Posts tagged Business Ideas

TINA “KNOWLEDGEABLE” PEDEN’S WACKY-ASS BUSINESS IDEAS & VENTURES! (LIGHTBULB 4)


Hey people looking for unique business opportunities, consider this shizit!

The next time that you see a photographer discreetly taking pictures of a couple casually strolling through a busy park seemingly like they don’t have a care in the world or see an individual dressed up like a stereotypical rockstar, i.e. fringed leather jacket, hot pants, faded t-shirt, shit-kicker boots, ray ban sunglasses topped off by a tacky-ass lavender hat with a giant pink feather stuck in it with a matching boa, in other words, dressed like a pimp . . .

P.S.    At this time I would like to send a shout out to Aerosmith’s Steven Tyler.

Anyhoo, back to the show!

. . . exiting a limousine at a very popular nightclub while a bunch of photographers snap away, be not only aware and prepared to laugh your ass off at the ridiculous fashion choices of Aerosmith’s Steven Tyler, pimps and faux rockstars in general but be afraid of something far more worse because all may not be as it appears.

(Insert your choice of scary music here!)

The reality is that you may have stumbled into one hell of a devious plot concocted by a total nincompoop and got played big time! For those of you out there wondering what the hell i’m talking about and wish that I would quit beating around the bush and just spit it out, give me a minute, will ya’? I’m trying to build some suspense here! For god’s sake, work with me! Anyhoo, oh impatient ones, here comes one hell of a loogie hawked up and coming your way! It has come to my attention that there are some total yahoos out there so desperate to get their 15 minutes of fame or live the life of a D-List celebrity for a night that they will actually pay a photographer to take pictures of them for a night paparazzi-style pretending like they are famous in hopes that people out on the street, the general public, will do some of the following things:

– Ask these imposters for their autograph.

– Offer these imposters the red carpet/V.I.P. treatment such as the “best table in the house”, free champagne, a fresh bowlful of pretzels that hasn’t been touched by a bunch of nasty-ass drunken patrons previously or at the bare minimum a free blow job/muff job.

– Have people take photos of these imposters out in public with their cell phones or cameras in hopes that they are either emailed to a newspaper or online magazine or posted on YouTube or people’s Facebook pages in order to get them some attention thus get the ball rolling on their D-List careers.

In essence, these wannabes will hire anybody be it a photographer, limo driver, bodyguard or proctologist to do whatever it takes to “get famous” or get their names and photos in print even if it means lying or giving up their self respect to do it. Omigod!

And folks you may think that actors, models and musicians new to the game would be the only ones stupid enough to hire a photographer, limo driver or bodyguard to help them pretend that they famous but surprisingly many washed up, past their prime hacks similar to Vanilla Ice have also been known to perpetrate this devious charade as well. And there has also been a startling rise in the number of regular people like housewives, lawyers, construction workers, teenagers, elderly, et cetera from all over the world doing this too.

But folks let me tell you that this really doesn’t surprise me all that much being that we all now live in a world of  “Regardless whether I have talent or not I hope that my video on YouTube goes viral so that I can get my 15 minutes of fame or seriously paid.”  That’s just how it is now and unfortunately folks there is nothing that we can do about it other than judge them or sit back and laugh at them which if the truth be told is not all that bad really.

So for any enterprising individuals out there reading this post, be smart and make some damn money honey off of a pathetic fame seeker wannabe by opening up your own photo taking, limo driving or body guarding business to the faux stars today! I mean it’s not like you will need alot of start up cash. The only things that you will really need are a limo, camera or a person who looks like they can kick ass, Craigslist ad and one pathetic fame seeker wannabe and with so many people out there desperate for fame any way that they can achieve it you’ll never run out of paying suckers, oh i’m sorry, I mean paying customers.

At this time I would like to send out one last shout out to everybody’s famous for absolutely nothing sex tape vixen extraordinaire, Kim Kardashian. Hey Kim, one day when your 15 minutes are up you might consider trying to regain your fame with the method that I have just been discussing in this post.

Peace, girl!

And I hope all of you out there have enjoyed this edition of how to get your 15 minutes of fame or get seriously paid the easy and pathetic way!  This is Tina “Knowledgeable” Peden saying good night and good luck!

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TINA “KNOWLEDGEABLE” PEDEN’S WACKY-ASS BUSINESS IDEAS & VENTURES FOR CHRISTMAS TIME IN THE NYC! (LIGHTBULB 4)


Hey Broadway, Lincoln Center or Radio City Music Hall but in particular Radio City Christmas Spectacular, I couldn’t help but notice that some of your Christmas productions are really quite beautiful!

However……….

I have also noticed that some of your Christmas productions have also taken a big-ass dose of ex-lax and become quite regular.

And Broadway, Lincoln Center or Radio City Music Hall but in particular Radio City Christmas Spectacular, sometimes that regularity shit ain’t good.

I mean, come on ya’ll, it’s Christmas and it’s the Big Apple for Christ’s sake!

Ya’ll bitches really need to shake it up and show the world that NYC still has some kick-ass Christmas cred.

And low and behold, I, Tina Knowledgeable Peden, am here to help ya’ll with that.

Hey!

Red and green lightbulb!

Hey Broadway, Lincoln Center or Radio City Music Hall but in particular Radio City Christmas Spectacular, have you hallowed bastions of Christmas glory ever considered doing a special Xmas version of the hit 1986 song, Yah Mo B There by Michael McDonald and James Ingram?

To further bolster my yuletide business lightbulb, check out these kick-ass holy spiritual lyrics:

Yah Mo B There!

(Song Lyrics By James Ingram/Michael McDonald/Rod Temperton/Quincy Jones)

(Verse 1)

Heavenly father watching us all
We take from each other and give nothing at all
Well it’s a dog-gone shame
But never too late for change
So if your luck runs low
Just reach out and call his name, his name

[Chorus]

Yah mo be there (up and over)
Yah mo be there (up and over)
Yah mo be there (up and over)
Yah mo be there (up and over)
Whenever you call

(Verse 2)

Never be lonely lost in the night
Just run from the darkness
Looking for the light
‘Cause it’s a long hard road
That leads to a brighter day (hey)
Don’t let your heart grow cold
Just reach out and call his name, his name

[Chorus]
Yah mo be there (up and over)
Yah mo be there (up and over)
Yah mo be there (up and over)
Yah mo be there (up and over)
Whenever you call

(Verse 3)

You can count on it brother
‘Cause we’re all just finding our way
Travelling through time
People got to keep pushing on
No matter how many dreams slip away
Yah will be there

(Verse 4)

Well it’s a dog-gone shame
But never too late for change
So when your luck runs low
Just reach out and call his name, his name

Yah mo be there, I will be there
Yah mo be there, When you need a friend
Yah mo be there, yeah ill be there whenever you call

Oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

Now ain’t those song lyrics beautiful but cool!

And you know

Broadway, Lincoln Center or Radio City Music Hall but in particular Radio City Christmas Spectacular what would be even cooler?

It would be oh so cool to see a Jesus look-a-like and a big ol’ jolly Santa look-a-like up on your big-ass stages performing the song Yah Mo B There at Christmas time in front of the masses!

It would definitely be something different and break you out of your ex-lax regularity shit cycle.

I’ll tell ya’ NYC that even I would pay big money to see Jesus and Santa doing a soulful rendition of the song, Yah Mo B There while at the same time shakin’ their booties and gettin’ down with their good selves to this song.

(P.S. That’s some ultra-funny but ultra-inspiring shit!)

So Broadway, Lincoln Center or Radio City Music Hall but in particular Radio City Christmas Spectacular do yourselves a big-ass favor and get off of your ex-lax asses and immediately license the song, Yah Mo B There for a musical production, pay the astronomical licensing fee, write a kick-ass musical number, rehearse the heck out of it then when the time is right, i.e. November 9th – December 30th start performing the hell, pun intended and sorry Jesus, outta that baby! And watch the yuletide dollars come rolling or should I say, prancing in!

By the by, Broadway, Lincoln Center or Radio City Music Hall but in particular Radio City Christmas Spectacular you NYC giants might also want to consider teaming up with Lance Manufacturing, LLC because they are the owners of the Archway Cookies brand in order to sell their ever popular Bells & Stars Christmas Cookies during your holiday musical performances and in exchange Lance/Archway could put photos of either Broadway, Lincoln Center or Radio City Music Hall but in particular Radio City Christmas Spectacular on their cookie packages to further promote your Christmas holiday performances. That way you’ll have profitable but tasty Christmas dollars prancing in at Xmas every year! And what a lovely yet delicious Christmas tradition that would make!

Hallelujah and Amen!

And another P.S. Broadway, Lincoln Center or Radio City Music Hall but in particular Radio City Christmas Spectacular if you really want to break out of your ex-lax regularity shit cycle, you might also want to consider performing two other Michael McDonald songs for your Christmas productions.

Perform the song, I Keep Forgetting, with a Jesus look-a-like, a Santa look-a-like, and a female vocalist of your choice wearing Blues Brothers type hats and call the group “The Heavenly Hats.”

And perform the song, Sweet Freedom, with a Jesus look-a-like, a Santa look-a-like, and a male vocalist of your choice wearing Blues Brothers type red, white and blue hats and call the group “The Heavenly Hats.” And don’t forget to add in a dancing Statue of Liberty!

That way you’ll have three kick-ass Christmas musical numbers to represent and give kick-ass cred to the NYC!

Really take a bite out of the big candied apple at Christmas time this year!

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TINA “KNOWLEDGEABLE” PEDEN’S WACKY-ASS BUSINESS IDEAS & VENTURES! (LIGHTBULB 3)


Since Hollywood has no major originality and has been remaking the hell out of classic tv shows and movies like crazy these past years, that got me to thinking.

I have an idea.

Personally this 42 year old black girl loves old school country music and I figure alot of other people must too.

So……………………..

Why don’t they remake the kick-ass country movie classic, Honeysuckle Rose which starred Willie Nelson, Dyan Cannon and Amy Irving for television.

Since Warner Brothers was the film studio who originally made the movie in the first place they could easily create a tv show around the movie featuring a young Buck Bonham and his country music band and broadcast it on their WB Network alongside teenybopper favorites One Tree Hill and Veronica Mars.

A remake like this could easily give the Fox Network and the show Glee a run for their money.

Plus they could introduce the young people of today to the wonderful country music of the past.

I mean folks don’t get me wrong I like hip hop, rap and pop music but it seems that when it comes to tv shows geared toward the under 30 set, you don’t see a whole lot of country music played on these tv shows.  Folks this is music discrimination and it has got to stop!

Perhaps even Warner Brothers could partner up with Country Music Television and broadcast the new Honeysuckle Rose tv show on both networks.

Folks I think a remake of the Honeysuckle Rose movie into a tv show is a match made in country music and elite television heaven.

Warner Brothers remake the movie, Honeysuckle Rose, please!

P.S.   And don’t forget to hire some young actors who can actually sing!!!  And also don’t forget to ask some kick-ass country guest stars like Waylon Jennings and Merle Haggard to come onto the show as well!

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TINA “KNOWLEDGEABLE” PEDEN’S WACKY-ASS BUSINESS IDEAS & VENTURES! (LIGHTBULB 1)


Hey venture capitalists, if you dare, check out my unique business idea below!

NAME OF HEALTH CLUB CHAIN:
The Red-Blooded American Male Gentlemen’s Club!

SLOGAN(S):
“The only health club for men in America where a man can get a good workout, a good stiff drink and a good ol’ fashioned lap dance that will probably cause one of his organs to become stiff all under the same roof!”

“Erotic physical fitness for today’s hot-blooded American male!”

BUSINESS SUMMARY:
Venture capitalist can open up a nationwide chain of health clubs for men ONLY in major cities like New York City, Los Angeles, Chicago, Washington DC, Philadelphia, Denver, Phoenix, St. Louis, Dallas et cetera with all of the amenities that a normal health club offers but with one unique amenity, lap dances.

ADVERTISEMENT/PROMOTION:
This is easy breezy! Any advertising copy with the words “lap dance” in it or a photograph of a beautiful girl doing a lap dance aimed at red-blooded american males should do the trick. Also coupons can be utilized vigorously! For example, a free two week membership to the club which includes a complimentary lap dance could be offered then all the venture capitalist has to do is sit back and watch the word-of-mouth advertising and paid memberships come pouring in!

NAME OF THE UNIQUE HEALTH CLUB CHAIN AMENITY:
A Healthy Lap Dance!

(DEFINITION) WHAT EXACTLY IS “A HEALTHY LAP DANCE?”
A series of aerobic/athletic dance moves performed by an “e” or “v” girl either on the client’s lap or a few feet in front of him after his regular workout for the express purpose of raising the blood level in the client’s penis thereby giving his lucky-ass an additional workout and making him feel oh so good all over especially in the dick area!

NAME OF THE GIRLS WHO PERFORM THE LAP DANCES:
“E” Girl! (A woman who has had sexual experience.)
“V” Girl! (A woman who has had no sexual experience or is a virgin.)
(Like Superman or Laverne from the tv show, Laverne and Shirley, each girl can wear a letter on her clothing to distinguish which she is.)

TYPES OF GIRLS:
Girls selected should be of all races, different ages, various heights, weights and measurements. (There should be a girl for every client’s tastes who comes into the health club.) All girls must be in good health and be excellent dancers and be adept at learning new moves and routines.

RE: THE LAP DANCES
The plug or ultimate reason why guys should come to this health club over every other should be the lap dances. Fresh, exciting and titillating dance routines accompanied with sexy leotards, short shorts and other unique workout clothing should really pack a punch!

RE: THE MUSIC
The music should set the pace for each lap dance! Any and every style of music can be played while the “e” or “v” girls perform their routines but the song that MUST be played on the first lap dance of the day is the song, “Music” by Madonna. This song really gets the party going! And here are a couple of other songs that your “v” or “e” girls might want to consider performing to:

-Do It Till Your Satisfied by B.T. Express
-Sweat by C&C Music Factory
-Physical by Olivia Newton John
-Kung Fu Fighting by Carl Douglas
-Get It On Bang A Gong by The Power Station
-Like A Virgin by Madonna (or basically any song by Madonna will do.)

MAJOR SUGGESTION(S): Early on a signature dance or routine should be established for the health club to get the buzz going! One of the venture capitalist’s first moves in getting this venture off of the ground should be to hire a kick-ass choreographer asap!

For those clients who are still kinky-ass kids at heart, choreographer’s try coming up with a fun dance routine to the above mentioned song, Get It On Bang A Gong by The Power Station. The catch being all the dance moves performed for the client have to be performed on a “Twister” board. Do you remember the game, “Twister,” where approximately four people played and each one of them had to put one of their body parts on a certain colored circle? Wasn’t that fun! Oh God, I remember all of those tangled up body parts! And I bet you alot of red-blooded American guys would love to see four beautiful girls in sexy aerobic outfits performing a kick-ass, tangled up-ass routine on a “Twister” board and on their laps too! I mean it’s just what the doctor ordered after a good workout!

SUGGESTED HEALTH CLUB AMENITIES SHOULD INCLUDE: -Gym/Workout Area
-Weight/Nautilus Area
-Shower/Bathtub/Locker Room Area
-Business Area (Internet, fax, phone, copier, etc.)
-Message/Steam Room Area
-Food & Drink Bar (Food should consist of healthy things like: fruits, veggies, or nuts and decadent things too like ice cream, french fries or chocolate. Drinks served can be anything from milk, bottled water, soda or an alcoholic drink like a screwdriver which is part vodka and part orange juice. Since the girls who do the lap dances are called either “e” or “v” girls you can apply this terminology to the drinks too. You can serve “v” drinks or virgin drinks that contain no alcohol. You can also serve “e” drinks or experienced drinks that contain alcohol. If you do serve alcoholic drinks have the client sign a waiver of liablility or responsiblilty in case of an accident or limit the number of alcoholic drinks per day that a client can have at the club. Also for the red-blooded male with a raunchy sense of humor, “suggestive” snacks like “nuts,” “balls,” a long celery or carrot stick stuck in the middle of a mound of dip can represent an erect dick surrounded by a puddle of cum, two scoops of ice cream with chocolate chips on top can represent tits and nipples, banana bread cut into a triangle with squiggly black frosting on top can represent the pussy and pubic hair. Let’s face it, “suggestive” snacks are fun and big sellers especially after a long tiring workout!)
-Cooling Off/Lay Dreaming Center (A cool and calming room/place that men can go to sit or lay down and relax or dream after they have had their healthy lap dance. Cold drinks should be allowed in this area.)
-Gift Shop
-Candy Store (For those clients who will always be true kids at heart or for those clients who are down right kinky baby, items such as licorice ropes to play s&m bondage games and pixy stix to pour and lick off their partner’s body and much much more can be sold as well.)
-Physician/Doctor’s Office (Onsite staff should include a doctor, nurse, certified or licensed nursing assistant, medical secretary. There should always be a doctor or nurse in each club because you never know exactly how a lap dance by a hot girl will affect a man’s heart or other organs. So just to be safe and secure, always employ medical staff and have the client sign a waiver of liability or responsiblility.)
-Onsite Bouncer/Security Guards
-Gift Shop
-Photographer/Photo Shop (A roaming photographer can be hired to take pictures of guys getting lap dances and their family or friends reactions, etc. Photos can also be spontaneous or staged too.)
-Public/Private Restrooms
-Stage/Lap Dance Performance Area With Spotlight
-Private/Personal Lap Dance Rooms
-Lap Dance/Personal Dance
-In House DJ (Disc Jockey)
-Choreographer
-“E” and “V” Girls

SUGGESTED STAFF AMENITIES:
-Office/Workspace
-Public Restrooms
-Kitchen
-Lounges
-Dance Studio
-Storage Areas
-Conference Rooms

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POLITICAL T-SHIRTS ARE HOT SELLERS BABY!


I originally wrote this article for my AssociatedContent.com webpage back in September 2006.

Guess what folks? Did you know that the 2008 Presidential Election is a little more than two years away? I know that some of you out there are saying, “So what! Who cares!” But for those enterprising entrepreneurs out there, it’s not too early to start cashing in on your favorite candidate or political party.
One of the best ways to make some cash off of the election is to have some election memorabilia made up like t-shirts, buttons, posters, etc. There are alot of places to do this but there are a few places that you can do this without having to spend any money and make a tidy little profit.

For those enterprising individuals, I suggest trying these two companies.

Cafe Press is a large online retailer that enables individuals to create and sell a wide variety of products with zero upfront costs then promote them on their website, blog or in the Cafe Press Marketplace for a profit. To open a “Basic Shop” is free. You can sell t-shirts, bumper stickers, mugs, caps, buttons, cd’s, books, etc. The only negative thing about Cafe Press is that you have to provide your own images and upload them. This also includes text only images. Cafe Press doesn’t have a clip art or photo library. So if you don’t know how to take good pictures and upload the images from your camera or don’t know how to create words and images on t-shirt or button making software, this may not be the site for you. But there is a solution to even this problem. There are alot of retailers like Staples and Best Buys which sell clip art and photographs that can be uploaded to Cafe Press. You can buy these images easily. But the bad thing is that a million other people can buy the same images. Usually the more unique your product is the better it will sell. So think carefully about this. For those enterprising entrepreneurs who are interested in making some election memorabilia for profit, visit the Cafe Press website. Their website address is http://www.cafepress.com

Zazzle is an online retailer that also enables individuals to create and sell a wide variety of products with zero upfront costs then promote them on their website, blog or in the Zazzle Marketplace for a profit. To open a shop is free. At Zazzle, you can sell t-shirts, mugs, postage stamps, greeting & post cards, posters and prints. One of the best things about Zazzle is that you can create a product like a t-shirt with text only. Uploading images is not required like at Cafe Press. A novice can create a t-shirt, greeting card or personalized postage stamp in a matter of minutes. Both the Cafe Press website and the Zazzle website give you step-by-step instructions on how to create products and have affiliate programs where an individual can make even more money. Zazzle also doesn’t have a clip art or photo library. The only bad thing about Zazzle is that they don’t get the sales that Cafe Press does. Don’t get me wrong, an individual can make money on Zazzle but they probably will make more money on Cafe Press. For those enterprising entrepreneurs who are interested in making some election memorabilia for profit, visit the Zazzle website. Their website address is http://www.zazzle.com
For those enterprising businesses, I suggest trying these three companies.

Cafe Press (For more details, see above description.)

Zazzle (For more details, see above description.)

Customink is an online service which provides a way for people to design and order custom t-shirts, sweatpants, hats, drinkware, jackets, bags, stuffed animals, or umbrellas for a group or event. To create designs is free. The best thing about Customink is that it has an excellent clip art gallery with images for all occasions and events. Customink also saves your designs and provides you with a special link. The bad thing about Customink is that you usually have to order a minimum number of items, not all the time, but usually and they don’t have an online store to sell your items. You have to sell the items that you create at Customink yourself. On the other hand, Customink also allows visitors to view all the design ideas. If a visitor likes an idea, they can either purchase it “as is” or customize it themselves by adding more art or text in Customink’s lab. I have personally used this website. I highly recommend it. For those enterprising entrepreneurs who are interested in making some election memorabilia for profit, visit the Customink website. Their website address is http://www.customink.com

To view some designs that I created at Customink, click on the links below. And if you feel the need to customize one of my designs that would be great.
http://customink.com/cink/r.jsp?E=tinapeden2003%40yahoo.com&F=sant
http://customink.com/cink/r.jsp?E=tinapeden2003%40yahoo.com&F=cnr
http://customink.com/cink/r.jsp?E=tinapeden2003%40yahoo.com&F=susan
http://customink.com/cink/r.jsp?E=tinapeden2003%40yahoo.com&F=skate

To view some t-shirts that I created for George Bush’s inauguration, click on the links below.
http://customink.com/cink/r.jsp?E=tinapeden2003%40yahoo.com&F=barbq
http://customink.com/cink/r.jsp?E=tinapeden2003%40yahoo.com&F=pink

A note to teenagers and children: Don’t miss out on the chance to make a little cash to buy a car or barbie doll! Political elections are a great way for America’s youth to not only earn some extra money but to learn about our government and things that they can do to change things about the government that they don’t like or disagree with. A good way to activate change is for your voice to be heard and nothing speaks volumes like a walking advertisement like a political t-shirt or button. Young people get in on the action and create some of your own election memorabilia.

For America’s enterprising youth, go down to your nearest Dick Blick Art Supply Store (www.dickblick.com) or Michael’s The Arts and Crafts Store (www.michaels.com) and load up on fabric crayons & markers, t-shirts, canvas bags, hats, etc. Have fun and create your own designs. For those computer savvy young people, you might want to consider buying some iron-on transfer software so that you can create unique iron-on transfer designs that can be applied on t-shirts for a very professional look. Sell your election memorabilia at school events, flea markets, arts & craft fairs or even in your own backyard. Picture selling lemonade at a lemonade stand but on a political scale.

Hey Folks! The government makes tons of money off of its taxpayers every year. Why can’t the taxpapers and future taxpayers, i.e. the children, do the same! Create some election memorabilia and let your voice be heard and seen while making a little extra cash at the same time. God Bless America!

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