Posts tagged Business

TINA “KNOWLEDGEABLE” PEDEN’S WACKY-ASS BUSINESS IDEAS & VENTURES FOR CHRISTMAS TIME IN THE NYC! (LIGHTBULB 4)


Hey Broadway, Lincoln Center or Radio City Music Hall but in particular Radio City Christmas Spectacular, I couldn’t help but notice that some of your Christmas productions are really quite beautiful!

However……….

I have also noticed that some of your Christmas productions have also taken a big-ass dose of ex-lax and become quite regular.

And Broadway, Lincoln Center or Radio City Music Hall but in particular Radio City Christmas Spectacular, sometimes that regularity shit ain’t good.

I mean, come on ya’ll, it’s Christmas and it’s the Big Apple for Christ’s sake!

Ya’ll bitches really need to shake it up and show the world that NYC still has some kick-ass Christmas cred.

And low and behold, I, Tina Knowledgeable Peden, am here to help ya’ll with that.

Hey!

Red and green lightbulb!

Hey Broadway, Lincoln Center or Radio City Music Hall but in particular Radio City Christmas Spectacular, have you hallowed bastions of Christmas glory ever considered doing a special Xmas version of the hit 1986 song, Yah Mo B There by Michael McDonald and James Ingram?

To further bolster my yuletide business lightbulb, check out these kick-ass holy spiritual lyrics:

Yah Mo B There!

(Song Lyrics By James Ingram/Michael McDonald/Rod Temperton/Quincy Jones)

(Verse 1)

Heavenly father watching us all
We take from each other and give nothing at all
Well it’s a dog-gone shame
But never too late for change
So if your luck runs low
Just reach out and call his name, his name

[Chorus]

Yah mo be there (up and over)
Yah mo be there (up and over)
Yah mo be there (up and over)
Yah mo be there (up and over)
Whenever you call

(Verse 2)

Never be lonely lost in the night
Just run from the darkness
Looking for the light
‘Cause it’s a long hard road
That leads to a brighter day (hey)
Don’t let your heart grow cold
Just reach out and call his name, his name

[Chorus]
Yah mo be there (up and over)
Yah mo be there (up and over)
Yah mo be there (up and over)
Yah mo be there (up and over)
Whenever you call

(Verse 3)

You can count on it brother
‘Cause we’re all just finding our way
Travelling through time
People got to keep pushing on
No matter how many dreams slip away
Yah will be there

(Verse 4)

Well it’s a dog-gone shame
But never too late for change
So when your luck runs low
Just reach out and call his name, his name

Yah mo be there, I will be there
Yah mo be there, When you need a friend
Yah mo be there, yeah ill be there whenever you call

Oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

Now ain’t those song lyrics beautiful but cool!

And you know

Broadway, Lincoln Center or Radio City Music Hall but in particular Radio City Christmas Spectacular what would be even cooler?

It would be oh so cool to see a Jesus look-a-like and a big ol’ jolly Santa look-a-like up on your big-ass stages performing the song Yah Mo B There at Christmas time in front of the masses!

It would definitely be something different and break you out of your ex-lax regularity shit cycle.

I’ll tell ya’ NYC that even I would pay big money to see Jesus and Santa doing a soulful rendition of the song, Yah Mo B There while at the same time shakin’ their booties and gettin’ down with their good selves to this song.

(P.S. That’s some ultra-funny but ultra-inspiring shit!)

So Broadway, Lincoln Center or Radio City Music Hall but in particular Radio City Christmas Spectacular do yourselves a big-ass favor and get off of your ex-lax asses and immediately license the song, Yah Mo B There for a musical production, pay the astronomical licensing fee, write a kick-ass musical number, rehearse the heck out of it then when the time is right, i.e. November 9th – December 30th start performing the hell, pun intended and sorry Jesus, outta that baby! And watch the yuletide dollars come rolling or should I say, prancing in!

By the by, Broadway, Lincoln Center or Radio City Music Hall but in particular Radio City Christmas Spectacular you NYC giants might also want to consider teaming up with Lance Manufacturing, LLC because they are the owners of the Archway Cookies brand in order to sell their ever popular Bells & Stars Christmas Cookies during your holiday musical performances and in exchange Lance/Archway could put photos of either Broadway, Lincoln Center or Radio City Music Hall but in particular Radio City Christmas Spectacular on their cookie packages to further promote your Christmas holiday performances. That way you’ll have profitable but tasty Christmas dollars prancing in at Xmas every year! And what a lovely yet delicious Christmas tradition that would make!

Hallelujah and Amen!

And another P.S. Broadway, Lincoln Center or Radio City Music Hall but in particular Radio City Christmas Spectacular if you really want to break out of your ex-lax regularity shit cycle, you might also want to consider performing two other Michael McDonald songs for your Christmas productions.

Perform the song, I Keep Forgetting, with a Jesus look-a-like, a Santa look-a-like, and a female vocalist of your choice wearing Blues Brothers type hats and call the group “The Heavenly Hats.”

And perform the song, Sweet Freedom, with a Jesus look-a-like, a Santa look-a-like, and a male vocalist of your choice wearing Blues Brothers type red, white and blue hats and call the group “The Heavenly Hats.” And don’t forget to add in a dancing Statue of Liberty!

That way you’ll have three kick-ass Christmas musical numbers to represent and give kick-ass cred to the NYC!

Really take a bite out of the big candied apple at Christmas time this year!

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THE UNOFFICIAL WORDPRESS/FEDERATED MEDIA SWEET TRI-PARTNERSHIP SONG!


Two weeks ago, I received an email that my blog had been accepted into the WordAds Program and I was estatic! And i’m happy to say that two weeks later after having the advertisements on my blog I can’t tell you how impressed I am with the advertisements themselves!

WordPress and Federated Media I just want to say to you guys that the advertisements look fantastic! They don’t look cheap or tacky like some blogs that I have seen with advertising. I really appreciate it!

And I am sooo looking forward to making a little extra cash from this tri-partnership with you guys. And to get the party started and to show you my thanks, here is a little song that I wrote just for you WordPress and Federated Media. And it goes a little something like this………………….

The Unofficial WordPress/Federated Media Sweet Tri-Partnership Song!

(Chorus)

Federated Media,

Federated Media,

Federated Media,

And the website, WordPress not the WikiPedia,

The place where blogs make good ol’ advertising bucks,

And in this economy having no extra money really sucks,

Sweet tri-partnership with you is lucrative baby, cash deluxe,

WordAds Program, I love and thank you, keep up the good work, bashful smile, and a big ol’ aww shucks!

WordPress and Federated Media to put it plainly, thank you sooo much for the extra advertising bucks!

(Verse 1)

Hey world, three for one and one for all,

I said, three for one and one for all,

WordPress and Federated Media’s new motto on this venture they proudly call,

And WordPress Bloggers are the third partner on this venture and the three of us are gonna’ have a ball,

Because with Federated Media’s acquisition of sites like FoodBuzz they are now the internet advertising king,

Many marketers will seek out WordPress and it’s bloggers to sell their wares on their blogs with a little spice and zing,

But don’t you worry WordPress Bloggers, Federated Media won’t stop there they will continue to grow and spread their wings,

So to a long sweet profitable tri-partnership between Federated Media, WordPress and WordPress Bloggers I happily foresee and loudly sing!

(Chorus)

Federated Media,

Federated Media,

Federated Media,

And the website, WordPress not the WikiPedia,

The place where blogs make good ol’ advertising bucks,

And in this economy having no extra money really sucks,

Sweet tri-partnership with you is lucrative baby, cash deluxe,

WordAds Program, I love and thank you, keep up the good work, bashful smile, and a big ol’ aww shucks!

WordPress and Federated Media to put it plainly, thank you sooo much for the extra advertising bucks!

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MONEY MAKING IDEAS FOR KIDS: HEY YOUNGINS, DON’T OPEN UP A LAME OL’ LEMONADE STAND TO MAKE SOME CASH INSTEAD OPEN UP A GOLD BY THE INCH STAND!


Hey parents, do you have children between 7-17 years old who are always asking or constantly pestering you for money?

Hey parents, do you have enterprising youngsters who want to start their own businesses but are much too advanced for a lemonade stand?

Hey parents, do you have a teenager who is seriously discouraged by his current fast food, movie theatre or if you live in Iowa, detassling job choices?

Hey parents, would you like to teach your children a duel lesson? Lesson one about the value of money and lesson two actually provide your children with a way to earn money?

Well parents, I strongly suggest that you take some of that hard earned money that you have hidden away in an old tube sock in the back of your sock drawer or use a portion of your federal tax return money and spend a couple of hundred dollars and purchase your child a Gold By The Inch business of their very own.

For some of you parents who don’t know what Gold By The Inch is, let me fill you in.

GoldbytheInch.com is a full service wholesale only website for resellers of lifetime guarantee gold by the inch and rhodium by the inch jewelry chain sold on spools. They stock more than 230 styles of overlay gold by the inch, over 1200 charm styles and a beautiful line of cubic zirconia pendants and bracelets. This jewelry business opportunity is easily operated by one person, is extremely easy to learn and you can make money the very first weekend. Expect profit margins of 300-700% on every easy sale that you make.

With a Gold By The Inch Business young people will have the ability to make popular items that their peers will like such as bracelets, necklaces, anklets, bikini chains, cellphone chains, pet collars, eyeglass and sunglass safety chains, boot and shoe jewelry and many more. Since the chain is sold on spools young people have the ability to make any size chain for any purpose and you don’t have to invest in large quantities of ready made chains to do it. You also have the peace of mind that every chain sold is supported by GBTI’s written lifetime replacement guarantee.

Gold By The Inch sells extremely well at fairs, festivals, flea markets, malls, school events and parties which are places that most young people love anyway. Gold By The Inch has everything that a young person needs to start their very own business for a very small investment. Gold By The Inch has proudly provided quality product and service to vendors since 1985.

Parents, I ain’t gonna lie to you, Gold By The Inch chains are by no means on the same level of gold chain that you would find at fine stores like Bloomingdales, Tiffanys or Saks but for your everyday run of the mill teenager or young person it is good enough. For more info click on Gold By The Inch.

For both young people and parents there are many advantages to a parent buying their child a Gold By The Inch Business and below are just a few:

-Young people can make their own money and buy their own clothes, cars, concert tickets, fast food products or sock some of the money away for their college education without having to constantly keep asking their parents for money thereby giving them a sense of independence and pride.

-Parents, in exchange for you buying your child their very own Gold By The Inch Business you can make a deal with your child to give between 10-25% to the household to pay for expenses such as bills, family vacations, their college education or even lining your own or spouse’s pocket with a little extra cash to do with it whatever you please.

-When buying your child a Gold By The Inch Business you are also providing them with a unique tool to be popular which is something deep down that every young person wants. Parents let’s face it, when other youngsters see your child with their own Gold By The Inch business and the money that they are making at cool places like school events and festivals some youngsters will no doubt look up to them, want to be their friend and aspire to be like them thereby opening up their own businesses. Imagine your child the ultimate popular role model!

-Parents, be prepared to receive some mad respect from your offspring because by buying them a Gold By The Inch Business you are saying quite clearly that you want them to have a fun profitable “career” and not just a “job.”

-Gold By The Inch Businesses teach youth real life responsibility as well.

So parents don’t delay! Go out and buy your child a fun and profitable Gold By The Inch Business today!

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SHAMROCK GIRL QUOTES! (QUOTE 9) & THE UNOFFICIAL TCBY SLOGAN!


Quote from superhero, Shamrock Girl of The Adventures of Shamrock Girl series:

With the effervescent smile still on her face, Shamrock Girl took a bite of her delicious tcby cake batter yogurt and sighed with pleasure. “This is the life!” she thought happily.

To read the comic book style short story in which this quote came from please click, Shamrock Girl & The Story of Jytrimillya!

The Unofficial TCBY Slogan:
Shamrock Girl Says: TCBY – from Your First Delicious Bite, “This is the Life!” You Sigh with Guilt-free Delight!

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TINA “KNOWLEDGEABLE” PEDEN’S RESTAURANT TIPS! (TIP 1)


Are you a greasy spoon owner?

Do you want to turn over a new leaf?

If so, here are some tips.

First, get rid of the 6 cans of used grease that you store in Crisco cans in your kitchen.

Second, get rid of the 29 bags of frozen hamburger patties and 30 bags of frozen french fries in your freezer.

Third, get rid of the 175 packages of Twinkies and 80 cans of Mountain Dew sitting on your counter.

Fourth, take a nice long break because getting rid of that much junk food can really wear a person with clogged arteries the hell out.

Fifth, do what a lot of health conscious people in the world do and replace the junk food that you threw out with alot of green leafy salads chocked full of vegetables or try serving some turkey burgers or lean ground round and healthy beverages like fruit juices and smoothies instead and turn over a healthy new leaf!

P.S. Just because a sandwich or burger wrapped in paper doesn’t have a big ol’ grease stain on the bottom doesn’t mean it can’t make a healthy profit!

Healthy food rules!

But so does junk food in moderation, of course.

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HOW TO BUILD SOME BUZZ FOR YOUR REAL ESTATE BUSINESS BY USING PERSONALIZED POSTAGE STAMPS!


Do you want your real estate development company to make an indelible impression on the public?

Is it one of your goals to separate your property management firm from your competition and truly stand out?

Real estate agents, do you want to give your clients a unique calling card instead of the standard business card?

If you answered “yes” to any of the above questions, it’s time to create some buzz for your business.

BUZZ BUILDER TIP NUMBER 1: Put YOUR OWN stamp of approval on all of your business correspondence and advertising material by printing up some personalized postage stamps for your business.

For those of you out there who haven’t read the latest edition of PERSONALIZED POSTAGE STAMPS FOR DUMMIES, a personalized postage stamp is a United States Postal Service approved mailable stamp that has a picture, photograph or text message added to it by a member of the general public or a non-governmental entity. Personalized postage stamps are hot sellers and have become very popular with the public. An individual can put a picture of their newborn baby, their wedding picture, a beloved pet, their business logo, company website address, and so much more on a personalized postage stamp. These stamps can be put on envelopes, flyers, brochures and postcards just like regular postage stamps.

For a start-up business who really wants to get their name or product out to the public, this is an excellent and reasonably priced way to do it. It is also a good way for those well-established or large chain businesses to take a more personalized marketing approach toward their customers.

There are so many benefits of personalized postage stamps that anyone from New York Real Estate Services Giant, Terra Holdings LLC to individual Bronx Brownstone Owner Joe Schmo can take advantage of. To name a few:

Personalized postage stamps can help a business gain new customers. For example, millions of business correspondence travels throughout the United States every day. A single piece of mail is passed around and seen by numerous people on a daily basis. An envelope with a personalized postage stamp that has a moving company’s logo, slogan and other contact information on it could virtually gain them new customers before the envelope is even delivered to the addressee.

Personalized postage stamps can generate excitement and awareness. A beautifully shot photograph of an antique fireplace in a loft on a personalized postage stamp could cause people to excitedly talk about who took the picture and make them want to learn more about the real estate photographer and perhaps obtain his or her services. A snazzy photo of a new luxury apartment building, the date that it opens and the building’s website address printed on it combined with a private golf club giving away a sheet of 20 stamps to its new members as a welcome gift could alert wealthy prospective tenants and possibly create a frenzy to get into the luxury apartment building.

Personalized postage stamps can be used to announce special events to the public. Property management companies can announce a gala on a personalized postage stamp one year in advance to give their clients, invited guests and the press ample notice of the event so that they can attend and avoid any scheduling conflicts. If year-after-year the gala grows in popularity and becomes a hot ticket event, a personalized postage stamp can become a treasured memento of the event. A personalized postage stamp could also become a valuable stamp if a famous or even infamous person attends the gala at one point and does something newsworthy. Die-hard fans of famous people tend to snatch up as many items as they can with their favorite celebrity on them. These stamps could become a unique collector’s item that both fans and stamp collectors will pay big money for.

Personalized postage stamps can be used to launch your product or brand. For example, if you are a software development company who has created new real estate legal forms & contracts software and you want to promote it, a good way to do it is by putting your company’s personalized postage stamps on postcards with a picture and info about the product and then mailing them directly to real estate agencies, brokers and developers.

Before an individual or business can put personalized postage stamps on their business correspondence or advertising material they first have to create a logo for the stamp if they don’t already have one. When it comes to creating a logo, make it as unique as possible to distinguish yourself from other companies and your competition. The logo should jump out at a person and make them take a second glance. Use your imagination and your heart to create images that you think your target market wants to see. Also, seek imput about your logo from a couple of people from your target market. For a text logo, use different fonts and play around with colors to come up with the best creation. Remember to buy the best logo making software that you can. This is no time to skimp and be cheap. Your logo will define you, your business and your product so buy only the best. If you don’t feel that you are qualified enough to create your own logo, consult a professional and have them do it. Also, remember that a logo doesn’t have to be expensive to be good, I have seen some companies and graphic artists on the internet who charge as little as $20.00 for a logo. But always remember the old saying, “you get what you pay for.” So proceed with caution.

Although it is a little bit more important for a business to have a logo than a slogan, having a unique catchphrase coupled with a picture image can only help the public identify your business or product even more. When it comes to creating a slogan for your product, make it short and catchy but also keep it simple. When I say simple that means that even an older child should be able to say the words to your slogan. Remember that children grow up and may purchase your product or service someday all because of a catchy slogan embedded in their head at an early age. Also, remember to stay away from long multi-syllable words, technical words & phrases and words in a foreign language when composing your slogan. If you need proof of my advice, take a look at these slogan gems: “Where’s the beef?” (Wendys 1980’s), “Don’t leave home without it!” (American Express 1970’s) and “Melts in your mouth, not in your hands.” (M&M Candies 1950’s). All of these slogans are short, catchy, simple and get to the point which is why they are so beloved by the general public even to this day.

For those companies who choose not to put their logo or slogan on their company’s personalized postage stamps, there are other options. An eye-catching photograph can be just as effective as a logo. Just remember to obtain the services of the best photographers in their field of specialty. If you choose to use photographs that you took yourself, make sure they are high-quality images that upload easily. Animated and computer generated images are a popular and unique way to go but tend to be a little more expensive. If you know how to draw and would like to create an image for your personalized postage stamps with a “personal” touch? Well, take out a sketch pad and some colored pencils and draw it by hand. Next, take a picture of it with a good camera with a zoom lens. If you don’t know how to draw, obtain the services of a professional artist.

When your artwork and slogan are completed, it’s time to put them on a personalized postage stamp. The United States Postal Service has approved three vendors for this service. They are Endicia Internet Postage (www.endicia.com), Stamps.com (www.stamps.com) and Pitney Bowes who teamed up with Zazzle for this venture. Zazzle is an online marketplace where an individual can buy or sell custom products that they create on the Zazzle website. To order personalized postage stamps from Pitney Bowes/Zazzle, go towww.zazzle.com. Each website has easy step-by-step instructions on how to upload your artwork and text to the stamp. The websites tell you in detail what file and image formats they will accept, the type of content the U.S.P.S. will accept on the stamps, postage denominations, etc. You normally have to register first on these websites to create your own personalized postage stamps but it is free to do so. So, get out there and do it!

Once your personalized postage stamps have arrived. It’s time to put them to work for you. Here are some suggestions:

-Put 3 or 4 of your company’s personalized postage stamps in your press kit. Include a short story about how you came up with the idea for the concept of your stamp(s).

-Send a sheet of 20 stamps to local reporters and writers as gifts to introduce your business. Who knows, they may do a bang-up story about your business in addition to using the postage stamps.

-Ask public and college libraries if you can leave a few sheets of stamps for their patrons periodically. If a patron needs a stamp all they have to do is go up to the reference desk and ask for one. Limit one stamp a day per patron.

-Always keep a steady supply of your company’s personalized postage stamps at the front desk of your business office for tenants, clients, business colleagues, etc. It is also a good idea to keep a few stamps in your purse or wallet just in case someone needs one.

-Are you giving a party or special event? If so, as a parting gift, give your guests a couple of your company’s personalized postage stamps for attending.

-Create a separate webpage for your personalized postage stamp creations on your company’s website or put one of them in the upper right hand corner on the home page of your website.

-Do you want to make some money in addition to promoting your business? Go to www.zazzle.com and create some personalized postage stamps for your business on their website and become a “contributor” so that you can open up a custom gallery to share your creations with not only the Zazzle community but with anyone who has an internet connection. You not only can make at least 10% profit on each personalized postage stamp that is purchased from your gallery but Zazzle is an extremely popular website, stamps with your company’s info could be seen by thousands of people who may be interested in obtaining your company’s services.

-If your personalized postage stamp meets certain criteria, upload it to stamp collecting sites for additional exposure for your business.

-Send a couple of sheets of your company’s personalized postage stamps to moving companies or housecleaning agencies and encourage them to use them on THEIR business correspondence. This “move” is an easy way to obtain prospective clients or tenants.

-Be sure to mark your territory by putting your company’s personalized postage stamps on ALL of your business correspondence and advertising material.

-Has there been a recent change of leadership at your company or is your company a start-up and would like to introduce the owner or individual in charge? If so, put a photograph of the individual on your company’s personalized postage stamps and send out a notice to shareholders, your competitors and newspapers to let them know of this event.

-If a tenant sends his or her rent payment through the mail, provide them with a return business envelope with one of your company’s personalized postage stamps on it.

-If a valued tenant or client has a birthday coming up, send them a gift that they will actually use. Send them a sheet of 20 personalized postage stamps inside of a birthday card that was signed by all of your company’s employees.

-Do you attend any networking events or belong to any trade associations? If so, attach a couple of your company’s personalized postage stamps with your business info on them to your business cards.

Owning a real estate or real-estate related business requires more than just the usual like collecting rent from tenants, buying rental property or drawing up contracts. So much more is required. For example, to stay a viable entity a business must also keep their offices and rental properties clean and sometimes that means that an owner may from time-to-time have to vacuum the floor, dust the furniture or clean a toilet. It just comes with the territory.

There are so many things that an individual in the real estate industry has to do to remain viable and one of those things is advertising. Rental properties don’t get rented if a landlord does absolutely nothing. A landlord HAS to advertise! It is a must! One of the things that a landlord has to do is put an ad in the newspaper and let people know of an opening in a dwelling so that they can fill it. If they don’t they not only lose money but they will get left behind or blown away by their competition.

The business world can be extremely cutthroat and businesses are always looking for the “next big thing” that will catapult them to household name status and put more dollars in their pockets. Well, the “next big thing” is here! Take advantage of this cost-effective advertising tool! Print up some personalized postage stamps for your business and use them to promote your company, services, product or properties and create some buzz!

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TINA “KNOWLEDGEABLE” PEDEN’S WACKY-ASS BUSINESS IDEAS & VENTURES! (LIGHTBULB 1)


Hey venture capitalists, if you dare, check out my unique business idea below!

NAME OF HEALTH CLUB CHAIN:
The Red-Blooded American Male Gentlemen’s Club!

SLOGAN(S):
“The only health club for men in America where a man can get a good workout, a good stiff drink and a good ol’ fashioned lap dance that will probably cause one of his organs to become stiff all under the same roof!”

“Erotic physical fitness for today’s hot-blooded American male!”

BUSINESS SUMMARY:
Venture capitalist can open up a nationwide chain of health clubs for men ONLY in major cities like New York City, Los Angeles, Chicago, Washington DC, Philadelphia, Denver, Phoenix, St. Louis, Dallas et cetera with all of the amenities that a normal health club offers but with one unique amenity, lap dances.

ADVERTISEMENT/PROMOTION:
This is easy breezy! Any advertising copy with the words “lap dance” in it or a photograph of a beautiful girl doing a lap dance aimed at red-blooded american males should do the trick. Also coupons can be utilized vigorously! For example, a free two week membership to the club which includes a complimentary lap dance could be offered then all the venture capitalist has to do is sit back and watch the word-of-mouth advertising and paid memberships come pouring in!

NAME OF THE UNIQUE HEALTH CLUB CHAIN AMENITY:
A Healthy Lap Dance!

(DEFINITION) WHAT EXACTLY IS “A HEALTHY LAP DANCE?”
A series of aerobic/athletic dance moves performed by an “e” or “v” girl either on the client’s lap or a few feet in front of him after his regular workout for the express purpose of raising the blood level in the client’s penis thereby giving his lucky-ass an additional workout and making him feel oh so good all over especially in the dick area!

NAME OF THE GIRLS WHO PERFORM THE LAP DANCES:
“E” Girl! (A woman who has had sexual experience.)
“V” Girl! (A woman who has had no sexual experience or is a virgin.)
(Like Superman or Laverne from the tv show, Laverne and Shirley, each girl can wear a letter on her clothing to distinguish which she is.)

TYPES OF GIRLS:
Girls selected should be of all races, different ages, various heights, weights and measurements. (There should be a girl for every client’s tastes who comes into the health club.) All girls must be in good health and be excellent dancers and be adept at learning new moves and routines.

RE: THE LAP DANCES
The plug or ultimate reason why guys should come to this health club over every other should be the lap dances. Fresh, exciting and titillating dance routines accompanied with sexy leotards, short shorts and other unique workout clothing should really pack a punch!

RE: THE MUSIC
The music should set the pace for each lap dance! Any and every style of music can be played while the “e” or “v” girls perform their routines but the song that MUST be played on the first lap dance of the day is the song, “Music” by Madonna. This song really gets the party going! And here are a couple of other songs that your “v” or “e” girls might want to consider performing to:

-Do It Till Your Satisfied by B.T. Express
-Sweat by C&C Music Factory
-Physical by Olivia Newton John
-Kung Fu Fighting by Carl Douglas
-Get It On Bang A Gong by The Power Station
-Like A Virgin by Madonna (or basically any song by Madonna will do.)

MAJOR SUGGESTION(S): Early on a signature dance or routine should be established for the health club to get the buzz going! One of the venture capitalist’s first moves in getting this venture off of the ground should be to hire a kick-ass choreographer asap!

For those clients who are still kinky-ass kids at heart, choreographer’s try coming up with a fun dance routine to the above mentioned song, Get It On Bang A Gong by The Power Station. The catch being all the dance moves performed for the client have to be performed on a “Twister” board. Do you remember the game, “Twister,” where approximately four people played and each one of them had to put one of their body parts on a certain colored circle? Wasn’t that fun! Oh God, I remember all of those tangled up body parts! And I bet you alot of red-blooded American guys would love to see four beautiful girls in sexy aerobic outfits performing a kick-ass, tangled up-ass routine on a “Twister” board and on their laps too! I mean it’s just what the doctor ordered after a good workout!

SUGGESTED HEALTH CLUB AMENITIES SHOULD INCLUDE: -Gym/Workout Area
-Weight/Nautilus Area
-Shower/Bathtub/Locker Room Area
-Business Area (Internet, fax, phone, copier, etc.)
-Message/Steam Room Area
-Food & Drink Bar (Food should consist of healthy things like: fruits, veggies, or nuts and decadent things too like ice cream, french fries or chocolate. Drinks served can be anything from milk, bottled water, soda or an alcoholic drink like a screwdriver which is part vodka and part orange juice. Since the girls who do the lap dances are called either “e” or “v” girls you can apply this terminology to the drinks too. You can serve “v” drinks or virgin drinks that contain no alcohol. You can also serve “e” drinks or experienced drinks that contain alcohol. If you do serve alcoholic drinks have the client sign a waiver of liablility or responsiblilty in case of an accident or limit the number of alcoholic drinks per day that a client can have at the club. Also for the red-blooded male with a raunchy sense of humor, “suggestive” snacks like “nuts,” “balls,” a long celery or carrot stick stuck in the middle of a mound of dip can represent an erect dick surrounded by a puddle of cum, two scoops of ice cream with chocolate chips on top can represent tits and nipples, banana bread cut into a triangle with squiggly black frosting on top can represent the pussy and pubic hair. Let’s face it, “suggestive” snacks are fun and big sellers especially after a long tiring workout!)
-Cooling Off/Lay Dreaming Center (A cool and calming room/place that men can go to sit or lay down and relax or dream after they have had their healthy lap dance. Cold drinks should be allowed in this area.)
-Gift Shop
-Candy Store (For those clients who will always be true kids at heart or for those clients who are down right kinky baby, items such as licorice ropes to play s&m bondage games and pixy stix to pour and lick off their partner’s body and much much more can be sold as well.)
-Physician/Doctor’s Office (Onsite staff should include a doctor, nurse, certified or licensed nursing assistant, medical secretary. There should always be a doctor or nurse in each club because you never know exactly how a lap dance by a hot girl will affect a man’s heart or other organs. So just to be safe and secure, always employ medical staff and have the client sign a waiver of liability or responsiblility.)
-Onsite Bouncer/Security Guards
-Gift Shop
-Photographer/Photo Shop (A roaming photographer can be hired to take pictures of guys getting lap dances and their family or friends reactions, etc. Photos can also be spontaneous or staged too.)
-Public/Private Restrooms
-Stage/Lap Dance Performance Area With Spotlight
-Private/Personal Lap Dance Rooms
-Lap Dance/Personal Dance
-In House DJ (Disc Jockey)
-Choreographer
-“E” and “V” Girls

SUGGESTED STAFF AMENITIES:
-Office/Workspace
-Public Restrooms
-Kitchen
-Lounges
-Dance Studio
-Storage Areas
-Conference Rooms

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