Posts tagged Sex

MAKE IT RAIN, BABY! (A SONG WRITTEN BY TINA “KNOWLEDGEABLE” PEDEN)


(A club anthem for all of the rappers in the world!)

 

-Make it rain, baby,

-Ooooh,

-Rappers, king of clubland,

-Make it rain, baby,

-Ooooh,

-Champagne in their hand,

-Make it rain, baby,

-Ooooh,

-Surrounded by entourage with contraband,

-Make it rain, baby,

-Ooooh,

-Big booty’s bouncin’ to music of the houseband,

-Make it rain, baby,

-Ooooh,

-Clothes, grillz and jewelry all blinged out including timberlands,

-Make it rain, baby,

-Ooooh,

-Fat stacks of cash thrown in air, flutter, then they land,

-Make it rain, baby,

-Ooooh,

-Patrons yell excitedly, “That’s fifty grand!”

-Make it rain, baby,

-Ooooh,

-Strippers fill up money in their g-string waistbands,

-Make it rain, baby,

-Ooooh,

-Other staffers also take home a thousand,

-Make it rain, baby,

-Ooooh,

-Rapper’s perform hit songs at mic stand,

-Make it rain, baby,

-Ooooh,

-Crowd goes wild, club looks like a multi-colored wasteland,

-Make it rain, baby,

-Ooooh,

-I’m the best damn rapper in the world, ya’ll better recognize and understand,

-Make it rain, baby,

-Ooooh,

-Later, sex with strippers who can do many a handstand,

-Make it rain, baby,

-Ooooh,

-V.I.P. private parties that cater to a rapper’s every demand,

-Make it rain, baby,

-Ooooh,

-Jealous fools in the club insult and try to reprimand,

-Make it rain, baby,

-Ooooh,

-Posse carries rapper’s swag to the limo featuring only the best name brands,

-Make it rain, baby,

-Ooooh,

-So many damn perks can’t even count on twenty hands,

-Make it rain, baby,

-Ooooh,Se

-Rappin’s the best damn job in the world it’s like a modern day wonderland,

-So make it rain, baby,

-Make it rain, baby,

-Make it rain, baby,

-Make it rain, baby,

-Make it rain, baby,

-Make it rain, baby,

(Fade out)

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HAPPY VALENTINE’S DAY TO ALL OF YOU SEXUALLY ACTIVE COUPLES OUT THERE! THIS ONE’S FOR YOU!


LOVEY BOO!  (A Song Written By Tina Knowledgeable Peden)

(VERSE 1)

-Valentine’s Day, oh boy, the kinky love,
-My baby’s gonna’ spank my nasty-ass with his ultra-ribbed pleasure glove,
-Fucking, bucking and sucking all of those yummy chocolate-covered balls,
-Oh god, oh god, oh god, I just love having sex with my baby after hearing steamy-ass 1900 calls,
-Because . . . . . . . . . .

(CHORUS)

-I love you,
-I want you,
-I need you, Lovey Boo,
-I know this shit sounds mushy, gushy,
-But it’s true, Lovey Boo,
-Happy Valentine’s Day to you my sweet, Lovey Boo,
-P.S. Be sure to preserve your strength because tonight i’m gonna’ fuck the shit outta’ you,
-Cause’ I love you and I always will my sweet, Lovey Boo!

(VERSE 2)

-Valentine’s Day, oh girl, the hot and healthy sex,
-My honey’s gonna’ sprinkle my body all over with some tasty-ass yogurt-covered wheat chex,
-Sniffin’, ticklin’ and lickin’ all of those edible cherry-flavored red roses and pussy willows,
-Oh god, oh god, oh god, I just love comin’ in my honey’s mouth while propped up on her heart-shaped red satin pillows,
-Because . . . . . . . . . .

(CHORUS)

-I love you,
-I want you,
-I need you, Lovey Boo,
-I know this shit sounds mushy, gushy,
-But it’s true, Lovey Boo,
-Happy Valentine’s Day to you my sweet, Lovey Boo,
-P.S. Be sure to preserve your strength because tonight i’m gonna’ fuck the shit outta’ you,
-Cause’ I love you and I always will my sweet, Lovey Boo!

(VERSE 3)

-Well, my sweet, as Valentine’s Day and night comes to a close,
-Of course I want to thank you for having sex with me and taking off all of your clothes,
-Cause’ baby when it comes to phenomenal sex me and only heaven knows,
-That you are perfection and make me feel so damn good from my head to my toes,
-And that’s why . . . . . . . . . .

(CHORUS)

-I love you,
-I want you,
-I need you, Lovey Boo,
-I know this shit sounds mushy, gushy,
-But it’s true, Lovey Boo,
-Happy Valentine’s Day to you my sweet, Lovey Boo,
-P.S. Be sure to preserve your strength because tonight i’m gonna’ fuck the shit outta’ you,
-Cause’ I love you and I always will my sweet, Lovey Boo!

(VERSE 4)

-But seriously my love, now, I want to thank you by going all old school on your sexy, delectable-ass,
-When I was a kid on Valentine’s Day, I just loved getting miniature greeting cards and boxes of candy hearts with messages on them in class,
-So here’s my sweet-ass heart-shaped “let’s go steady so we can hold hands” candy-coated inscribed verbal message expressly for you,
-No matter whether it’s Valentine’s Day or any ol’ regular day of the year, I just want you to know that I will forever love you and sometimes wanna’ fuck you, my sweet Lovey Boo!
-Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Just kidding! And without further sexual ado . . . . . . . . . .

(CHORUS)

-I love you,
-I want you,
-I need you, Lovey Boo,
-I know this shit sounds mushy, gushy,
-But it’s true, Lovey Boo,
-Happy Valentine’s Day to you my sweet, Lovey Boo,
-P.S. Be sure to preserve your strength because tonight i’m gonna’ fuck the shit outta’ you,
-Cause’ I love you and I always will my sweet, Lovey Boo!

And to view some of my other songs/lyrics please click on or go to the website below.  http://songbay.co/artists/4490

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ANGELINA, ADULTERY, ANGELINA, MASTECTOMY, ANGELINA, FREE PASS?


Recently actress, Angelina Jolie has come out to the public about having a preventive double mastectomy after learning that she carries a mutation of the BRCA1 gene which sharply increases her risk of developing breast cancer and ovarian cancer.

In my opinion, I think that she did a wonderful thing!

Because of her worldwide celebrity and her being a mother to many children, I have noticed that more women are not only talking about this uncomfortable and serious subject but they are also doing more research on the BRCA1 gene and learning that they have early options.  And Angelina Jolie should be applauded for this.  And so many individuals have been doing just that including many celebrities and bloggers.

HOWEVER ……….

I have also noticed something else since Angelina Jolie recently came out and that something is hypocrisy.

Just a few years ago, some of the same bloggers and celebrities who are currently singing Angelina’s praises like she is the most perfect human being on earth were also trashing the hell out of her then nasty-ass for not only committing adultery with then very married mega-stud movie actor, Brad Pitt while filming the movie, Mr. and Mrs. Smith but for also not coming clean and telling the truth to the world that they actually had an affair and for not apologizing to Miss Apple Pie America, Jennifer Aniston, Pitt’s former wife.

(P.S.    Hey Angelina and Brad, couldn’t you two at least have take a tattered musty-ass page out of the LeAnn Rimes and Eddie Cibrian adultery playbook and apologize and keep talking and singing songs about your affair until people are so fed up with hearing you talk and write songs about your affair that they literally want to blow their brains out at the mere mention of it?)

Anyhoo, back to the uncomfortable issue at hand which is:

When a celebrity gets cancer or any other potentially bad or fatal disease does this wipe out or grant them a free pass for all of the shitty things that they have done in the past? (i.e.    In Angelina Jolie’s case, having a sexual affair with a married man.)

Hmmm, just wondering.

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COLLEGE GUYS, HERE ARE A COUPLE OF REASONS WHY YOU SHOULDN’T SUCK ANOTHER MAN’S DICK JUST TO GET INTO A FRATERNITY!


Get your raunchy, nasty ass gifts here for all occasions!

With the new movie, Spring Breakers, out starring former Disney stars, Selena Gomez and Vanessa Hudgens combined with the fact that some college students were out last week and some college students are out this week for Spring Break 2013 furthermore combined with my regular viewing of porno videos on one of my favorite porn sites, Slutload, I have begun to do some semi-serious thinking and have a question to ask in particular to college boys pledging fraternities and that question is . . . . . .

Dudes, is it really worth it for a straight guy to suck the dick of a senior fraternity member, another pledge or a paid stripper during the initiation/hazing process while a bunch of the other nasty-ass senior fraternity members voyeuristically look on while at the same time filming it just to get into a fraternity? (And this also applies to gay men pledging a fraternity as well as girls pledging sororities too.)

Dudes, if only mom and dad and your pastor could see your naked nasty-asses now!

Dudes, I know that to some young men getting into a fraternity is a very important things especially if a legacy is involved but in my unsolicited opinion you shouldn’t have to suck dick to get into a fucking fraternity.

Call me crazy pledges but what about those crazy fraternity hazing days of the past that consisted of drinking contests, wooden paddle ass spanking like they did to Kevin Bacon’s sweet firm ass in the classic fraternity film, Animal House. I mean whatever happened to senior frat members making pledges do stupid-ass and sexist-ass things like ranking a woman’s hotness online or making pledges do illegal things like stealing a rival college’s mascot or a big ass box of condoms from the drugstore? Whatever happened to making pledges do degrading-ass shit like wearing women’s clothing or carrying around barnyard animals for a whole week? I mean, where did all that acceptable fraternity hazing shit go?

I’ll tell ya’ dudes, having to suck another man’s dick just to get into a fraternity is just wrong and goes way over the line!

Pledges, I know that you are 18 and over and therefore old enough to make your own decisions but for the love of god have some self-respect for yourself and the next person that you have sex with!

So to all of you future college boys out there thinking about pledging a fraternity one day where you will most likely be asked to suck a dick during the initiation process, let me school you guys by giving you a couple of reasons why this is not a good idea! And here we go!

Reason 1:
Although the senior frat members tell the pledges that what happens in the frat stays in the frat, this is not always the case. Dudes, you wouldn’t believe the astronomical number of college hazing porn videos floating out there on the internet today just waiting to be viewed by me and any Tom, Dick or Harry simply because of one disgruntled senior frat member. And dudes, the majority of those videos involve straight men sucking dick for the first making them even more profitable and valuable to porn sites everywhere. So dudes, you better think!

Reason 2:
Dudes, this one should be the most obvious. STD’s! Sexually Transmitted Diseases! Because let’s face it, most fraternities don’t require their members, pledges or paid strippers to take AIDS tests before they are allowed to pledge that fraternity or put that dick in their mouth. And most fraternities don’t have an onsite doctor or nurse either. So again dudes, you better think!

Reason 3:
Dudes, what if you pledge a fraternity and suck a dick and don’t get in! No pun intended, but that not only blows but it also sucks big time! Dudes, basically you sucked a dick for nothing and if you are straight you’ll have to live with that shit for the rest of your life and also put it on your list of regrets. So again dudes, you better think!

(P.S. And to avoid ruffling any feathers, I just want to say this to all of my gay male readers out there, sucking dick rules! Straight men just don’t know what they are missing which is some good-ass tasty-ass sausage!)

Moving on!

Reason 4:
Dudes, what if the guy’s dick you sucked one day becomes famous? For instance, let’s say that the guy becomes a United States Senator who vehemently tries to pass legislation to ban gays from marrying and all other sorts of things which really pisses off a gay writer from GLAAD or the National Enquirer and they start an investigation in order to get some serious dirt on them to discredit them and accidentally stumble upon a college hazing video of you sucking the Senator’s dick to get into a fraternity! What if this happens years later and you are married with children and have a well paying career! Omigod, the fallout for the both of you! So again dudes, you better think!

Reason 5:
Dudes, what if you do decide to suck a dick to get into a fraternity and successfully get in and after you graduate from college life is good to you then one day 25 years later your son decides to pledge the same fraternity and he gets into the fraternity too but without sucking dick. Dudes, just picture the disgusted and shocked look on your son’s face when on a cold rainy day with nothing to do but drink warm beer and look at old pledging videos your precious son come upon the video of you doing a damn fine job of sucking some guy’s monster dick! Dudes, do you think your son will ever be able to look your nasty-ass in the eye or crotch region ever again with out gagging or even laughing his ass off or squealing on you to the Mrs.! So again dudes, you better think!

Reason 6:
Dudes, what if one day you decide to obtain a conservative type job like a missionary man or Archbishopship? In the past, dick sucking in the church was pretty much swept under the rug but not nowadays! Dudes, a fraternity pledging video of you sucking dick just to get in isn’t the best thing to have on your resume and is also a surefire way that you’ll get fired from your conservative type job asap! So again dudes, you better think!

Reason 7:
Dudes, what if you are only the straight suckee in a fraternity hazing video? Even if you didn’t personally suck pipe yourself, in alot of eyes of gay bashing homosexuals, you are just as guilty and a closeted gay. And if you are a say it proud and say it loud i’m a straight man and proud, this could look extremely bad for you if the video ever got out. Dudes, you would be literally outted! So again dudes, you better think like me and mega soul singer, Aretha Franklin said!

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OXYMORON ALERT: HERE’S A FEW QUESTIONABLE TIPS FOR ALL OF MY HETEROSEXUAL GUYS OUT THERE THIS VALENTINE’S DAY COURTESY OF “A CHARLIE BROWN THANKSGIVING!”


– Hey guys, if a pushy big nosed tri-freckled on each cheek tomboy absolutely insists on inviting herself and two of her friends over to your house uninvited guerrilla-no-kind-of-manners style for Valentine’s Day dinner with you and your family, don’t be a blockhead or a gentleman, either interrupt her insensitive never letting anyone get a word in edgewise ass by yelling loudly into the phone, “Hell no! Hell no! Hell no!” then soundly hanging up or wait for her insensitive ass to come to your home then dump the 6.66 gallons of heart shaped Valentine’s Day candy inscribed with the message, “I have no interest in you whatsoever you crazy bitch! Now get the hell off of my property!” all over her and her two unfortunate friends. But in the event that this chick still doesn’t get the message that you are just not that into her, call the police on her dumb ass with your pink and red heart shaped phone that you use only on Valentine’s Day or other special occasions where you have to deal with psychos.

– Hey guys, if you happen to meet a sweet intelligent brunette who likes to wear John Lennon style spectacles named Marcie who also prefers to refer to pushy aggressive women as “sir” on Valentine’s Day, do yourselves a major fucking favor and snatch her no doubt fantastic in the bedroom kinky ass up quick before some other motherfucker snatches up this rare jewel! Hey guys, good sexually adept kinky ass girls who refer to pushy aggressive women as “sir” are hard to find especially on Valentine’s Day!

– Hey guys, if you happen to run into a girl from your childhood named Lucy who constantly use to prank your young gullible ass back in the day by asking you to kick a football while she holds it then pulls it away at the last minute just as you were about to kick that sucker to the moon, get your revenge on her shedevil ass for the many times that you wound up on your ass by immediately texting her photo to every football player on Twitter with a short message about the prank and don’t forget to tell them what a lousy punt she was, too. Oh, i’m sorry guys, I meant, lousy cunt she was. Sorry about that! I don’t want to get into trouble for not being grammatically correct! Anyhoo fellas, with justified revenge like this, let me tell you that I bet you a shitload of money that she won’t be pulling that prank again on anyone else except Tim Tebow which I know for sure would be damn fine with alot of folks!  Oh, snap!

– Hey guys, especially guys named Charles or Chuck, on Valentine’s Day or any other time of the damn year do your damndest to try to avoid irritating delusional baseball lovin’ girls who secretly think that you like them who are nicknamed after a chocolate mint. I mean, come on guys, that’s just plain common sense right there!

– And last but not least guys, when a good friend with a name like Linus constantly helps you to find solutions to your easy-ass problems because your so damn spineless and wishy washy, do something special for him on Valentine’s Day by ditching your wife or girlfriend to have a bros over hos night out! Guys rent a hotel room for the night at any hotel that has many big screens tvs playing ESPN in the lounge while you hang out for a while getting pissed on booze and using your friend Linus’ blue blanket to snap the asses of all of the other drunken men in the bar as they pass by you guys to go take a leak, a shit or fix their hair. And when you guys finally get tired of that shit, continue your bromance in your hotel room by watching a couple of hours of the rented dvd, I Love You, Man, that you brought along with you while you munch on the hot wings, onion rings and tequila that you ordered up from room service. And when you guys finally get done with that shit, giggle and twirl your hair manly style while you talk about the hotness and big breastedness of some of the women that you both would like to bang in the future while simultaneously prank calling random names from your ephonebook. And guys don’t forget to give your friend Linus a nice manly hug and the big ol’ box of heart shaped chocolates and goofy Snoopy and Woodstock Valentine’s Day friendship card that you got him at some point during your bros over hos Valentine’s Day night out!

AND TO ALL OF MY HETEROSEXUAL GUYS OUT THERE, HAVE A HAPPY VALENTINE’S DAY AND TRY NOT TO BREAK ALOT OF FEMALE HEARTS OR VAGINAS, YOU SLY DOGS! WOOF! WOOF!

P.S.    And guys, like the York Peppermint Patty slogan says, “I hope on Valentine’s night you all get the sensation!!!”

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TWO OF MRS. CLAUS’ NEW YEARS RESOLUTIONS FOR 2013!


(Mrs. Claus’ New Year’s Resolution 1!)
-Offer to perform 69 with Santa in lieu of having to sing 1 more goddamn’ Christmas carol to 666 snot-nosed fucking brats on Christmas eve.

AND

(Mrs. Claus’ New Year’s Resolution 2!)
-Use my hot cross buns vibrator with the frankincense & myrrh clitoral stimulator only during Lent so that way I won’t have to give up “meat” altogether because lord knows I ain’t gettin’ any from Santa.

ANYHOO, MERRY CHRISTMAS & HAPPY NEW YEAR, FOLKS!

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TINA KNOWLEDGEABLE PEDEN’S GREETING CARDS IN A BLOG POST! (GREETING CARD 11)


This is a greeting card that I wrote for all of you hardworking mister moms out there! Enjoy!

H oney did you pick up my dress at the dry cleaners?

O uch dad that medicine really stings!

U look marvelous darling!

S ex at 3:18 a.m. in the morning!

E scape from New York to the local movie theatre for some alone time!

H ollering down the stairs to the kids to bequiet!

U rsula use english not that teeny bopper slang!

S he works hard for the money buys the bacon and I fry it up in a pan.

B equiet!

A n afternoon delight with my lovely wife!

N o son you can’t go out with a girl named Madonna tonight or ever!

D ad you’re a big pain in the ass but we all really love you!

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