Martin, the orthodontist with alzheimer’s disease, suggested to a couple of his college-aged patients with choppers complex 22 that they do a couple of jello shots for him while they were on Spring Break this year they all voted unanimously to beat the living shit out of his forgetful ass with a stainless-steel-girls-gone-wild-gelatin-mold.”

“Hey mommy! Listen to this song that I wrote while slacking off in Mrs. Keane’s spelling class:
Ralphie Conner has choppers complex 22,
He is a total fruitcake and the class thinks he’s really cuckoo,
Because of all the jacked-up shit me and the class have done to him his tired-ass mama has decided to sue,
So here’s Officer Jackson with a subpoena baby just for you,
Hey mommy come back don’t run cause’ there ain’t a damn thing that you can do,
Hey bitch, you’re getting sued! Woowho!
P.S. Mom, have I told you lately that I really love slacking off in school and you too!
By the by mom, please don’t whoop my ass when we get home, boo hoo boo hoo!”

And last but not least, I would like to send a big ol’ heavenly shout out to the beautiful and talented, Farrah Fawcett with the gorgeous choppers! For an example, check out the famous 70’s poster of Farrah in a red bathing suit which I have included with this blog post. Hey Charlie’s Angel, this heterosexual black girl thinks that you rocked the fucking planet while you were here, you are sorely missed!

P.S. As a former domestic violence victim myself, I want to personally take the time to thank you for your brilliant portrayal of a domestic violence victim in the classic tv movie, The Burning Bed! Because of you, angel, domestic violence was brought out into the open and so much has been done to stop it. Thank you! My only sadness when it comes to you angel is that unfortunately you died on the same day as Michael Jackson and got somewhat lost in the drama. But I just wanted to let you know Farrah that Michael Jackson’s death may have stolen alot of your thunder but to alot of your true fans like me we mourned you vigorously right along with the King of Pop himself! Farrah Fawcett, my favorite Charlie’s Angel, you will forever be missed! God bless you and Michael Jackson! (I am a big fan of his too!) Rest in heavenly peace, babies, rest in heavenly peace!

By the by, I absolutely loved that awesome iconic 70’s hairstyle of yours! It was totally awesome and so are you!

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