Posts tagged Sing

ELECTION 2016, WHAT WILL YOU BE? A SONG WRITTEN BY TINA KNOWLEDGEABLE PEDEN


Verse 1:

-Ted Cruz was the first one to break his presidential run cherry,
-Rest in peace, “Bitch, set me up”, former D.C. Mayor Marion Barry,
-Don’t ya’ll think Monica Lewinsky’s 2015 comeback is precursor-ass scary,
-On no, Election 2016, i’m starting to feel a little bit wary,
-Oh Election 2016, I need some alka seltzer, Jesus, Joseph and Mary!

Chorus:

-Oh Election 2016, what will you be,
-A lovely lady or debonair gentlemen to me,
-Oh Election 2016, what will you be,
-Will you love or totally bitch slap the hell outta’ me,
-Election 2016, to put it former Governor of California Arnold Schwarzenegger bluntly,
-Will you Frank and Claire Underwood totally fuck the shit out of me,
-Oh Election 2016, please please tell me,
-Just what in the hell will you be,
-All this not knowing is driving me absolutely crazy,
-Hey, I just can’t wait till Tuesday, November 8, 2016 baby,
-When the answer to my question will be revealed at last, finally!

Verse 2:

-My fellow Americans if Hilary is elected her husband will fuck every intern in the White House, he likes em’ young, baby,
-My fellow Americans if any Republican is elected they will give more tax breaks to the ultra rich like the Koch brothers, loud-ass carbonated burp, honey,
-Oh shut up liberal and leave Bristol Palin and other unqualified politician’s youngin’s be,
-Go suck an egg conservative before spending some of that leftover pocketed super pac money,
-Ahhh, Election 2016, the mudslinging goal, make your political opponent look like one hell of a pussy!

Chorus:

-Oh Election 2016, what will you be,
-A lovely lady or debonair gentlemen to me,
-Oh Election 2016, what will you be,
-Will you love or totally bitch slap the hell outta’ me,
-Election 2016, to put it former Governor of California Arnold Schwarzenegger bluntly,
-Will you Frank and Claire Underwood totally fuck the shit out of me,
-Oh Election 2016, please please tell me,
-Just what in the hell will you be,
-All this not knowing is driving me absolutely crazy,
-Hey, I just can’t wait till Tuesday, November 8, 2016 baby,
-When the answer to my question will be revealed at last, finally!

Verse 3:

-Racism, poverty, immigration, usually not problems facing the tea party,
-Democrats in regards to these problems aren’t exactly Mother Teresa saintly,
-Oh fair candidate, oh dark candidate, we oh so need you to help us fix problems like these urgently,
-Show yourself gallant sir or bewitching maiden and lead us to economic and social prosperity,
-Election 2016 candidates, show us you really care, not Obamacare, oh so swiftly!

Chorus:

-Oh Election 2016, what will you be,
-A lovely lady or debonair gentlemen to me,
-Oh Election 2016, what will you be,
-Will you love or totally bitch slap the hell outta’ me,
-Election 2016, to put it former Governor of California Arnold Schwarzenegger bluntly,
-Will you Frank and Claire Underwood totally fuck the shit out of me,
-Oh Election 2016, please please tell me,
-Just what in the hell will you be,
-All this not knowing is driving me absolutely crazy,
-Hey, I just can’t wait till Tuesday, November 8, 2016 baby,
-When the answer to my question will be revealed at last, finally!

Verse 4:

-Candidates, try not to Aaron Schock us by spending taxpayer money ala Downton Abbey,
-Or wiping your email server clean when you are not supposed to ala Clinton Hillary,
-Stop all the bullshit and fulfill all your campaign promises to your constituency,
-Bring back honor to politics and end the stereotypical rhetoric about politicians asap,
-Then you will see more people turning out to vote in elections incessantly! (Whoopee)

Chorus:

-Oh Election 2016, what will you be,
-A lovely lady or debonair gentlemen to me,
-Oh Election 2016, what will you be,
-Will you love or totally bitch slap the hell outta’ me,
-Election 2016, to put it former Governor of California Arnold Schwarzenegger bluntly,
-Will you Frank and Claire Underwood totally fuck the shit out of me,
-Oh Election 2016, please please tell me,
-Just what in the hell will you be,
-All this not knowing is driving me absolutely crazy,
-Hey, I just can’t wait till Tuesday, November 8, 2016 baby,
-When the answer to my question will be revealed at last, finally!

Verse 5:

-So Republicans, rush rush to the polls and do the Limbaugh baby,
-And Democrats hurry hurry to the polls and honor the Kennedy legacy,
-And if you like to masturbate, go out and vote Independently,
-Whatever gets you off, just make your voice heard great sex loudly,
-But most of all, American red, white and blue star spangled proudly!

Chorus:

-Oh Election 2016, what will you be,
-A lovely lady or debonair gentlemen to me,
-Oh Election 2016, what will you be,
-Will you love or totally bitch slap the hell outta’ me,
-Election 2016, to put it former Governor of California Arnold Schwarzenegger bluntly,
-Will you Frank and Claire Underwood totally fuck the shit out of me,
-Oh Election 2016, please please tell me,
-Just what in the hell will you be,
-All this not knowing is driving me absolutely crazy,
-Hey, I just can’t wait till Tuesday, November 8, 2016 baby,
-When the answer to my question will be revealed at last, finally!

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EXACTLY HOW SHOULD A PERSON OF ANY RACE OR GENDER SING THE ULTRA-PATRIOTIC AMERICAN ANTHEM, THE STAR SPANGLED BANNER?


With the Christmas/New Year’s holiday season making me feel oh so grateful and happy for what I currently have, I also find myself thinking back to holiday’s past when things were not so great and today I remembered something unusual that occurred during the Christmas/New Year’s holiday four years ago back in 2008.

Four years ago during the Christmas/New Year’s holiday when I was staying at one of the better homeless shelters in New Hampshire (One that was super clean, didn’t allow intoxication or theft of any kind, had plenty of good food, had less than a handful of the employees stealing only 10% of the donations that came in for the residents and one that let you stay in the shelter all day long just as long as you weren’t sleeping and didn’t kick your ass out between the hours of 9:00 am – 5:00 pm with no place to go other than the library even in the freezing cold) one night at about 8:00 pm I went down to the lower level of the shelter to clean the bathroom which was my assigned chore for that day.

Sitting in the living room area of the lower level on the couch were two nice White guys in their 50’s named Jerry and Dan. All through the day the two men were talking about some football game that they were dying to watch later that night so not wanting to disturb them I dragged my cleaning supplies with me as quietly as I could in the direction of the bathroom that I had been assigned to clean but as I passed the two men they turned their attention away from the tv and started chatting with me and I happily obliged after taking a quick peek at the tv and seeing that the game had not formally started yet.

Anyhoo, as we were all talking, all of a sudden the song, The Star Spangled Banner started to play and both men quickly but nicely shushed me. I instantly became quiet. Dan, even rose to his feet and placed his hand over his heart. After the song was finished, Jerry startled the hell out of me when he said, “I hate it when they do that!” in a voice filled with extreme irritation. “Do what?” I quickly asked perplexed. “Sing The Star Spangled Banner like that.” he replied, extreme irritation still visible in his voice and now on his slightly flushed face.

And yet again I was perplexed because the plump Black woman who had just finished singing the song in my opinion had done a great job singing the American anthem, whoever the hell she was. So, I didn’t understand what Jerry meant. Jerry obviously seeing that I had no clue about what the hell he was talking about quickly and vehemently clued me in fast. “You’re not supposed to sing The Star Spangled Banner like that. The song is supposed to be sung plain and simple! No theatrics!” he said, still extremely irritated and flushed.

After Jerry said his peace I then immediately understood what he was talking about. It was clear that Jerry was upset that the Black woman had done a very soulful rendition of The Star Spangled Banner and it was oh so obvious that Jerry didn’t like that one little bit. After a few seconds of taking this in, I immediately thought that was ridiculous. So, I defended the vocalist because in my eyes she hadn’t done anything wrong.

“She was only putting her own personal spin on the song. Ya’ know, just adding a little flavor.” I said to Jerry. But Jerry and Dan, who I now noticed was still standing but his right hand was no longer placed over his heart but rather at its side, were having none of it. “The Star Spangled Banner is supposed to be sung plain and simple! No theatrics!” Jerry said again, with a firm chin and a note of finality in his extremely irritated voice.

At Jerry’s words, I immediately let my eyes roll heavenward and said in an equally firm voice, “This is America, a person has the right to sing The Star Spangled Banner anyway they want to!” This time Dan joined in the dispute and said, “Your wrong, Tina. The song is not supposed to sung that way. It’s supposed to be sung plain and simple with no theatrics just like Jerry said before. To sing The Star Spangled Banner any other way is vulgar and disrespectful to the country, veterans and the flag.”

Again, I let my eyes roll heavenward and not really wanting to get into a more in depth dispute over how The Star Spangled Banner should be sung, I theatrically shrugged my shoulders and said, “Whatever.” and went off to clean the bathroom.

Folks, let me tell you that over the past four years every once in a while this patriotic ghost has come back to haunt me from time to time and get me thinking. And here are a few of my thoughts:

Since I know for a fact that Jerry and Dan didn’t have one racist bone in their bodies after knowing them for awhile I had to rule out the fact that they were complaining about the song The Star Spangled Banner being sang that way only because the woman who sang it was Black because I knew damn well that if a White man had done a little blue-eyed Righteous Brothers soul to the song, Jerry and Dan would be just as upset as well. Or even if a White man had performed a country rendition of The Star Spangled Banner (Jerry and Dan both like country music) with a little twang in his voice or even if a White man classical trained in the theatre had performed the song The Star Spangled Banner as if he were performing it on Broadway in a dramatic opera like Les Miserables or The Mikado, Jerry and Dan still would not have liked it and would have been upset by it.

I have long surmised that with these two men, who I like to think of as conservative Americans, when it comes to The Star Spangled Banner there is no middle ground, no compromise. Part of me wonders if they are just both products of their time being that they were both born approximately in the 1950’s or 1960’s where things were more black and white back then. Hmmm? Even though I disagree with them on how The Star Spangled Banner should be sung both men do have a right to their own opinion but so do I which is why I finally wrote about this subject.

Anyhoo, however you think that our national anthem, The Star Spangled Banner should be sung in my opinion is up to you as long as it is not sung in a hateful or perverted way. It is and always will be one of the best songs ever written! On that fact both, Jerry, who now lives up in heaven and Dan, who still lives on earth in New Hampshire just a couple of blocks away from me, will most definitely agree! And folks, finally we have some common ground. Hooray!!!

P.S.    Francis Scott Key you totally rock!  And lip syncing the American anthem totally sucks!  Did you hear that, Beyonce?

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TWO OF MRS. CLAUS’ NEW YEARS RESOLUTIONS FOR 2013!


(Mrs. Claus’ New Year’s Resolution 1!)
-Offer to perform 69 with Santa in lieu of having to sing 1 more goddamn’ Christmas carol to 666 snot-nosed fucking brats on Christmas eve.

AND

(Mrs. Claus’ New Year’s Resolution 2!)
-Use my hot cross buns vibrator with the frankincense & myrrh clitoral stimulator only during Lent so that way I won’t have to give up “meat” altogether because lord knows I ain’t gettin’ any from Santa.

ANYHOO, MERRY CHRISTMAS & HAPPY NEW YEAR, FOLKS!

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TINA “KNOWLEDGEABLE” PEDEN’S WACKY-ASS BUSINESS IDEAS & VENTURES FOR CHRISTMAS TIME IN THE NYC! (LIGHTBULB 4)


Hey Broadway, Lincoln Center or Radio City Music Hall but in particular Radio City Christmas Spectacular, I couldn’t help but notice that some of your Christmas productions are really quite beautiful!

However……….

I have also noticed that some of your Christmas productions have also taken a big-ass dose of ex-lax and become quite regular.

And Broadway, Lincoln Center or Radio City Music Hall but in particular Radio City Christmas Spectacular, sometimes that regularity shit ain’t good.

I mean, come on ya’ll, it’s Christmas and it’s the Big Apple for Christ’s sake!

Ya’ll bitches really need to shake it up and show the world that NYC still has some kick-ass Christmas cred.

And low and behold, I, Tina Knowledgeable Peden, am here to help ya’ll with that.

Hey!

Red and green lightbulb!

Hey Broadway, Lincoln Center or Radio City Music Hall but in particular Radio City Christmas Spectacular, have you hallowed bastions of Christmas glory ever considered doing a special Xmas version of the hit 1986 song, Yah Mo B There by Michael McDonald and James Ingram?

To further bolster my yuletide business lightbulb, check out these kick-ass holy spiritual lyrics:

Yah Mo B There!

(Song Lyrics By James Ingram/Michael McDonald/Rod Temperton/Quincy Jones)

(Verse 1)

Heavenly father watching us all
We take from each other and give nothing at all
Well it’s a dog-gone shame
But never too late for change
So if your luck runs low
Just reach out and call his name, his name

[Chorus]

Yah mo be there (up and over)
Yah mo be there (up and over)
Yah mo be there (up and over)
Yah mo be there (up and over)
Whenever you call

(Verse 2)

Never be lonely lost in the night
Just run from the darkness
Looking for the light
‘Cause it’s a long hard road
That leads to a brighter day (hey)
Don’t let your heart grow cold
Just reach out and call his name, his name

[Chorus]
Yah mo be there (up and over)
Yah mo be there (up and over)
Yah mo be there (up and over)
Yah mo be there (up and over)
Whenever you call

(Verse 3)

You can count on it brother
‘Cause we’re all just finding our way
Travelling through time
People got to keep pushing on
No matter how many dreams slip away
Yah will be there

(Verse 4)

Well it’s a dog-gone shame
But never too late for change
So when your luck runs low
Just reach out and call his name, his name

Yah mo be there, I will be there
Yah mo be there, When you need a friend
Yah mo be there, yeah ill be there whenever you call

Oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

Now ain’t those song lyrics beautiful but cool!

And you know

Broadway, Lincoln Center or Radio City Music Hall but in particular Radio City Christmas Spectacular what would be even cooler?

It would be oh so cool to see a Jesus look-a-like and a big ol’ jolly Santa look-a-like up on your big-ass stages performing the song Yah Mo B There at Christmas time in front of the masses!

It would definitely be something different and break you out of your ex-lax regularity shit cycle.

I’ll tell ya’ NYC that even I would pay big money to see Jesus and Santa doing a soulful rendition of the song, Yah Mo B There while at the same time shakin’ their booties and gettin’ down with their good selves to this song.

(P.S. That’s some ultra-funny but ultra-inspiring shit!)

So Broadway, Lincoln Center or Radio City Music Hall but in particular Radio City Christmas Spectacular do yourselves a big-ass favor and get off of your ex-lax asses and immediately license the song, Yah Mo B There for a musical production, pay the astronomical licensing fee, write a kick-ass musical number, rehearse the heck out of it then when the time is right, i.e. November 9th – December 30th start performing the hell, pun intended and sorry Jesus, outta that baby! And watch the yuletide dollars come rolling or should I say, prancing in!

By the by, Broadway, Lincoln Center or Radio City Music Hall but in particular Radio City Christmas Spectacular you NYC giants might also want to consider teaming up with Lance Manufacturing, LLC because they are the owners of the Archway Cookies brand in order to sell their ever popular Bells & Stars Christmas Cookies during your holiday musical performances and in exchange Lance/Archway could put photos of either Broadway, Lincoln Center or Radio City Music Hall but in particular Radio City Christmas Spectacular on their cookie packages to further promote your Christmas holiday performances. That way you’ll have profitable but tasty Christmas dollars prancing in at Xmas every year! And what a lovely yet delicious Christmas tradition that would make!

Hallelujah and Amen!

And another P.S. Broadway, Lincoln Center or Radio City Music Hall but in particular Radio City Christmas Spectacular if you really want to break out of your ex-lax regularity shit cycle, you might also want to consider performing two other Michael McDonald songs for your Christmas productions.

Perform the song, I Keep Forgetting, with a Jesus look-a-like, a Santa look-a-like, and a female vocalist of your choice wearing Blues Brothers type hats and call the group “The Heavenly Hats.”

And perform the song, Sweet Freedom, with a Jesus look-a-like, a Santa look-a-like, and a male vocalist of your choice wearing Blues Brothers type red, white and blue hats and call the group “The Heavenly Hats.” And don’t forget to add in a dancing Statue of Liberty!

That way you’ll have three kick-ass Christmas musical numbers to represent and give kick-ass cred to the NYC!

Really take a bite out of the big candied apple at Christmas time this year!

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TINA “KNOWLEDGEABLE” PEDEN’S POP CULTURE DICTIONARY (VOLUME 13) WHAT IS A STATE OF THE UNION ADDRESS BUG UP THE ASS?


(Definition) A State Of The Union Address Bug Up The Ass is literally a nasty-ass fungus or infection that goes straight up into your butthole and eventually settles itself in your brain and drives you absolutely bonkers once a year due to your favorite tv show, movie, commercial, video or infommercial being preempted by the President’s Stupid Ol’ Annual State Of The Union Address because like the subject trigonometry that you learn in high school the information in the President’s Annual State Of The Union Address is something that most Americans will never use and this major inconvenience really pisses alot of Americans the fuck off.

I will now use this phrase in a sentence to clarify its meaning.

“Dude, stay the fuck away from Constance for the rest of the day because she’s not only got a major case of Baby Fever but she’s also got a wicked nasty State Of The Union Address Bug Up The Ass! Dude, you know how much her totally obsessed ass worships those Johnson’s Baby Shampoo commercials. Dude, if you know what’s good for you, you’ll stay the fuck away from her!”

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THE UNOFFICIAL WORDPRESS/FEDERATED MEDIA SWEET TRI-PARTNERSHIP SONG!


Two weeks ago, I received an email that my blog had been accepted into the WordAds Program and I was estatic! And i’m happy to say that two weeks later after having the advertisements on my blog I can’t tell you how impressed I am with the advertisements themselves!

WordPress and Federated Media I just want to say to you guys that the advertisements look fantastic! They don’t look cheap or tacky like some blogs that I have seen with advertising. I really appreciate it!

And I am sooo looking forward to making a little extra cash from this tri-partnership with you guys. And to get the party started and to show you my thanks, here is a little song that I wrote just for you WordPress and Federated Media. And it goes a little something like this………………….

The Unofficial WordPress/Federated Media Sweet Tri-Partnership Song!

(Chorus)

Federated Media,

Federated Media,

Federated Media,

And the website, WordPress not the WikiPedia,

The place where blogs make good ol’ advertising bucks,

And in this economy having no extra money really sucks,

Sweet tri-partnership with you is lucrative baby, cash deluxe,

WordAds Program, I love and thank you, keep up the good work, bashful smile, and a big ol’ aww shucks!

WordPress and Federated Media to put it plainly, thank you sooo much for the extra advertising bucks!

(Verse 1)

Hey world, three for one and one for all,

I said, three for one and one for all,

WordPress and Federated Media’s new motto on this venture they proudly call,

And WordPress Bloggers are the third partner on this venture and the three of us are gonna’ have a ball,

Because with Federated Media’s acquisition of sites like FoodBuzz they are now the internet advertising king,

Many marketers will seek out WordPress and it’s bloggers to sell their wares on their blogs with a little spice and zing,

But don’t you worry WordPress Bloggers, Federated Media won’t stop there they will continue to grow and spread their wings,

So to a long sweet profitable tri-partnership between Federated Media, WordPress and WordPress Bloggers I happily foresee and loudly sing!

(Chorus)

Federated Media,

Federated Media,

Federated Media,

And the website, WordPress not the WikiPedia,

The place where blogs make good ol’ advertising bucks,

And in this economy having no extra money really sucks,

Sweet tri-partnership with you is lucrative baby, cash deluxe,

WordAds Program, I love and thank you, keep up the good work, bashful smile, and a big ol’ aww shucks!

WordPress and Federated Media to put it plainly, thank you sooo much for the extra advertising bucks!

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TINA “KNOWLEDGEABLE” PEDEN’S POP CULTURE DICTIONARY (VOLUME 11) WHAT IS TWITTERTUDE?


(Definition) Twittertude occurs when a person decides to “follow” a fellow twitterer on Twitter then gets extremely pissed off when the person doesn’t reciprocate by following them.

I will now use this word in a sentence to clarify it’s meaning.

Hey dude, look at that dumb-ass tool with a major twittertude beating the living shit out of that Michael Jackson impersonator just because the guy skipped by him singing The Jackson 5 lyric, “Rockin’ Robin, Tweet, Tweet, Tweet!” Damn dude, Ashton Kutcher is a total psycho Twitter addict!

And for all of you Twitter addicts out there with major twittertudes, here’s some song lyrics just for you!

Rockin’ Robin by The Jackson 5!

He rocks in the tree tops all day long
Hoppin’ and a-boppin’ and singing his song
All the little birdies on Jaybird Street
Love to hear the robin go tweet tweet tweet

Rockin’ robin, tweet tweet tweet
Rockin’ robin’ tweet tweetly-tweet
Blow rockin’ robin
‘Cause we’re really gonna rock tonight

Every little swallow, every chick-a-dee
Every little bird in the tall oak tree
The wise old owl, the big black crow
Flappin’ their wings singing go bird go

Rockin’ robin, tweet tweet tweet
Rockin’ robin’ tweet tweetly-tweet
Blow rockin’ robin
‘Cause we’re really gonna rock tonight
Yeah yeah

Pretty little raven at the bird-band stand
Told them how to do the bob and it was grand
They started going steady and bless my soul
He out-bopped the buzzard and the oriol

He rocks in the tree tops all day long
Hoppin’ and a-boppin’ and singing his song
All the little birdies on Jaybird Street
Love to hear the robin go tweet tweet tweet

Rockin’ robin, tweet tweet tweet
Rockin’ robin’ tweet tweetly-tweet
Blow rockin’ robin
‘Cause we’re really gonna rock tonight

Pretty little raven at the bird-band stand
Told them how to do the bop and it was grand
They started going steady and bless my soul
He out-bopped the buzzard and the oriol

He rocks in the tree tops all day long
Hoppin’ and a-boppin’ and singing his song
All the little birdies on Jaybird Street
Love to hear the robin go tweet tweet tweet

Rockin’ robin, tweet tweet tweet
Rockin’ robin’ tweet tweetly-tweet
Blow rockin’ robin
‘Cause we’re really gonna rock tonight

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