Posts tagged Lover

“OH CHRIST, I GOT BABY FEVER!” A SONG AND PRAYER WRITTEN BY TINA KNOWLEDGEABLE PEDEN!


This song can either be performed in the spoken word or it can be sung.

Verse 1:

Hey mom, gross, I really hate this chicken croquette,

I can’t eat this crap if i’m going to be a Radio City Music Hall Rockette,

Just you wait and see mama i’m gonna’ be the best dancer on that stage yet,

With the best-looking gams in the whole wide world, a perfect high-kicking set,

Oh mom will you please give me a break and quit harpin’ on my lousy ettiquette,

Mom, I really do love ya’ but you are the lamest chick that I have ever met!

Chorus:

Oh Christ, I got baby fever and there’s only one cure,

Johnson’s Baby Shampoo almost 100% pure,

Dr. Seuss prescribed me a big ol’ dose of “Cat in the Hat,”

No green eggs or ham or Jack Sprat,

Just a cradle with a beautiful baby in it, skinny or fat,

A maternal inferno is burning deep down inside of me,

And Christ, it will never stop until i’m a mommy!

To put it simply, Lord, I want a baby!

Verse 2:

Hey dad, I really love this corndog on a stick,

But I can’t have too many of them if i’m gonna’ be a New York Knick,

Just you wait and see papa i’m gonna’ be selected first round draft pick,

With the best darn jump shot in the league cause’ my skills are seriously sick,

Oh dad, will you please give me a break i’m not a stamp that needs a lick,

Dad, I really love ya’ but there are plenty of ballplayers like me with a stubborn cowlick,

So leave my hair alone and stop crying those totally lame proud parent tears like really quick!

They are sooo gross, I mean really dad, ick!

Chorus:

Oh Christ, I got baby fever and there’s only one cure,

Johnson’s Baby Shampoo almost 100% pure,

Dr. Seuss prescribed me a big ol’ dose of “Cat in the Hat,”

No green eggs or ham or Jack Sprat,

Just a cradle with a beautiful baby in it, skinny or fat,

A paternal inferno is burning deep down inside of me,

And Christ, it will never stop until i’m a daddy!

To put it simply, Lord, I want a baby!

Verse 3:

Bottles and booties all over the place, everywhere,

Many sleepless nights and wild-looking disheveled hair,

I’m not talking to you dad cause’ i’m grounded glued to this rotten chair,

Young man, i’m only doing this so you’ll be morally-rounded cause’ I care,

Baby shake rattle, baby shake rattle, baby shake rattle, in the air,

Kids bedtime, this as a loving but tired father, I do happily declare!

Chorus:

Oh Christ, I got baby fever and there’s only one cure,

Johnson’s Baby Shampoo almost 100% pure,

Dr. Seuss prescribed me a big ol’ dose of “Cat in the Hat,”

No green eggs or ham or Jack Sprat,

Just a cradle with a beautiful baby in it, skinny or fat,

A paternal inferno is burning deep down inside of me,

And Christ, it will never stop until i’m a daddy!

To put it simply, Lord, I want a baby!

Verse 4:

My biological clock is going tick-tock, tick-tock, tick-tock, there’s no escape,

I have a dream of reading aloud to my kids “Hickory Dickory Dock” and tales of “Grape Ape,”

Sex, pregnancy and a whole bunch of recorded dvd and many a videotape,

Merry Christmas mommy, how do I look all dressed up as a shepherd in my big brother’s old white cape,

Tears come to my eyes as I watch my child in the Christmas pageant up on the stage with my mouth totally agape,

How in the world Carmen Sandiego did he get all of that scotch tape to stay up around his nape, my oh my, what a cool drape!

Chorus:

Oh Christ, I got baby fever and there’s only one cure,

Johnson’s Baby Shampoo almost 100% pure,

Dr. Seuss prescribed me a big ol’ dose of “Cat in the Hat,”

No green eggs or ham or Jack Sprat,

Just a cradle with a beautiful baby in it, skinny or fat,

A maternal inferno is burning deep down inside of me,

And Christ, it will never stop until i’m a mommy!

To put it simply, Lord, I want a baby!

Verse 5:

So big boy I hope you got the message and that I made myself crystal clear,

Okay Mama, let’s make a baby is the only thing that I want to hear,

Because boy oh boy or should I say girl oh girl I am oh so ready for this my dear,

So lover, take me in your arms and let’s start this baby-making party off with a kiss that will scorch and sear,

Hey big boy, I want you to know that I love you and there’s no pressure here,

But the only thing that I want for Christmas is to have your baby by the end of next year!

Cheers!

Chorus:

Oh Christ, I got baby fever and there’s only one cure,

Johnson’s Baby Shampoo almost 100% pure,

Dr. Seuss prescribed me a big ol’ dose of “Cat in the Hat,”

No green eggs or ham or Jack Sprat,

Just a cradle with a beautiful baby in it, skinny or fat,

A maternal and paternal inferno is burning deep down inside of me,

And Christ, it will never stop until we’re a mommy and daddy!

To put it simply, Lord, we want a baby!

Verse 6:

It’s nice to know that us humans on earth are not alone and that we are all truly God’s children through and through,

Because one day over two thousand years ago God himself had a major case of baby fever too,

He chose Mary to be the mother of his baby and Joseph to watch over them even though to what was going on neither of them really didn’t have a clue,

But they both loved and trusted God so they let this guide them and their hearts also told them that this unusual miraculous request was the right thing to do,

And on Christmas Day a long time ago a baby boy named Jesus was born in a stable in Bethlehem wrapped in swaddling clothes lying in a manger that was far from new,

Shepherds and wise men from different places all over the world traveled to Bethlehem to praise this new king, bring him gifts and to see if this wonderful miracle was really true,

But in their heart of hearts they already knew that Jesus the Saviour, their king, was born for one and all, expressly for me and you,

So today and every year we celebrate his birthday, Christmas Day,  at different places all over the world because he is the one thing that unites us all together, he is our special spiritual glue!

MERRY CHRISTMAS AND HAPPY BIRTHDAY JESUS, WE LOVE YOU!

AND GOD WE ALSO LOVE YOU VERY MUCH TOO!

THANK YOU FOR HAVING A MAJOR CASE OF BABY FEVER UP IN HEAVEN JUST LIKE US HUMANS ON EARTH DO!

Chorus:

Oh Christ, I got baby fever and there’s only one cure,

Johnson’s Baby Shampoo almost 100% pure,

Dr. Seuss prescribed me a big ol’ dose of “Cat in the Hat,”

No green eggs or ham or Jack Sprat,

Just a manger with a beautiful baby boy in it, skinny or fat,

An almighty paternal inferno is burning deep down inside of me,

And Christ, it will never stop until a God like me is a daddy!

To put it simply, Lord, and I know that I am talking to myself, I, the Lord Almighty, want a baby!

It’s time for even me to be a daddy!

Prayer:

Oh Lord in heaven, give me strength, please help me,

Cause’ I know at times i’m gonna’ have my work cut out for me,

I know that being a good mama or papa ain’t always gonna’ be easy,

But I don’t care, that part doesn’t even bother or faze me,

Cause’ i’ll happily take on this parental challenge given unto thee,

Lord, this christian soldier is oh so ready to raise a good loving family,

One that will offer up love and praise to you everyday faithfully,

Oh Christ, I got baby fever and their’s only one cure,

A beautiful living legacy created by me for you that will forever endure!

Leave a comment »

MATURE SEX: IS IT BETTER THAN SEX AS A YOUNG MAN?


That’s a hard question to answer because bottom line, no matter what you say you’re going to upset somebody. Basically there is no clear-cut black and white answer to this question due to the fact that:

On one side, you are going to have some people say, “yes,” sex is just like a fine wine, it only gets better with age.

While on the flip side of the coin, you are going to have some people say that you have the best sex of your life when you are young, dumb and full of you know what.

And then there are some people who will simply say that you can have great sex at any age.

But who is truly right?

Unfortunately, that is another question only each individual can answer for themselves.

But since I am 40 years old and on the cusp of the mature sex spectrum, I am going to say that sex is better when you are older and I am also going to give you a completely unbiased (Wink! Wink!) list of reasons why sex is better as an older adult.

P.S. Don’t hate me because I’m older, beautiful and want to have sex honey!.

Anyhoo, let us begin with the number one benefit of mature sex which is obviously, experience. Remember the old addage, “Practice Makes Perfect.”

Usually by the time that we are in our forties and fifties we are experienced enough to know how to perform fellatio properly, kiss our partner without drowning them in saliva and know where the hot spots are on our lover’s bodies that drives them wild.

One of the primary advantages of experience comes a little old thing that I like to call confidence which is something that the youths of today lack when it comes to sex.

When a person is confident he has the ability to take it all in stride when he can’t get an instant erection or sustain one or gets tired after a short while during sex unlike as a young man when failing to perform on cue seems like a matter of life or death or extreme embarrassment.

Bottom line, experience rocks!

A second benefit of mature sex is the most fun of all, experimentation!

For instance, whether you are single, committed or married, alot of older men want to keep their relationships fresh, prevent them from growing boring and most importantly prevent their partner from straying so are therefore less afraid than their younger counterparts to explore new horizons when it comes to sex which is so important today considering the massive amount of competition out there and especially in this world of sexually transmitted diseases and Glenn Close-Fatal Attraction psychos.

Let’s face it, nobody truly wants to grow older alone.

So many older adults know this, which is why they are more open to experimenting because they have so much more to lose than their younger counterparts.

Experimentation rocks baby!

A third benefit of mature sex is yet another obvious one.

It is called financial solvency.

Again sometimes when we want to spice up or experiment sexually in our love lives, let’s get real, our minds may scream, “Yes! Yes! Yes!” but our bodies may scream just the opposite.

Leading studies often show that at any age (18-80) sometimes performance problems can often arise whether they are physical or mental. Smart individuals eventually accept this fact and then seek some form of help.

Sometimes this help may include resorting to something a little more drastic or unorthodox such as seeking out a sex therapist, psychologist or even a sexual surrogate.

It may also involve things like high-tech sex toys, hotel rooms with room service, four star restaurants or even some salsa lessons.

And guys again let’s face it, these things ain’t cheap!

This is where having some money or kick-ass insurance definitely comes in handy!

Usually by the time we are of a mature age we are more financially stable or have more monetary or insurance help available to us than we had in our youth.

Basically being financially solvent can definitely help make mature sex lives better, rewarding and more fulfilling than in our youth!

Hooray for insurance, money and mature sex!

Case closed.

Leave a comment »

TINA “KNOWLEDGEABLE” PEDEN’S GREETING CARDS IN A BLOG POST! (GREETING CARD 2)


(This is a Christmas Day greeting card for lovers. It is a card that a man can give to that special lady in his life.)

When It Comes To The Kissing Snow, Don’t Fight It Baby!

It arrives a few days before Christmas Day,
And sometimes on the big day itself,
It’s different from other snow,
And baby, you’ll know it!

To put it simply, once the kissing snow of Christmas Day starts to fall upon you,

Wham!
Bam!
Lover’s delight!
Pure orgasmic dynomite!

Sensual visions instantly start to fill your head and loins,
“Come to me my sweet valentine, I want to put your delectable lips to mine!”

The rush of a fervent blush spreads like wildfire all over your body,
Passion containment is futile,
Don’t try to fight it baby!

Kissing you my sweet valentine is the only cure,
I adore, I want more, my desire for you soars!
Don’t fight it baby!

On this wondrous Christmas Day my sweet valentine, let the kissing snow of Christmas Day bewitch you body and soul,

So that I, your lover, can take complete possession of your lovely body and soul on this wondrous Christmas Night!

P.S. MERRY CHRISTMAS FROM YOUR “HOPE I GET LUCKY TONIGHT BECAUSE I GOT ALL ROMANTIC AND SHIT THIS YEAR ON XMAS INSTEAD OF JUST ON VALENTINE’S DAY LIKE I USUALLY DO SO THEREFORE I DESERVE A REWARD” LOVER!

(Hey guys, consider giving this gift to go along with this greeting card–A package of Hershey’s chocolate kisses with a red ribbon tied around it, sexy lingerie from Victoria’s Secret or Target and a Kissable Kandle from Nawty Things in an assortment of flavors. Merry Christmas guys and I hope you get a lot of nookie along with all of those Christmas cookies!)

Leave a comment »

%d bloggers like this: