Posts tagged Beautiful


Hey fellow travelers and travelettes, if you ever decide to travel through New England, Prescott Park has the best amenities. To check them out, keep reading!

A Noteworthy Attribute:
(Prescott Park/Lavatory)
Cost:  Free — and in the Obama economy that sounds darn good to me!For most people who visit Prescott Park, their favorite thing is all the different varieties of beautiful and colorful flowers planted all over the park.

And for some people who visit Prescott Park who love fitness and exercise their favorite thing is to walk on the many paths in the park in a safe setting.

And for some homeless people who visit Prescott Park their favorite thing is the nice peaceful setting filled with many comfortable benches all over the park with some overlooking the exquisite flowers and some overlooking the sometimes disgustingly dirty Piscataqua River where they can eat and rest at for a long while after a long hard day of job hunting or slacking off due to being kicked out of Crossroads Homeless Shelter for the day.

And for some people who visit Prescott Park who are true romantics at heart their favorite thing is that on any given day they may come across a wedding so ethereal that they wonder if what they are really seeing is indeed real or they have fallen asleep and somehow been transported into some kind of wonderful fairy tale.

And for some people who visit Prescott Park who are very maternal and paternal their favorite thing is to see all of the different families in all shapes, sizes, colors and creeds picnicking all over the excellently manicured lawns of the park or see both heterosexual and homosexual parents alike scream things lovingly at their children like, “Don’t put that into your mouth because we can’t afford to have your stomach pumped at the hospital!” or “Where did that hickey come from, young lady, it wasn’t there 25 minutes ago!”

But screw all that crap, literally!

(Really loud snicker!)

Because for me, Tina “Knowledgeable” Peden, my personal favorite thing about Prescott Park borders on the unusual.  My favorite thing about Prescott Park is the women’s lavatory!  And here are it’s many amenities:

-Toilets with ultra-fast flushing speed that rival any driver racing at the Indianapolis 500 today.
-Rolls and rolls of strong and sturdy toilet paper guaranteed to last up against the most runny number 2 stools.
-Stalls so darn large that even triple crown winning horse Secretariat could easily take a dump in.
-A lavatory so airy due to the main door always being open that even the stinkiest piss or poop smells vanish within minutes.

So fellow travelers, if you ever find yourselves visiting Portsmouth New Hampshire and you suddenly have to take a serious dump due to all of the delicious seafood that you scarfed down at Jumpin’ Jay’s Fish Cafe and are unfortunately with your husband and gazillion kids and want to ditch them for a few hours so that you can let the excrement flow, then haul your butt and brood over pronto to  Prescott Park and “dump” them there so that they can enjoy the many amenities that the park has to offer while you enjoy my personal favorite amenity of Prescott Park, the Prescott Park Lavatory and poop until your heart and colon are completely content!

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Cigarette butts, coffee cups, plastic bags, half-eaten food thrown onto your property by passerby’s or debris brought onto your property by storms or strong winds can be a real nightmare for real property owners and managers because it not only makes your property look unkempt and tacky but it can also bring down the value of your property and drive prospective home buyers and renters away. What’s a property owner to do? Below are a few tips on how to keep your property beautiful and litter-free.

Place a few signs strategically all over your property to let people know where to dispose of litter. Try to place signs near garbage recepticles for maximum effect.

If you see illegal dumping taking place copy the license plate, make of the vehicle, the time, date and the location the dumping took place and report it! Don’t let these law-breakers get away with it! Illegal dumping not only de-beautifies a property but it can also be a major health hazard. If you see illegal dumping taking place and you want to report it discreetly, do it online. Just about every state has an online illegal dumping action/complaint form that an individual can fill out that only takes a couple of minutes. To find an online illegal dumping action/complaint form simply go to a popular search engine like Google and enter in the following key phrase, “report illegal dumping.” Also include the state where you reside. For instance, I live in New Hampshire so I the key phrase that I would enter in at Google would be “report illegal dumping new hampshire.” Also, you can report illegal dumping to your local law enforcement agency as well.

Recycling keeps your property looking beautiful, is good for the environment and puts a little money in your pocket. So, recycle, recycle, recycle! Landlords, place labeled bins for cans, bottles, newspaper and plastics in the common areas on your property and encourage your tenants to do this in their apartments as well.

Adopt-A-Street programs are sprouting up all over the United States. The concept is simple. Groups or individuals agree to adopt a street or an area and take responsibility for keeping it clean. Landlords and managers join an Adopt-A-Street program and encourage your tenants to do the same to keep your property looking picture perfect.

Sometimes it takes more than a sign to get people to stop littering. An incentive like a small cash reward, a free watch or perhaps some gift certificates to a retail store or restaurant to a person who has picked up the most trash or reports individuals who are littering can really go a long way in keeping your property beautiful and litter-free.

Landlords or property managers, if you or someone else reports that one of your tenants has been littering impose a fine to let the individual know that littering is unacceptable.

One of the best ways to stop people from littering an keep your property beautiful is one of the simplest. Open your mouth but only if you can do it safely! If you see an individual littering, say something. Let them know where the nearest trash recepticle is, tell them that littering is wrong.

If you see another individual throwing something on the ground, be a good samaritian and pick it up! If you have the time and see litter on the ground, take a few minutes and pick it up and dispose of it properly.

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I posted this article on my InstaBlogs webpage on Halloween 2008! Guys, after reading this article please take it to heart and I guarantee that your lovely lady will thank you for it!

What is SEX?

Here are a couple of answers:

A. SEX is a way of distinguishing male and female members of a species, usually by referencing their reproductive functions.

B. SEX refers to intercourse, an act that can result in reproduction.

C. SEX refers to the genitals.

Well, the SEX that i’m talking about refers to all three.

Thank god!

(Low-down dirty laugh!)

But when a woman has stretch marks, the sex can literally be a pain in the butt!

Guys, heads-up!

Every woman wants to feel sexy and beautiful during sex and having stretch marks can take alot of the enjoyment out of it.

Guys, one of the biggest taboos of all time is that women are supposed to be physically perfect!

They’re supposed to look like all of those beautiful size 2 women that we all see in magazines like Maxim, Playboy and People.

They’re supposed to have perfect hair, facial features, teeth and a smokin’ smooth body devoid of any imperfection.

Guys, this ain’t reality!

And if any guy says different you try squeezin’ a baby the size of a watermelon out of a part of a female’s anatomy that’s the size of a lemon and see how smooth your skin would be.

Oh, snap!

I mean, good luck, baby!

And a woman can’t help it if sometimes she either loses or gains some weight and her skin stretches.

That shit is outta’ her control!

Guys let’s face it, stretch marks are the badge of a real woman.

P.S. I stole that line from the Molly Ringwald movie, “For Keeps.”

Guys, another heads up!

Another taboo is making negative comments about your lady’s stretch marks during sex.

Unless you want to guarantee 100% that you won’t get any nookie or are Charles Bronson and have a major “deathwish”, keep your damn mouth shut when it comes to your lady’s stretch marks!

Guys, let me tell you three things when it comes to women, sex and stretch marks:

1. You need to constantly reassure your lovely lady that she is the sexiest woman in the world regardless of her stretch marks during sex and the sex will only get better.

2. Pretend like you are Stevie Wonder and turn a blind eye to your lady’s stretch marks or wear a blindfold which can also have it’s advantages during sex.


3. Go down to your local drugstore and buy your lady as much Palmer’s Cocoa Butter as you possibly can to help get rid of her stretch marks.

But guys, be nonchalant about it or there won’t be any nookie for you tonight!

Bottoms up!

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Verse 1:
-Sometimes hate to turn on the tv
-Open a magazine
-Because all I mostly see
-Are images of beautiful people
-That I know i’ll never be
-And what truly amazes me
-That deep down it don’t bother me cause……

-I’m so glad to be imperfect
-Ain’t no flies on me
-I don’t have the perfect body
-Ya’ know the ones you see on tv
-But at least I don’t have their worries
-That’s why it don’t really bother me
-Because i’m glad to be imperfect
-I’m happy to be just me

Verse 2:
-I ain’t going to lie
-So many times i’ve wanted the perfect body
-Have my pics in all the magazines
-Be put on a pedestal for all the world to see
-But I began to wonder if that would really make me happy
-Cause’ with perfection comes a different set of problems
-Ones I damn well don’t want or need
-That’s when I learned to accept my imperfections fully
-And found out it’s not so bad to be imperfect
-It’s okay to be plain ole’ fabulous me
-That’s why……

-I’m so glad to be imperfect
-Ain’t no flies on me
-I don’t have the perfect body
-Ya’ know the ones you see on tv
-But at least I don’t have their worries
-That’s why it don’t really bother me
-Because i’m glad to be imperfect
-I’m happy to be just me

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