Posts tagged Sperm


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With the new movie, Spring Breakers, out starring former Disney stars, Selena Gomez and Vanessa Hudgens combined with the fact that some college students were out last week and some college students are out this week for Spring Break 2013 furthermore combined with my regular viewing of porno videos on one of my favorite porn sites, Slutload, I have begun to do some semi-serious thinking and have a question to ask in particular to college boys pledging fraternities and that question is . . . . . .

Dudes, is it really worth it for a straight guy to suck the dick of a senior fraternity member, another pledge or a paid stripper during the initiation/hazing process while a bunch of the other nasty-ass senior fraternity members voyeuristically look on while at the same time filming it just to get into a fraternity? (And this also applies to gay men pledging a fraternity as well as girls pledging sororities too.)

Dudes, if only mom and dad and your pastor could see your naked nasty-asses now!

Dudes, I know that to some young men getting into a fraternity is a very important things especially if a legacy is involved but in my unsolicited opinion you shouldn’t have to suck dick to get into a fucking fraternity.

Call me crazy pledges but what about those crazy fraternity hazing days of the past that consisted of drinking contests, wooden paddle ass spanking like they did to Kevin Bacon’s sweet firm ass in the classic fraternity film, Animal House. I mean whatever happened to senior frat members making pledges do stupid-ass and sexist-ass things like ranking a woman’s hotness online or making pledges do illegal things like stealing a rival college’s mascot or a big ass box of condoms from the drugstore? Whatever happened to making pledges do degrading-ass shit like wearing women’s clothing or carrying around barnyard animals for a whole week? I mean, where did all that acceptable fraternity hazing shit go?

I’ll tell ya’ dudes, having to suck another man’s dick just to get into a fraternity is just wrong and goes way over the line!

Pledges, I know that you are 18 and over and therefore old enough to make your own decisions but for the love of god have some self-respect for yourself and the next person that you have sex with!

So to all of you future college boys out there thinking about pledging a fraternity one day where you will most likely be asked to suck a dick during the initiation process, let me school you guys by giving you a couple of reasons why this is not a good idea! And here we go!

Reason 1:
Although the senior frat members tell the pledges that what happens in the frat stays in the frat, this is not always the case. Dudes, you wouldn’t believe the astronomical number of college hazing porn videos floating out there on the internet today just waiting to be viewed by me and any Tom, Dick or Harry simply because of one disgruntled senior frat member. And dudes, the majority of those videos involve straight men sucking dick for the first making them even more profitable and valuable to porn sites everywhere. So dudes, you better think!

Reason 2:
Dudes, this one should be the most obvious. STD’s! Sexually Transmitted Diseases! Because let’s face it, most fraternities don’t require their members, pledges or paid strippers to take AIDS tests before they are allowed to pledge that fraternity or put that dick in their mouth. And most fraternities don’t have an onsite doctor or nurse either. So again dudes, you better think!

Reason 3:
Dudes, what if you pledge a fraternity and suck a dick and don’t get in! No pun intended, but that not only blows but it also sucks big time! Dudes, basically you sucked a dick for nothing and if you are straight you’ll have to live with that shit for the rest of your life and also put it on your list of regrets. So again dudes, you better think!

(P.S. And to avoid ruffling any feathers, I just want to say this to all of my gay male readers out there, sucking dick rules! Straight men just don’t know what they are missing which is some good-ass tasty-ass sausage!)

Moving on!

Reason 4:
Dudes, what if the guy’s dick you sucked one day becomes famous? For instance, let’s say that the guy becomes a United States Senator who vehemently tries to pass legislation to ban gays from marrying and all other sorts of things which really pisses off a gay writer from GLAAD or the National Enquirer and they start an investigation in order to get some serious dirt on them to discredit them and accidentally stumble upon a college hazing video of you sucking the Senator’s dick to get into a fraternity! What if this happens years later and you are married with children and have a well paying career! Omigod, the fallout for the both of you! So again dudes, you better think!

Reason 5:
Dudes, what if you do decide to suck a dick to get into a fraternity and successfully get in and after you graduate from college life is good to you then one day 25 years later your son decides to pledge the same fraternity and he gets into the fraternity too but without sucking dick. Dudes, just picture the disgusted and shocked look on your son’s face when on a cold rainy day with nothing to do but drink warm beer and look at old pledging videos your precious son come upon the video of you doing a damn fine job of sucking some guy’s monster dick! Dudes, do you think your son will ever be able to look your nasty-ass in the eye or crotch region ever again with out gagging or even laughing his ass off or squealing on you to the Mrs.! So again dudes, you better think!

Reason 6:
Dudes, what if one day you decide to obtain a conservative type job like a missionary man or Archbishopship? In the past, dick sucking in the church was pretty much swept under the rug but not nowadays! Dudes, a fraternity pledging video of you sucking dick just to get in isn’t the best thing to have on your resume and is also a surefire way that you’ll get fired from your conservative type job asap! So again dudes, you better think!

Reason 7:
Dudes, what if you are only the straight suckee in a fraternity hazing video? Even if you didn’t personally suck pipe yourself, in alot of eyes of gay bashing homosexuals, you are just as guilty and a closeted gay. And if you are a say it proud and say it loud i’m a straight man and proud, this could look extremely bad for you if the video ever got out. Dudes, you would be literally outted! So again dudes, you better think like me and mega soul singer, Aretha Franklin said!

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Usually when most women think about having sex during their menstual periods the word, “gross” immediately springs to mind. But let me tell you something my fellow maidens that extremely creative women like me already know and that is a woman can have the best damn sex of her life while she’s ridin’ the crimson wave! And here are a few examples, my fellow maidens.

1. If you have sex on your menstrual period and ruin the bed sheets, couch cushions, carpeting on the floor or the brand new red and white checkered table cloth that your mother-in-law bought you at Walmart for $12.99 the good news is that you have the perfect excuse to go on a shopping spree! And oh yes, oh yes, oh yes, how us girls loves us some shopping spree! Hooray!

2. My fellow maidens let’s face it, guys love two things when it comes to sex. First they like it “red hot” and second they like it “wet!” So by having sex on your menstrual period your guy gets a kick-ass 2 for 1 deal. Since menstrual blood is red and the vagina is usually hot, you’re giving that lucky bastard exactly what he wants! And let’s face it fellow maidens, what guy wants to stick his hot prick all up into a dry-ass hole, B-O-R-I-N-G! Maidens, since menstrual blood is wet, again your giving that lucky bastard what he wants, a slick-ass hole that he can ease on down ease on down the road into.

3. For all of those prim and proper maidens out there whose sex lives have become extremely “vanilla” and it’s driving them fucking crazy, doin’ the nasty on your menstrual period can break you out of that boring gelatin mold that you are stuck in. Maidens, experimentation and getting a little freaky deaky when it comes to sex can bring a couple even closer together which is something most women want.

4. If you are one of those maidens that lives in a dump or shitty-ass house or apartment due to low finances, attending college or you simply are into slumming just think how happy you’re gonna’ make some of the bed bugs in your crappy crib by gettin’ busy with your man while your on your menstual period since those sons of bitches can live for a year off a single drop of blood! Just think you’re not only gonna’ score mad points from the constantly discriminated bed bug community but from PETA as well! You go humanitarian, girl!

5. To some guys a “I don’t give a fuck attitude” can be a real turn on! So by having sex during your menstual period you are basically showing your man that he ain’t no damn inconvenience and there ain’t no shame to your game. Meaning: You’ve had sex together in the past with your man and you have cleaned up a shitload of his sperm and gallons and gallons of your own pussy juice so cleaning up a few pints of menstrual blood after sex is no big deal. And maidens, guys who love gals with “I don’t give a fuck attitudes” are gonna’ love you for your free nasty-ass spirit!

6. Fuck roses, chocolates and romantic poems! What better way to declare your love for your man by fucking his brains out on your menstrual period to Leona Lewis’ hit song, “Bleeding Love!” Let’s face it maidens, nothing says “I love you” more than this.

So maidens, my advice to you is to: DO IT, DO IT, DO IT TILL YOUR SATISFIED, even if it is during your monthly menstrual period!

After all, who the fuck cares!

Go for it!

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(Definition) The phrase depends ridin’ all up (her/his/their) nasty-ass booty crack refers to a kinky-ass elderly person who has a self-punishment fetish and likes to wear a depends undergarment or diaper three sizes too small so that they can get off. After they get off, the old fart really likes to kick up the kink factor by getting really pissed off at the littlest or most insignificant thing that a person or persons of the younger generation does thereby allowing them to get off again. Basically the only way that these dinosaurs can get some satisfaction or have an orgasm is to blow insignificant shit way out of proportion, get pissed off at the younger generation and wear a tight-ass diaper. These bitches are fucking kinky!!!

I will now use this phrase in a couple of sentences to clarify it’s meaning.

“Hey Sean, I told that old bag who lives across the street from us with the depends ridin’ all up her nasty-ass booty crack that if she rats our gang out to the police one more time just because we pissed on her begonia’s we’re gonna’ light her ass up! By the by, dude, why is she french kissing and rubbing that garden hose that way?”

“Did you see the look that that bitch-ass couple from the eternal gardens nursing home gave Barbara just now? Talk about having a depends ridin’ all up their nasty-ass booty cracks! When all that sweet girl, Barbara did was call the health department and report to them that she smelled some dead old people when she walked by apartment 8 yesterday. But dude, after a through investigation from the health department it turned out that there were no dead old people, the health department told us that that godawful stench coming from their apartment was boiled up moldy-ass red cabbage with a shitload of squirrel meat in it. By the by, dude, why are those old geezers moaning and groaning like that on the bus stop bench?”

“Golly dad, I can’t believe grandpa has got a big ol’ depends ridin’ all up his nasty-ass booty crack just because I told him that he had 24 new wrinkles under his left armpit! My math teacher, Mrs. Swinton told me to practice my arithmetic as much as I could when i’m at home and that’s what I am doing. Must I be persecuted in my own home for doing my homework?” By the by, dad, my favorite dude, grandpa left sticky white goo all over the bathroom floor again. Who’s going to clean that shit up?”

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Ladies, some guys will say anything to get some pussy!
Ladies, some guys will say anything to get some pussy!
To the legit,
To pure bullshit,
Ladies, here’s an example of this macho bullshit!

“Hey baby! If we have sex tonight, you don’t even have to worry about gettin’ pregnant! You’re looking at the only man in the world who doesn’t have to wear a rubber! They call me Quick Draw Withdraw! Yee-haw! In a flash, I’ll pull my dick out of your pussy before I cum!”

Now that line was just plain dumb!
You low-down dirty bum!
So to punish you.
Yes, punish you!
For only thinking of you.
And for only thinking with your shriveled-up woo-woo! (i.e. little dick)
This girls says:
No pussy!
No pussy!
No pussy for you!

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