Posts tagged Relationships

JOHNSON UP! (A MANTRA FOR THE MILLENNIUM MAN!)


Verse 1/Chorus:
Hey brother,
did you have a bad day so you took
it out on your woman and brought
her verbally down?
Wanna’ rebound?
Then Johnson up!
Straight up!
Say Sorry up!
Admit yo’ ass was to blame and you
was wrong up!
Buy your woman some flowers or
candy or cook her dinner as a nice
way to make up!
Commit to doing better in the future up!
But most of all, verbally lift your Queen’s
spirits because she damn well deserves
it the hell up!
Get the picture up!
Verse 2/Chorus:
Hey brother,
did you get a girl pregnant then say the
kid ain’t yours being all damn low down?
Wanna’ rebound?
Then Johnson up!
Straight up!
Take paternal parental responsibility up!
Take any decent job or take yo’ ass back
to school to provide for your new kid up!
Pay as much as you can in child support
or open up a savings account and save,
save, save up!
Take a lamaze class and meet other new
parents up!
Go out and buy a colorful onesie up!
But most of all, support the mother of your
child, despite any differences, because she
sure as hell needs you at this time the hell up!
Verse 3/Chorus:
Hey brother,
when you and your homeboys are clowning
around, do you often refer to women as
bitches and hoes stupidly thinking ya’ll are
getting down?
Wanna’ rebound?
Then Johnson up!
Straight up!
Ask yourself would you want your homies
calling your mama, sister or female child
these sick-ass names, come on brother,
real up!
Remember brother that a strong sensual
woman can do anything that a stereotypical
macho male can do so wake up!
And dude, if a woman has a so called
tramp stamp on her back, you can have
your opinions but keep them to yourself
because it ain’t none of yo’ business up!
And baby boy, just because a women dresses
sexy or barely wears any clothes doesn’t mean
that she’s easy or a slut up!  So shutup!
Bro, work to free your mind of these stereotypes
by educating yourself and your homeboys the hell up!
But most of all, try to be a gentleman to women as much
as you possibly can by verbally respecting women
especially in front of impressionable young men the hell up!
Verse 4/Chorus:
Hey brothers,
now that I have given ya’ll the ultimate female low down …..
Now you have all of the tools to maintain and if need be to
always rebound!
So Bro, if ever in the future you screw up, simply direct
your dick skyward and Johnson up!
Again bro, dick skyward, literally straight up!
Bro, do it all old school R&B Temptations style and
“Treat Her Like A Lady” up!
And if you majorly fuck up then go to prison, serve
your time and rehabilitate the hell up!
Always try to be a good role model to young and other
brothers because you have the ability to inspire and
educate up!
Don’t be scared to show love and affection outwardly
towards your woman for fear you’ll be called a pansy up!
Scream it from the tree tops that you are a strong-ass,
grown-ass woman supporting equal opportunity man
till you die up!
And most of all, tweak, be creative and do anything else
that you can think of to make yourself a better man who
exhibits respectful behavior towards women up!
Again bro, direct your dick skyward, straight up!
Always and forever bro, remember to Johnson up!

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WOULD PRESIDENT OBAMA WANT MALIA AND SASHA TO TAKE THE PURITY PLEDGE?


I recently watched an episode of the tv news/entertainment show, Inside Edition where they did a feature story on Purity Balls.

And for those of you out there thinking that Inside Edition did a story on males with squeaky clean testicles, your dead wrong!

A Purity Ball is a formal party that is thrown where young girls wearing beautiful white ball gowns make a solemn vow to their fathers wearing black or white tie to abstain from having sex until they are married.

And folks, they are becoming more and more popular! Go figure!

Here are a few thoughts that I have on Purity Balls:

– In terms of teenage girls abstaining from sex until they’re hitched, i’m all for it because let’s face it a girl only gets to be young once in her life and for me that means going to college, traveling to different places and doing fun things without the encumbrances of adult life, i.e taking care of a constantly crying newborn baby when the girl who just gave birth to this baby is practically a baby herself!

– But in terms of Purity Balls when it comes to me personally I have to honestly say that I could never make such a solemn vow to abstain from sex until marriage because to me one of the most important parts of a healthy lasting relationship is good sex. It is an absolute requirement that I be sexually compatible with my man and for me the worst Purity Ball fear is that if I waited until after I was married to have sex with my man and found out that he was lousy in bed could I stay with this person forever knowing this no matter how much I loved him. Folks, i’m a person who likes to know exactly what I am getting when I buy or invest in something. I mean don’t get me wrong I like surprises every once in a while but in terms of the Purity Ball thing, no freakin’ way!

–  So in terms of Purity Balls not being the right thing for me personally i’m glad that they are the right thing for alot of other people out there especially teenage girls. And I hope to see more young girls making that solemn vow to abstain from sex until marriage and I really hope to see Purity Balls with young teenage males and their mothers making that solemn vow too!

– And last but not least,  no offense,  Purity Balls and people who participate in them are also a tad bit creepy to me.

P.S.     Although I applaud the general theory of the Purity Ball, I ain’t gonna’ lie and say that there is a little part of me that totally delights in a girl who thinks that she is better and more god fearing than you and has sworn up and down that she will not have sex until she’s married only to get knocked up and busted a short time later for being a total fraud and hypocrite.

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4 WAYS MARRIED MEN CAN DEAL WITH THEIR MONSTER-IN-LAW!


Guys, picture it!

After years and years of teeth whitening treatments, numerous phone number changes and one night stands you finally find a woman who turns a blind eye to your porn, doesn’t have a cow when you forget to put the toilet seat down and actually seems happy that your TV is permanently tuned to ESPN, basically your dream girl!

Your so happy you could burst rainbows, life is truly worth living, you’re floating on cloud nine then all of a sudden, POP! The bubble bursts and you come crashing down to earth and land hard on a sword. And you don’t just land on any sword my friend, you land on the worst sword of all, a double-edged sword.

To put this in dating & relationship terms guys, you finally find your version of the perfect woman that you want to marry and spend the rest of your life with. Great! Fantastic! Everything is going so well! Great! Fantastic! Then your wife-to-be takes you over to meet her parents and all of a sudden you feel like you’ve been hit by a tractor-trailer truck because you shockingly discover that you absolutely can’t stand “the witch” or to be more accurate, your future mother-in-law to be.

This can’t be happening, you think. How can the same wonderful woman that you fell in love with come from the womb of this monster! It’s just not possible! Your mind suddenly starts to reel! You think all kinds of things. You think about running, you think about crying, you think about jumping off a bridge, you even consider for a few seconds dumping the woman that you love so dearly but you quickly change your mind because after all to reiterate the fact, you do love this woman dearly. You feel yourself starting to get depressed because you don’t know what the hell you’re going to do!

After a couple of days of heavy duty thinking and a little drinking, you come to a realization. You know with every fiber of your being that you love this woman and you can’t live without her. She is “the one” and there is nothing that anyone can do, including your future monster-in-law, that will ever change that. Now that you are calm and thinking rationally you decide instead of hiring a hitman to take her out there must be something that you can do to deal with your extremely unpleasant mother-in-law when your in her presence but nothing instantly springs to mind.

Guys, first of all, I want you to relax because help is here! Below are some options that you have when it comes to dealing with your mother-in-law on a long term basis.

1. THE DOORMAT APPROACH

Guys, this method is the easiest way to deal with your mother-in-law. It’s simple really. Guys, you basically become your mother-in-law’s permanent pee-on until the day either you or her kicks the bucket. You do everything she says without ever complaining, you agree with her on everything without giving her your opinion, you never defend or stick up for yourself when she says something negative about you all with a big ol’ smile on your face. In essence, you become her doormat.

Advantages: You probably won’t have any trouble with her and she may like you all the more.

Disadvantages: You’ll probably feel like a total loser and not much of a man.

2. THE FAKE APPROACH

Guys, another approach that you can take when dealing with your mother-in-law is to become the great pretender. Basically this approach involves smiling sweetly in your mother-in-law’s face while temporarily going along with whatever she says then totally disregarding it when your out of her presence.

Advantages: Most likely to win you some points with your mother-in-law if she doesn’t catch on to what your doing, allows you to temporarily keep the peace and doesn’t make you feel like a man that’s been completely castrated.

Disadvantages: You may have to do a lot of lying which isn’t morally right and you are being partly castrated because of having to temporarily go along with things you either disagree with or don’t want to do because of your monster-in-law which is a real bummer.

3. THE “F” YOU APPROACH

This is the worst approach to take when dealing with your mother-in-law but in all fairness I have to present you with all of your options, guys. Basically, when it comes to dealing with your mother-in-law, you don’t deal with her, you do whatever the hell you want. Meaning you don’t take any crap from her, you disagree with her as much as possible, you don’t take her feelings into account at all, you act however you want, you say whatever you want, you make no effort to hide the fact that you don’t like her and you also don’t even try to get along with her.

Advantages: It may make you feel like a big powerful man and you probably won’t be getting too many visits from your mother-in-law.

Disadvantages: Constant quarreling may occur, your mother-in-law most likely will dislike you and you may have problems with your wife.

4. THE “MAKE AN EFFORT” APPROACH

Guys, this is the best method of all. Keep in mind that it is one of the hardest but usually nothing good comes easy. This approach involves at times compromising on certain issues, setting limits on certain things, being a little fake to avoid hurting your mother-in-law’s feelings, sucking it up a little when she says things that hurt your feelings and being truthful & respectful on things of importance to you when you are in her presence even when she doesn’t do it herself. The important thing is to keep trying or making an effort in order to create a good long term loving relationship with her even though at times it may seem impossible. But guys, let me tell you something, you can do it plus your family’s happiness is worth it! Just try and don’t give up!

Advantages: Your wife will love you for it and you may gain your mother-in-law’s respect.

Disadvantages: None! (Hurray!)

Guys, in the end you must remember this, only you can decide for yourself what approach to take when dealing with your mother-in-law but whatever approach that you ultimately decide to take, I want to wish you good luck and good health with it! And remember, you can do it! You can have a positive relationship with your mother-in-law or at least make an effort to! Again, good luck!

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