Posts tagged Nookie

TINA “KNOWLEDGEABLE” PEDEN’S GREETING CARDS IN A BLOG POST! (GREETING CARD 2)


(This is a Christmas Day greeting card for lovers. It is a card that a man can give to that special lady in his life.)

When It Comes To The Kissing Snow, Don’t Fight It Baby!

It arrives a few days before Christmas Day,
And sometimes on the big day itself,
It’s different from other snow,
And baby, you’ll know it!

To put it simply, once the kissing snow of Christmas Day starts to fall upon you,

Wham!
Bam!
Lover’s delight!
Pure orgasmic dynomite!

Sensual visions instantly start to fill your head and loins,
“Come to me my sweet valentine, I want to put your delectable lips to mine!”

The rush of a fervent blush spreads like wildfire all over your body,
Passion containment is futile,
Don’t try to fight it baby!

Kissing you my sweet valentine is the only cure,
I adore, I want more, my desire for you soars!
Don’t fight it baby!

On this wondrous Christmas Day my sweet valentine, let the kissing snow of Christmas Day bewitch you body and soul,

So that I, your lover, can take complete possession of your lovely body and soul on this wondrous Christmas Night!

P.S. MERRY CHRISTMAS FROM YOUR “HOPE I GET LUCKY TONIGHT BECAUSE I GOT ALL ROMANTIC AND SHIT THIS YEAR ON XMAS INSTEAD OF JUST ON VALENTINE’S DAY LIKE I USUALLY DO SO THEREFORE I DESERVE A REWARD” LOVER!

(Hey guys, consider giving this gift to go along with this greeting card–A package of Hershey’s chocolate kisses with a red ribbon tied around it, sexy lingerie from Victoria’s Secret or Target and a Kissable Kandle from Nawty Things in an assortment of flavors. Merry Christmas guys and I hope you get a lot of nookie along with all of those Christmas cookies!)

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GUYS, IT’S MAJOR TABOO TALK TIME ABOUT WOMEN, SEX & STRETCHMARKS?!


I posted this article on my InstaBlogs webpage on Halloween 2008! Guys, after reading this article please take it to heart and I guarantee that your lovely lady will thank you for it!

What is SEX?

Here are a couple of answers:

A. SEX is a way of distinguishing male and female members of a species, usually by referencing their reproductive functions.

B. SEX refers to intercourse, an act that can result in reproduction.

C. SEX refers to the genitals.

Well, the SEX that i’m talking about refers to all three.

Thank god!

(Low-down dirty laugh!)

But when a woman has stretch marks, the sex can literally be a pain in the butt!

Guys, heads-up!

Every woman wants to feel sexy and beautiful during sex and having stretch marks can take alot of the enjoyment out of it.

Guys, one of the biggest taboos of all time is that women are supposed to be physically perfect!

They’re supposed to look like all of those beautiful size 2 women that we all see in magazines like Maxim, Playboy and People.

They’re supposed to have perfect hair, facial features, teeth and a smokin’ smooth body devoid of any imperfection.

Guys, this ain’t reality!

And if any guy says different you try squeezin’ a baby the size of a watermelon out of a part of a female’s anatomy that’s the size of a lemon and see how smooth your skin would be.

Oh, snap!

I mean, good luck, baby!

And a woman can’t help it if sometimes she either loses or gains some weight and her skin stretches.

That shit is outta’ her control!

Guys let’s face it, stretch marks are the badge of a real woman.

P.S. I stole that line from the Molly Ringwald movie, “For Keeps.”

Guys, another heads up!

Another taboo is making negative comments about your lady’s stretch marks during sex.

Unless you want to guarantee 100% that you won’t get any nookie or are Charles Bronson and have a major “deathwish”, keep your damn mouth shut when it comes to your lady’s stretch marks!

Guys, let me tell you three things when it comes to women, sex and stretch marks:

1. You need to constantly reassure your lovely lady that she is the sexiest woman in the world regardless of her stretch marks during sex and the sex will only get better.

2. Pretend like you are Stevie Wonder and turn a blind eye to your lady’s stretch marks or wear a blindfold which can also have it’s advantages during sex.

And

3. Go down to your local drugstore and buy your lady as much Palmer’s Cocoa Butter as you possibly can to help get rid of her stretch marks.

But guys, be nonchalant about it or there won’t be any nookie for you tonight!

Bottoms up!

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