Posts tagged Kids

HEY TRUMP, RYAN, THE SENATE, THE HOUSE AND ALL YOU OTHER USELESS-ASS POLITICIANS, THIS ONE’S FOR YOU!


TIRED OF WAITIN’ ON HAPPINESS!

(Verse 1)

-I work hard all day,
-For crappy pay,
-Everyday to the lord I constantly pray,
-That one day things will finally go my way,
-But until then I have to sadly say,

(Chorus)

-Tired of waitin’ on happiness,
-I just want my chance,
-I don’t ever wanna’ hear the word, delay,
-If I do, someone’s gonna pay,
-Just want all the bad the hell outta’ my life,
-My heart’s had enough strife,
-I want a little happiness and I want it now,
-And I don’t give a damn exactly how,
-So tired,
-Of waitin’ on happiness,
-Yeah!

(Verse 2)

-Kids, job, life and grocery bills,
-Tears flowin’ down my cheeks at the window sill,
-Oh dear, Jesus, I just want to laugh and smile,
-Can’t cause’ my stomach’s filled with worry and bile,
-Please god can you just give me a break for a while,

(Chorus)

-Tired of waitin’ on happiness,
-I just want my chance,
-I don’t ever wanna’ hear the word, delay,
-If I do, someone’s gonna pay,
-Just want all the bad the hell outta’ my life,
-My heart’s had enough strife,
-I want a little happiness and I want it now,
-And I don’t give a damn exactly how,
-So tired,
-Of waitin’ on happiness,
-Yeah!

(Verse 3)

-I know it’s tough but i’m a fighter and will plow through,
-Sink or swim, no choice what this survivor is gonna’ do,
-I’m a good person and deserve only the best,
-Till I get the happiness I deserve, not gonna’ rest,
-But my heart tells me you’ll get it baby this is only a test,
-Be patient, happiness for you won’t be a life long quest,
-But in the meantime, vent all you want, be my guest,

(Chorus)

-Tired of waitin’ on happiness,
-I just want my chance,
-I don’t ever wanna’ hear the word, delay,
-If I do, someone’s gonna pay,
-Just want all the bad the hell outta’ my life,
-My heart’s had enough strife,
-I want a little happiness and I want it now,
-And I don’t give a damn exactly how,
-So tired,
-Of waitin’ on happiness,
-Yeah!

To purchase a license to use this lyric please go to:                 http://songbay.co/view-lyric/3833/

NoMoreTearsEnoughisEnough

EnoughisEnoughNoMoreTearsUnofficialAntiTrumpSong

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TINA KNOWLEDGEABLE PEDEN’S GREETING CARDS IN A BLOG POST! (GREETING CARD 11)


This is a greeting card that I wrote for all of you hardworking mister moms out there! Enjoy!

H oney did you pick up my dress at the dry cleaners?

O uch dad that medicine really stings!

U look marvelous darling!

S ex at 3:18 a.m. in the morning!

E scape from New York to the local movie theatre for some alone time!

H ollering down the stairs to the kids to bequiet!

U rsula use english not that teeny bopper slang!

S he works hard for the money buys the bacon and I fry it up in a pan.

B equiet!

A n afternoon delight with my lovely wife!

N o son you can’t go out with a girl named Madonna tonight or ever!

D ad you’re a big pain in the ass but we all really love you!

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“OH CHRIST, I GOT BABY FEVER!” A SONG AND PRAYER WRITTEN BY TINA KNOWLEDGEABLE PEDEN!


Hey since retailers start selling Christmas merchandise so early anyway I decided to jump on their bandwagon and do a revamping of a song that I wrote back in January 2012.  Enjoy and have yourself an early Merry Christmas! And Happy Early Birthday, Jesus!

This song can either be performed in the spoken word or it can be sung.

Verse 1:

Hey mom, gross, I really hate this chicken croquette,

I can’t eat this crap if i’m going to be a Radio City Music Hall Rockette,

Just you wait and see mama i’m gonna’ be the best dancer on that stage yet,

With the best-looking gams in the whole wide world, a perfect high-kicking set,

Oh mom will you please give me a break and quit harpin’ on my lousy ettiquette,

Mom, I really do love ya’ but you are the lamest chick that I have ever met!

Chorus:

Oh Christ, I got baby fever and there’s only one cure,

Johnson’s Baby Shampoo almost 100% pure,

Dr. Seuss prescribed me a big ol’ dose of “Cat in the Hat,”

No green eggs or ham or Jack Sprat,

Just a cradle with a beautiful baby in it, skinny or fat,

A maternal inferno is burning deep down inside of me,

And Christ, it will never stop until i’m a mommy!

To put it simply, Lord, I want a baby!

Verse 2:

Hey dad, I really love this corndog on a stick,

But I can’t have too many of them if i’m gonna’ be a New York Knick,

Just you wait and see papa i’m gonna’ be selected first round draft pick,

With the best darn jump shot in the league cause’ my skills are seriously sick,

Oh dad, will you please give me a break i’m not a stamp that needs a lick,

Dad, I really love ya’ but there are plenty of ballplayers like me with a stubborn cowlick,

So leave my hair alone and stop crying those totally lame proud parent tears like really quick!

They are sooo gross, I mean really dad, ick!

Chorus:

Oh Christ, I got baby fever and there’s only one cure,

Johnson’s Baby Shampoo almost 100% pure,

Dr. Seuss prescribed me a big ol’ dose of “Cat in the Hat,”

No green eggs or ham or Jack Sprat,

Just a cradle with a beautiful baby in it, skinny or fat,

A paternal inferno is burning deep down inside of me,

And Christ, it will never stop until i’m a daddy!

To put it simply, Lord, I want a baby!

Verse 3:

Bottles and booties all over the place, everywhere,

Many sleepless nights and wild-looking disheveled hair,

I’m not talking to you dad cause’ i’m grounded glued to this rotten chair,

Young man, i’m only doing this so you’ll be morally-rounded cause’ I care,

Baby shake rattle, baby shake rattle, baby shake rattle, in the air,

Kids bedtime, this as a loving but tired father, I do happily declare!

Chorus:

Oh Christ, I got baby fever and there’s only one cure,

Johnson’s Baby Shampoo almost 100% pure,

Dr. Seuss prescribed me a big ol’ dose of “Cat in the Hat,”

No green eggs or ham or Jack Sprat,

Just a cradle with a beautiful baby in it, skinny or fat,

A paternal inferno is burning deep down inside of me,

And Christ, it will never stop until i’m a daddy!

To put it simply, Lord, I want a baby!

Verse 4:

My biological clock is going tick-tock, tick-tock, tick-tock, there’s no escape,

I have a dream of reading aloud to my kids “Hickory Dickory Dock” and tales of “Grape Ape,”

Sex, pregnancy and a whole bunch of recorded dvd and many a videotape,

Merry Christmas mommy, how do I look all dressed up as a shepherd in my big brother’s old white cape,

Tears come to my eyes as I watch my child in the Christmas pageant up on the stage with my mouth totally agape,

How in the world Carmen Sandiego did he get all of that scotch tape to stay up around his nape, my oh my, what a cool drape!

Chorus:

Oh Christ, I got baby fever and there’s only one cure,

Johnson’s Baby Shampoo almost 100% pure,

Dr. Seuss prescribed me a big ol’ dose of “Cat in the Hat,”

No green eggs or ham or Jack Sprat,

Just a cradle with a beautiful baby in it, skinny or fat,

A maternal inferno is burning deep down inside of me,

And Christ, it will never stop until i’m a mommy!

To put it simply, Lord, I want a baby!

Verse 5:

So big boy I hope you got the message and that I made myself crystal clear,

Okay Mama, let’s make a baby is the only thing that I want to hear,

Because boy oh boy or should I say girl oh girl I am oh so ready for this my dear,

So lover, take me in your arms and let’s start this baby-making party off with a kiss that will scorch and sear,

Hey big boy, I want you to know that I love you and there’s no pressure here,

But the only thing that I want for Christmas is to have your baby by the end of next year!

Cheers!

Chorus:

Oh Christ, I got baby fever and there’s only one cure,

Johnson’s Baby Shampoo almost 100% pure,

Dr. Seuss prescribed me a big ol’ dose of “Cat in the Hat,”

No green eggs or ham or Jack Sprat,

Just a cradle with a beautiful baby in it, skinny or fat,

A maternal and paternal inferno is burning deep down inside of me,

And Christ, it will never stop until we’re a mommy and daddy!

To put it simply, Lord, we want a baby!

Verse 6:

It’s nice to know that us humans on earth are not alone and that we are all truly God’s children through and through,

Because one day over two thousand years ago God himself had a major case of baby fever too,

He chose Mary to be the mother of his baby and Joseph to watch over them even though to what was going on neither of them really didn’t have a clue,

But they both loved and trusted God so they let this guide them and their hearts also told them that this unusual miraculous request was the right thing to do,

And on Christmas Day a long time ago a baby boy named Jesus was born in a stable in Bethlehem wrapped in swaddling clothes lying in a manger that was far from new,

Shepherds and wise men from different places all over the world traveled to Bethlehem to praise this new king, bring him gifts and to see if this wonderful miracle was really true,

But in their heart of hearts they already knew that Jesus the Saviour, their king, was born for one and all, expressly for me and you,

So today and every year we celebrate his birthday, Christmas Day,  at different places all over the world because he is the one thing that unites us all together, he is our special spiritual glue!

MERRY CHRISTMAS AND HAPPY BIRTHDAY JESUS, WE LOVE YOU!

AND GOD WE ALSO LOVE YOU VERY MUCH TOO!

THANK YOU FOR HAVING A MAJOR CASE OF BABY FEVER UP IN HEAVEN JUST LIKE US HUMANS ON EARTH DO!

Chorus:

Oh Christ, I got baby fever and there’s only one cure,

Johnson’s Baby Shampoo almost 100% pure,

Dr. Seuss prescribed me a big ol’ dose of “Cat in the Hat,”

No green eggs or ham or Jack Sprat,

Just a manger with a beautiful baby boy in it, skinny or fat,

An almighty paternal inferno is burning deep down inside of me,

And Christ, it will never stop until a God like me is a daddy!

To put it simply, Lord, and I know that I am talking to myself, I, the Lord Almighty want a baby!

It’s time for even me to be a daddy!

Prayer:

Oh Lord in heaven, give me strength, please help me,

Cause’ I know at times i’m gonna’ have my work cut out for me,

I know that being a good mama or papa ain’t always gonna’ be easy,

But I don’t care, that part doesn’t even bother or faze me,

Cause’ i’ll happily take on this parental challenge given unto thee,

Lord, this christian soldier is oh so ready to raise a good loving family,

One that will offer up love and praise to you everyday faithfully,

Oh Christ, I got baby fever and their’s only one cure,

A beautiful living legacy created by me for you that will forever endure!

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TINA “KNOWLEDGEABLE” PEDEN’S POP CULTURE DICTIONARY (VOLUME 13) WHAT IS A STATE OF THE UNION ADDRESS BUG UP THE ASS?


(Definition) A State Of The Union Address Bug Up The Ass is literally a nasty-ass fungus or infection that goes straight up into your butthole and eventually settles itself in your brain and drives you absolutely bonkers once a year due to your favorite tv show, movie, commercial, video or infommercial being preempted by the President’s Stupid Ol’ Annual State Of The Union Address because like the subject trigonometry that you learn in high school the information in the President’s Annual State Of The Union Address is something that most Americans will never use and this major inconvenience really pisses alot of Americans the fuck off.

I will now use this phrase in a sentence to clarify its meaning.

“Dude, stay the fuck away from Constance for the rest of the day because she’s not only got a major case of Baby Fever but she’s also got a wicked nasty State Of The Union Address Bug Up The Ass! Dude, you know how much her totally obsessed ass worships those Johnson’s Baby Shampoo commercials. Dude, if you know what’s good for you, you’ll stay the fuck away from her!”

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(WELCOME TO TINA KNOWLEDGEABLE PEDEN’S A NOTEWORTHY ATTRIBUTE REVIEWS!) IF YOU EVER DECIDE TO TRAVEL THROUGH NEW ENGLAND, PRESCOTT PARK HAS THE BEST AMENITIES!


Hey fellow travelers and travelettes, if you ever decide to travel through New England, Prescott Park has the best amenities. To check them out, keep reading!

A Noteworthy Attribute:
(Prescott Park/Lavatory)
Cost:  Free — and in the Obama economy that sounds darn good to me!For most people who visit Prescott Park, their favorite thing is all the different varieties of beautiful and colorful flowers planted all over the park.

And for some people who visit Prescott Park who love fitness and exercise their favorite thing is to walk on the many paths in the park in a safe setting.

And for some homeless people who visit Prescott Park their favorite thing is the nice peaceful setting filled with many comfortable benches all over the park with some overlooking the exquisite flowers and some overlooking the sometimes disgustingly dirty Piscataqua River where they can eat and rest at for a long while after a long hard day of job hunting or slacking off due to being kicked out of Crossroads Homeless Shelter for the day.

And for some people who visit Prescott Park who are true romantics at heart their favorite thing is that on any given day they may come across a wedding so ethereal that they wonder if what they are really seeing is indeed real or they have fallen asleep and somehow been transported into some kind of wonderful fairy tale.

And for some people who visit Prescott Park who are very maternal and paternal their favorite thing is to see all of the different families in all shapes, sizes, colors and creeds picnicking all over the excellently manicured lawns of the park or see both heterosexual and homosexual parents alike scream things lovingly at their children like, “Don’t put that into your mouth because we can’t afford to have your stomach pumped at the hospital!” or “Where did that hickey come from, young lady, it wasn’t there 25 minutes ago!”

But screw all that crap, literally!

(Really loud snicker!)

Because for me, Tina “Knowledgeable” Peden, my personal favorite thing about Prescott Park borders on the unusual.  My favorite thing about Prescott Park is the women’s lavatory!  And here are it’s many amenities:

-Toilets with ultra-fast flushing speed that rival any driver racing at the Indianapolis 500 today.
-Rolls and rolls of strong and sturdy toilet paper guaranteed to last up against the most runny number 2 stools.
-Stalls so darn large that even triple crown winning horse Secretariat could easily take a dump in.
-A lavatory so airy due to the main door always being open that even the stinkiest piss or poop smells vanish within minutes.

So fellow travelers, if you ever find yourselves visiting Portsmouth New Hampshire and you suddenly have to take a serious dump due to all of the delicious seafood that you scarfed down at Jumpin’ Jay’s Fish Cafe and are unfortunately with your husband and gazillion kids and want to ditch them for a few hours so that you can let the excrement flow, then haul your butt and brood over pronto to  Prescott Park and “dump” them there so that they can enjoy the many amenities that the park has to offer while you enjoy my personal favorite amenity of Prescott Park, the Prescott Park Lavatory and poop until your heart and colon are completely content!

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TINA “KNOWLEDGEABLE” PEDEN’S POP CULTURE DICTIONARY (VOLUME 9) WHAT DOES THE WORD “APPEASEPAONOMY” MEAN?


(Definition) An appeasepaonomy is a painful procedure in which children undergo a temporary “Stepford Wives” transformation for their dad’s birthday, Father’s Day, anniversary or some other important event in their father’s life where they will wear whatever crappy outfit that their dad wants them to wear, sing whatever silly song that their dad wants them to sing, be nice to people that they can’t stand, go to places that they wouldn’t be caught dead at et cetera et cetera et cetera only because they love their dad so dearly and they will put up with this torture temporarily just to make him happy on his special day.

I will now use this word in a sentence to clarify it’s meaning.

“For his dad’s 65th birthday, Shamus had to undergo a serious appeasepaonomy along with a little help from three shots of 180 proof Jack Daniels Whiskey in order to perform the song, “I’m A Little Teapot Short And Stout” in front of 5,000 guests that his father has loved him performing ever since he did it in his first grade school play.”

P.S. Dad, I want you to know that performing the song, “I’m A Little Teapot Short And Stout” in front of 5,000 people that I barely knew was the single most embarrassing moment of my life but i’m really glad that you loved my performance! Happy birthday day from your loving son, Shamus who will one day make you pay for this!”

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TINA “KNOWLEDGEABLE” PEDEN’S POP CULTURE DICTIONARY (VOLUME 8) WHAT DOES THE WORD “APPEASEMAONOMY” MEAN?


(Definition) An appeasemaonomy is a painful procedure in which children undergo a temporary “Stepford Wives” transformation for their mom’s birthday, Mother’s Day, anniversary or some other important event in their mother’s life where they will wear whatever crappy outfit that their mom wants them to wear, sing whatever silly song that their mom wants them to sing, be nice to people that they can’t stand, go to places that they wouldn’t be caught dead at et cetera et cetera et cetera only because they love their mom so dearly and they will put up with this torture temporarily just to make her happy on her special day.

I will now use this word in a sentence to clarify it’s meaning.

“For her mother’s 50th wedding anniversary, Sasha had to undergo one hell of an appeasemaonomy along with one hell of an upchucking session in order to put on that long-ass neon orange and yellow dress with the two million hot pink ruffles that her mother thinks that she looks so pretty in.”

P.S. Mom, even though your taste in clothes is total shit, I still really love you anyway! Love Sasha!

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