Posts tagged President

ELECTORAL COLLEGE 666, ELECTORAL COLLEGE RED & BLUE SONG!


 

-Electoral College 666, Founding fathers ingenious tricks,
-Electoral College Red & Blue, Hill & Gore won the pop vote, to some hooray, others boo hoo hoo,
-Electoral College 666, Makes brilliant scholars feel like dicks,
-Electoral College Red & Blue, Red States, Blue States and Purple ones too,
-Electoral College 666, We the people don’t really pick our own president, oh fiddle sticks,
-Electoral College Red & Blue, Indirect democracy rules and picks your president for you,
-Electoral College 666, People vote in Nov, Electors vote in Dec amid an icy & snowy mix,
-Electoral College Red & Blue, 270 electoral votes, candidate baby, brings it all home to you,
-Electoral College 666, Discourages damn voter fraud, hey cheaters, baby yo’ plan got nix,
-Electoral College Red & Blue, Swing States, Safe States any of them can flip the bird to you,

-Electoral College 666, Any foreigner messin’ with our elections best be prepared to take some licks,
-Electoral College Red & Blue, Trump & Bush won the EC vote, to some hooray, others boo hoo hoo,
-Electoral College 666, Us big-ass states rule the Electoral College you inferior dumb little hicks,
-Electoral College Red & Blue, Us little-ass states in a close election can drop the bomb on you,
-Electoral College 666, I’m an Elector and i’m gonna’ vote my way, states, so screw you, I rule, pricks,
-Electoral College Red & Blue, The People say honor thy State’s wishes, Electors damn well better do,
-Electoral College 666, Some say get rid of or update this outdated bitch, give it several-ass kicks,
-Electoral College Red & Blue, Others say the Electoral College works, so suck it, crybabies, boo hoo hoo,
-Electoral College 666, For now, noone really knows how to overhaul the EC system or do a major fix,
-And Finally, Electoral College Red & Blue, For now, many discussions in support and against the Electoral College means a little drama and mayhem will always definitely ensue!

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HEY TRUMP, RYAN, THE SENATE, THE HOUSE AND ALL YOU OTHER USELESS-ASS POLITICIANS, THIS ONE’S FOR YOU!


TIRED OF WAITIN’ ON HAPPINESS!

(Verse 1)

-I work hard all day,
-For crappy pay,
-Everyday to the lord I constantly pray,
-That one day things will finally go my way,
-But until then I have to sadly say,

(Chorus)

-Tired of waitin’ on happiness,
-I just want my chance,
-I don’t ever wanna’ hear the word, delay,
-If I do, someone’s gonna pay,
-Just want all the bad the hell outta’ my life,
-My heart’s had enough strife,
-I want a little happiness and I want it now,
-And I don’t give a damn exactly how,
-So tired,
-Of waitin’ on happiness,
-Yeah!

(Verse 2)

-Kids, job, life and grocery bills,
-Tears flowin’ down my cheeks at the window sill,
-Oh dear, Jesus, I just want to laugh and smile,
-Can’t cause’ my stomach’s filled with worry and bile,
-Please god can you just give me a break for a while,

(Chorus)

-Tired of waitin’ on happiness,
-I just want my chance,
-I don’t ever wanna’ hear the word, delay,
-If I do, someone’s gonna pay,
-Just want all the bad the hell outta’ my life,
-My heart’s had enough strife,
-I want a little happiness and I want it now,
-And I don’t give a damn exactly how,
-So tired,
-Of waitin’ on happiness,
-Yeah!

(Verse 3)

-I know it’s tough but i’m a fighter and will plow through,
-Sink or swim, no choice what this survivor is gonna’ do,
-I’m a good person and deserve only the best,
-Till I get the happiness I deserve, not gonna’ rest,
-But my heart tells me you’ll get it baby this is only a test,
-Be patient, happiness for you won’t be a life long quest,
-But in the meantime, vent all you want, be my guest,

(Chorus)

-Tired of waitin’ on happiness,
-I just want my chance,
-I don’t ever wanna’ hear the word, delay,
-If I do, someone’s gonna pay,
-Just want all the bad the hell outta’ my life,
-My heart’s had enough strife,
-I want a little happiness and I want it now,
-And I don’t give a damn exactly how,
-So tired,
-Of waitin’ on happiness,
-Yeah!

To purchase a license to use this lyric please go to:                 http://songbay.co/view-lyric/3833/

NoMoreTearsEnoughisEnough

EnoughisEnoughNoMoreTearsUnofficialAntiTrumpSong

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HERE ARE A FEW THINGS THAT I LOVED ABOUT THE 2013 INAUGURATION OF PRESIDENT BARACK OBAMA!


I watched the inauguration on NBC and I loved the following:

– All the tweets from Twitter that NBC would broadcast throughout their coverage of the inauguration.
(My personal faves: A tweet from a person who said that back in 2009 both her and her spouse were unemployed but as of 2013 they both have jobs! Hooray! And a tweet from a mother watching the inauguration with her young son who thought the inauguration was boring! P.S. Hey kid, when I was your age, I thought the same thing too!)

– President Obama’s speech where he advocated the rights of Gay Americans! Hooray! (P.S. To all gay Americans, I hope one day that you get the respect and rights that other Americans takes oh so for granted!)

– The two beautiful sculptures of Dr. Martin Luther King!

– Al Roker’s hilarious attempts and success when it came to getting both President Obama and Vice President Biden to acknowledge him. P.S. Hey Al, you rock! You ain’t no ordinary weatherman you are superman!

– The attention that Second Lady, Dr. Jill Biden got from the media, the political community, Americans in general and the whole wide world. P.S. Jill, I thought you looked fantastic on Inauguration Day and it made me very happy to see some of the spotlight focused on you instead of entirely on Michelle Obama! You go, girl!

– Vice President Joe Biden darting here and darting there during the Inauguration parade and looking so damn young and spry doing it!

– Young first daughter, Sasha Obama yawning during the inauguration.

– Seeing former President Jimmy Carter’s beautiful infectious smile!

– Seeing the Republicans and the Democrats come together in lieu of their usual fighting.

– All of the beautiful people from all over the world who braved the cold to watch history in the making.

– President Obama acknowledging Sandy Hook Elementary School in Newtown Connecticut.

– James Taylor’s stint as a political correspondent and his performance of the song, America the Beautiful, of course.

All in all, I thought it was a great inauguration and I am looking so forward to Inauguration 2017!

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TKP’S “BIGGER THAN JFK” CONSPIRACY THEORIES! (CONSPIRACY 2: NEW-FANGLED TECHNOLOGY)


I don’t know if it’s just me but I don’t know which is worse…………………

Cellphone Pictures or Webcam Pictures??????

I mean both of these bitches are worse than a Driver’s License Photo put together!

It’s sooo weird!

You would think that with the invention of all of this new-fangled technology that we have today that the quality of the pictures would only get better but in my opinion they’re only getting worse!

Hell at this rate, we might as well go back to those days when they used all of those big-ass cameras with the lightbulbs in them Al Capone/Eliot Ness 1930’s days when the quality of the pictures was fantastic!

I mean what the fuck is going on J. Edgar Hoover?????

I mean it’s a sad fucking day for new-fangled technology when a Polaroid Camera can take a better picture than any Cellphone or Webcam can!

And this is making me extremely suspicious!

I hate to say it but I am going to.

Can anybody out there say conspiracy?

It seems to me that for some unknown and some weird-ass reason some person or entity doesn’t want the quality of the pictures to get better they only want them to suck ass!

I mean it shouldn’t take a decent hardworking earthling like myself 1,000 tries to take 1 decent passable picture that only a handful of people on the internet will laugh at when I upload it to my Facebook page!

I mean something’s definitely wrong!

Something stinks to high hell in suburbia!

And people I am telling you that it is a nasty-ass, raunchy conspiracy stench!

And I think that the above paragraphs have proven my point!

Case closed but my stinky-ass conspiracy theory definitely remains open!

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THE FOREVER UNTIL THE END OF TIME CONSTANTLY DEBATED QUESTION: WHICH GENDER SHOULD PAY FOR THE DATE……….


Putting all tampons and jock straps aside, in all fairness……….

The guy should pay for the first date.

The gal should pay for the second date.

The guy and the gal should both go halfsies and pay for the third date.

And that good for nothing president of ours should pay for the rest of the dates.

(After all, it’s only fair and equals out in the cutting necessary social services programs and not receiving a decent cost of living increase in years Obama economy.)

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TINA “KNOWLEDGEABLE” PEDEN’S POP CULTURE DICTIONARY (VOLUME 13) WHAT IS A STATE OF THE UNION ADDRESS BUG UP THE ASS?


(Definition) A State Of The Union Address Bug Up The Ass is literally a nasty-ass fungus or infection that goes straight up into your butthole and eventually settles itself in your brain and drives you absolutely bonkers once a year due to your favorite tv show, movie, commercial, video or infommercial being preempted by the President’s Stupid Ol’ Annual State Of The Union Address because like the subject trigonometry that you learn in high school the information in the President’s Annual State Of The Union Address is something that most Americans will never use and this major inconvenience really pisses alot of Americans the fuck off.

I will now use this phrase in a sentence to clarify its meaning.

“Dude, stay the fuck away from Constance for the rest of the day because she’s not only got a major case of Baby Fever but she’s also got a wicked nasty State Of The Union Address Bug Up The Ass! Dude, you know how much her totally obsessed ass worships those Johnson’s Baby Shampoo commercials. Dude, if you know what’s good for you, you’ll stay the fuck away from her!”

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RETRO PRESIDENTIAL ELECTION GEMS: HEY BARACK & MICHELLE OBAMA: FOR YOUR CAMPAIGN’S SAKE, SHUT YOUR YAPS!


This is a humor piece that I wrote for the 2008 Presidential Election back in April 2008 on Instablogs. So turn back the clocks and reminise!

Picture it! I’m using my best “valley girl” voice circa 1983.

Okay, like, Barack Obama said like the people in rural Pennsylvania are bitter and angry.

Which was like sooo totally lame!

But I like forgive him because he’s such a total hunk!

He’s so tubular! Omigod!

And his wife, Michelle like totally said for the first time in her adult life, she was proud of her country.

Which was like so grody to the max!

But I like totally forgive her because her husband is such a total hunk!

He’s so tubular! Omigod!

Okay, I have to stop this right now. I mean, I love the 80’s but it’s time to say goodbye to my “valley girl” voice and the 80’s and move on from this retro reminising.

Besides it’s giving me a headache! (Or it could be the Olivia Newton-John headband that I am wearing around my head that could be giving me the headache. But I digress.)

Anyhoo, before I say goodbye to the 80’s completely, (I love you Deborah Foreman and Nicholas Cage! You guys did an awesome job in the movie!) there is one thing that I have to say.

Hey Barack & Michelle Obama, shut your yaps!

I mean, haven’t you idiots learned anything?

When the hell will politicians and their boring wives learn that when you are running for president of the United States of America and want to be president of the United States of America basically you can’t say a damn thing, zip, nada!

You have to keep your damn mouth shut about everything!

Barack, you can ask your grocer, doctor or even your car salesman to talk for you but you have to keep your mouth shut or it’s career suicide!

Basically you’ll never win the election if you say something!

Let’s face it, whenever a politician opens his or her mouth they are absolutely guaranteed to offend somebody.

At this time, I would like to send a shout out to rural Pennsylvania! How ya’ll feelin’ today?

So here’s a little advice to any politician out there considering running for president of the United States of America, always remember that Americans don’t have thick skin, they don’t let bygones be bygones, they don’t believe in that bullshit–sticks and stones may break my bones but words will never hurt me. Americans get pissed off over the littlest thing!

So Barack and Michelle, for your campaign’s sake, shut your yaps!

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TOP 10 REASONS TO BE GLAD THE REVEREND AL SHARPTON ISN’T RUNNING FOR PRESIDENT IN THE 2012 ELECTION!


Number 10: If you are a White person and don’t vote for him, basically you are a racist.

Number 9: If you are a Hispanic person and don’t vote for him, basically you are a racist.

Number 8: If you are a Asian person and don’t vote for him, basically you are a racist.

Number 7: If you are a race, nationality or creed other than the above and don’t vote for him basically you are a racist.

Number 6: If you are a Black person and don’t vote for him, you are not only a traitor but you should be kicked out of the Black race just like Michael Jackson.

Number 5: If you are not a Black person and use the phrase, “That’s the pot calling the kettle black”, basically you are a racist.

Number 4: If he catches you buying a can of green olives at the supermarket basically you are a racist because you didn’t do the Reverend Jeremiah “Wright” thing and buy the black olives.

Number 3: If he sees you eating white, brown, red and yellow jelly beans and not eating the black jelly beans basically you are a racist.

Number 2: If you make any kind of racial slur (i.e. the “n” word or nappy-headed ho) and truly regret your hateful words afterward, be prepared to appear on his radio show for a severe scolding only to be told that you are a racist who will never be forgiven which is the perfect message a man of the cloth should be sending out. (Hey Don Imus, I can feel your pain!)

Number 1: Bouffant’s in your face twenty-four hours a day until November 2012! No! No! No! Say it isn’t so! (I’m sorry but a Black
Man wearing a bouffant hairdo is just plain wrong at least from this Black Woman who just wrote this blog post point of view!)

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RETRO PRESIDENTIAL ELECTION GEMS: (FIRST LADY BILL CLINTON, OH YEAH, I CAN FEEL THAT!)


This is a humor piece that I wrote for the 2008 presidential election back in March 2008. So, jump into the retro time machine and enjoy!

Being a former president, let’s face it, Bill Clinton has experience with first ladies not to mention White House interns, cigars, blue dresses and ugly women in general.

But I digress.

So now that the tables are turned Sadie Hawkins-style the burning question on every Laura Bush supporter’s mind is ………….

Can Bill Clinton step into his predecessor’s eloquent shoes to carry out his duties as hostess of the White House?

And if I can put my two cents in, I personally think that they should keep the “First Lady” title instead of changing it to “First Gentleman” if Hilary Clinton is elected, just for the hell of it plus the title “First Lady Bill Clinton” is hilarious and you know it!

Anyhow, back to the show.

Even though the job of “First Lady” has been labeled in the press as being nothing more than a glorified housewife, there is so much more to it. The job of First Lady entails taking complete charge of all social and ceremonial events in the White House.

To help the First Lady carry out these sometimes daunting and arduous tasks that these events usually require is her own personal staff consisting of a White House Social Secretary, Press Secretary, Chief Floral Designer, Chief of Staff, Executive Chef, etc.

What alot of people don’t know is that the Office of the First Lady is a branch of the Executive Office of the President. So basically, the job of First Lady entails more than just making fish sticks and fries and watching General Hospital. It can be alot of work!

And what alot of Laura Bush supporter’s want to know is if “Mr. Controversy”, Bill Clinton is up to the job.

My answer……….

Oh yeah baby, oh yeah!

(And incidentally are probably the same exact words that Bill Clinton was moaning as he was getting his “leader of the free world red white and blue” dick sucked by his “extremely unattractive girl you outta’ know better than suck the president’s married dick underling,”  Monica Lewinsky.)

Anyhoo, First Lady Bill Clinton, Oh Yeah, I Can Feel That!

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10 HOTTEST RETRO REPUBLICAN & DEMOCRATIC GIFTS FOR THE 2012 PRESIDENTIAL ELECTION!


GIFTS FOR DEMOCRATS
The GEORGE W. BUSH ANSWERING MACHINE – $40.00
(This gift item needs a drawing to accompany the text.)

Standard Features Include:
-60 minutes of Recording Time
-Caller Id
-Time/Day Stamp
-LED Light which Displays Messages
-Voice Mailbox
-Fast Forward & Rewind Buttons
-Battery Backup

Unique Features Include:
-A picture of George W. Bush crying appears in the lower right-hand corner of the answering machine whenever a person leaves a voice message.
-The personalized voice greeting has a pathetic George W. Bush crying loudly in the background while the Democratic Children’s Choir chants, “Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! George Bush can’t run for president again! He served the maximum two terms, there’s no way he can ever win again! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! And by the way, leave your name, phone number and a brief message after the beep.”

THE RUSH LIMBAUGH PILL SPLITTER – $8.00
(This gift item needs a drawing to accompany the text.)

Guaranteed to split even the most loud and obnoxious pills, tablets or capsules.
WARNING: This pill splitter doesn’t work on Oxycontin pills.
(A little ironic and hypocritical don’t you think!)

Standard Features Include:
-Stainless steel blade
-Non-slip cutting surface called Pill Grip
-Dishwasher safe design
-Multiple compartments for eating humble pie

THE MARION BARRY SUPER SUCTION VACUUM CLEANER WITH SECRET COMPARTMENTS – $575.00
(This gift item needs a drawing to accompany the text.)

This is the creme de la creme of vacuums. It virtually sucks up everything in a 3 mile radius. Dirt, dust, prostitutes and crack cocaine are no match for this powerhouse. Works on all surfaces. Excellent for hotels used in sting operations.

Features:
-Black Color
-Roller Brush Agitator
-Extra Long Cord for Career Suicide
-Detachable Hose
-Upholstery Brush
-Corner Cleaner
-6 Month Prison Term Warranty

Special Features:
-“Bitch Set Me Up” Secret Compartment has the ability to hold a wide variety of complaints about Rasheeda Moore, Barry’s former girlfriend.
-FBI Sting Operation Videocassette Recorder Secret Compartment produces high-quality, damaging and indictable photographs.

G.O.P. SMOKE DETECTOR WITH B.S. ALERT SIGNAL – $60.00
(This gift item needs a drawing to accompany the text.)

Standard Features Include:
-Lightweight Design
-Extra Loud Volume Control
-Remote Controlled Alarm Silence and Test
-Intelligent Sensing which distinguishes between non-threatening conditions and real emergencies
-Automatic Daily Self-Check Test

Unique Feature(s) Include:
-Built-in B.S. Alert Signal has the ability to detect when a Republican is blowing smoke up a Democrat’s ass. Produces a red ray of light on the offending Republican which can only be seen by a Democrat. The B.S. Alert Signal is activated when a Republican is lying through his teeth, smoking marijuana or talking about Dick Cheney. This item is a hot seller at private country clubs around the U.S.A.

THE JFK LOST EARRING LOCATOR – $29.99
(This gift item needs a drawing to accompany the text.)

Perfect gift for the bed-hopping democrat!

The JFK Lost Earring Locator instantly locates a democrat’s mistresses lost earring in any bed. Air, four-poster, canopy, bunk bed, etc. You name it and the JFK Lost Earring Locator will find it! This earring locator has the unique ability to locate a democrat’s mistresses earring before the maid or pissed-off wife finds it and goes to the National Inquirer with it.

Features:
-Bright Flashing Light makes it easy to find earring in the dark
-Soft whisper sound can only be heard by other bed-hopping democrats so there is absolutely no chance of a Republican finding out and squealing on you
-Hand-held remote control design is compact and durable
-Responds to distances of 1 million miles (Perfect for those bed-hopping democrats who want to take their mistresses on a vacation to a foreign country.)

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GIFTS FOR REPUBLICANS

THE HOWARD DEAN CORNCOB-SHAPED BULLHORN WITH VOLUME CONTROL – $77.00
(This gift item needs a drawing to accompany the text.)

The perfect sabotage gift!
Republicans, give this bullhorn to any Democrat and watch his or her career go directly down the toilet! This bullhorn has the unique ability to kill a Democrat’s career in a single shout! Encourage Democrats to use this bullhorn at libraries, day care centers or churches where it is totally inappropriate to be shouting like a damn fool!

Features Include:
-1000 Yard range
-26 Watts
-Handheld & Compact
-16 AA Batteries (Included)
-Powerful Siren & Wrist Strap
-Adjustable Volume Switches include “Idiot-Loud”, “Lunatic-Loud” or the most powerful volume switch of all, “We’re going to New Hampshire, Oklahoma, South Carolina then to Washington D.C. to take back the White House Yeeeeeaaaaaaaahhhhh-Loud!”

NOTE: A third of the profits made from the sale of this item will go to the Iowa Deaf
& Dazed Association, unofficial sponsor of Howard Dean’s 2004 Presidential Hush Money Campaign.

THE GREEN PARTY TEA SERVICE SET -$284.00
(This gift item needs a drawing to accompany the text.)

Set Includes:
-12 inch handweaved teapot
-12 hemp cups
-12 dandelion & lemon grass saucers
– 1 soy milk creamer bowl
– 1 honey-glazed sugar bowl
-12 biodegradable napkins
-12 pounds of herbal green tea

Show that stressed-out and filthy-rich oil executive that you really care. Surprise the hell out of him and give him The Green Party Tea Service Set today. Happily imagine him sipping on a nice warm cup of herbal green tea while looking out of his 31st floor executive office at a huge oil pump bring up millions of barrels of black gold, texas tea. Ahh, how soothing! The teapot effortlessly brews up to 100 cups of herbal green tea an hour making it the perfect Christmas party gift for executives at Chevron-Texaco, Exxon-Mobil or Conoco-Phillips.

THE LITTLE RED ELEPHANT RIDING HOODIE – $32.00
(This gift item needs a drawing to accompany the text.)

Who says a Republican can’t be down with the homies?
Well yes he can!
Republicans wear this item over any three piece Brooks Brothers suit and watch as it instantly takes years off of your appearance making you look hip and off-the-chain as the kids say nowadays.
This item is the perfect gift for those Republicans trying to attract more minorities and youths to their campaigns!

Features:
-Extra large, large, medium, small and petite sizes
-Choose from red, black, white, blue, yellow, purple, brown, orange and pink colors
-Hood is water resistant and has a draw string
-Side pockets are durable and sturdy
-Made from 100% Cotton

Special Feature(s):
-Large Republican Red Elephant Symbol appears in the middle of the hoodie
-Gives any Republican instant street cred
-Gives any Republican the ability to rap or break dance too
-Gives police the right to arrest you for doing absolutely nothing at any time

ELECTORAL COLLEGE RULED NOTEBOOK PAPER – $13,000
(This gift item needs a drawing to accompany the text.)

A must have for the college bound Republican student!

Features:
-6 in x 9 1/2 in
-3 hole punched
-120 sheets
-Paper cut free design
-White color paper with an old money background

Special Features:
-This paper has the unique ability to decide the outcome of a Republican student’s assignments or grades thus taking the power out of his or her hands despite all the hardwork they may have put in!
-Provides a Republican student with bad grades a legitimate excuse to gain entrance into another ivy league college or university after flunking out of an ivy league college or university!

This item is perfect for the Republican student who plays squash, likes to party or is an average student like George W. Bush was.

THE BILL CLINTON MAGIC 8 BALL – $9.00
(This gift item needs a drawing to accompany the text.)

Republicans, do you want to know the whole truth about the Clinton Presidency?
Well stop wondering about it and do something!
Buy the Bill Clinton Magic 8 Ball today! Imagine having your own personal porthole into the mind of the former president.
Finally, get the truth to those important question that you have been seeking like:
“Does Bill Clinton eat Pixy Stix before bedtime?”
“Does Hilary wear Bill’s boxers to senate meetings?”
“If Bill Clinton catches me reading his thoughts, will he come through this magic 8 ball and kick my ass?”

Features Include:
-Black and white color
-Round design
-Made from 100% Latex Rubber
-Unlucky number 8 on top of the ball
-Shoddy and unreliable craftsmanship
-“Don’t ask, Don’t tell” eight year administration warranty

Special Feature(s) Include:
-Small picture of Bill Clinton on the left side giving the finger to the buyer of the Bill Clinton Magic 8 Ball

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