Posts tagged Portsmouth

(WELCOME TO TINA KNOWLEDGEABLE PEDEN’S A NOTEWORTHY ATTRIBUTE REVIEWS!) IF YOU EVER DECIDE TO TRAVEL THROUGH NEW ENGLAND, PRESCOTT PARK HAS THE BEST AMENITIES!


Hey fellow travelers and travelettes, if you ever decide to travel through New England, Prescott Park has the best amenities. To check them out, keep reading!

A Noteworthy Attribute:
(Prescott Park/Lavatory)
Cost:  Free — and in the Obama economy that sounds darn good to me!For most people who visit Prescott Park, their favorite thing is all the different varieties of beautiful and colorful flowers planted all over the park.

And for some people who visit Prescott Park who love fitness and exercise their favorite thing is to walk on the many paths in the park in a safe setting.

And for some homeless people who visit Prescott Park their favorite thing is the nice peaceful setting filled with many comfortable benches all over the park with some overlooking the exquisite flowers and some overlooking the sometimes disgustingly dirty Piscataqua River where they can eat and rest at for a long while after a long hard day of job hunting or slacking off due to being kicked out of Crossroads Homeless Shelter for the day.

And for some people who visit Prescott Park who are true romantics at heart their favorite thing is that on any given day they may come across a wedding so ethereal that they wonder if what they are really seeing is indeed real or they have fallen asleep and somehow been transported into some kind of wonderful fairy tale.

And for some people who visit Prescott Park who are very maternal and paternal their favorite thing is to see all of the different families in all shapes, sizes, colors and creeds picnicking all over the excellently manicured lawns of the park or see both heterosexual and homosexual parents alike scream things lovingly at their children like, “Don’t put that into your mouth because we can’t afford to have your stomach pumped at the hospital!” or “Where did that hickey come from, young lady, it wasn’t there 25 minutes ago!”

But screw all that crap, literally!

(Really loud snicker!)

Because for me, Tina “Knowledgeable” Peden, my personal favorite thing about Prescott Park borders on the unusual.  My favorite thing about Prescott Park is the women’s lavatory!  And here are it’s many amenities:

-Toilets with ultra-fast flushing speed that rival any driver racing at the Indianapolis 500 today.
-Rolls and rolls of strong and sturdy toilet paper guaranteed to last up against the most runny number 2 stools.
-Stalls so darn large that even triple crown winning horse Secretariat could easily take a dump in.
-A lavatory so airy due to the main door always being open that even the stinkiest piss or poop smells vanish within minutes.

So fellow travelers, if you ever find yourselves visiting Portsmouth New Hampshire and you suddenly have to take a serious dump due to all of the delicious seafood that you scarfed down at Jumpin’ Jay’s Fish Cafe and are unfortunately with your husband and gazillion kids and want to ditch them for a few hours so that you can let the excrement flow, then haul your butt and brood over pronto to  Prescott Park and “dump” them there so that they can enjoy the many amenities that the park has to offer while you enjoy my personal favorite amenity of Prescott Park, the Prescott Park Lavatory and poop until your heart and colon are completely content!

Comments (1) »

(WELCOME TO TINA KNOWLEDGEABLE PEDEN’S A NOTEWORTHY ATTRIBUTE REVIEWS!) IF YOU ARE THINKING ABOUT TAKING A TRIP TO PORTSMOUTH NEW HAMPSHIRE, YOU ABSOLUTELY MUST DO THIS!


Hey fellow travelers!
Are you thinking about taking a trip to the seacoast?
Is Portsmouth New Hampshire one of your stops?
If so, you must absolutely do this…..

A Noteworthy Attribute:
(40 Pease Tradeport/41 Lafayette Road Trolleys)
Cost: 50 cents on the trolley to ride–not paraglide!

On some of the trolleys, the cords that you pull on to signal the bus driver that you want to get off at the next bus stop actually work but more often DON’T so basically you are forced to call or yell out (especially if you are sitting in the back of the trolley) something along the lines of “Next stop!”, “Bus driver, can you please let me off at the next bus stop!” or “I’m an out-of-towner, get me out of here!”

Since Portsmouth New Hampshire is a very popular seacoast town you get a very diverse set of passengers that ride the Pease and Lafayette Trolleys which is a definite plus!  So be sure to bring along either a microcassette recorder, a big ol’ Brady Bunch style tape recorder like the one that Peter used to spy on his brothers and sisters in one of the classic Brady Bunch episodes or use the “record” feature on your high tech cellphone to capture the myriad of voices including three sheets to the wind ultra slurred voices, slick get me to the bedroom quick Barry White voices and irritating lispy voices.  (At this time I would like to send a great big shout out to the youngest Brady, Cindy Brady and her extremely irritating lispy voice!  What’s up girl! I love the show even though it was a bit corny at times!)

So if you are a person who enjoys public speaking or wants to be a professional voice actor or auctioneer it is an absolute must while you are in Portsmouth New Hampshire that you take a ride on either the Pease or Lafayette Trolleys so that you can perfect your craft!  Exercise those vocal cords the Portsmouth New Hampshire way by telling the bus driver to let you off at the next stop!  Also, be sure to be creative and try to think of unique ways to let the bus driver know that you want to get off the bus!  Fellow travelers, you are smart!  Use your noggin and a thesaurus!

Warning:  Riding on the Pease and Lafayette Trolleys are not for the meek or timid!  In these instances stick to the many Portsmouth cabs.

Leave a comment »

%d bloggers like this: