Posts tagged Questions

QUESTIONS POP CULTURE STYLE!


-Why do people who call themselves fashion experts always dress so badly?
-Why is it that even when you are careful you still spill stuff on your clean clothes?
-Why does the mailman always deliver important packages to you when you are gone?
-Why do parents say “i’m doing this because I love you” right before they punish you?
-Why is it that when you really want a cold drink there is only one ice cube in the ice tray?
-Why is it that whenever you are watching something good on tv the phone rings?
-Why is it that when you have to poop in a public place someone is always around?
-Why must Hollywood remake kick-ass old movies into crappy-ass bad ones? 

-Hmmm,
-Question, questions in my mind,
-I sometimes ponder them all the time,
-Seeking ways on how to solve them,
-But if I cant, no biggie, no real sin,
-But if I can, I really do feel that I win,
-So bring it on questions, i’m smart, kingpin,
-Perplextion to reflection, questions, let the mind games begin! 

-Why does your menstrual period always come down when you are wearing white clothing? 
-Why can’t there be more clever word play in songs like “Don’t it make my brown eyes blue?” 
-Why didn’t any of the skanks on Sex and the City get HIV as much as they screwed around? 
-Why do kids prefer a flat-ass McDonald’s hamburger to a big-ass hamburger made by their mom? 
-Why do killers in tv shows and movies always walk slowly while the victim hauls serious ass?  
-Why is it that people like Rob Kardashian with business degrees can’t get a real job? 
-Why do cats lick their nasty-ass saliva all over their bodies then declare themselves to be clean? 
-Why does the biggest Christmas shopping day of the year keep getting pushed forward? 

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WHAT HOURS DO YOU SELL BOOZE?


Sorry, I don’t know what hours we sell liquor maam,
When I heard those words I thought really goddamn,
Cause’ if I was any kind of a store employee,
That is the first thing for certain I would know baby,
For me, for a store to be legit,
They better know what hours they sell their 50 proof shit,
I mean one of the best perks of the damn job,
For any hardworking minimum wage paid store slob,
Would be after work Miller time, hey, and a shot of Jim Beam,
And if this customer comes after hours and can’t buy hootch i’m gonna’ scream,
And if this customer calls for the hours and gets transferred alot cause’ you don’t know,
You better believe i’m gonna’ be pissed and tell your ass where to go,
So 7-Eleven, CVS, Walmart and all other stores regarding training, do your damn job,
You so-called friendly convenience corporations before your confronted by an angry mob,
And first have your employees memorize what hours your store sells the liquor at,
And this Sherlock Holmes will find it in any store aisle less than a minute flat,
Baby, I promise you that!

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THE MOVIE “REVENGE OF THE NERDS” REALLY HAD AN IMPACT ON PRISON WARDENS!


Why do most wardens in motion pictures who head maximum security prisons look like “Revenge of the Nerds” knockoffs?

I mean there must be at least one intelligent muscle bound man in the world adept enough to run a maximum security prison.

I think.

Well, I at least hope so.

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LET’S TALK ABOUT GOD, DVD’S, PIZZA & WINE COOLERS!


Let me ask all of you out there reading this blog post a semi-spiritual question.

Here’s the story:

I live extremely close to a public library where patrons can check out dvd’s for free. Anyhoo, a couple of days ago while I was on the internet I get a pop message from Yahoo informing me that I received an email from the public library saying that a dvd that I have requested and have been dying to watch was finally available and ready to be picked up and I was extremely estatic because not only was the dvd a complete season of a television series that I love but was unable to catch but I had also just the day before made my weekly trip to the grocery store and got a few extra treats so the timing of the dvd coming available was perfect.

Anyhoo without haste, I quickly walked down to the public library which only takes a few minutes to get to from my place and less than five minutes later with dvd in hand I am out on the street walking briskly back to my place when all of a sudden almost about halfway to my place two young white men stop me and ask me if they could talk to me about God.

Don’t get me wrong, folks. I am a decent Christian who loves God but I have to be honest and say that I loved that dvd more at the time. I mean never in my wildest dreams did I think that I would run into one Jehovah’s Witness let alone two on that day. And I can’t express to you enough how pissed off and frustrated I was. After all, I did had a dvd, pizza and wine cooler’s impatiently waiting for me at home. I’m not proud of it but I did the only thing that I could do at the time which was to lie and tell the Jehovah’s Witnesses that I would really love to hear what they had to say about God but unfortunately I was still on the clock and had less than ten minutes to get back to work since I was on my afternoon break. So, finally I arrive at the semi-spiritual question that I want to ask all of you out there reading this blog post.

SEMI-SPIRITUAL QUESTION: Do you think that our beloved Lord in heaven above will forgive one of his flock who is normally a good girl for lying to his Jehovah’s Witness foot soldiers all because she wanted to get back home asap and watch a dvd while eating some pizza and drinking down some wine coolers instead of hearing the Jehovah’s Witnesses preach to her about God?

I hate to say it like this but I am going to.

I sure as hell hope so!

P.S. And I also hope that God forgives normally good girls who intentionally give Jehovah’s Witnesses fake phone numbers so that she doesn’t have to receive any calls from them too even though at the time the normally good girl lied and said that she wouldn’t mind a call from the Jehovah’s Witnesses to talk about God when at the time no matter how inconvenient it was she should have womaned-up and told the Jehovah’s Witnesses the truth!

Again, I sure as hell hope so!

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CAN YOU GUESS WHO THE HELL I AM?


Alot of people say that I look like my big brother which always made me happy because I always wanted to be just like him when I grew up. In fact, I wanted to be like all of my brothers when I grew up. I got my wish in 1977. If I had only known what a double-edged sword that wish would be. Anyhoo, I became the first male solo artist to chart three consecutive Number One singles on the Billboard Hot 100 chart. A feat not even my brother’s accomplished. I was so happy! All of my dreams were finally coming true! My career was solid gold and quickly gained platinum momentum! The money was pouring in! Beautiful women were throwing themselves at me! I could do no wrong! I was hot!

But eventually what is hot usually turns cold. The constant pressures and excesses of success and living in the shadow (dancing) of my big brother’s began to consume me and I turned to drugs to help with the pain. Alot of people tried to help me get off drugs and turn my life around, but they failed. Not even the love of my life who was a Dallas beauty could help me. After she left me, that was one of the principal reasons it all went downhill from there for me. My records stopped selling, I was fired from a tv-show, I had to declare bankruptcy and my brief stint in rehab was unsuccessful. I was down but not knocked out. With nothing to lose, I decided to make an attempt to resurrect my career. Unfortunately, I would never get that chance because on March 10, 1988 I died from myocarditis at the very young age of 30. Even though my life was tragically cut short, I left behind some great songs that still make people shake their bootys on the dance floor even to this day. WHO THE HELL AM I?

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