Posts tagged Superficial


I can’t remember what exactly triggered the memory but as I was doing the dishes two days ago, I thought of something that I haven’t for a long time.

About ten years ago when I had delusions of stand up comedic grandeur I went to a talent agency in Omaha. At that time folks I was living in Des Moines Iowa and Omaha Nebraska back then to me was the Los Angeles California of the Midwest.

Anyhoo when I went to this talent agency in Omaha that I immediately noticed was run by a lack luster Richard Belzer knockoff instead of this clone asking me important comedian things like for instance to deliver a short monologue or if I had racked up any stage time all this idiot seemed to harp on about was that I was not wearing any makeup and if the truth be told I was totally shocked! And as you probably can surmise, I kicked this sorry-ass loser to the curb along with the rest of the garbage. And I also abandoned all thoughts of being a professional stand up comedian opting instead to be a writer who specializes in comedy writing.

And to make a long story short, I hope, over the past two days this incident that happened so long ago has gotten me to thinking about the big “M” issue and for those committment phobic guys who weren’t paying attention in the previous three paragraphs of this blog post, don’t get scared and run away because when I refer to the big “M” issue I am not talking about marriage but rather something just as important to the female society of America and that issue is makeup. And more specifically, whether to wear it or not to wear it.

In my case I choose not to wear makeup and it still surprises me that even today some people think that this is a serious crime. I mean no where in the American female handbook says that to be a real woman you have to wear makeup.

In regards to performing on the stage or on film I of course know that wearing makeup can help a person to look their absolute best, transform them into a different person or bolster their self esteem. But in my case and alot of other women’s cases these things simply doesn’t apply. In fact it is the total opposite for me. Wearing makeup totally lowers my self confidence because I am constantly worried about how long it will take the makeup to run and look streaky due to my extremely oily and blemish prone skin. And that is the primary reason why I have kicked makeup to the curb along with the rest of the garbage.

Even though it was absolutely none of the lack luster Richard Belzer knockoff talent agency owner’s business why I was not wearing makeup all of these years later I deeply regret not showing some backbone by telling him the reason why I was not wearing makeup plus I also regret not telling him a few other things as well, such as…………..

Does makeup have some special magical powers that I don’t know about such as delivering a perfect monologue for you on stage?

Will makeup protect your feelings and pride from cruel insults from hecklers?

Will makeup itself turn you into a superstar comedian like Richard Pryor or Jerry Seinfeld?

And folks, we all know the answers to these questions. I’m just hoping that the lack luster Richard Belzer knockoff talent agency owner in Omaha will some day know it too and focus on more important things from potential clients like talent and skill and not superficial things like whether or not a person is wearing makeup.

You know folks, saying your peace really can make you feel a whole lot better even after ten years.

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In countless amounts of newspaper and magazine articles I have read about everybody from parents, teachers, economists, psychologists to even gynocologists put the blame on such things as excessive partying, too much internet, pure laziness and even constant jacking off as the primary reasons why the youth of today are not living up to their true potential but i’m here to say that is total bullshit!

The real reason why the youth of today is not living up to its true potential is one thing and one thing only and that one thing is certainly not excessive partying or too much internet nor is it pure laziness (An American teenager being lazy? Surely you jest, honey!) and in no uncertain terms is it constant jacking off! (Although I must say ya’ll that is a most excellent reason! Low down dirty snicker!)

Anyhoo, the real reason why the American kids of today aren’t living up to their true potential is because of all of the early-ass five and ten year high school and college reunions! People let me ask you this. How in the hell can an intelligent or even a dumb-ass American youth be expected to perform up to their true potential with all of these early-ass five and ten year high school and college reunions always creeping up around the damn corner! It’s hopeless! It’s cruel! It’s damn wrong! People let’s face it, you can’t accomplish a damn thing in five to ten years and everybody on the planet damn well knows that except Mark Zuckerberg!

Hell, before all of this five and ten year high school and college reunion crap American kids had twenty five long-ass years to accomplish their dreams and goals and those dreams and goals included everything from being married to a hot mess mega superstar singer for 49 hours thus fulfilling the fifteen minutes of fame requirement which is just enough time to impress any normal person including your class’ hot-shit valedictorian at any high school or college reunion.

In the past, twenty five year reunions gave a youth ample opportunity to be fired from a six figure salary job after eleven long-ass years of being treated like shit but ultimately gave them some wicked bragging rights at any high school or college reunion even if they are now living on food stamps and sleeping on their mama’s couch. And twenty five year high school and college reunions certainly gave ugly and deformed-ass youths so much time to have a shitload of plastic surgery to correct their imperfections so that they could look just hot enough for the high school or college prom queen, captain of the football or their hot-ass home economics teacher to consent to have sex with them on the floor of the teacher’s lounge. But and I mean a big-ass but like Jennifer Lopez’ these lame-ass dreams and goals have all been obliterated by all of these early-ass high school and college reunions.

So all of you so called people out there who are so concerned and claim to care about helping todays youth fulfill their true potential, then for god’s sake lobby congress or pick up a big-ass sign scrawled with crayola crayons and picket your local high schools and colleges to stop them from having all of these early-ass five and ten year high school and college reunions and go back to the old school days and only hold twenty five year high school and college reunions thereby giving young people a long-ass time to fulfill their monetary, sexual and superficial dreams and goals! Please!

P.S. Another luxury of twenty five year high school and college reunions is that alot of people have croaked by then which gives them a legitimate excuse for not reaching their true potential. SO, GO TWENTY FIVE YEAR HIGH SCHOOL AND COLLEGE REUNIONS! YOU ROCK!

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